


Unexpected Aftermath

by Phantasmal



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:05:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 168,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4528398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantasmal/pseuds/Phantasmal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Axel has gone off the rails and his world is dissolving in drugs and alcohol. Lives will collide, change and possibly end... Nothing ever happens simply without unexpected aftermath. Rated M for drug use, self-harm, rape, abuse, lots of swearing and probably other things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

It was his birthday and he was alone. All of his friends had faded away over the past 2 years and everyone he hung out with now was more of an acquaintance, there to fulfill a purpose and conspicuously absent when he needed more than a quick fix. On Axel's bed were scattered numerous crumpled pieces of paper covered with scrawled story notes, crushed under an empty bottle of Bacardi.

Seated in the large bay window, one black-clad leg dangling down and arms hugging the other knee, Axel stared out over the immaculate lawn. Every few seconds he lifted a bottle to his lips and took a gulp of alcohol almost on autopilot, his mind somewhere very far away. It was only when the rain started to fall, hammering hard against the window that the teen seemed to come back to himself and he stumbled back to his bed. He avoided glancing in the mirror above his dresser as he had no desire to see his disheveled red spikes of hair glaring against his drab black outfit, or the gaunt and pale blur that now passed for his face.

The day darkened into evening and Axel was well into his second bottle of rum. When he was finally able to summon the motivation he scrabbled in his desk drawer and popped the false bottom to access his stash. The contents of the secret compartment would have delighted a police officer and even the owner of said contents smiled mirthlessly at the size of the pouch in his hand. Propping himself up on his elbow he spread the assorted drugs out on his pillow to pick his high for his birthday.

Axel immediately set aside the ounce baggy of weed as his current level of coordination would make rolling a smoke pretty difficult. He paused briefly at the fabric bag containing his small collection of methamphetamine pills but then put the bag next to the pot. Fumbling with a plastic bag containing 5 tabs of LSD Axel was momentarily overwhelmed with a surge of self-hatred at what he had become and angrily tossed the bag back onto the bed. Sitting hunched over, hands balled into fists Axel fought against the sudden urge to burst into tears.

The spasm of self-pity passed quickly drowned in apathy and almost at random Axel snatched up a bag containing a jumbled mix of capsules and pills. Clumsily snatching up 2 pills and an opaque capsule the boy tried to still the trembling in his hands and gulped the pills down with a swig of rum. He sat for a second staring at the capsule resting on his palm before roughly shoving it in his mouth and washing it down too.

***&&&***

He slumped bonelessly in the leather-covered chair. It had taken visits to 9 different shops before he had found a tattoo artist who didn't care that their prospective client was both underage and stoned out of him mind. Wrapped in a drugged haze Axel tried to keep his face still and not smile, reflecting that it should have been easier to find someone amongst the disreputable ranks of facial tattooists who would ignore the state he was in.

Possibly days, but probably less than an hour later, Axel staggered out into the night. Hearing the town clock strike 3am and starting to feel a little sick the teen decided it was time to head for home. Despite, or possibly due to his recent truancy he felt a strange urge to get to school in the morning and he knew any less than 3 solid hours sleep would put paid to that good intention. Silent buildings loomed over his unsteady progress and there was no witness, friendly or otherwise, to step in as Axel's movements got increasingly more erratic until he eventually crumpled in a heap by a stone wall.

His head spinning Axel lay where he fell, unable to summon the strength to get up. He could hardly feel his legs which was worrying and the leather fingerless gloves he was wearing seemed to be wet. As his head and neck wouldn't cooperate to look down he settled for simply hoping that the wet feeling wasn't blood. Lifting his gaze to the stars Axel watched in fascination as the brilliant points of light blurred and began to drip down the sky. At this point he gave up on consciousness completely and felt the velvety darkness enfold his mind.

***&&&***

The week started normally enough. Well, normally enough for a life blighted by drugs, alcohol, lots of pain and a significant helping of neglect. For one thing Axel's 17th birthday came and went unnoticed except for a card full of cash from his mum who was currently jet-setting around tropical locations and his drug fueled trip to the tattoo shop. Another awesome thing was the letter he received from the school to inform him quite cordially that his presence in an interview with the principal was required. And yet another thing was the 4 inch long cut on his arm that was refusing to heal. Just an average start to a week, nothing to see here.

3 days after his birthday Axel went totally off the deep end. It could have been the complete absence of anything resembling a friend, it could have been the increasingly empty space engulfing the spot where his heart should have been or it could have been the mounting evidence that even his family thought he was worthless. It could have been a combination of all 3 but at this point Axel had no more shits to give.

He woke up on the morning of Saturday February 28th to the silence of an abandoned house. This was unexpected because even though he pretty much lived alone in the huge mansion he had been anticipating his mother home when he woke up, fresh off a 4am flight from Neverland as per the short call he received the day after his birthday. As his mother was the only family he had that he didn't loathe Axel viewed this short visit as a brilliant late birthday present.

In fact because his mum was due home Axel had even pulled it together enough the day before to stagger into school for the full day and he had also resisted the urge to down few cold ones in the evening to take the edge off. Now as he lurched out of bed at 11am he found himself already having to fight the onset of black depression. Briefly checking his mother's room to confirm that there was indeed no one there Axel reluctantly made his way down to the kitchen to the answerphone.

Axel gave into the gnawing in his gut and slopped a measure of Bacardi 151 into a glass, slamming it back in a smooth motion. He quickly poured himself another drink and before he could dither any longer he pushed the playback button on the answerphone. His mother's voice filled the room and cut Axel deeper than any blade.

'Hi Axie honey, I won't be home for a while after all baby. You won't believe what happened at the airport while I was waiting for my flight. I was in the VIP lounge and I got talking to this lovely man who ended up inviting me to holiday with him in Agrabah and it turns out he owns Red 13 magazine and he wants to give me a full spread! I hope you're not too disappointed sweetie, I'll send you some extra for your allowance tomorrow…'

Tifa's voice broke off for a second and a loud giggle came through the speaker. 'Zack, stop that, I'm leaving a message! Sorry Axie I have to go now, I'll see you for Christmas if I don't get home beforehand. Love you sweetie… Beeeeep.'

Frozen in disbelief Axel sat and stared at the answerphone. When he awoke to a house empty of his mother thoughts of a grounded plane and delayed flight had flickered through his head. What he had never even considered was that his own mother would blow off her only child for a guy she had just met an hour before. Axel loved his beautiful mum and did everything he could to try and be worthy of her attention and love; he knew that she didn't mean to hurt him when she did things like this but that still didn't stop the feelings of inferiority and worthlessness that slapped him across the face each time it happened.

By 3pm Axel was flying high on a cocktail of acid and DMT, nothing really seeming to matter anymore. The rooms of his mother's huge house seemed empty and depressing so he set out with the simple desire to find a connection in the beautiful and enticing world beyond the house's walls. His motorbike was tantalizing in its presence and within minutes Axel was accelerating along quiet streets in search of an indefinable something.

The wind flung his crimson hair into fiery tangles and his helmet was a forgotten concept at this point. The blue sky above rippled like the surface of the ocean; reality not part of his vocabulary anymore. Swerving seemed like the thing to do so he did it, gaining a momentary thrill from each irregular jolting change of direction. By now his course has taken him out of the gated community into the poorer suburbs and Axel grinned like a lunatic every time he dodged the odd oncoming vehicle.

Anyone in their right mind could have predicted a painful and possibly deadly end to this course of action, but Axel was many mental miles from being in his right mind. In the end all it took was a particularly fast sweep around a corner combined with an unexpected person getting out of a parked car. Axel had a split second to feel icy fear shoot down his spine before his motorbike crashed full speed into the open car door throwing the other person out of the door and Axel headfirst over the pavement into some trees.

Afterwards Axel was never sure if it was the effect of the drugs or a complete break from reality but he was able to remember the agonized cries of the other man as a sort of soundtrack to his slow-motion flight. The crunch and shriek of tortured metal mingled jarringly with the visceral sounds of pain and Axel watched the approaching trees with detached fascination until the impact with the lower branches slammed him into darkness.

***&&&***

Ventus had been sitting in his car and marking reports for the 3 psychology classes he taught at Destiny University. His day had so far been routine and he was looking forward to getting home because for once his little brother was cooking dinner. Ventus had made it a practice to not bring his work home but he sometimes wriggled around this by slipping a few students' reports into the car and parking outside his house to mark them. As his day finished at 2pm he was all finished with his marking by 3.15pm and ready to get inside and collapse on the couch.

Tucking the reports away in his work briefcase and sliding it under the seat Ventus opened the door and went to step out of the car. This was point when his day became anything but routine and his life changed irrevocably. Ventus' right leg was out of the driver-side door and all his weight was on it when he heard a noise that sounded like thunder. The blonde man looked around just in time to see a black bike screaming down on him and then the impact threw him violently through the air.

Like with Axel events seemed to slow for Ventus. His left leg broke with a deafening snap and the momentum of the bike spun him brutally around into the door of the car which had been ripped free. The impact with the door almost felt worse than the initial collision of the bike as it cannoned into his right ribcage and dragged a jagged edge down the length of the inside of his arm before spinning away. Then he was flung out into the road to roll to a stop in a blood stained heap on the centreline. Consciousness persisted however and Ventus could hear the screaming of neighbors who witnessed the accident, the thudding of running feet and later he could hear the beautiful sounds of sirens, off in the distance but getting closer.


	2. Chapter 2

The movie was mediocre but they were laughing hysterically anyway; he would always remember that minor detail of that horrible day. Roxas had been chilling at his friend Zexion's house in the hours between school and the chore of cooking dinner when his cellphone rang showing an unlisted number. He hadn't thought anything of it when he picked up but his off-handedness had disappeared in a second along with the blood that drained from his face leaving him as pale as a ghost. Namine who happened to be looking at him had jumped from her chair but Roxas curtly waved her away, focussing fully on the call.

By the time Roxas hung up, staring into space, Namine, Zexion and Demyx were all standing around him looking worried and waiting to hear what had happened. Fleetingly the bitter thought 'I bet they won't manage to guess this one' drifted through his head but it was obliterated by the overwhelming wave of fear, helplessness and horror following in its wake. Before his friends could blurt out their questions Roxas, still gazing fixedly into the air, stated in a monotone, 'There's been an accident. Ventus is in hospital about to go into surgery. I have to go… I… Oh God… Zex, I didn't even drive over here, how the hell, oh fuck…' Roxas' voice grew increasingly shaky until he had to stop and swallow hard.

Before Roxas could panic any further Zexion swiftly stepped forward and put his arms around the distraught boy while Namine rummaged in her bag for her keys and Demyx grabbed their bags from the lounge. Roughly shoving his grey-blue hair out of his eyes Zexion hustled Roxas out of the door into Namine's car while the others silently followed and locked the door. Once seated in the car Roxas clenched his fists tight and struggled to stay in control.

The ride to the hospital was blur of half seen scenery and muted voices until Roxas' phone went off again, this time a call from the police. The cops were professional and succinct with their message, concisely informing Roxas that his brother had indeed been in a crash involving a motorcycle rider and that an investigation was underway. As the call progressed Namine was alarmed to see Roxas clenching his jaw tighter and tighter until he snapped the phone closed and buried his face in his hands. Not a word was spoken between the friends even after they reached the hospital and Zexion led Roxas to the front desk.

White faced and glassy eyed Roxas forced his broken voice to work and politely asked the duty nurse where he could find the room of Ventus Hakunetsu. He absently confirmed that he was Ventus' brother and was already staggering in the direction indicated when the nurse called after him that his brother wouldn't be back from surgery for another half an hour. Roxas was so shell-shocked that he didn't even notice the nurse stopping his friends from following him due to 'hospital rules kids, only immediate family can go through'. Demyx was just beginning to rip into the woman but all Roxas could hear was the beat of his heart in his ears.

When he was nearly at Ventus' room, room 358, a conversation across the hall filtered through the ringing in his ears and Roxas stopped dead in his tracks. Reaching shakily out so he could lean against the wall Roxas looked around and saw a doctor struggling not to yell at a cowering nurse. Drawn to the scene without fully knowing why Roxas crept across the hall and stood half hidden behind an empty stretcher listening to the conversation.

'…Stupid girl, there has to be someone in his family you can contact! This boy has been in a serious car crash, he's coming down off Gaia knows what drugs, he is under 18 and we have no adult member of his family to consult about treatment! Do you think this will look good for the hospital if it gets out that our incompetent nursing staff can't even get it together enough to contact the family of a minor? No, I didn't damn well think so, so take his phone and go through the contacts one by one if you have to. Go and bloody do it then come back here so you can check his cast!'

Roxas watched the nurse scurry off down the corridor nearly in tears and then turned back to stare at the blonde doctor with a calculating expression on his face. Drawing on his years in the drama club Roxas wiped the growing anger off his face and took on an expression of suitable anguish before rushing over to the doctor arms outstretched.

Before the doctor could say anything Roxas launched into his act, 'Oh doctor thank Gaia, I've been wandering around for ages. My cousin was in a motorbike accident and I can't find his room and I'm so worried because me and my mum are the only family he has, please can you please tell me where his room is?'

Roxas had gambled that the doctor would be overwhelmed by the hysterical teen act and also that the man would associate him by default with the boy from his previous conversation. Both gambles paid off and the doctor put on an overdone air of consolation, leading him right to the room of the boy he confirmed was involved in a motorcycle accident only 3 hours before. Laying it on thick Roxas convinced the doctor that he needed a few minutes alone with his 'cousin' and waited for him to saunter away before slipping into the dimly lit room.

There was a huddled shape on the bed but Roxas was too angry to immediately take in the details. In a low voice he spoke conversationally and with forced calm, 'Hey, hey, were you just in a motorbike accident? With a guy getting out of a car?'

There was a long pause and just when Roxas was beginning to think he had found the wrong person a rough voice muttered, 'Yeah, that was me. What, are the reporters involved already?'

All of the anger and anxiety bubbling inside Roxas abruptly broke free and he slammed his hand violently against the light switch, causing the person on the bed to flinch in the sudden glare. He strode towards the lump of blankets crowned in bandages and wild red hair and yanked the sheets down so he could look into the face of the man who had put his brother in hospital. Roxas' fierce blue glare burned into the startled bright green gaze of the other teen.

'Why the fuck did you do it?' Roxas' voice was deceptively low and reasonable. 'I mean I heard that you were drunk and high but why the ever-loving FUCK would you get on that bike!' The control Roxas had over his emotions slipped completely and he could contain himself no longer. 'My brother is in surgery you dumb piece of shit, he could have died and he may actually never walk again. I just want to know if you give a fuck how many lives you ruin when you get drugged up and pissed off your face? Huh?'

***&&&***

When Axel heard an unfamiliar voice in his hospital room asking about the accident he groaned inwardly and cursed reporters. Not removing the prickly blanket from around his ears he muttered something snarky but cringed convulsively into the pillow when the light snapped suddenly on. The sheets were torn away from his face and Axel found himself staring at a blonde-framed face that could have been termed exquisite if the deep blue eyes weren't so full of rage. Speechless and almost breathless Axel was unable to even begin to form a response to the harsh words being hurled at him.

'You've got nothing to say huh? Nothing in your defense or anything? You got away from a crash you caused with a bump on the head and a fucking tiny cast and my brother is in surgery right now…' The words being spat at Axel trailed off into a choked sob that unexpectedly tugged at his heart.

Somehow finding his voice the redhead discovered now that he truly had no idea what to say. Hating himself for his incoherence he blurted out, 'I'm so sorry… I didn't mean it…'

The blonde boy's chin had dropped to his chest while he tried to get a hold of himself but at Axel's garbled apology his head snapped up and anger flared again in his eyes. The hatred in his stare was almost a physical blow to Axel and the loathing in his parting statement was even worse. 'You're sorry. You're fucking sorry. My brother might never walk again, he could have fucking died and you're sorry. You know what, if you're so damn sorry then take it back so it never bloody happened and fucking kill yourself so you can't do it again!' Slamming out of the door and leaving the light on, the boy left as suddenly as he had come.

The teen's last furious shout ringing in his ears Axel lay in the hospital bed with his heart hammering. Everything the blonde boy had said was the truth but fuck it hurt to hear his shortcomings put so bluntly. Tears pricked at Axel's eyes, nothing to do with the pain of his head or wrist and he stared at the blank white ceiling wishing not for the first time that he was anyone other than himself.

***&&&***

As the door to the redheaded boy's room slammed shut behind him Roxas took off running. He could barely see through the tears of anger and panic but all he wanted was to get as far away from the cause of his pain as possible. Voicing his fears to the boy about Ventus had crystallized the worst case scenarios in his head, releasing a terror inside him that was threatening to overwhelm him completely.

The halls were deserted and dingy in the section of the hospital that Roxas finally stopped in and the lights flickered on and off. Slumped against the wall to regain his breath Roxas realized that he must have found his way into the closed-for-restoration section of the hospital and frustrated he growled out an obscenity. Totally and completely lost he looked around futilely for a hint of which direction to head in and nearly leapt out of his skin when a rough voice spoke from right next to his ear.

'Lost are ya kid? Can't imagine they put you in a room out this way.' The owner of the deep rumbling voice sauntered around from behind Roxas and smirked at the transfixed boy. 'Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya. Since they stopped work I don't get much company when I'm on shift. Where are ya meant to be huh?'

So far beyond fear that he was flatly calm Roxas gazed at the huge man and said, 'My brother is in room 358 and I got turned around trying to find it. Can you point me in the right direction to get back to the main wards?' A slight wobble entered his voice on the last word as he suddenly understood how isolated he was in the company of a massive stranger and how unlikely it was that anyone would hear him scream if anything happened. Involuntarily he took a step backwards and found that his back was now to the wall.

Surprisingly the man chuckled throatily and stepped backward to put some room between them. He ran a large hand through his unkempt russet hair and shook his head ruefully, 'Sorry kid, I really didn't mean to scare ya. I didn't figure how threatenin' a stranger in a dark, abandoned corridor… Oh. Well I guess I didn't think at all to be honest. Look mate, if you want I can take you back to the wards or I can just give you the directions, you aren't too far. Kid? Are you okay?'

Unable to cope with the abrupt change of pace and the disappearance of tension Roxas had sagged back against the wall blinking back tears. Fear had flooded through his body at the sudden arrival of the stranger and the unexpected kindness he was now encountering had his mind so tangled that he was barely able to speak. Mustering all his self-control Roxas forced his mouth to work, 'If you don't mind could you show me where to go? I… My brother… Oh god I don't even know if he's okay, he was in surgery, I'm meant to be waiting for him…'

Roxas' words got faster and faster heading towards hysteria and the stranger took a risk, placing his massive hand on the boy's shoulder. Crouching down so that he could look into Roxas' wild blue eyes the man said softly, 'My name's Lexaeus kid. Follow me and I'll get you to your brother. Try and stay calm though okay? I don't know if I'm up to carrying you, right?'

Roxas' lips quirked in an involuntary half smile and he nodded his acquiescence. Gratitude filled him alongside the anxiety and panic and he felt as if he had to say something. 'Thank you Lexaeus, I'm Roxas. I, I really don't know how to thank you for this. I just need to get back to Ven and I'm so damn scared…' His words trailed off in a tremulous gulp and he was glad when Lexaeus just smiled beckoned for him to follow.

The huge man whose job was taking care of the hospital watched the distraught teen stumble into room 358. He always found himself getting emotionally invested in the various stories that spun into his life at the hospital, every time swearing that he wouldn't let it happen again and every time he saw a kid lost or in tears he gave in to the urge to do anything he could to ease the pain and confusion. Not being a doctor or even a nurse Lexaeus was aware that his contributions could only be fleeting and minimal but that still never stopped him from doing what he could.

As the door slipped shut behind him Roxas frantically scanned the interior of the room and found it empty of anything resembling his brother. Abruptly at the end of his strength and resilience Roxas collapsed in the chair next to the neatly made bed and gave up on choking back the sobs in his throat. The room echoed with the sounds of the boy's grief until he finally wore out his reserves and cried himself to sleep.

***&&&***

The overwhelming feeling of 'blur' encased Ventus. It seemed to him that he never really lost consciousness but there was a smudgy space in his mind that refused to show him the link between where he was sprawled on the road and where he was now, somewhere dimly lit and warm. Ventus instinctively tried to sit up but the explosion of pain in his ribs and leg ended that attempt and provoked a tortured groan waking Roxas who was slumped over the bed next to him. Momentarily unable to move for the pain Ventus stared at the ceiling with tears in his eyes as Roxas fumbled frantically for the pain relief button that the nurse had shown him.

Slowly the pain level decreased and Ventus, unable to believe he had survived such a devastating impact, weakly reached out to his brother and swallowed his own tears as the weeping boy clung to him desperately. The 2 boys had been alone in the world for so long that it was impossible for either of them to conceive of a world without the other in it. Feeling the strength of Roxas' sobs shake the bed Ventus finally gave in and let his tears fall.

A long time later Ventus gained enough control to begin soothing his little brother. As his hand moved in comforting circles on Roxas' back Ventus found his mind beginning to function again and by the time the boy's sobs began to taper off he was enough in command of himself to be sure of his next move. When he felt that Roxas was calm enough to talk to Ventus reached out and raised the boy's chin so he could look him in the eye.

Speaking was difficult but Ventus forced the words to come, 'Rox, I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to, I didn't want to leave you… I hate seeing you cry. How long has it, how long have I been out?'

Ventus' heart clenched at the broken sound in Roxas' voice as he whispered that he had only been out of surgery for 4 hours and it was probably around 11.30pm. Hugging the boy as tight as he could with his aching ribs he tried to give as much comfort as he took. They were still clutching each other 20 minutes later when a loud knock on the door made them both jump. Giving Roxas one last reassuring squeeze Ventus settled back on his pillow and hoarsely called for the knocker to come in.

***&&&***

For the second time in less than a day Roxas slammed through a door like he had a personal grudge against it. The policeman had come to talk to Ventus, pretty much ignoring him, and Roxas had been happy to sit in the corner quietly at first; then the questions had turned to what Ventus wanted in regards to criminal charges and his brother had said… Fuck, Roxas couldn't even think about it without wanting to throw up.

Slamming his fist into the unyielding wall Roxas slumped against the wall opposite his brother's room and slid down to the ground. He had stormed out of the room when Ventus had begun making excuses for the boy who had nearly killed him and then asked how he would go about dropping any charges. Fisting his hands into his hair Roxas just sat there in the hallway with his head bowed trying to figure out when the hell the world had gone insane.

_'You are Ventus Hakunetsu correct?' The officer spoke in a soft but firm voice and nodded to acknowledge Roxas before focusing his full attention on the blonde man in the hospital bed. 'Your doctor said that you would most likely be alert enough by now for me to ask you some questions about the accident and what you recall? If now isn't a good time then we can do this later, but if possible we like to get these interviews over and done so that proceedings don't drag out for all involved.'_

_With Roxas watching like a hawk Ventus had nodded his consent to the interview and gestured for the policeman to sit in the other chair by the bed. Without further ado the officer had seated himself and pulled out a small notebook before launching straight in, 'My name is Detective Xaldin Yari, officer in charge of your case. The instigator of the crash is effectively in police custody being also here in the hospital and as soon as we finish the interviews we can proceed with charges against him…'_

_At this point Roxas was unable to restrain himself and made both his brother and Detective Yari jump by snarling out, 'Good! As soon as that bastard is behind bars the better! He can't get away with doing this to my brother!'_

_Ventus placed a calming hand on Roxas' arm and once the boy had gotten control of himself gestured for Xaldin to continue. The expression on the detective's face hadn't changed and once he was sure Roxas was calmer he spoke again, 'We arrested the alleged juvenile offender at 9.37pm tonight and he is currently under guard in his hospital room. There isn't much we can do until the doctors clear him to leave medical care and we can take him to jail…'_

_This time it was Ventus who couldn't stop himself from breaking in. 'Who is he Detective? I mean what can you tell me about him? I know I'm meant to be telling you what I remember but who the hell is this guy?'_

_Sitting back in his chair Xaldin briefly considered his response and decided that the seriously injured man didn't need to be shielded from any of the details. 'The person operating the motorbike was one Axel Raffica age 17. Blood tests have shown that he had large amounts of alcohol in his system along with the drugs LSD and DMT. He had no helmet on but sustained no serious injuries in the crash apart from a broken wrist and mild concussion.'_

_Xaldin trailed off because Ventus' eyes had lost focus and the man appeared to be trying to remember something. Roxas was starting to look really worried when Ventus finally shook his head slowly and looked over at the detective with his brow furrowed. 'This Axel, he doesn't happen to be the son of the model Tifa Lockheart by any chance?'_

_When Xaldin nodded in confirmation Ventus collapsed back against his pillows forgetting about his ribs and groaning when the pain hit. Staring at the ceiling he said quietly, 'I knew I recognized that name. I worked on a case with a friend of mine doing a psych evaluation for a child abuse lawsuit must have been over 6 years ago now, back when I was fresh out of college. Some things just stick with you; the true horror of what one human being can do to another…'_

_Once again Ventus propped himself up and seeming to forget Roxas was even there locked his determined gaze onto the detective. 'I don't want to press charges Detective Yari. I believe that Island Law allows for the injured party to request the process of Restitutionem per Consequentias if they are prepared to drop all charges stemming from the incident.'_

_As the detective opened his mouth to speak Roxas beat him to it. Leaping out of his seat and literally shaking with anger he was shouting before he could stop himself, 'Are you fucking kidding me Ven?! This piece of shit was drunk and high and pretty much said he doesn't give a shit that he nearly killed you and you want to invoke some obscure fucking cop-out clause? What the fuck… I can't fucking believe this!'_

_The minute Roxas paused for breath both Ventus and Xaldin broke in with simultaneous demands to know when Roxas had spoken to the other party and because at this point it was either walk out or hit something Roxas stumbled out the door and slammed it behind him. All that was going through his head was 'How the hell can Ventus do this? I don't understand… That bastard has to pay…'_


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't often that Axel indulged in anything resembling introspection but after the blonde thermonuclear explosion the night before he hadn't slept a wink. He didn't notice the guard periodically checking his room or the steady stream of nurses through the night, he was lost inside his head, swept away in a floodtide of regrets and in-Gaia's-name-whys.

Emerald eyes dull and unfocused Axel stared through the ceiling, watching the lowlights of his life parade by and loathing himself more every passing second. Looking back on the last few years Axel felt sick. Events that had seemed so excusable individually in fact now seemed to add up to a messy and slow-motion suicide, not to mention the knock-on effects for everyone around him. He was still locked in the hell behind his eyes when at 8am on the dot a quiet knock sounded at the door.

***&&&***

She had received a call from a friend on the Judge's Council at 7am, a friend to whom she owed several favours, so she listened silently for a minute and then agreed to the judge's request. Dressing quickly, Court Psychologist Aerith Gainsborough skipped breakfast and got herself to the Destiny Hospital as fast as she could. She wasn't in the mood for delays so when a guard stopped her outside of the room she had been directed to the diminutive woman flashed her court ID brusquely and gave the man such a withering look that he stepped aside hurriedly without another word while she tapped on the door.

Aerith didn't even pause to wait for a response and opened the door stepping quickly into the darkened room. She closed the door behind her and while her eyes adjusted to the dim light she waited for the inevitable indignant outburst over her intrusion. When the angry questions failed to come Aerith warily approached the still figure on the bed.

The psychologist in Aerith was immediately on alert when the boy in the bed showed no reaction to or awareness of her approach. Slipping rapidly into clinician mode she took in his fixed stare and shallow, rapid breathing and quite alarmed she moved in closer to manually take his pulse. Aerith released a long sigh of relief however when the boy stirred at her touch and began to come back to the world; catatonia at this point would have been both a medical and legal complication.

Moving back to the chair by the bed so as not to distress the teen Aerith waited for the boy's breathing to slow and for him to look over and focus on her before she began to speak. 'Mr Raffica, my name is Aerith Gainsborough. This morning I received a call from Chief Justice Masen on the Judge's Council and I am here as per his request.' By this point Axel was fully alert and listening intently so Aerith pressed onward.

'Last night Judge Masen was notified of an unusual invocation of Island Law and decided to grant the request which was for Restituionem per Consequentias. The petitioner was Ventus Hakunetsu, the person you hit in the crash. Mr Raffica, do you know what Restitutionem per Consequentias is?'

When Axel stared mutely at her and shook his head Aerith continued, 'The Restitutionem Law is an idiosyncrasy in the laws of Destiny Island that allows the victim of a crime to drop all charges and negotiate fitting punishment with the judge, on the proviso that the perpetrator unconditionally accepts the responsibility and consequences for their actions. I am here on behalf of both Judge Masen and Mr Hakunetsu, the injured party, to outline your options in this matter and relay your answer back. Now, I realize this is a lot to take in so if you have any questions please feel free to ask me.'

Confident that she had conveyed the information concisely and understandably Aerith sat back and watched the boy as he tried to figure out what to say. Her analytical gaze took in the tremors shaking his body, the bewildered expression on his face and also the emerging look of resolve in his eyes. Having been the messenger many times in Restitutionem cases she had become adept at picking the ones who would take the deal and if she hadn't missed her guess this time she thought that this teenage offender would leap at the opportunity being offered.

***&&&***

'Restitutionem per Consequentias'. The words echoed in Axel's ears as he stared at the patiently waiting woman next to the bed. A chance, he could step away from the world of shadows he had been inhabiting for so long. A choice, he could stay locked in self-pity and despair or to start addressing the hurt he had caused himself and others. A turning point, either into deeper darkness than ever before or maybe, just maybe, the first steps of coming back into the light.

Choosing his words carefully Axel spoke in a hoarse voice that betrayed a night of tears, 'I would do anything to take back what I have done. There is nothing I can do to change getting on my bike but maybe there is something I can do to… I don't know… Dammit maybe I can help him… I will do anything he asks of me.'

Tears were breaking through as he forced the last words out and Axel turned his face away to hide the anguish on his face. He flinched involuntarily when he felt Aerith's hand on his arm but she simply let the physical contact communicate a sense of comfort while he cried out his remorse and shame. This small show of compassion both soothed Axel and renewed his self-loathing as deep inside he felt that he deserved nothing but derision and contempt for what he had done.

***&&&***

Roxas only came into the hospital once over the next three days and that was when he had to come and take Ventus home on the third afternoon. He hated himself for acting like a spoilt, obnoxious brat but he was too angry to even see Ventus, let alone have a civil conversation. Attempting to justify his absence at the hospital Roxas enlisted the help of Zexion, Namine and Demyx to come and clean the house, setting it up ready for Ventus to make it easy on him when he was discharged.

Late on the second day Roxas shooed his friends off home, declining their concerned offers for him to stay at someone's house so he didn't have to be at home alone. Finally convincing the persistent Demyx that he would be fine overnight Roxas locked the door and stumbled down the hallway to collapse on his back on his bed. With his eyes closed the boy fumbled in his pocket for his iPod and shoved the ear-buds in.

His music was on random shuffle, but the first song couldn't have expressed his feelings better if he had spent half an hour searching for it. Gritting his teeth Roxas let the rage-filled music saturate his brain, providing a soundtrack to the conversation with Ventus that was replaying over and over in his head.

_'I push my fingers into my eyes_  
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache  
But it's made of all the things I have to take  
Jesus it never ends, it works its way inside  
And if the pain goes on… ARRRGGHHH!' 

'How could he do it? How in the name of hell could he even think like that? The fucking dipshit of a teenager nearly killed him and not even a day later he was talking about some obscure legal shit that would result in no prison time or fines or, or… FUCK!' A low growl escaped Roxas' throat and he turned the volume up a little louder on his iPod.

_'Put me back together_  
Or separate the skin from bone  
Leave me all the pieces, then you can leave me alone  
Tell me the reality is better than the dream  
But I found out the hard way,  
Nothing is what it seems!' 

Suddenly rolling off the bed and ripping out his ear-buds Roxas grabbed the first thing that came to hand and hurled it against the wall. As the photo frame containing a picture of himself and his brother exploded Roxas was already reaching for the glass paperweight on his desk and it promptly crashed against a painting hanging by the door shattering the glass. Knowing that he was acting like a complete dick didn't help at all and Roxas' room was a certified bombsite by the time he collapsed on the floor shaking with angry sobs.

***&&&***

If Ventus noticed his brother's stiff manner and red-rimmed eyes he elected to say nothing. The ride from the hospital to their house was filled with uneasy silence and even when Roxas had to help Ventus manage his crutches from the car to the house they only communicated in monosyllables. It wasn't until he was seated on the couch with his leg properly elevated that Ventus fixed his brother with a penetrating stare and motioned for him to sit down too.

'What the hell Roxas, I haven't seen you almost two days and now you won't even talk to me…'

His brother cut him off abruptly and snarled, 'I can't believe you're surprised after that farce with the detective. You were nearly killed by a fuckhead hopped up on so many drugs I doubt he could name them all and then you go and, and, forgive him! And all this because you think he's some poor abused boy who can't help the shit he does! What the fucking hell is wrong with you?! It's as bad as if you forgave the scum who killed mum and dad!'

Shocked at the venom in his brother's voice Ventus growled back at him, 'Gaia Rox, what the fuck? You know what it's like to go through trauma as a kid. You came through it but there were times when I thought… you could so easily have gone the way Axel went, back when we first started to build our lives without mum and dad. This kid… I would be more surprised if he had turned out normal… He's been through things that you can't imagine Rox…'

Furious beyond words Roxas stared at his brother with a look caught between revulsion and scorn. Spinning on his heel the blonde boy stalked out of the lounge and stomped down the hallway. With a slam that knocked pictures down in the corridor Roxas stormed into his bedroom leaving Ventus sitting on the couch unable to follow him. As the older brother Ventus felt like he should talk with Roxas more about why he made the decision to choose Restitutionem per Consequentias but for one he was unable to stand without a lot of pain and two he just couldn't stomach another shouting match. At the massive slam that echoed through the house Ventus let his head drop back onto the cushion behind him and sighed.

***&&&***

The next morning, Wednesday, was chilly and unnaturally formal with neither brother prepared to make the first move and apologize. Breakfast was totally silent and all Roxas would say before he left for school was that he would be home as early as possible to help out. Starting to get more than slightly pissed off himself, Ventus just nodded curtly and watched his brother stalk down the path to the garage. Finishing his token breakfast Ventus marshaled his strength and managed to hobble on his crutches back to the lounge. It looked like he would have to make friends with the couch for the foreseeable future.

Once he was seated, his leg raised and comfortable Ventus smiled a little when he noticed that Roxas had still set up a jug of water, a bowl of fruit and a huge pile of books on the coffee table by the sofa despite leaving in such a bad mood; maybe his brother was thawing just a little. He had made it through two bananas, an apple and half of a cheesy sci-fi novel by 11.30am and was contemplating the logistics of a bathroom trip when the front doorbell rang loudly.

Ventus nearly cursed aloud before remembering that Roxas had left the door unlocked when he charged off earlier. He yelled for whoever it was to come in and waited until he heard the door click open before laboriously turning round on the couch so that he was sitting semi-normally with just his bad leg sticking out and elevated. His mouth fell open when he saw who it was, he couldn't have been more taken aback by the visitor if it had been Vexen Ledovec, Mayor of Destiny Island. Stepping apprehensively through the door of the Hakunetsu house was Axel Raffica.

Eyeing the teen piercingly Ventus motioned for him to take a seat across the other side of the coffee table. He watched the boy's demeanour carefully trying to gauge the purpose of his visit and even before the redhead had opened his mouth Ventus had a pretty good idea of how the conversation was going to pan out. He could see the contrition and guilt written clearly all over Axel's face, and in the wretched slump of his shoulders Ventus could see that the regret for his senseless actions would be with the boy forever.

Breaking the tense silence that had built since Axel had walked through the door Ventus smiled half-heartedly and said, 'Axel Raffica I presume? Don't worry, I'm not going to yell or anything. Do you want to tell me why you're here, or do I have to guess.'

***&&&***

It was hardest thing Axel had ever done, walking alone up to the front door of the Hakunetsu household. With every step he fought with himself against turning back and he only made it to the door by reminding himself what a completely worthless waste of life he was and that if he failed to make up for what he had done he might as well end it all so he was no longer an insult to decent people. Raising his hand roughly 1000 miles to the doorbell Axel pressed it once and waited uncomfortably until something that sounded like a 'come in, I'm in the lounge' echoed from within.

Getting through the front door was relatively easy but then the lounge entrance turned out to be three paces down the hall and the distance seemed to stretch for a mile. It took every last shred of his will-power for Axel to take those three steps, so he had almost no strength left for dealing with the bleak sight of Ventus sitting on the couch pallid skinned, covered in healing cuts and scratches and with his left leg wrapped in a brace and propped on the seat next to him.

When Ventus gestured that he take a seat Axel gratefully moved to the indicated chair and fell into it just as his legs gave out. He stared at the blonde man on the sofa, his brain zeroing in on the extreme damage done to Ventus' leg, the mass of bandages around his right arm and the abrasions marring his face, frantically searching for something to say and failing miserably. Ventus' attempt at relieving the angst surrounding them both eased the atmosphere but also actually made him feel worse for not being able to do it himself.

Getting a grip Axel slowly raised his gaze to meet Ventus' ice blue eyes and he let the words flow that had been building up since his meeting with Aerith three days before. 'I-if I could tell you how sorry I was I would but I don't h-have the words. When the lady, Aerith, came to me in the hospital I was willing to do anything she asked even if it meant pleading guilty and spending the rest of my life in prison. Then she said you had authorized the Restitutionem offer and… Dammit I don't even know what to say. Thank you doesn't seem appropriate or enough…'

Axel trailed off and swallowed hard to keep from bursting into tears, he couldn't look into Ventus' calm stare anymore and his gaze dropped to the floor. In a voice barely above a whisper he murmured, 'Why would you even do this? I should be in jail for being such a spectacular fuckup. I couldn't even just kill myself with drugs I had to nearly take out someone else…'

***&&&***

As Axel was talking Ventus watched the expressions on the boy's face with the analytical eye of a psychologist. The redhead didn't know it but his emotions played across his face as easy to read as a book and Ventus could tell that in his head Axel was starting to spiral out. Making his voice deliberately harsh he snapped, 'Hey! I wouldn't have requested the process of Restitutionem without good reason. I'm not just some pushover who thinks we should hug criminals and excuse the things they do. To be honest I wouldn't have even considered this deal if I hadn't found out that it was you on that motorbike.'

Axel's head had snapped up at the unexpected hard tone in Ventus' voice and he stared in bewilderment at the revelation. As soon as Ventus was sure he had Axel's full attention he softened his voice a little and kept talking. 'Six years ago I had just finished my undergrad degree. My major was in child psychology in the area of family law so I was assigned with a friend to a case that was just heading to court…' Ventus hesitated for a long moment trying to work out how best to phrase his next statement.

'Axel, I worked on the case filed against your father. I don't know if you remember but I was one of the psychologists assigned to talk with you and make sure that your story was heard. Terra Zirh would have been the one you talked with most but we both presented your side to the judge to… Axel? Axel!'

Axel's face had drained a dead white and he swayed in his seat. Ventus' panicked shout had pulled him back enough to avoid a total black out but Axel's usually bright green eyes were unfocussed and seemed not to see the world around him. Ventus cursed his bad leg as he couldn't leap up and grab Axel's shoulders but he started to talk in a low and soothing voice and very slowly Axel began to show signs of coming back to the world.

'Axel? Are you okay? I… I didn't think… I mean, dammit I'm sorry. Having a piece of the past, especially the past that you want left behind, come back to haunt you is a shock and I didn't even think about that. I just wanted to tell you why I decided on Restitutionem and that I know you aren't a bad kid. I mean, Roxas and I haven't had the easiest life and I know that he could have so easily ended up in the same place that you have…'

As Axel's eyes started to focus again and colour began to return to his face Ventus breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't anticipated the impact that revealing his past connection might have had on the boy, but in hindsight he cursed himself as the worst type of ham-fisted shrink. Of course having the painful ordeals of his past thrown in his face would screw with Axel's head and it was just a miracle that the blunt confession hadn't sent him screaming out the door.

***&&&***

Axel had nearly lost it trying to communicate his guilt and sincere regret and he cut himself off in mid-sentence before Ventus could think he was angling for sympathy. When the blonde man had begun speaking Axel had snapped himself out of his self-loathing but upon hearing what prompted Ventus to ask for Restitutionem he felt something give in his brain and he just drifted away from reality for a while. Suddenly he was no longer in the warm living room belonging to the Hakunetsus, he was somewhere he remembered well despite trying so hard to forget.


	4. Chapter 4

_The room was cold. It was winter and even though the mansion had a huge fireplace capable of heating every single room the grate was dark, filled only with old ash. When Tifa was away He never bothered with such trivial things as heating, preferring to stay warm using the tried and true method of continuous alcohol. Red knew to stay out of the way when his mum was gone, the house was cold and He was stumbling into the walls. This time however staying out of the way was not an option._

_The last time it happened started like it always did, with inarticulate growling getting closer and louder. The last time it happened he had been hiding under the bed, but that wasn't enough to save him and he had been dragged into the light screaming in terror. The last time it happened had been different to every other time. The last time it happened He had a knife._

_Red couldn't recall much more of the last time it happened, but some things would forever be seared in his brain. The knife scoring his flesh in sweeping slashes, blood that matched his hair spraying everywhere. Vicious kicks to ribs and back to punctuate the thirsty blade. The sight of His wild, rage-filled eyes and tangled hair so similar to Red's own._

_And the words. Worse than the knife and worse than the kicks, words hurled at Red like weapons. 'Yer 'sgusting and ya shouldn't even be here! Ya like knives so much yo why ya scared of this one? S'the matter, my knife not good nuff for yer? Y'know ya was a mistake not an accident ay fucker? A fucking mistake yo coz we both wish y'would disappear. Fuck ya, ruined everything, fucking take it yo, coz ya deserve everything ya get!'_

_At the time he didn't even know that he was screaming until a hammering on the door broke into his world of agony. Later he was told that the neighbour was sure there was a murder being done so rather than come and investigate himself he called the police. When the Emergency Response team arrived and broke down the door He was slumped against a wall staring at Red's blood-splattered body lying in front of him, like a windup toy that had run down._

***&&&***

Axel came back to reality to the sound of Ventus talking in a voice of forced calm. It took him a minute to shake himself free of the memories and another long moment to gather some semblance of self-control. When he was sure that he could talk without his voice shaking Axel took a deep breath and raised his eyes to meet the bright blue gaze fixed on him.

'I don't even…' Axel stopped to clear his throat and tried again. 'I don't know what to say Ventus… The only other person who knows about that has every reason to pretend I don't exist anymore. It was so long ago I just want to forget but at the same time there's no way I can get it out of my head. You think that because of that I deserve some sort of break? I'm not worth this special treatment…'

Axel jumped out of his skin when Ventus slapped his hand down on the coffee table, interrupting him angrily, 'You can't say shit like that to a psychologist and expect them to let it pass Axel! If you heard anyone else spouting such crap about themselves you wouldn't believe it for a second and I don't believe it from you. I chose to go the route of Restitutionem because I know that prison can ruin lives and I don't want to see your life destroyed further than it has been. You better bloody accept it because I honestly don't have the strength to force it into your head!'

Taken aback Axel just stared at Ventus silently. Everything he knew about himself was being challenged by the man's words and though he wanted to believe Ventus, the dark side of him was whispering poison in his mind. The toxic part of his mind told him that if Ventus knew everything, he would take back his words of comfort and hope. The well of self-hatred deep inside always reminded him of the things no one else knew or would ever know.

Recovering his self-possession a little Axel managed to nod weakly at Ventus, at least giving the appearance of agreeing with his assessment. He knew deep inside that he was not worth the dirt on this man's shoe but he also knew that he would do anything in his power to try and make up for what he had done. Smiling grimly he took a shaky breath and said, 'I want to atone for what I've done Ventus. I don't think I deserve the consideration you've shown me but I am grateful…'

Again Ventus interrupted but this time with a smile on his face, 'I get it okay? And if you keep telling me every five minutes then we'll never get anything done. You may not want to thank me when you hear what I'll be asking of you.'

Axel sat quietly and listened as Ventus outlined his idea that Axel become his informal home-help to make sure that the burden didn't fall onto his younger brother Roxas. He nodded in agreement to every point and only spoke up once to ask, 'How will this work though? I mean I can come over and leave whatever time you ask, but what if you need something during the night? And if you need someone during the day won't I be at the school the same as Roxas?'

For the first time since Axel had stepped in the door Ventus looked a little awkward. 'I'm really sorry Axel, the detective I spoke to informed me that the school is expelling you even though I've dropped all charges. I talked to the principal but she was unable to overlook the drug use. I do have an idea though if you want to hear it…'

Stunned speechless once again Axel could only nod his head. He had been barely making it to school but to be told he wasn't allowed back stung a lot. Tuning back in again he heard Ventus speaking quickly, 'I can organize a correspondence course for you to do. You would need supervision of course, but that leads me to my second idea. I spoke with Miss Gainsborough yesterday and she mentioned that you are living alone. I thought that if you agreed then you could move in here for the duration of my recuperation so you could be on hand day and night and I could oversee your study myself. This isn't compulsory of course… I just thought that it covered everything…'

Axel sat and stared at Ventus with tears starting to fall unheeded down his cheeks. It was almost inconceivable to him that someone could be so compassionate and thoughtful to the person who had come close to killing them. Through his tears he choked out, 'I don't know what I did to deserve this kindness but I promise you won't regret it. I'll do anything you ask of me…'

At this point the equivalent of a time-bomb went off; neither Ventus nor Axel had noticed Roxas come quietly in the door. Roxas hadn't known that it was a half day at school and when dismissed he had actually hurried home, finally deciding that he needed to apologize to his brother. Upon hearing the end of the decision to move Axel into his house however he totally lost his shit.

***&&&***

Ventus and Axel only became aware of Roxas' presence when he stalked past them without a word or even a glance. He went straight to his bedroom and returned with a bag stuffed with clothes, still not speaking and too enraged to even smash something. Completely ignoring the stricken Axel and the floundering Ventus, Roxas walked straight back out the door and didn't even bother to close it behind him.

The world inside Roxas' head was too full for him even to scream his disbelief and frustration. It seemed to him that the redheaded druggie had some strange hold over Ventus and he was still reeling from the thought of having to live with the guy who almost killed his brother. Feet on autopilot and drowning in the red rage in his mind Roxas found himself outside the door of Zexion's apartment before he was properly aware of having walked there.

Standing there at Zexion's door Roxas felt his anger entwining with and battling panic. He honestly did not know how he could go back home and face his brother and from the sounds of things he would be forced to face the guy that he thought of as 'that drug-fucked dipshit'. He had been best friends with his brother for so long that the possibility of even a few days separation caused his breath to catch in his throat and in the midst of the anxiety he found himself hating Axel even more. Trapped deep in his own head Roxas nearly died of fright when the door in front of him flew open and Zexion stuck his head out first with a glare on his face and then with a confused expression of welcome and worry.

***&&&***

A coffee sat cooling on the bench ignored by Zexion as he frowned at the blurry figure on the other side of the smoky textured glass. Whoever it was had been standing motionless outside his door for almost five minutes and Zexion was starting to get irritated. Finally at the end of his patience the blue haired boy jerked the door open ready to yell and was totally wrong-footed to see his best friend spaced out on his doorstep. Happiness at seeing his friend warred with concern and both boys stood there silently until Zexion found his voice.

'Oh my god Roxas why are you just standing out there? Get yourself inside, I can see you have plans on staying here so I better get a bed sorted for you. Fuck's sake, are you going to say something or do I have to drag it out of you?' Zexion grabbed Roxas by the arm and bodily pulled him inside, taking charge when it was obvious that Roxas was incapable of speaking or even moving on his own.

Once he had Roxas slumped in an armchair Zexion pulled out the foldout couch and threw together a bed for his friend. Finishing in record time Zexion then yanked a kitchen chair over in front of the armchair and planted himself on it staring intently at the almost comatose blonde. As the moments dragged out without Roxas even seeming aware of where he was Zexion felt his heart hammering faster and faster with fear until he couldn't take it anymore and leant forward to shake Roxas out of his trance.

At the touch of Zexion's hand Roxas slowly started to surface from his daze and his blank stare gradually refocused. Relieved beyond words at the return of animation to his friend's face Zexion pushed his hair out of his eyes and started to say something but cut himself off when he saw the expression transforming Roxas' face; as familiar with Volcano Hakunetsu as he was Zexion shut his mouth and waited for the explosion.

***&&&***

The change in Roxas from zoned out automaton to furious madman started slowly but gained momentum like an avalanche. First the information that he was inside and staring at Zexion filtered into his brain and was then rapidly eclipsed by the burning memory of his brother sitting happily next to the drug-fucked, brainless clusterfuck as if they were best of friends. The flood of rage overwhelmed any remaining restraint and as Zexion braced himself Roxas did indeed explode.

'Gods fucking dammit Zex, I don't even, I mean, FUCK! He's sitting there in my chair talking to my brother like he's good enough to breathe the same air as the rest of us and Ventus… ARGHHH HE FUCKING TOLD HIM HE COULD STAY IN OUR HOUSE! That bastard, somehow he has a hold over Ven and Ven's too fucking stupid to see it. As if there's an excuse that means he can nearly murder someone and get off scot-free. I mean have you ever heard of this archaic fucking law Restitutium something-or-other that they just pulled out of their asses? He can't just let him… He can't…'

Running out of words Roxas released all the air in his lungs in a guttural, despairing scream. He sunk his hands deep into his spikey blonde hair, pulling on it as if he could pull the memories of Ventus and Axel out of his head. Zexion was just about tentatively say something when Roxas spoke again, this time in a whisper. 'I don't get it Zex. This bastard Axel nearly took him away from me and Ven's pretending like it never happened. Why… Why would he do that?'

***&&&***

When Roxas paused after the scream Zexion had been poised to jump in with comfort, but as he strained to hear Roxas' broken murmuring he lost track of what he was about to say. In the silence that followed Roxas' pleading question Zexion swallowed hard and forced himself to ask the question burning on his tongue. 'Rox… That guy, Axel… Is his last name Raffica?'

Roxas stiffened at hearing an echo of Ventus talking to the detective and narrowing his eyes he nodded his head slowly. His bad feeling confirmed Zexion collapsed back on his chair, all his breath rushing from his lungs and he cursed fate for a cruel bitch. Aware that Roxas was glaring at him and waiting for an explanation Zexion bit his lip and tried to form a coherent sentence. 'I… I don't even know where to start man, sometimes I can't believe that the shit that happens isn't just a twisted joke played on us all. If you want the story from the beginning Rox I'm going to have to go way back…'

The look in Roxas' eye told Zexion that he better just tell the damn story so he sighed softly and began. 'Axel started school at Island Lee Primary the same time I did and we were friends for a really long time. All through primary school and until maybe three years ago. Things seemed to go really wrong for him but whenever anyone tried to help he pushed them away and turned to self-harm and then drugs until we just couldn't do it anymore. We tried everything to help but we were fourteen and there was only so much shit we could take.'

Shaking his head in disgust at himself Zexion looked up and met Roxas' emotionless blue stare with a look that forestalled any interruption. 'Let me finish 'kay Rox, I reckon you need to hear all of this. I'm not proud of my part in this and even if you hate me too you need to know where at least some of this started.'

Looking into Roxas' eyes was like looking into glacier but Zexion held his gaze until a slight jerk of Roxas' head indicated he should continue. 'Things started to go obviously bad when we were all only ten, Axel started missing lots of school and when he did show up he had bruises that he tried to cover up. Looking back on it Rox it had been happening for a long time but they only caught Axel's dad when he nearly killed him…'

Spitting the words out like they were burning his mouth Roxas cut his friend off, 'Ventus said something about a court case. That's what changed his mind about prosecution. Poor little abused boy has a get out of jail free card… And you, you think this is all fucking peachy fucking keen?'

Zexion tried to keep his voice calm but a little bit of irritation slipped through as he snapped, 'Dammit Rox he's not just some kid who got a slap every now and then. My mum took me to see him in the hospital after they arrested his dad. His face was barely recognizable from the beating and his dad had gone at him with a knife. His back was cut to shit, I'm sure he still has the scars coz he was sliced to absolute fuck. By his dad. What do you think that would do to you huh? Don't hate me for saying this Rox, but at least your parents loved you.'

Despite himself Roxas saw a heart-breaking image flash through his mind of a young red-haired boy covered in blood and bruises. Some of the blind fury fell away but he was still boiling with frustration and too many other emotions to sort through. Without thinking Roxas blurted, 'Zex… Why didn't Ven tell me this? He's all I've got and this, this Axel almost killed him. He didn't even talk to me before he decided on this stupid deal thing…'

With a wry smile Zexion got up and sat on the arm of Roxas' chair. Tentatively he wrapped his arms around the other teen and tightened the hug when Roxas wordlessly leaned into him. Softly he said, 'Did you even give him a chance Rox? Before Ventus was discharged did you even go and see him after the deal was struck? No, I know you didn't. And today, when you saw them talking, I'm not going to ask if you gave either of them a chance to say anything. I love you man, but when you assume something bad you do tend to get yourself the hell out of the situation.'

A cross between a laugh and a whimper was muffled against Zexion's stomach and he felt the moment that the last of the anger drained out of his friend to be replaced with exhausted sobs. Offering his strength and calm support Zexion just sat and held Roxas while the boy cried out the last four days of fear, uncertainty and anguish. A small smile played briefly around Zexion's lips for he knew Roxas well enough to predict that by later that evening he would be on his way home again to face his brother.

***&&&***

When Roxas made his dramatic, if silent, entrance and departure Axel sat frozen in place while Ventus swore under his breath and fumbled with his crutches, unable to get to his feet before Roxas was gone again. Ventus had intended to sit Roxas down and discuss the situation with him before he even attempted to contact Axel, but when the redhead had fallen out of the sky (oh gods possibly not the best image) he had just impulsively put his idea out there in the spur of the moment. Forgetting for a second that Axel was actually there Ventus dropped his head into his hands, desperately trying to figure out how the hell to fix this.

After a moment Ventus remembered that he wasn't alone in the room and he looked up and smiled dryly at the still frozen Axel. It was so obvious what Axel was thinking that it was almost as if Ventus could read his mind and he wanted to squash the train of thought he could see forming as thoroughly as possible. Settling for speed over subtlety Ventus clicked his fingers until Axel looked at him. 'Don't you even start with the self-blame shit right? Roxas is my responsibility and if I had talked to him yesterday or even called him from hospital this wouldn't have been a shock to him. I need to get to my room so do you think you can start the whole assistant thing now?'

Ventus had gambled right and Axel was both snapped out of the self-blame monologue happening in his head and forced to think about practical things. When he had his crutches in position Ventus took the steady arm that Axel offered and together they walked to Ventus' room at the end of the hall. Seated on his bed Ventus stopped Axel as he started leave and said, 'Hopefully Roxas will be back by this evening but if he isn't I'm going to have to ask you to look for him. I'm really sorry but I can't drive and guaranteed he won't answer his phone.'

When Axel nodded hesitantly Ventus smiled a genuine smile and maneuvered himself so that he was lying on the bed, it was only 1pm but he felt like he had been awake for a month. Stifling a yawn he looked over at Axel again and said, 'I think I'm going to crash for a couple of hours so if you want to go pick up your stuff I'll set an alarm for 3ish. I'll need you to keep your phone on just in case, but I think I'll be out to it. Hey, and keep an eye out in case you see Roxas okay?'

Ventus' eyes were slipping closed before Axel had even finished nodding his head. The moments preceding sleep stretched out and he dimly heard the door being quietly closed. Succumbing to unconsciousness Ventus' last thoughts were a fervent hope that Roxas was somewhere safe and that he would have the chance to make things right with his brother before they were on either side of a rift too wide to bridge.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Big trigger warning on this chapter. Detailed self-harm scene.**

The afternoon had turned cold and Axel was struggling with flashbacks. He had been to his house in Island Heights, trying to ignore the echoes in his head and he returned with his clothes in forty minutes flat, driving carefully and lawfully, pitifully grateful that the Restitutionem process had left it up to Ventus if he kept his license. He got back at around 1.40pm and had everything put away in the spare room five minutes later, even with only one good hand, sitting on the bed when he was done and staring blankly into space.

Being for all intents and purposes alone in the house belonging to someone he had hurt and someone else who hated him with a passion was playing merry hell with Axel's nerves and the cold room was bringing up memories just recently disturbed. Emotionally vulnerable and without any kind of support Axel was unable to resist the memories that hit him like bullets. Still staring into space the teen reached with his left hand into the satchel sitting by the bed and pulled out a large pocket knife and a handful of gauze pads.

_Hands pulling at his clothes and slapping at his face. A punch to the stomach that left him gasping for air. Suddenly while he was doubled over and breathless the rough hands grabbed him and shoved him into the bath, ramming in the plug and spinning the cold tap wide open. The bath slowly filled with icy water and He stood there watching him shiver. Happy Birthday Red. And He just stood there with a beer and watched him gasp and tremble in the cold._

His green eyes seemed foggy and bewildered but his hands moved carefully and precisely to roll his left sleeve up to his shoulder, dextrous despite the cast around his right wrist. Anyone watching would not have believed that so many scars could fit on one lean arm. The pocketknife sprang open and in the same movement Axel dragged the blade down his exposed bicep leaving a two inch long gash that immediately started filling with blood. Axel placed the knife on his thigh and picked up a piece of gauze, pressing hard on the fresh cut to minimize the bleeding.

Within seconds the absorbent pad was soaked through and Axel, still staring dreamily at nothing, placed it on the black denim of his jeans where the stain wouldn't be noticed and grabbed another wad to slap over the wound. The strictness and rhythm of his ritual slowly banished Axel's tension as his whole mind became engrossed with the brilliant contrast of scarlet tendrils undulating over pale, scarred skin and the sick feeling in his stomach started to seem further away.

The disturbing ceremony of slicing skin and damage control was repeated once more and after the second cut Axel started to move slowly back towards reality. He glanced at his watch and swore softly as it was now 2.30pm and Ventus was due to wake up again soon. Rummaging for a clean gauze pad Axel bound his arm tightly with a long piece of bandage and pulled his sleeve back down again. He hoped that the folds of his sleeve would hide the bulk of the dressing and he also hoped that Ventus was really not in an observant state of mind.

***&&&***

When his alarm went off Ventus was already drifting out of sleep. The nap had really helped refresh him and he was thinking a lot clearer. The sound of the obnoxious jingle of his alarm had Ventus fumbling for the off button but only a couple of seconds after the racket started Axel was at the door to make sure he was okay. Ventus smiled to show Axel he was alright but then he moved wrong and the broken rib he had forgotten about came back to figuratively bite him in the ass. As soon as he groaned at the pain Axel was by his side and shaking a couple of the prescribed painkillers out of the bottle by the bed.

Ventus took the tablets without complaint and when his breath was coming easier again he said, 'Thanks Axel. Teach me to forget about a damn broken rib. Hey, I want to be up when Roxas gets back, can you help me out to the lounge please? I can shove a movie on so there isn't a big awkward obligation to talk the whole time…'

Instead of answering Axel moved over and helped Ventus to his feet; well, to his foot and crutches. Together they moved gingerly down the hall and made it back to the lounge without incident. On Ventus' direction Axel got the TV and DVD player working, choosing the classic action movie Armageddon. Ventus smiled in approval at the movie choice and the next two and half hours were spent quite pleasantly watching the movie and sporadically discussing the best action movies of all time in something that approximated normal conversation.

As the movie was winding down Ventus glanced at the clock and saw it was somehow 5.30pm. He looked down at his leg, figured his chances of being able to cook at roughly nil and turned to Axel to float an idea. 'Hey, if you're getting hungry or something do you want to order pizza? Obviously I'm not up to cooking – dammit don't apologize – so I thought that getting something cheesy and massively unhealthy might be in order.'

Ventus was taken aback however when Axel's downcast expression quickly turned to a big grin. Enthusiastically Axel bounced out of his seat saying, 'I can cook! I've been cooking for myself since I was little so if you are okay with it I can have a rummage and whip something up…'

Unable to supress a chuckle at Axel's sudden display of animation and personality Ventus nodded. 'I was worried the next few months would be takeaway hell Axel, Roxas tries hard but he burns boiled water. If you don't mind being honorary chef then I'd love to set you loose in the kitchen. You don't have to start right now…'

Ventus cut himself off because Axel had already floated away to the kitchen with a call back that he wouldn't be too long. Satisfied that Axel had managed to relax a little Ventus settled back on the couch and listened to the muffled exclamations and clattering as the teen explored the large kitchen. He grinned every time an expression of pleasure filtered through like, 'Oh man proper Genova Salami…' and 'Wow tons of eggs, I'm good with eggs…' Chilling in the lounge Ventus relaxed properly for the first time since he got home.

***&&&***

Axel was lost in the delight of having a genuine skill to offer and bustled round the kitchen with air of someone who could do this in their sleep. He collected the simple ingredients needed for a good, old fashioned frittata and promptly got moving on sauteing the onions, absentmindedly humming a lullaby his mother used to sing to him. He had just added the diced salami to the skillet, producing a wonderful smell, when the front door clicked open and Roxas walked in.

Axel froze for a second before reminding himself to concentrate on not burning the house down. He felt like the stare of the other boy was burning into his back and as the silence drew out he got more and more tense. Even though he was anticipating an explosion Axel still stiffened when Roxas addressed him with three curt words. 'You can stay.'

Roxas wasn't quite done however and as Axel let out a shaky breath the blonde turned to his brother with narrowed eyes. 'I don't like this Ven. I'm going with it coz you've obviously made your decision but I don't fucking like it. See you tomorrow, I'm going to bed.'

Leaving Axel and Ventus staring after him open-mouthed in amazement at the complete and total turnaround Roxas turned and made his exit. There was no slamming of doors or thumping of walls, only the quiet sound of a bag being dropped to the floor and the muted 'snick' of Roxas' door closing. The sizzling of the pan bought Axel back to reality and with difficulty he dragged his attention back to the frittata under construction in front of him.

***&&&***

The first morning of Axel's stay with the Hakunetsus was possibly the most awkward thing he had ever had to go through. He woke up extremely early after a restless night and the only good thing that happened before midday was that he was awake and ready when Ventus texted him at 5.30am for assistance. When he got to Ventus' bedside he was a little surprised (shouldn't have been but was) to find Roxas already there, hovering by the bed with a glare on his face. Ventus had quelled his brother with a look but the glower directed at Axel as he helped Ventus to the bathroom said very clearly that the whole arrangement was hanging by a thread.

Assisting a grown man in using the bathroom was not something Axel had ever thought about, let alone considered the logistics of so the whole experience for both of them was verging on the traumatic. Blushing so deeply he thought his head would explode Axel tried his best to act normal and minimize the embarrassment he was sure Ventus must also be feeling. Silently Axel swore to himself that this arrangement would not be an interminable farce of puritanical blushing and he vowed to brush up on his acting. It was his fault that they were in this position in the first place so he was damn well going to try and make it as easy on Ventus as he could.

Getting Ventus back to bed was a lot easier than getting him up and Axel relaxed a little bit when he saw Roxas had gone back to bed too. It meant that the tiny explosive blonde at least trusted him not to drop Ventus on the floor even if the trust didn't extend any further. Once Ventus was comfortable again Axel found himself loath to go back to bed. He never needed much sleep and right now he felt like a sledgehammer wouldn't put him out.

Trying not to make any noise Axel crept back to his room to grab his notebook and pen. From the moment he had learned how to form letters writing had become Axel's main source of joy and solace and the majority of his possessions consisted of stacks of paper covered in scribbled lyrics, poems and stories. All the while when the doctor was putting the cast on his wrist Axel had been thanking Gaia that he was left handed. He hadn't had a chance to so much as touch pen to paper since the accident so as soon as he threw himself onto the couch words began to pour from him in a flood.

_The voices oh the voices_  
Singing in the night.  
Can you just picture  
The warped and twisted creatures  
That sing to me  
My warped and twisted lullabies. 

_The dark is taking shape around me_  
Taking life from my dark dreams.  
The night comes to life for some of us  
Somewhere all nightmares are real. 

While he was writing Axel always found that the words and emotions flowed through him without touching him, as if he were just a conduit for the hate and pain on its way to somewhere else. The pen scratched at the paper sometimes tearing holes and Axel sat hunched over his writing as dawn lit the world and the sun climbed up the sky. He was so deep into his work that he was oblivious to the soft sounds of Roxas approaching behind him.

Without warning Axel was yanked up from his seat by the back of his collar and shoved into the wall, hitting his newly lacerated arm and sending shooting pain down to his fingertips. Before he knew what was happening a gloved hand grabbed his throat and he was staring, wide-eyed, into the cold face of Roxas Hakunetsu. Cutting off anything Axel might have been about to say Roxas spoke in a low uncompromising voice, 'You better listen to what I say because I'm only saying it once. For Ventus' sake I agreed to let you stay but I will be watching you.'

He paused but when Axel seemed about to say something he growled out, 'Shut. Up. I'm not finished. If I find out that you have so much as thought about drugs while you're in this house then you will be in prison faster than you can draw breath. If you do anything that could be construed as harmful to my family then I won't bother with the police.'

Shaken but truly believing that he deserved this and more Axel managed to whisper, 'Yes. I understand. Please, I…'

Roxas didn't allow him to finish, simply letting him go so abruptly that he fell to his knees. Axel found himself trembling uncontrollably as Roxas walked away and left for school without a glance backward. Even though the blonde ball of fury was long gone Axel couldn't stop himself from gasping out the words that the other boy wouldn't let him say, 'I'm sorry…'

It took him a while to recover any semblance of calm but Axel pulled himself together slowly and by the time Ventus texted to see what was for breakfast Axel was able to go in and hold a coherent conversation. The episode with Roxas had however rattled him badly enough that he burnt the toast and had to redo Ventus' coffee because he accidentally put in five teaspoons of sugar in a moment of spaced-out-ness. When he took the morning feast in, balancing the tray on his left hand, Ventus let him know that it would take at least a week to get the correspondence work sorted so Axel would have free time in between his home-help duties as long as he let Ventus know what he was doing.

For all of ten minutes after breakfast Axel sat in the lounge, but inaction at this point was pickling his brain in unwelcome thoughts. For lack of anything better to do and not wanting to sit and stew about what Roxas had said, Axel busied himself cleaning the kitchen and then vacuuming the lounge. The last thing that happened to really cock up his morning was at 11.30am when the vacuum cleaner made a despairing death-gurgle and dramatically exploded, shooting dust all over the newly cleaned lounge floor. Topping it off as a bona fide fiasco Ventus chose that moment to text from his room that he would like to move out to the lounge to watch the midday news.

***&&&***

By 3pm Ventus had managed to reassure a near hysterical Axel that his toast was great, embarrassment was survivable and that the vacuum cleaner should have been consigned to the darkest regions of appliance hell long ago. He was now sitting on the sofa wrapped in a blanket, but getting there had been one of the more involved operations he had ever coordinated. Looking at over the flame-haired teen who was sitting on the armchair and frantically scribbling in a notebook Ventus sighed and tried to make sense of the last few hours.

When he had texted Axel to ask if he could help him through to the lounge at about 11.30am the redhead had slowly entered his room and started to help him up before bursting into tears. Ventus had tentatively put his hand on Axel's shoulder but this had only intensified the sobs. Worried and disconcerted Ventus had asked what was wrong and in his vulnerable state Axel had just let loose about what had happened from the breakfast through to the vacuum cleaner.

It had taken every ounce of self-control for Ventus to contain his mirth at the story that sounded like the plotline for a Benny Hill sketch. He could see how Axel was taking the inconsequential mishaps a lot more to heart and though he would usually laugh until he choked he was now thinking of how best to give the boy some perspective. Caught between amusement and pity Ventus started to speak.

He couldn't remember what he had said but something told him that just taking the time to care and offer support was enough. When Axel had sheepishly wiped up his tears and helped Ventus out to the lounge Ventus had, in return, offered his experienced advice on how best to clear up the vacuum cleaner detonation along with an entertaining story of how badly the machine had blown up last time. His whole goal was to dispel the feeling of unease surrounding Axel and when his story elicited an explosive snort from the teen things started to feel more normal.

They had been sitting quietly for some time, lingering over their gourmet Axel-style sandwiches, when something suddenly occurred to Ventus and though he didn't like to interrupt whatever had captured Axel's attention so completely he had to ask. As casually as he could he said, 'Hey Axel, have you called your mum to let her know what is going on? When I spoke with that psychologist Aerith she gave the impression that you were alone a lot of the time, but I would have expected her to at least have called to make sure you're okay.'

Axel looked up with a shy smile on his face, something Ventus had not expected. He sat and listened as the redhead told him that he had called his mother from the hospital a couple of days ago but that she must be out of service in Agrabah as she was in the middle of huge magazine photo shoot. Without any prompting Axel launched into the story of his beautiful mother the model and Ventus couldn't help musing that the 'wonderful woman' still should have responded to a message telling her that her only child was in hospital.

After the story of Tifa Lockheart, supermodel and wonder-mum Ventus regarded Axel for moment and asked, 'Do you want to call her now? I'd feel more comfortable if I knew she was informed about what is going on and that she approves of the Restitutionem arrangement. I guess I kind of feel bad that the whole deal went down at a time that you had no adult to talk it over with, even though the Restitutionem law allows for a minor to agree to the deal…'

Axel nodded his head silently and Ventus reached for his crutches. He untangled himself from the blanket and said, 'Well, you can do that while I have a little lie down. I've got my first physiotherapy appointment tomorrow so I need to make sure I'm rested and all that. Once you get me settled you should have at least half an hour before Roxas gets home to have a private talk with your mother.'

***&&&***

When Ventus had asked about his mother Axel had smiled just to think about her. For all she was away and for all that his messages often went unanswered Axel loved the gorgeous woman who used to sing him lullabies and stroke his hair. He didn't want Ventus thinking badly of Tifa so he tried to think up reasons she hadn't called him back and then went on to tell Ventus his favourite story, of Tifa doing a photo shoot in the Pride Lands and charming even the exotic animals the photographer bought in.

He paused for breath after the Pride Lands tale and stopped to listen to Ventus' interjection. By the time the blonde man had finished Axel was fighting tears. It was a continual surprise to him how totally selfless and compassionate Ventus could be and the fact that the man could divine his burning need to talk to his mum and made excuses to disappear so he could have a private conversation left him only able to nod mutely.

Even though he was dying to talk to Tifa Axel found himself fussing round Ventus and delaying going back to lounge. He wasn't sure what he would do if she didn't answer and postponing finding out was really working for him right now. It took a pointed yawn from Ventus for him to finally place the jug of water he was carrying on the bedside table and slowly walk back to the lounge. He pulled out his cellphone but instead of dialing a number he sat and stared at it for the longest time. In a moment of courage he hurriedly dialed Tifa's number and shivered slightly when it started to ring.

Axel was all set to mutter yet another short message to his mother's answerphone but when her chirpy voice actually answered for real his brain just shut down. Three long seconds of puzzled silence elapsed before Axel could force his voice to work, 'Mum? I… Hi… How are you? Did you get my message?'

On the other end of the phone Tifa sounded slightly unsettled for a fleeting second but that moment of uncertainty quickly vanished beneath high-pitched happiness. 'Oh my god Axie I was just thinking about you! I was so sad I couldn't talk to you on your birthday and then work got away on me and I haven't had time to call. How are you sweetie? I hope you had a good birthday with all your friends.'

Disbelievingly Axel listened to the bubbly flood of chatter and came to the conclusion that his mother hadn't even checked her messages and therefore didn't know anything about what had happened. He waited until there was a pause after her assumption of a wonderful birthday spent with friends (hah fucking hah) and then quickly interjected, 'Mum, I, um, something's been happening over here… I um, are you sitting down? I just um… Please sit down?'

When Axel was sure Tifa was sitting down wherever she was he stuttered and mumbled his way through the sorry saga of the past few days. A few times, especially through the part about Ventus offering him Restitutionem, his voice caught in his throat but Tifa made no attempt to interrupt so Axel just blurted his way through until he was telling her about the arrangement they had made for him to live with the Hakunetsus. He trailed off into silence at this point, waiting for something, anything, from his mother.

When Tifa spoke again Axel was totally unprepared for the venom in her usually soothing voice and it brought tears to his eyes before he even realized what she was actually saying. 'For fuck's sake Axel what the fuck is wrong with you! Things are finally starting to come together for me and you go and do this? You always were fucking trouble…'

Biting back tears Axel managed to whisper, 'I'm sorry mum… It, it was an accident…'

Tifa abruptly cut him off before he could say more, 'An accident. Is that all? Oh well that's all alright then if it was just a fucking accident! You know what? You want to know how it really is? You could have been an accident, but you weren't. Gaia knows, you were a huge goddamn mistake. You know the difference don't you Axie, mistakes are something you would fucking take back if you could!'

His mother's voice had risen to a scream over his low sobs and Tifa got in one more crushing blow, 'You ruined things with Reno but I'm not going to let you fuck things up for me anymore! Don't call me again Axel, I don't want to deal with you any fucking more. Fuck up your own life all you want but don't take me down with you!'

Axel was left clutching the phone to his ear staring blindly at the floor, unaware of anything else including the stunned Roxas who had walked in just in time to eavesdrop on a conversation for the third time in as many days. The two boys stayed frozen in place, the only sound being Axel's ragged sobs, until Roxas twitched slightly and his backpack jingled loudly in the quiet.

As if galvanized into action Axel hurled his phone hard at the wall and vanished past Roxas so fast that the blonde boy barely had time to blink. The slam of the door woke Ventus who had been dozing on his bed and still spinning slightly at what he had heard Roxas went to his brother to try and explain what the hell had just happened.


	6. Chapter 6

On its own the episode with Tifa would have been enough to fuck Axel up completely but knowing that it had been heard by the one person in the world who hated him more than his mother apparently did put the whole thing over the top. Too beside himself to even think of taking his car Axel ran down the street with his mother’s poisonous words chasing him and forcing him on. Destination wasn’t even a vague thought as Axel was trying to outrun the words in his head and stopping would mean facing the truth.

Running faster and faster Axel only stopped when he ran out of ground; his feet had taken him to the end of the long pier at Destiny Quay. The thought passed through his head that throwing himself in the sea might tie everything up nicely but at this point he didn’t even have the strength to make a serious attempt at killing himself. Thoroughly sick of collapsing all over the place but unable to stop himself Axel crumpled against a thick post and gave himself over to anguish.

***&&&***

Back in Ventus’ room Roxas sat on the bed next to his brother and tried to make sense of what he had just heard. He had already been reluctantly feeling a little ashamed of how harsh he had been that morning with Axel and this development made him feel like a total bastard. Ventus hadn’t been able to hear the phone call from his room though the aftermath was audible, so Roxas gave a brief account of the cruel words thrown at Axel by his mother. He finished by saying, ‘Ven, you should have seen him when she hung up. It was like watching someone’s heart break. With all that’s been happening I think I should go find him…’

Seeing the look on Ventus’ face Roxas tried to scowl but couldn’t quite pull it off. He huffed loudly and said, ‘Don’t look at me like that Ven, you know it pisses me off. And don’t go thinking that I’ve forgiven him for what he did to you either because I haven’t. It’s just impossible to keep hating him after seeing that look on his face okay? Screw it, I’m going to see if I can find him… Hey, I’ll give Zex a call, they used to be friends, see if he can point me anywhere in particular.’

Halfway to the door Roxas had a thought and turned back to his brother. ‘You’ll be okay, right Ven? I mean I can stay with you and get Zexion to go looking… Gaia what was I thinking, I can’t leave you alone…’

From the bed Ventus narrowed his eyes and butted in, ‘Roxas, I love you but you do tend to over-think things. I’ll be fine here as long as you help me to the bathroom before you go. In fact I’ve been practising getting up so just stand next to me in case I’ve drastically overestimated my progress k? Go call Zexion and as long you check in before you go I will be totally, one hundred percent fine.’

It was probably lucky that Roxas was unaware of the look of fervent relief that crossed his face and once he had Ventus safely back in bed he went to his room and called Zexion. He wasn’t entirely reconciled with the feelings of compassion he was feeling for Axel, but he did know that the hate had drained away when he had seen the look of devastation on the teen’s face after being eviscerated by his own mother.

The phone only rang twice before Zexion picked up and Roxas wasted no time with small talk saying quickly, ‘Hey Zexion, it’s Roxas. I’ve got a problem and I think you might be able to help. Something happened with Axel, I don’t have time to explain, he went running out of the house without his phone. I need to find him and I thought you might have some idea of places he might go when he’s upset?’

Listening for a second Roxas nodded, ‘Okay so you reckon try the Siréne Memorial Park or anywhere by the beach? Thanks Zex, I really appreciate this. NO! I swear it wasn’t me! Yeah, of course I’ll let you know when I find him. See ya.’

Finishing the short conversation Roxas stuck his head in Ventus’ room and let him know that he would hopefully only be gone for an hour or so, as an afterthought grabbing his backpack and shoving his phone in before hurrying out the door. Walking briskly Roxas decided to head for Siréne Park first as it was closer and in his estimation checking ‘anywhere by the beach’ would entail searching close to 25kms of coast. He checked his watch and saw that it was only 3.40pm, just ten minutes since the latest load of shit had gone down.

***&&&***

Roxas rubbed his cold hands together in the growing chill of evening and regretted his idea to start with the memorial park. The tall trees that flanked the winding gravel paths meant that most of the park was shaded from the sun and the worse problem was that he had forgotten just how many of those winding paths there were. He had been methodically covering each track around the park, not wanting to miss Axel if he was on a secluded bench, but his thorough search had taken almost two hours. 

A strange feeling of foreboding clutched at Roxas and he made his way around the last path as quickly as possible before setting off at a run for the beach. Roxas was thinking quickly as he ran and he decided that his best chance would be to start at the northern docks and work his way south down the coast. A small corner of his mind questioned why he was so invested in finding the other boy, after all Axel had put Ventus in hospital, but Roxas pushed the confusing thought to the side as he had nothing by way of an answer.

Arriving at the docks as the sun was just about to start sinking into the sea Roxas offered a brief thank you to Gaia when he caught a glimpse of ruby red spikes glinting in the sunset right at the end of the pier. Suddenly hesitant now that he had to approach the boy he had seen humiliated Roxas slowed right down and ended up inching his way along the pier trying to postpone the inevitable uncomfortable scene. Eyes fixed on the black clad puddle of boy at the end of the wharf Roxas forced his reluctant feet to move and as he did he felt the last of his anger drain away to be replaced with a more familiar feeling, compassion.

Roxas still had no idea what he would say or do, so when he got to the end of the pier he just plopped himself down next to the other boy and stared at the setting sun. Letting himself off the hook for a little while longer Roxas watched the sun slowly disappearing into the waves, allowing the beauty of the scene to ease some of his tension. The undersides of the thin clouds above the horizon blazed a glowing rose-pink, shafts of sunlight caressed the sea and Roxas felt more than saw Axel start to stir next to him.

An idea started emerging in his mind and Roxas at first tried to shove it away before acknowledging that, dammit, it might just work in bringing Axel back from wherever he was in his head. The sky lit up with shades of ruby and scarlet then faded into velvet black and Roxas began to speak. ‘So Axel, I’m guessing, uh, you might have wondered at some point why I live with Ventus and there are no um parents around…’ Roxas nerved himself for what he was about to say. This was something he had only ever talked about with Ventus and briefly with Zexion, even then only recently.

‘This story goes back a bit but you’re not interrupting apparently so yeah. I, uh, it goes back to when I was seven. Back then Ventus was away at Radiant Garden University and our family lived in a tiny house in the Poor Quarter of Twilight Town so Mum and Dad could afford his tuition. He came home whenever he could but mainly it was just me and my mum coz Dad had to work so much. I can remember that they were always so happy, smiling, laughing with me, kissing when they thought I couldn’t see.’

Unexpectedly Roxas found himself getting choked up at the vivid memory of his smiling mother and he had to stop and steady himself. He had thought he had gotten past the point of tearing up at the thought of his parents, but he was obviously wrong. His voice trembled slightly as he started to recount the part that haunted his dreams, ‘I, uh, just after my seventh birthday it was takeaway night and I remember that we got pizza. Strange the things that stick in your mind. I was allowed to stay up late for a movie so I was sitting on the couch when we heard a knock at the door…’

Again Roxas paused in his tale having to blink back tears. Even in all his therapy sessions he had refused to speak this bit aloud, only writing it down on scraps of paper. He jolted slightly in surprise when he felt a cold hand steal over and enfold his own and tried to keep going like he hadn’t noticed. ‘Mum went and got the door and I leant over the back of the sofa to see who had come over so late so I saw it when the guy lifted his gun and shot her in the head. Dad saw it too and he was fast enough to grab me and drag me upstairs before the shooter could fire at us.’

A shudder wracked Roxas’ slight frame but he fixed his teary gaze on the moonlit waves and the words kept coming. ‘He must’ve seen us because I can remember him crashing up the stairs after us. At that point I heard the police sirens and thought we were saved but then he started smashing on the door. Gaia he was so strong, i-it must’ve been the drugs or something because he broke through the door like it was nothing and stumbled in making the most horrible noises I’ve ever heard. Dad was standing in front of me like he could make a difference and the b-bastard looked him in the eye and shot him just like Mum. He turned to me and I thought I wa-was g-going to die b-but a cop came through the door and the guy’s chest exploded… H-he fell on m-m-me…’

Though he was lost in remembered pain and choking on tears Roxas still felt the thin arms that encircled him. Forgetting for a moment just who it was he was drawing comfort from, Roxas clutched at Axel like he was drowning and cried until his voice gave out and he couldn’t cry anymore. Eventually he had no more tears and just sat there in Axel’s arms listening to the other boy murmur wordless nothings.

***&&&***

Zexion made it until 7.30pm before he weakened and tried calling Roxas. He was still quite worried about his friend after the meltdown the day before and in the hours since Roxas had said he would call him once Axel was found he had been watching the phone like a hawk and waiting for it to ring. After four hours of restlessly cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom, flicking the TV on and off and rereading the same paragraph of a book at least seventeen times Zexion threw his hands in the air and grabbed the phone.

Roxas’ cell went straight to answerphone so after a moment of hesitation Zexion dialled his friend’s home number. As the phone rung and rung Zexion had time to start panicking about where his friend could be but finally the call was answered. Without bothering with a greeting Zexion burst out, ‘Gaia dammit Rox, I thought you said you would call me! Are you okay? Is he okay? You sounded really worried, so thanks for scaring me too…’

When he paused for breath the silent person on the other end of the line jumped in before the word-vomit could start again. ‘It’s not Roxas Zexion, it’s Ventus. Rox still isn’t home with Axel yet and I’m starting to get a little worried too. Look, I hate to ask, but you know I can’t drive at the moment… Would you possibly be able to go look for him? I tried calling him but his phone’s dead. I’m sorry to ask something like this but those two, they’ve been through so much and honestly I’m scared for them.’

Ventus fell silent but not before Zexion heard the strain and concern in his voice. Smiling at the tentative nature of Ventus’ request the teen replied, ‘Of course I’ll go find them. I’d only be sitting by the phone chewing my nails off anyway. I told Roxas a couple of places I thought Axel might go so at least I’ve got a starting point. My cell’s charged so I’ll text you as soon as I find them okay? Hopefully I can get them home before they freeze out there, bloody idiots frolicking around at night in winter.’

Realizing he was babbling Zexion shut his mouth with a snap. Despite the urgency of the situation Ventus couldn’t hold back an amused snort on the other end of the phone but quickly turned serious again. ‘Thanks Zexion, I’ll owe you big time. You know how it is with me and Rox but I really feel like Axel needs someone there for him too… He’s survived a lot…’ 

Ventus made himself stop as he didn’t want to spread Axel’s story all over the Islands but Zexion made a sound of agreement and sighed softly. ‘When Rox came to see me the other day he had a bit of a vent about the whole Restitutionem thing and I realized that the guy who hit you was the same Axel who used to be my friend. I know about his past Ventus and I made sure that Rox knew that the whole situation didn’t just fall out of thin air. If you ever need help or anything let me know okay? I reckon I’m pretty invested in this too; I love you guys and I always wished that I hadn’t let Ax push me away.’

Zexion cleared his throat and coughed with embarrassment. He hadn’t meant to blurt all that out to the elder brother of his best friend. Trying to cover his discomfort he quickly said, ‘Well I should go and find Axel and Rox seeing as they don’t have the sense to come in out of the cold. I promise I won’t forget to text just so you know we’re all okay even if it takes me a while to get them home…’

Interrupting the teen Ventus involuntarily butted in, ‘So that’s what did it! I know how Rox is almost terminally compassionate but I was expecting at least another few weeks of antagonism and barely concealed hostility. Then he sees Axel get totally destroyed and instead of rejoicing he gets the look on his face like he always gets when someone’s in pain…’

A loud sound caused Ventus to fall silent and when he sucked in his breath sharply Zexion burst out, ‘What Ven, dude, don’t leave me hanging what’s happened?’

After an extended silence Ventus spoke in a subdued voice, ‘You don’t need to go out looking Zex, they’re back. Fuck, I mean sorry, that was really odd. Axel was supporting Roxas, they looked like they were barely able to stand and they didn’t even look at me. They just staggered in the door and lurched straight off towards their bedrooms. I don’t know what to do Zexion, do I go see if they’re okay? They both looked so… I don’t know, drained… But then Rox wasn’t trying to kill him… Fuck…’

Zexion was quick to jump in the implied question as Ventus fell silent. ‘I think you need to leave them to work this out for themselves Ven. If what Roxas told me about the Restitutionem agreement is accurate then he will have to get used to having Axel around and your intervention could mess up the dynamic they have going. You know this Ven, I mean you taught me everything I know about psychology. Let them sort it out together and bring it up tomorrow when they’ve slept on it okay?’

The sound of a long breath being released came through the phone and Ventus replied, ‘I know Zex, I know that’s what I need to do but they’re both so damaged and I don’t want either of them hurt again. I’ll leave it till the morning and see how they are but if Roxas can’t take it I’m going to have to figure out alternative arrangements with Axel. Gaia, it’s only 8 o’clock but I think I need to crash alright? I promise I’ll give you a call when I know what the fuck’s going on… I’m sorry you got dragged into all this.’

Without hesitation Zexion shot back, ‘Bahamut’s sake Ventus, I’d have ripped you a new one if you hadn’t told me what was going on. I’m here for you and Rox no matter what and as for Axel, well, I have some bridges that need fixing there too. I’ll be at school tomorrow so drop me a text when you can and I’ll try and get over there sometime over the weekend, see what I can do to help. Take care okay?’

Zexion hung up with a wry smile that quickly faded into an anxious frown. For someone having just been involved in a serious crash Ventus was having to deal with some pretty heavy shit and it worried Zexion more than a little. After taking a moment to regain his equilibrium Zexion picked his phone back up and scrolled down until he got to Demyx’s number. He had been with the blonde musician for almost two years now and he knew that any conversation would be full of the comforting laughter and understanding he badly needed right now.

***&&&***

The boys were barely aware that they had made it back to the Hakunetsu house. After Roxas’ spontaneous revelation they had sat on the pier for over an hour before the chill of the evening forced them to start making their way home and they both found it difficult to see in the dark through bleary eyes. Axel found himself supporting Roxas more and more as they walked on even though he too was incredibly drained from everything that had happened and by the time they stumbled through the front door he was almost at the end of his strength.

Legs trembling Axel managed to keep himself and Roxas on their feet by sheer force of will and it was all he could do to keep them moving in the direction of the hallway and their bedrooms. Usually hyper-aware of everything happening around him Axel didn’t notice the stunned Ventus watching him from the couch, so focussed was he on getting Roxas somewhere he could lie down. When he finally got Roxas onto his bed Axel was so shattered that his legs gave way and he dropped onto the duvet next to the other boy.

Sprawled on his stomach, half on half off the bed, Axel found himself reliving the events of the day as a series of movies slicing through his head. The softer memories of Ventus’ kindness were quickly buried beneath the despair that had overwhelmed him in the morning and even that was eclipsed by the memory of the callous cruelty with which his mother had ripped him to shreds. Though he tried to stay quiet a pathetic moan slipped from his lips.

***&&&***

Roxas wasn’t unconscious but his body was at the end of its endurance. The incredibly exhausting experience of retelling his childhood had taken more out of him than he would have believed possible and it was only by relying entirely on Axel that he made it back home at all. Hitting the soft bed and lying still was an indescribably wonderful feeling so for what seemed like a year Roxas just lay there and luxuriated. He was nearly asleep when a sob from the other end of the bed roused him.

Not having realized that Axel was still there Roxas was a little startled to see him sprawled on the end of the bed. With nothing else in his thoughts except for compassion for the muffled sounds of pain the redhead was making Roxas hauled himself up and hesitantly reached out to lay a hand on Axel’s arm. When Axel shuddered slightly and glanced up at him Roxas just said the first thing that came into his head. ‘I uh, didn’t really finish my story… Would you like to hear the rest?’

For a moment he thought that Axel wasn’t going to answer him but then the boy’s tearstained face softened a little and he nodded. Taking a breath Roxas resumed his tale murmuring, ‘Ventus came home from university to look after me coz he was all I had left. To get me away from the memories and the danger of the Poor Quarter Ventus used Mum and Dad’s life insurance to buy us our house on Destiny Island and transferred his study to Destiny University. That was the point that I became the new kid at Keystone Primary School and, uh, things didn’t go so well.’

Roxas flicked his eyes over to Axel’s face and saw a mixture of curiosity and empathy in the other boy’s expression which compelled him to continue. ‘From the start I was the kid without parents and the bullies had a field day. The worst were these kids, you probably know them from college, Marluxia, Saix and that bastard Vanitas. We were poor because Ven was trying to study and work at the same time so every day I was taunted as the ‘povo’ with dead parents. Sophisticated stuff, but it hurt like hell. They didn’t start the physical stuff until high school which was lucky I guess coz by that point I was learning martial arts.’

Smiling grimly Roxas recalled a particularly satisfying memory. ‘The overt shit stopped when I broke Marluxia’s nose and knocked Vanitas on his ass. They were too chicken shit to come after me face to face after that but they were brave enough to spread rumours round the school that I was a gay pervert and fucked prostitutes, you know, the really hard hitting stuff. Most kids hated them though and left me alone because I stood up to those fucks and then Zexion just ignored all the peer pressure crap and brought me into his group. Honestly I don’t know what would have happened if they hadn’t…’

Roxas coughed awkwardly, remembering that around the time he was talking about Zexion and the others had cut Axel loose. ‘Yeah so, that’s pretty much how I got to be here. That’s why the thought of anything happening to take Ven away from me fucks me up so bad Axel. I really am sorry for what I said to you though and I feel like a shit for how I’ve acted. Um, do you reckon you could say something now?’

***&&&***

Axel hadn’t moved after nodding acquiescence to Roxas’ question but he had been listening intently to the heart-breaking story being unfolded to him. He vaguely remembered a rumour at high school a few years ago about a kid who hired hookers and he definitely recalled the shit that went down when Marluxia refused to say who broke his nose. Getting a small and poignant glimpse into the boy’s life tore at Axel because he had inadvertently brought more pain to someone who had been through so much.

The story had wound down and it took Axel a moment to realize that Roxas had directed a question at him. The frank retelling of a life marred with grief and hardship humbled him and Axel found himself wanting to respond in kind, sharing something as deep as Roxas had shared with him. He felt resolution coalesce within him and unbidden a memory rose up within him as it had done when he was talking to Ventus.

Summoning his strength Axel managed to drag himself up so he was sitting cross-legged facing Roxas. He could only maintain eye contact for a brief second though and stared at the bedspread as he said in a voice barely above a whisper, ‘I don’t even know what to say Roxas. After all that’s happened you tell me things that must be so painful to speak about and then you apologize to me. I, I just don’t even know what to say. I do, uh, want to make things even, um … If you want to hear something about me…?’

Axel was forced to lift his gaze again at the deep silence following his timid question. When he looked into Roxas’ face he couldn’t quite identify the expression there but the nod was unmistakable so he let the words out. ‘Your brother knows about this and it’s why he wanted the Restitutionem deal. I asked him not to tell you and knowing what I do of him I guess he kept quiet huh?’

A quick nod confirmed this so Axel ducked his head and missing the look of realization that dawned on Roxas’ face he continued, ‘I can’t tell you all of it because it would take around a week but I’ll tell you a part of it. I had just turned eleven and my mum was going away again for a photoshoot somewhere exotic. Everyone thought that being the kid of Tifa Lockheart was so damn cool but I never got to see her, most of the time I was left at home with my dad. Things, well, things weren’t how people thought they were at home.’

Axel risked a quick glance at Roxas again and was taken aback to see the look of apprehension etched on his face. Shivering slightly he continued, ‘Reno, my dad, never did the fire in the winter and just drank to stay warm. I was used to it, to how he was, but this freezing night was different. I hid but he found me and he, uh, he had a knife. All I can really remember is screaming for so long that my throat gave out and the way he looked like a wild animal when he was cutting me to bits.’

Swallowing hard so that he didn’t burst into tears Axel didn’t notice Roxas’ look of horror and kept going haltingly. ‘Someone called the cops coz they heard me screaming and they took him away. Our neighbours Mr and Mrs Darling took me to the hospital and stayed with me because no one could get a hold of mum. That… That was when I met your brother and Terra Zirh for the first time… They helped me to understand that what had happened was wrong and not my fault and they were there for me through the whole court case until we watched Reno, Dad, led away to prison.’

Absently looking up at Roxas Axel made a helpless gesture. ‘The last time I saw your brother was that last day of court. For some reason they sent me to a different therapist once the case was done and things pretty much went to shit from there. The moron they sent me to could only be termed a head-meddler for all the professionalism he brought to his job and I spent five sessions in his office in complete silence before he gave up. No one really cared enough to send me to another shrink and it took all of a month for me to find Reno’s stash of booze. Eleven when I started drinking and twelve when I met Luxord, the oh so smooth and discrete drug dealer of Destiny Heights. Kinda ironic that Mum moved us to get away from the associations of her child abusing husband right into the territory of the guy known to have largest underage customer base for drugs in the whole of the Islands.’

A rueful grimace crossed Axel’s face. ‘So yeah, the rest is history and that’s essentially the story of my pathetic life. I’m sorry for boring you, I don’t really know where that came from. You told me something so painful and close to your heart and I go and blurt out that load of self-pitying crap…’ Suddenly out of endurance and out of words Axel fell backwards and lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. His heart was beating in his ears and subconsciously he was waiting for the axe to fall in the form of disgust and derision from the boy sitting across from him.

When the response came he almost missed it because he was prepared for loud tones and cruel words. In a voice barely above a whisper Roxas murmured, ‘I wanna keep talking about this but I’m hardly staying awake. ‘M so sorry for how I’ve been and I won’t do it ‘nymore. Can we talk tomorrow? You’re not self-pitying y’know…’

Totally gobsmacked Axel could only stare in bewilderment at the tiles of the ceiling and make a noise that sounded like agreement. He could feel the tide of exhaustion overtaking him and though he felt that he should get back to his own bedroom he was past the point of being able to sit up, let alone walk the thousand miles to his room. Darkness closed in around him but in a way that seemed soothing and cradling. Soft against his out-flung arm he could feel the warm pressure of Roxas’ fingertips as the blonde teen also slipped into sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning. Also extra-long chapter because I had a lot of things I wanted to set in motion. Bad characters aren't necessarily the ones I don't like, sometimes I like to switch up my perceptions of characters. Might be OOC for that reason but I'll apologize for that now and not mention it again lol.**

The morning dawned in a blaze of light and color that went completely unnoticed in the Hakunetsu household. At sunrise Ventus was snoring loudly, sound asleep and lost in a dream of swimming in the brilliant blue of Mirage Bay. Axel was essentially blacked out, so deep asleep that he was beyond the reach of dreaming. Roxas slept through his alarm, exhausted as he was, and only awoke when the digital clock on his bedside table started to stridently proclaim the backup alarm of 8.45am.

Roxas rolled over slowly and fumbled for the snooze button sleepily, still too dozy to really take anything in. He froze however as his hand hit the top of the clock and his eyes fell upon the time glowing in red. Alertness hit like a slap in the face and it took all of Roxas' self-control to not swear at the top of his lungs. Sitting up with a jerk and moving to leap out of bed Roxas interrupted his own motion when he saw the spread-eagled, unconscious figure of Axel stretched across the foot of the bed.

Ensnared by the sight in front of him Roxas found himself studying the older teen properly for the first time and his gaze was caught firstly by the delicate inverted teardrop shaped tattoos that adorned Axel's sharp cheekbones. Slowly Roxas' curious eye ran over the tousled spikes of shocking red hair and then down to angular shoulders clad in clinging black fabric, lingering for a second on an odd lump underneath Axel's left sleeve and then reversing direction to end up focusing on the boy's face again. In sleep all the subtle worries that haunted Axel were wiped away and he looked much younger.

Shaking himself out of the slow contemplation he had fallen into Roxas slipped out of bed as smoothly as he could and tiptoed from the room. Once out of earshot of the sleeping boy Roxas hurtled around the house getting ready, skipping breakfast and trying to get dressed while raking a comb through his disastrous hair. As Roxas whirled round the house he cursed the fact that his Gaia-damned research project was damn well due to-bloody-day and pausing for a second to make totally sure the assignment was safely in his bag he rushed out of the door.

***&&&***

Axel woke with a groan about an hour after Roxas left, he had slept in a very strange position and his spine seemed to be trying to escape. Surfacing through the layers of sleep took a while and as he slowly roused himself memories of the night before filtered into his brain. Looking back at his conversation with Roxas Axel was almost unable to believe the personal things they had revealed to each other but with a growing sense of amazement he acknowledged that no, the sharing last night had not been an elaborate hallucination. Roxas had actually… Roxas!

Forgetting his protesting back Axel jumped off the bed looking anxiously round for Roxas. His graceful motion turned to a stagger though as his back took its chance to really put the boot in. A quick scan of the room from a painful stoop told him that Roxas was nowhere in evidence so Axel carefully lowered himself back to the bed to stretch out his cricked muscles. It took a while to start feeling like a functioning human being but he managed it by the time the grandfather clock in the lounge struck 10am.

As Ventus had been up so early the previous morning Axel decided he should go and make sure that he was okay this late in the day. Moving carefully to make sure his back didn't tweak again Axel quietly opened the door to Ventus' bedroom and stuck his head inside. Apparently Ventus had been awake for a while and as soon as Axel opened the door the man looked over and gave a small half-smile. Axel watched him gingerly manoeuvre himself up into sitting position and he walked in ready for a new day of atonement.

Instead of starting to get up Ventus beckoned Axel over and gestured for him to sit down next to him on the bed. Still a bit hesitant around the man Axel slowly walked over and perched right on the edge of the bed. He thought he had an idea of what this would be about but he wasn't sure that he knew the man well enough to be predicting how he thought. Trying not over-think things Axel waited for Ventus to start talking.

In a quiet voice and still with a wry half-smile on his face Ventus said, 'Stop shaking Axel, this isn't anything bad. I just would like to know… Can you tell me what happened last night? Rox told me that your mother said some awful things when you called her and then I heard nothing until you two stumbled back in after dark. I'm trying not to pry into what's going on, but under my roof I feel like I need to know what's happening…'

Axel let out a heavy breath and nodded. 'I knew I'd need to tell you. I just… I-it hurts. My mum… She told me not to call her again, that I'm too much trouble… A-and that it was my fault all the stuff that happened with my dad, that I ruined it. Roxas got home in time to hear her screaming at me and he must've followed me when I took off. I'm sorry I left without asking… I wasn't thinking…'

Ventus shook his head and cut in, 'Gaia dammit Axel please don't apologize, I'm not heartless. Some things hurt so much that you try and run away even if you know that it'll never work. I can't believe that woman who is meant to be your mother could say those things… Can you keep going?' Ventus was a little worried about the flat tone that Axel was telling his story in but he needed to hear the rest.

Slightly more composed Axel picked up the story. 'Roxas found me on the pier, I guess I ran until I had no more ground to run on. I was in a really bad place and for some Gaia-blessed reason Roxas, he… Ventus, why would he even bother trying to pull me out of it? I know that he's stopped hating me with a passion for some reason but he seemed like he actually cared… He told me his story, the horrific things you've both lived through and even though he could hardly talk through his tears he kept going until he had pulled me out of my own head.'

Axel shoved himself to his feet and started pacing around the room muttering, 'I don't know how he knew to do it but his hurt made me focus on something other than myself and seeing him reliving that agony… I couldn't dwell on my own shit, I just had to do what I could to let him know I was there. I pretty much had to carry him home but we kept talking last night until we were both so exhausted we passed out, I didn't even make it to my own room.'

Abruptly stopping his incessant pacing Axel stared at Ventus with naked appeal in his eyes. 'He's so angry and he's so hurt and I made things so much worse. Why… Why did you bring me into your house after what I've done and after what he's been through? I just don't get it… And then he went and seemed like he wanted me to stop hurting… I mean I'm so fucking confused that I can't even keep my head straight!'

***&&&***

Ventus had known that the forthcoming conversation was not likely to be simple or easy so he had made sure he was both comfortable and composed before he asked Axel for details of the night before. When Roxas had left the house to search for Axel Ventus had figured that his brother had gotten over the knee-jerk hate, but he hadn't guessed how much of Roxas' usually compassionate nature had come rushing back. He was stunned to hear that Roxas had told Axel the story of their parents and felt a proper smile tug at his lips when he heard that they had both crashed on Roxas' bed.

His neck was getting tired from tracking Axel's pacing so Ventus rested his head on his pillow for a brief moment. He sat up straight though when Axel stopped in mid stride and all but cried out his confusion over the whole mess. The psychologist in Ventus took over and he chose his words carefully with respect to the teen's fragility. 'Axel, I need you to come and sit over here. Please? There are some things that it might help you to understand about Rox.'

Ventus gestured to the bed firmly and waited until Axel reluctantly sat down again. Thinking his words through carefully Ventus said, 'Roxas was such an easy-going kid until the night of the shootings. He was always smiling and laughing and now it's a special event when he does. You really want to know why I took you into our family Axel? Roxas could have so easily gone down exactly the same path that you did. We were lucky enough to have each other and it gutted me when I saw you all those years ago with no one.'

Reaching out Ventus placed his hand over Axel's and caught the teen's gaze with his own. 'Axel, I know that Roxas feels bad for treating you how he did. I know this because the anger that he was venting was fear of losing me and if Roxas actually hates anything it's being angry. He's always been older than his years so it doesn't surprise me that once he knew more about you he started to think about what things might have been like for you. Don't get me wrong, he's not giving you a free pass, but he is giving you a chance.'

The silence drew out as Ventus let what he had just said sink in for Axel. When he saw the worry-lines on the teen's forehead smooth out a little he decisively worked his way out of bed and said, 'After all this heavy shit I feel like we need some light relief. We only have a PlayStation 2, but what are you like at Gran Turismo? It's been years since Roxas has been able to give me a run for my money.'

Axel was surprised into a grin and Ventus couldn't help but grin back. When Axel helped him to his feet Ventus slung his arm over the redhead's shoulder and together they staggered out to the lounge. The sounds of car-roar filled the house and in between laughter and swearing Axel offered to cook his specialty for dinner. Ventus happily agreed and they were still involved in fierce Playstation competition when Roxas stumbled back in the door and fell into a heap on a chair.

***&&&***

It seemed to be an ongoing condition for Axel, not being able to believe that things could turn out so good after something so bad. If he thought back as far as his drug damaged memory could reach he couldn't remember having such a carefree and enjoyable day as the one he spent with Ventus. Their conversation had been easy and unforced and they had discovered in each other a formidable nemesis, despite Axel's munted wrist and this necessitated many rematches of GT3. In fact they had only interrupted their furious racing for the essentials such as lunch, drinks and bathroom breaks. Roxas' arrival at 3.30pm resulted in suspension of hostilities but there was an unspoken promise to resume the epic battle at the next opportunity.

When Roxas tottered in the door Axel was immediately on his feet and asking if anyone would like a hot drink. With the order in for one black coffee and one lemon balm and chamomile tea Axel swept around the kitchen like he had been living there for years, delivering the steaming hot mugs one at a time to the lounge mere minutes later. Worn-out though he was, Roxas had the strength to smile wanly and unfortunately he also had the energy to reach up and squeeze Axel's left arm by way of thanks.

Axel had always been someone to move quickly everywhere he went, but the speed at which he vanished from the lounge in the direction of the bathroom gave the impression of a magical discorporation. All he left behind for the startled pair in the lounge was a fading cry of, 'Baaaaathhrroooooommmmm!'

Out of sight up the hallway however Axel went straight past the bathroom and quietly shut himself in his room. Roxas had, unwittingly of course, grasped his arm right on the bandaged cut from the day before and Axel had felt warm blood begin to trickle from below the dressing. Letting out a relieved sigh as the door shut behind him Axel began the well-practiced routine of cleaning up after his self-inflicted injuries.

A thought occurred to Axel and he swiftly grabbed what he needed for damage control and slipped next door to the bathroom just as Roxas appeared at the end of the corridor on the way to his own room. Axel was focused on the task at hand and so did not notice Roxas watching him or see the thoughtful look that crossed the blonde boy's face.

It took a fair bit of work to remove the old bandage without further reopening the wound and Axel had to dampen the area with water before parts of it would unstick. Shoving the blood-stained material in his pocket Axel hurriedly stuck a gauze pad on the oozing cut one-handed before wrapping it tightly with an elastic bandage. He made sure the wrapping was secure, yanked down his sleeve, flushed the toilet loudly and swept open the door just as Roxas was about to knock.

The smile that Axel presented appeared natural and easy despite being both practiced and forced. He stepped out, ushered Roxas in with a theatrical half-bow and then made his way straight out to the kitchen to see what he needed to get for his planned dinner. A quick sweep of the cupboards and fridge turned up such treasures as shallots, cherry tomatoes, zucchinis and sliced almonds along with tons of lemons and a container of leftover chicken stock; as he cataloged the different ingredients a delicious recipe he had long ago perfected rose in his mind.

Once he got everything together Axel quickly made sure that it was okay with Ventus that he went to the shops and when the man nodded Axel lit up with a genuine grin as he hustled out the door. Scorning the supermarket with its substandard foodstuffs Axel drove to the tiny Italian food store he used to frequent and bought a huge package of fresh linguine and a small block of Parmesan cheese. His purchases safe on the seat next to him Axel returned to the Hakunetsu house and prepared to cook like he had never cooked before. The planned pasta di Axel con zucchine e mandorle would be a feast of delight.

***&&&***

The next morning Axel awoke to the sounds of Roxas puttering around and getting ready to leave. Over dinner the previous night they had had a wonderfully ordinary discussion about what was happening over the weekend and Axel had been hard pressed not to giggle at the blush on Roxas' face as he admitted that he was helping out Namine with an art project as the model. Luxuriating in the rare feeling of contentment Axel slowly arose from the bed and started preparing a coffee for Ventus so he could get ready for his physio appointment at 10am.

Axel's good feeling lasted for the whole trip to and from the physiotherapist, right up until he and Ventus were sitting at the breakfast bar having a coffee and an exuberant knock sounded at the front door. Before either Ventus or Axel could react, the mysterious knocker tried the door and what seemed like a horde of people tumbled into the house in a whirlwind of flowers and chocolates. The gang of well-wishers quickly spotted Ventus by the kitchen and descended on him in a chaotic flurry of hugs and shouts of how-the-hell-are-ya.

***&&&***

Ventus was stunned at the explosion of friends that seemed to have gone off in his house. Only seconds ago he had been having a ridiculously strong and fortifying coffee with Axel and now he was in at ground zero of Friend-Bomb Mark-1. He was speechless when he saw that the people who had arrived were no less than the every single one of his circle of friends at Destiny University.

Yuffie, a petite brunette, was grinning like a loon beside her tall and shaggy-haired partner Leon, both of them lecturers in the Linguistics Department. They gave Ventus a hug each and a massive box of chocolates. They had been friends with Ventus since he first moved to the Islands and often when Ventus felt the need to lose badly he would get together with Leon for a light sparring session at the local boxing ring. Less frequently when he wanted to be totally embarrassed he would give in to Yuffie's entreaties and get his ass kicked by her too.

Smiling awkwardly Larxene, the abrasive head of the Science Faculty, ran a hand through her sleek blonde hair and hung back behind the others. Going way back she had been friends with Ventus at school in Twilight Town and then when he had started at Destiny University they had picked as friends like they never left off. The intervening years had added an aggressive glint to the woman's pale green eyes and though he didn't want to pry Ventus was curious as to the way his old friend now enforced her own space in all situations.

Once Yuffie had finished with Ventus Aqua smothered him in a cuddle, careful to avoid his ribs. Aqua was probably Ventus' closest friend and it felt really good to return her hug and ruffle her startlingly blue hair. He hadn't seen much of his awesome friend since she had started dating her boyfriend Seifer but when they did catch up she had a way of always brightening his day and getting him to smile. Ventus didn't know much about engineering, but he knew that Aqua was a wonderful lecturer, bringing humor and her love of the subject to every class.

Looking more like a thug with his grey trench-coat hanging open and crew-cut hair covered with a dark beanie than the head of Engineering at the university, Seifer simply clapped Ventus on the shoulder and grinned a lopsided grin. They hadn't known each other as long as the rest of the group but having been out for drinks a couple of times as part of the group Ventus had found himself starting to like Seifer's blunt way of talking and his sometimes cutting sarcasm.

Hustled to the lounge solicitously by Aqua and Yuffie, Ventus was otherwise occupied when the inevitable happened. The kitchen was only separated from the lounge by the chest high breakfast bar and Larxene, while waiting for the embarrassing display of affection toward Ventus to be over, had noticed the thin, black-clad form of Axel standing uncertainly by the fridge. Unfortunately just two days before, the local paper had run a story on the accident featuring a colour head-shot of 'the teenage drug-addict' who had caused the near fatal crash. Suddenly seething with righteous anger Larxene shot Axel a glare so vicious that the redhead turned dead white and scurried from the room.

Ventus didn't notice the byplay, he was too busy trying to figure out the best way to tell his friends what was going on that wouldn't result in mayhem. Stiffening his resolve Ventus cleared his throat and with a bit of help from the ever-bouncy Yuffie's piercing whistle, everyone jumped with fright and took a seat. Ventus felt their eyes on him questioningly but took his time before he said, 'Thanks for coming over guys, it's really good to see you. You've probably read the crap in the papers about the accident but I'm going to ask you to listen to me before you pass judgement okay? Please?'

When the group nodded, albeit with a couple of skeptical looks, Ventus fixed his gaze on the table in front of him and tried to make his story make sense. 'Obviously you know there was a crash and I needed surgery for my ribs and broken leg. You've also probably read that the guy who did it was a drug-fucked outcast who should be hung drawn and quartered, don't you love the free press? Things are way more complicated than that and, uh, to give you an idea of how complicated… Well, I requested Restitutionem per Consequentias from the courts.'

The predictable outcry of disbelief went up but Ventus just sat silently and waited for it to die down. 'ANY-way. I was being interviewed by the police when I found out that I had met the guy who was riding the motorbike before; my first case out of uni, you might remember I worked with Terra Zirh, well yeah, that was him. Axel Raffica. You guys know I'm not stupid, I wouldn't give someone a free pass just because they'd had it hard. Seriously, you'll have to take my word that there was more to it than me being suckered by a kid with a tough life…'

Ventus was suddenly and loudly interrupted by a bang as Seifer smacked his hand down on the table. Eyes wide he stared at his friend who looked like he was about to spit. Disbelievingly he heard Seifer growl, 'You have been suckered Ventus. Gaia, I thought you knew about this psychology shit! Scum like that kid should be locked up somewhere they can't get near decent people. Bahamut damn it all Ventus I'm sorry but I can't just sit here and watch you coddle this dropkick and his habit. Come talk to me when you've decided you give a shit about justice because I'm sorry but I can't sit next to you and fucking smile while you do something this stupid.'

Everyone stared mutely at Seifer as he abruptly got to his feet and stomped out of the house. Ventus could see that Aqua was at the point of tears and he could tell the others were just as shocked. Trying to keep a tremble out of his voice Ventus murmured, 'Anyone else think I'm a naive moron? I mean, you might as well say so now while the saying is good…'

Before he could say any more Ventus found himself enfolded in a double hug from Yuffie and Aqua while Larxene awkwardly patted his good leg and Leon smiled with his eyes. He was surprised when it was Aqua who whispered in his ear, 'We know you Ven and even if Seifer's going to be dickwad we aren't because we know you have a reason. And we're going to sit here until you tell us about that reason. _Aren't we guys_?' With that last sentence Aqua's voice promised tears before bedtime if the answer was no.

Ventus raised his eyes and saw that Leon and Yuffie were nodding in agreement; Larxene however was looking troubled and spoke up before Aqua could eviscerate her. 'I get that you're a smart guy Ventus but honestly I don't understand why you made that decision. I'm not going to be a dick about it like Seifer though, I'll at least wait to hear you out before flying off the handle. I'm also just about sick with curiosity as to why I just saw someone who looked remarkably like the Raffica kid hightailing it out of your kitchen.'

Ventus cursed to himself for being so lax as to have given a single thought to where Axel had gotten to. Disengaging from the dual hug he was smothered in he sought to make his friends understand his reasoning. 'Okay, so um yeah. Larx, I need to keep going from where I stopped so that hopefully you can really get where I'm coming from. There are some things I can't tell you because I promised Axel, but I'll tell you as much as I can.'

Pausing for a quick sip of water Ventus said, 'The Raffica case was sickening. Terra told me later that he never came across anything like it in his whole career. The medical examination showed that the abuse had gone on for years and some of the things done to that boy were truly abhorrent. Something that bothered me at the time and has always bothered me is that the reports we were given seemed to be missing pages and I've always believed that there was more to the story than even we were told. Anyway, I could ask him now, but I don't want to bring that shit up again just to satisfy my curiosity.'

Ventus went quiet for a second trying to decide what to share and picked up his story again in a soft voice. 'We went to see him in the hospital as he was going to be there pretty much until the trial. His mother was overseas, just like this time actually, so he was just an eleven year old kid alone in hospital after his dad nearly killed him. There was hardly any skin that wasn't a shade of black or blue and on his face there were cuts from being beaten with a belt buckle. The worst though, that we could see, were the hundreds of deep cuts covering the back of his neck and his upper back.'

Ventus paused so his listeners could get their heads around the terrible picture he was describing. In truth, the memories he was bringing up for himself were making him feel a bit sick. He stiffened his resolve though because he badly wanted his friends to understand his reasoning. 'Terra and I talked to Axel over a period of four days. There were a few things we noticed straight off; that he was a smart kid, that he was totally traumatized and that he was scared to death. I can remember seeing him and nearly crying at the thought that without me Roxas could have looked so broken and hopeless.'

Looking over at Larxene Ventus managed to inject some strength into his voice, 'As soon as I knew that the guy who hit me was the same kid I talked to in the hospital back then I felt like I could connect the dots of what his life must have been like between age eleven and seventeen. There were some things I knew for sure, one, he was a lovely kid even just after being brutalized by his own father and two, he had lived the intervening years with no support and no love. I mean, his mother wouldn't come home from her work even when her young son was in the hospital. She called and authorized that he be taken care of by the next-door neighbours for Gaia's sake.'

Ventus let a shuddering sigh escape and continued, 'I knew when I called the judge that I could be making the stupidest mistake of my life but there was something about the memory of that boy that called to me. The Restitutionem per Consequentias deal that I put to him was that he come and take care of me through my recovery and when I found out he was living alone I put forward the idea that he stay with me and Roxas. Honestly I've never seen anyone so full of regret and shame for something they've done and you know what I'm like at spotting a lie.'

There was a loud involuntary snort from Aqua who had been caught out more than once by Ventus, Lie-Detector Extraordinaire and it broke the tension that had been building throughout the harrowing story. Even Ventus chuckled under his breath and shot the blue-haired girl a smile. 'Predictably that went down like a sack of shit, Roxas walked out of the interview with the detective and barely talked to me even when I got home from the hospital. Then when he walked in on me telling Axel he could stay with us I thought he was going to move out on the spot. Or kill someone.'

Looking pleadingly around at his friends Ventus willed them to understand, 'Even after all that, Roxas now accepts that this was a good judgement on my part and he seems to have even started to like Axel. Doesn't that tell you something? Axel's genuinely sorry for what he's done and I think he deserves a chance to actually make up for what he did instead of getting broken further by the prison system. To be honest I don't really want to hear it if you agree with Seifer because I've made my choice but I could really use your support.'

***&&&***

Listening to the wretched tale being laid out by Ventus made Larxene feel pretty shit if she was totally truthful with herself, she was just pathetically grateful she hadn't had the opportunity earlier to gut the redhead boy with words as well as a glance. In the silence following Ventus' story Larxene berated herself viciously. As she damn-well knew from personal experience, no one was a one-dimensional bastard and she always had been too quick to pass judgement.

She had remained skeptical right up until the point that Ventus told them about Roxas changing his stance and at that point she was unable to stop doubt creeping in. Anyone who knew the Hakunetsu brothers for more than five minutes knew that Ventus was devoted to his brother and that Roxas was just as fiercely protective and loyal; if Roxas had actually started to come around to the boy he knew to have nearly killed his brother there must be more to it than 'druggie wipes out teacher'.

Larxene sat quietly for a change and listened to Leon gently question Ventus to draw out more of the story while she examined her own reactions. She wasn't quite sure why she had such a tendency to snap so easily in situations when she obviously didn't have all the information but she had noticed that it happened more at times where she saw aspects of herself in what was occurring. The blonde scientist usually tried to block out the time in her past that she was addicted to prescription drugs, but apparently this whole thing with the crash was bringing up things she had thought were long buried.

Abruptly Larxene came to a decision herself and got to her feet. When the other four looked at her she quickly said, 'I'm not walking out, don't worry Ven. I just feel like I should make up for something I did earlier. When we got here I must've scared the shit out of Axel, well, I mean I meant to. I saw him in the kitchen and recognized him from an article about the crash and even though I didn't say anything I think he knew what I would've said from the look in my eyes. I need to go and at least say I'm sorry, fuck, I am meant to be the adult after all. I'll be back in a sec.'

Not waiting for a response Larxene marched out of the lounge and strode to the spare room. Suddenly unusually hesitant Larxene knocked quietly on the door and then tapped a little louder when there was no response. She stood outside the room listening to the silence for a minute and then sighed and wandered back to the lounge. She couldn't blame the boy for barricading himself away after the clear message she had sent him before. Sitting down again Larxene tried to concentrate on the conversation and not dwell on the expression she had seen on Axel's face before he ran from the kitchen.

***&&&***

As he was putting the milk away Axel had caught himself thinking about how well the morning was going and he hadn't immediately clamped down on the positive feeling. Maybe, he mused with his back pressed to his bedroom door, maybe he was a victim of instant karma. He had never seen the thin blonde woman before in his life, he would have totally remembered, but there was no mistaking the loathing and condemnation communicated in the three seconds that their eyes had locked. Axel's chest heaved as he tried to suck air back into his lungs.

The scarlet haired teen found that his legs were trembling and he wobbled over to drop onto his bed. Dragging his fingers through his hair he unsuccessfully tried to fight the rising feelings of self-loathing and misery that had been absent for the morning and were now making a spirited comeback. As always happened in times of stress and distress Axel's hand inched towards the bag under his bed containing his self-harm kit. It was about the time that Seifer made his crashing exit that Axel's thin fingers closed on the soft material he was searching for.

By the time Larxene tapped on his door Axel had slipped off the bed and was slumped against the door. Having run out of room on his right arm he had tried using his injured right hand to cut his left bicep, but not using his dominant hand threw him and on the first cut he went much, much deeper than he meant to. The blood was flowing faster than he was used to and it was getting everywhere faster than he could mop it up. The knock on the door nearly made him yelp out loud but he managed to keep silent and eventually heard footsteps walking away. In desperation he grabbed a discarded black t-shirt and tried to staunch the flow with that.

Axel was running out of ideas and composure when the t-shirt finally started to stem the river of blood pouring down his arm. Giving up on trying to keep the blood confined to his arm Axel settled for cleaning and wrapping it as quickly as possible and worrying about the rest of the mess later. Strain showed in the shaking of his hands and the teeth buried deep in his lip but Axel bound up the gash with a speed that spoke of long practice. When he was finished he could tell that his quick fix wouldn't last for long but he was already planning out how he would get away with a trip to the ER without Ventus finding out.

At around 2pm, once he was sure that everyone had left and there were no traces of blood left on the floor, Axel sidled out of his room and nervously approached Ventus who was sitting on the couch reading. Resisting the impulse to keep checking his arm for blood soaking through Axel summoned his courage and made his opening move, 'I hope I didn't cause any trouble with your friends Ventus. I, if I'd have known I would've made myself scarce much sooner. I… um…'

In keeping with the general structure of their conversations Ventus interrupted impatiently, 'Axel, if I didn't know they were coming round there is literally no way you could've known. Kid, honestly, you need to get out of the habit of apologizing for things that are definitely not your fault. I was just about to get up and hobble in to check on you actually, Larxene told me about the way she recognized you and I reckon I need to tell you that after hearing the whole story she felt really bad. That was her at your door if you heard it.'

Grateful for the opening as Ventus paused for breath Axel hurriedly said, 'I deserve whatever people think of me Ventus. I know what I did was pretty much unforgivable and I still don't understand why you are doing all this for me. It just… It gave me a shock to see someone new looking me the same way Roxas did at the start, it hurt even though they have every reason to hate me. I came to talk to you because I wanted to ask if I could take a drive, try and clear my head. I promise I wouldn't be gone long and I'll take that phone you gave me…'

Before Axel had even finished speaking Ventus was nodding his head. With a small smile he answered, 'I'll never get used to you asking for everything Axel, I didn't set this all up to be your jailor. That said, I do appreciate you not pissing off whenever you feel like it. Take your time and try and chill. You know that I never shared Roxas' feelings on the matter and if someone as stubborn as my brother can come around to liking you then you must be doing something right. Just give me a text if you're going to be longer than two hours coz I need to get started on my exercises this evening and I'll probably need some help.'

Trying to hide the fact that he was tearing up at Ventus' boundless compassion Axel nodded vigorously and cleared his throat. 'I should be back in hopefully an hour but I'll totally text if I think I'll be any longer. If you need me give me a text and I'll come right back as quickly as I can… Is there anything I can get you before I go?'

When Ventus shook his head Axel murmured his heartfelt thanks and walked at a measured speed out of the house to his car. Once safely in his little two door Mercedes that his mother had bought him he checked his arm and found that the bandage had soaked through and was now starting to show through his sleeve. As quickly as he dared Axel pulled out of the drive and made for the free emergency room on the far side of the island.

Axel pulled into the parking lot of the ER as his head began to spin from blood-loss and he jerkily pulled the car into a parking space narrowly missing a parked van. His walk from the car to the front doors of the hospital could accurately be likened to a zombie's lurch and he had to stop just outside the sliding doors to lean against the wall. Axel's head was spinning but he knew that if he stood there too long he wouldn't get his momentum up again so he shoved off the wall and swayed waveringly through the doors.

Keeping track of time was difficult but Axel kept his eyes fixed on the clock on the wall while he waited for the doctor. Tracking the second hand around and around helped him keep a tenuous hold on consciousness and although it felt like an hour it was only fifteen minutes before his name was called and he was ushered through to sit in front of a vivacious, Agrabahrian looking woman who peppered him with a thousand questions while examining his wound.

The doctor, who introduced herself as Dr Camēlī, had cool hands and a competent touch. She listened to Axel's answers about who he was and his evasions about where he lived and how the injury happened, all the while gently cleaning the wound and assessing its severity. Axel had gambled his privacy on the fact that the Destiny Island health system was chronically underfunded and understaffed, so although he could tell the doctor was concerned about how the cut might have occurred she just didn't have the resources to follow up beyond treating the immediate problem.

In a moment of weakness Axel volunteered to Dr Camēlī that he was currently under the care of a mental health worker getting treatment for his self-harm. The relief that lit her face made Axel feel good for a moment until he remembered that it was partly him causing the lovely doctor stress in the first place. He shut his mouth and stayed silent even through the sharp sting of the Lidocane injection and the uncomfortable pulling of the stitches, only murmuring thank you as he was leaving. He felt physically a bit better on the drive back but still could feel a hollowness growing in his chest along with the increasing ache of his arm.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Kind of fluffy. I tend to think though it could be the calm before another storm... Lol so enjoy the fluff while it lasts.**

Sitting in maths, his last class of the day, Roxas found his thoughts once again drifting to Axel. Almost a week ago, the previous Saturday, Roxas had come home from his day of modelling for Namine to find Ventus asleep on the couch and Axel holed up in his room. Though a quiet inquiry through the door had yielded the perfectly reasonable explanation of a headache for Axel's isolation Roxas hadn't been able to help feeling that there was something more to the story. He was unable to get anything from Axel however and Ventus was being typically close-mouthed so it had been bugging Roxas all week. Sighing in frustration Roxas attempted to concentrate on the maths problem in front of him until a cunning plan hit him in the back of the head.

A scribbled note later and Roxas was wadding the paper into an aerodynamic ball, sending it flying through the air when the teacher was turned to the board. Roxas' aim was spot on and the note hit Zexion in the back of the head much as Roxas' idea had hit him. He watched anxiously as Zexion read the note and grinned when the bluette gave him a subtle thumbs up behind his back. Within seconds notes were flying thick and fast behind the teacher's back and Demyx, Namine and Namine's friend Kairi all received invitations to a DVD and junk food extravaganza on Saturday night.

The bell rang joyously a moment before 3pm which was lucky as the teacher had turned around just in time to see Roxas get hit by three paper plane notes at once. Sweeping up his bag along with the beautifully crafted projectiles Roxas was out of the door before the teacher's roar echoed into the hall and chuckling happily he shoved everything in his bag, picking up the pace so he would be on time to his first day back at his part time job.

It wasn't until 8pm that Roxas tottered in the door at home. He would have to, he thought, change his damn work day to anything but Friday. Letting his gigantic bag finally fall to the ground Roxas eventually noticed the silence that filled the house and he spotted a note propped up on the table. Narrowing his eyes Roxas walked over and picked up the piece of paper which read: _'Rox, sorry I'm not up for you getting home. I brilliantly wiped myself out doing my rehab exercises and Axel wasn't feeling well. We left you some dinner, Axel outdid himself and made three cheese lasagna, I told him it was your favorite. Enjoy having the lounge to yourself little bro, it won't happen often. See you tomorrow.'_

Roxas felt a little bad about it but he was in fact relieved that he wouldn't be able to tell Axel or Ventus about the DVD scheme until the actual day. He just couldn't face an actual conversation at this point and the less notice Axel had of the gathering, the less chance there was of him wriggling out of it. Knowing his brother as well as he did Roxas was sure that Ventus would be more than happy for them to host a movie sleepover night but he had resolved to try and actually get his brother out of the house to give his secondary plan the best chance of succeeding. Grabbing his still hot dinner out of the oven Roxas threw himself on the couch and prepared for some trashy Friday night TV.

***&&&***

Everyone was up early on Saturday morning but Roxas was up earliest. In a calculated effort to soften up both his brother and his housemate the blonde teen cooked up a massive feed of bacon and eggs and took Axel and Ventus breakfast in bed. The morning was calm and cruisy and Roxas judged the peak moment of relaxation to be when all three of them were snuggled in the warm lounge with steaming mugs of coffee. Taking a deep breath Roxas laid out his putative plan.

'Heeeyyy guuuyyysss…' Roxas could hear himself sounding like a three year old who wanted a lolly and made a conscious effort to sound more adult. 'I wanted to ask you both something because I had an idea for something I wanted to do this evening. I kind of need both of you in on it though or there really isn't any point. Do you want to hear it?'

Roxas rejoiced inside when Axel and Ventus both looked curious and nodded in unison. 'Aweeesome, well I haven't had a good and proper hang out with Zex and all them for a while so I thought a DVD night could be in order… I just didn't want to have the gang pile in and disturb your night with the chaos we all know will happen. Ven… Iiiiiiii wondered if you maybe felt like going to see Aqua or someone and having yourself a fun night out free of us annoying and noisy teenagers…?'

Glancing at Ventus Roxas was just in time to see his brother fail to contain his laughter and start choking uncontrollably on his coffee. When he was able to speak Ventus managed to say, 'That sounds fantastic Rox, ahem, I've been getting pretty sick of this house and to be honest I think you both need a break from me. When Aqua was over last week I was going to plan a 'Gate-crash Aqua's Baking Day' visit but then stuff happened and we never sorted it. Give me a moment to call her and I'll see what I can pull together.'

A little put out at how easy it had been to sell his brother on the idea when he had planned the perfect battle strategy Roxas pouted for a moment, realized what he must look like and cracked up too. Ventus limped off on his crutches to find his phone and Roxas looked over at Axel who was appearing steadily more and more discomforted. Before Roxas could say anything Axel said, 'I can go stay at home if you need me to Roxas, I know I've still got some clothes over there. I don't want to get in the way if I can help it…'

Roxas just stared open-mouthed at the redhead until Axel trailed off into an embarrassed silence. 'Axel, did you honestly think that I'd kick you out to have my friends over? Just about the whole point of this was my genius plan to see if you and Zex could build some bridges. You know, I don't want them to just be my friends anymore, I reckon that it would actually be pretty cool if you were part of the group again… If that's what you want. You've missed three years of Zexion steadily turning more and more into a book and, well, that's kinda sad.'

When Roxas revealed his master plan Axel nearly fell off his chair. Of all the things he thought would come out of Roxas' mouth it was not even on the list. His powers of speech all but deserted him and all he could splutter out in response to the curve ball he was thrown was, 'O-okay… Did he, I mean, what did Zexion say to this idea?'

Roxas smiled smugly. 'You're not the only person to have regrets Axel. Zexion told me about how your group of friends fractured and he always felt like a shit for not doing more. I told him my idea yesterday and he's coming over at 5pm. I told him to bring the pizzas so you don't have to cook for once. Oh and, um, there might be a couple of other people too… I could have possibly invited Namine and Kairi and Zexion's boyfriend Demyx will be here as well.'

***&&&***

Once he was over the shock of being thrown into a social situation with less than five hours notice Axel was unable to repress a heartfelt smile. His grin grew even bigger when Roxas returned it with one of his own. It felt strange to feel so comfortable with someone after so long being essentially on his own and as they both bustled around the house clearing up the combined slob of three men it felt right for lack of a better term. Axel was in the middle of one-handedly helping Roxas move the couch to the edge of the room when Ventus came back in and matched their smiles with one of his own.

Ventus only stopped in the lounge long enough to let them know he would be staying at Aqua's and then a horn sounded from out front and he was off, wobbling out the door as fast as his crutches could take him. With just himself and Roxas in the house Axel finally found the nerve to ask the question that had been burning behind his lips. 'Hey Roxas,' he said trying valiantly to sound nonchalant. 'I really don't get why you're doing this. I can hardly even get my mind around the fact that you're talking to me and now you're trying to fix things I gave up on ages ago. How can you even…'

Axel ran out of words but he could see that Roxas knew what he meant. The blonde boy surprised him by not rushing to answer, instead Roxas took a moment to really think about the question. His answer when it came brought tears to Axel's eye. 'Because I can admit when I'm wrong Axel. You might have done a shit thing but you aren't a bad person. And I believe that if you truly regret something then you should have the chance to make up for it. That doesn't just apply to you and Ven, Zexion has something he needs to make up for too. As for why I'm doing this… it pisses me off sometimes but I can't help but give a crap.'

Trying to hide the tears in his eyes Axel turned away and started to run a scalding hot sink of water to wash the dishes from last night. He plunged his good hand into the near boiling water in the hopes that he could pass off his red eyes as due to the pain in his fingers. Almost to himself, in a voice just above a whisper Axel murmured, 'Thank you Roxas.' He thought his words were lost in the sound of splashing water but behind him Roxas smiled.

***&&&***

The housework was finished well before 5pm which meant that Roxas had to sit and watch Axel turn slowly into a twitching bundle of nerves. He had suggested that they relax and just read a book until it was time for people to turn up, but as far as he could tell Axel hadn't turned a page for over twenty minutes. It was almost a relief for Roxas when Axel gave up on his book and went to get his well-worn notebook to scribble in. Able to concentrate on his own book, the time flew by and Roxas was feeling decently tranquil when the first knock at the door sounded.

He could see however that Axel had not attained a similar state of calm, the redhead freezing in his chair at the tap on the door. Roxas took a second to comfortingly squeeze Axel's shoulder as he went past and then the door was open, Kairi and Namine both trying to barge in at once. The girls nearly smothered Roxas with their enthusiastic hugs and then they were through to the lounge where Axel was still immobile in his chair.

***&&&***

Namine was usually reserved in her demonstrations of affection but she was so happy to see a smile on Roxas' face that she abandoned her poise and all but leaped on him along with Kairi. When she judged him thoroughly hugged Namine blushingly kissed his cheek and started hauling the bags of movies and junk food through to the lounge. She made it all the way to the other side of the room and was sorting through the lollies when her brain caught up with her and she whirled around to stare at Axel who was still frozen in his seat.

The startled girl stared at the boy who appeared to be trying to impersonate a possum in the headlights. Namine took all of a second to figure out who she was looking at as she had read every story about Ventus' accident, so she scrutinized the redhead intensely in the time it took for Roxas to disengage himself from Kairi in the other room. Though she was reticent around people Namine took pride in her accuracy in judging character; being on the receiving end of her gaze must have felt like standing pinned in a spotlight to Axel.

By the time Roxas had calmed Kairi down and quietly let her know that Axel was in the lounge Namine had formed her opinion and was smiling at Axel. Taking pity on the teen as he was still sitting rigidly petrified Namine shoved aside her own social anxiety and walked over to sit on the arm of Axel's armchair opening the conversation in classic, dry-Namine-humour style by saying, 'So what's your sign?'

It seemed that Axel was not immune to the Namine charm because her deadpan delivery dragged a gasping bark of laughter from him. Now that she had his attention Namine initiated her prattle-mode, designed to ease the tension and by the time Kairi sidled warily into the lounge Axel was smiling at the petite blonde girl and even engaging in a little banter. The conversation died at the entrance of the other girl but Namine smiled radiantly when she saw the look of grudging curiosity on Kairi's face.

***&&&***

Kairi had burst into Roxas' house all smiles and comforting hugs. She loved hanging out with Roxas and had been dying to catch up with him in the two weeks following Ventus' accident. Her buoyant mood had lasted until Roxas extricated himself from her hugs enough to breath and fill her in on the crucial thing he had skipped when writing his 'come to DVD night' note, that sitting in the lounge was none other than Axel Raffica and he would be included in their night.

Though her first instinct was to scoff in disbelief Kairi listened to Roxas as he pleaded in a low voice for her to at least suspend judgement until the others got there and Roxas could explain without repeating himself hoarse. She was by nature an easy-going person so she nodded and grimaced in such a way as could be interpreted as a smile before grabbing the huge bag of clothes Namine had packed and lugging it through to the living room.

Her first sight of the boy known in the newspapers as 'the Destiny Druggie' was strange, there was no other word for it. She had expected to see a shifty-eyed twitching mess and instead in front of her was a smiling, rather gorgeous teen deep in conversation with the last person Kairi would have picked to take to him. Resisting the urge to blatantly stare at the boy's scarlet hair and eye-catching facial tattoos Kairi caught Namine's eye questioningly and then when there was no answer immediately forthcoming she turned away to get out the selection of movies.

Though she wasn't looking at the pair on the armchair Kairi could hear every word of the halting exchange that had started up again. Thanks to Namine's skilful manipulation the tension once again started to drain away and after about five minutes listening the soothing flow of conversation Kairi had her thoughts together enough to turn around. Remembering what Roxas had asked she refrained from asking anything inflammatory and settled for saying neutrally, 'I hope you like the movies we brought over Axel. There's a big selection so with any luck we can all agree on a couple.'

Her carefully chosen words had a surprising effect and Kairi was thrown to see a look of almost pathetic relief on Axel's face. Softening a little Kairi let herself be drawn into Namine's discussion of what animal would make the best pet, a snake or a rabid wombat, and soon she was giggling at her friend's imitation of a frothing marsupial. Across the room Kairi saw Roxas shoot her a grateful grin before another knock echoed through the house and the teen had to scurry to answer the door.

***&&&***

Zexion stood patiently outside the Hakunetsu house holding a steaming stack of pizzas and smiling absently at his boyfriend's clowning. Demyx was also holding a tower of pizza boxes but was pretending to play an energetic game of Jenga with the teetering pile. Just as Roxas pulled open the door Demyx lost control of his pizzas with a dismayed squeak and Zexion calmly bent and stuck out his hand with casual grace, catching the lot a foot above the ground.

Shooting an amused look at the sheepish Demyx Zexion promptly handed the second load of pizzas to the bemused looking Roxas and cruised past him to unload in the kitchen. He shook his overly warm hands once the pizzas were safe and then the noises from the lounge penetrated his brain. He could see the scene over the top of the breakfast bar but it refused to make sense in his brain.

What Zexion's obviously erroneous brain was telling him was that Kairi and Namine were seated in Roxas' lounge happily giggling with the one and only Axel. A disbelieving smile spread across Zexion's face but vanished when he saw Demyx appear in the living room door and go from zero to pissed in no seconds flat. Quick though he was Zexion was not fast enough to pre-empt his boyfriend's explosion.

Zexion stumbled out of the kitchen to the dulcet tones of Demyx snarling harshly at a transfixed Axel. Kairi and Namine were staring at Demyx like he had grown an extra head but the mulleted blonde was oblivious to everything except the object of his ire. Before Zexion could stop his boyfriend Demyx hurled a venomous comment that drew gasps from everyone in the room and seconds later Zexion grabbed him by the arm, forcibly hauling him out of the room and into the hallway.

Once in the hallway Zexion ignored Demyx's indignant spluttering and fixed him with an uncompromising stare. His voice was under control but held an unmistakable undertone of warning as he said, 'Dem. Stop. You're not stupid so stop fucking acting like it. Axel is here because Roxas wants him here and you _will_ wait to hear why or you can get the fuck out. This is really important to me and I need to know that you won't go batshit again before you hear all the facts.'

Zexion had never talked to Demyx in this way before and it was enough to shock the other boy out of his rage. When he was sure that Demyx was composed enough to control himself Zexion stroked his boyfriend's face affectionately and left him standing dumbfounded in the hall. Resolved in what he was going to do next Zexion marched back to the lounge and stated firmly, 'I'm sorry that happened guys, I really hope it doesn't spoil the night. If it's okay could I please steal Axel for a minute, because I have something I really need to talk to him about. In private.'

Axel slowly stood up and walked towards Zexion with his gaze fixed on the floor. Zexion narrowed his eyes at his submissive demeanour but stayed silent and beckoned for Axel to follow him. Leading the tall teen through the house Zexion walked to the glass-walled sunroom at the other end of the building and motioned for Axel to sit on the bleached floral sofa that had lurked there for years. Zexion didn't sit down but leant against a window frame, simply staring at Axel until the other boy reluctantly looked up.

The words came easily as Zexion had been thinking about what he was going to say pretty much nonstop since Roxas' note on Friday. His voice was soft and clear and he held Axel's gaze as he said, 'I'm sorry Axel. For Dem's behaviour just now and for… And for how I acted when things went bad. I always felt like a complete asshole every time I saw you turn up drunk in class or not turn up at all but I was too much of a chickenshit to even talk to you again let alone apologize.'

Zexion watched Axel's expression change from resigned expectancy to one of cautious hope as he was talking. Encouraged that he wasn't being told to fuck off, something he half expected to happen Zexion smiled. 'I probably don't deserve it but I want to ask your forgiveness. I was a terrible friend at a time when you really needed someone. I'd really like it if we could start again and maybe over time get back to being the friends we used to be. If you can forgive me that is.'

***&&&***

Axel was nearly dizzy with the speed at which his emotions were yo-yoing. He was still feeling the sting of Demyx's words and the self-recrimination they caused in him and now something he had longed for on and off over the years was falling into his lap. It was just about too much and Axel felt like a stunned mullet. While Zexion waited patiently for it all to compute, Axel tried to pull himself together.

Eventually Axel felt that he was able to talk without his voice cracking and attempted to vocalize what was going on in his head. 'I tried not to let anyone see how dark the place was that I was in Zex… You didn't ditch me, I pushed away anyone who tried to help. All I really wanted was to stop being who I was and have you as a friend again but I was too wrapped up in my fucking pathetic self-pity to do anything to actually make it happen. I don't know how good of a friend I'll make but I'd love to be mates again.'

The grin on Zexion's face said it all and Axel couldn't believe it when the bluette impulsively plopped down next to him on the squishy sofa and enfolded him in a huge hug. The redhead froze for a second and then hugged the other boy back, the warmth filling him something his world had been barren of before his life collided, literally, with the lives of Ventus and Roxas. With a last squeeze the boys got to their feet and made their way back to the rest of the group; Roxas' explanation needing to happen before Demyx decided his boyfriend was in mortal danger and blew his top again.

***&&&***

The moment Axel stepped back into the lounge he was blown away to be tackled by Namine and hustled to sit between the blonde girl and her friend. He watched as Zexion grinned in his direction and then went to sit on the other couch across the room next to a glowering Demyx. Then all eyes were on the slight blonde boy sitting in the armchair and with a defiant look on his face Roxas told his friends in no uncertain terms why things were now the way they were.

Axel listened as intently as anyone as he still couldn't get his own head around why Roxas had accepted him but he also watched the faces of the four teens seated around the lounge. Namine on his left was rapt, watching Roxas with understanding in her eyes. Kairi was less overt and more guarded in her expression but Axel could tell she was also hanging on every word. Zexion was more focussed on his boyfriend as he knew exactly where Roxas was coming from and Demyx was listening hard and looking more and more uncomfortable.

A lot of the story was couched in terms as general as Roxas could make it and Axel was pitifully grateful for Roxas' tact and respect for his privacy. He tried to observe Demyx as covertly as possible and it intrigued him to see something approaching shame on the boy's face. When Roxas finished saying what he had to say he stared pointedly at Demyx but didn't even need to say anything more because Zexion had elbowed his boyfriend and Demyx was grudgingly looking over at Axel.

'Look, um, well, that is, uh…' Demyx fumbled for words while Axel looked at him warily. 'I shouldn't have gone nuts at you without knowing the whole story okay? If Roxas can act like he does around you without strangling you and it's his brother… Ow! I mean, I won't have a go at you again. Especially if you're going to be hanging round Zex. I don't like you okay, but I can live with you around… And I really am sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said.'

Zexion was scowling at his stubborn boyfriend but Axel smiled a quick smile at the blunt honesty. He didn't want to drag out the episode and embarrass Demyx further so he just nodded solemnly and murmured his thanks. Roxas was obviously of the same mind and immediately ripped open the bag containing the movies sparking a storm of debate over what to watch. Axel hung back, happy to watch anything and was pleasantly surprised when Namine insisted on Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Demyx won the battle for second movie with Edward Scissorhands.

Popcorn, chips and lollies were the perfect accompaniment to the haunting martial arts epic and Namine got hyped enough on the sugar and her love for the movie to burst into tears at the end and bury her face in a cushion. Axel also adored Crouching Tiger and was forced to get up and offer a round of hot drinks to cover the shine in his eyes that always occurred when 'Farewell' played and Lo made his wish to be back in the desert. Three coffees, two hot chocolates and a tea made for a quiet and warming interlude between the movies.

Axel ferried the dirty cups away and took a moment to marvel at the odds that this strange group of teens would pick his favourite movie of all time for their second movie. They were all so different and yet it had only taken them a few scant minutes to lock in unanimous agreement on something that had the potential to lead to hours of debate. He only realized that he was standing by the sink lost in thought when Kairi playfully yelled at him to bring the next packet of chips and get his ass back in so they could watch the next DVD.

They watched Edward Scissorhands in relative silence, but it was a relaxed and companionable silence. Everyone was absorbed in the strange Tim Burton fantasy and Axel as usual fell easily into the story, his brain drawing the many parallels between his life and that of the outcast Edward. A peculiar mood gripped Axel and mixed with the good feelings of being with friends for the first time in what seemed like a long time he also felt a surge of melancholy that threatened to overwhelm him.

Axel shifted in his seat and tried not to bump Roxas who he was now sitting next to. When he had gotten up earlier to do the hot drinks Kairi had taken the opportunity to launch an all-out tickle war on Namine and it was still raging when Axel came back to sit down. Most seats in the lounge were taken but when Roxas had seen that the tickle war was nowhere near over he had beckoned to Axel and made a space next to him in the large armchair by the TV. Axel had gratefully scurried over to the chair and scrunched himself as small as possible so as not to crowd Roxas. Now, as Edward created an ice angel on the screen, Axel was hard pressed to hold back tears and keep his face guarded.

***&&&***

At the time of the initial tension between Demyx and Axel, Roxas had found it hard to keep his cool. He had known that it would be difficult to make his position clear to his friends but he hadn't counted on someone blowing up before he had even started to talk. Brought back to the present by the fantastical scene of Edward Scissorhands carving ice Roxas snuck a glance at the figure of Axel curled up next to him and saw that the teen was really involved in the movie. Roxas was still watching Axel when the shit hit the fan for Edward and he stared at the tear that slid down Axel's cheek.

Roxas felt a rush of compassion flow through him and when he was sure that everyone else was engrossed in the film he surreptitiously reached over and rubbed Axel's arm. If he hadn't been paying close attention he would have missed the pained flinch that Axel tried to disguise as fright and though he withdrew his hand and didn't make an issue of it he frowned and turned back to the movie while still watching Axel out of the corner of his eye. This paid off, for as soon as Axel thought he wasn't paying attention he gently probed his arm with a wince and then returned his gaze to the end of the movie.

Edward Scissorhands stabbed the dickwad boyfriend and Kim lied to save him but Roxas wasn't paying any attention. His mind was stuck on the way Axel had flinched when he had touched his arm and the fleeting look of pain that the boy had quickly hidden. While the movie wound down to its tear-jerking conclusion Roxas was thinking back to something Zexion had said the time that Roxas had turned up at his house in a fury about Axel.

'He pushed them away and turned to self-harm and then drugs…' Zexion's distressed voice echoed in Roxas' head and a suspicion began to grow in the blonde teen's mind. He didn't know much about self-injury but one thing he did know was that for some people it turned into an addiction if not an obsession, so if Axel had started so young odds were he was still doing it. Roxas wasn't sure quite how to approach this whole new can of worms, so he resolved to keep a close eye on Axel and bring the subject up either if he saw an unmistakable sign or when he figured out exactly what to say.

Jolted from his thoughts by an eruption of opinions on what to watch next Roxas filed the issue under 'come back to later' and jumped into the fray. Laughter rang through the house and for the evening the group forgot about conflicts and reality, delighting in the fun and intelligent company as if they had all been friends forever. It was 3am before they all fell asleep in the lounge, too exhausted to even crawl to the waiting beds. Kairi and Namine top-and-tailed on the biggest couch, covered in the only blanket in the lounge. Zexion and Demyx went to sleep still sitting up, Demyx's arms around his boyfriend and Zexion's head resting on his shoulder. Axel had tried to move to a different seat earlier but Roxas had coaxed him into staying where he was; thus he went to sleep curled into a ball next to Roxas who had sprawled over the chair in such a manner that his arm naturally fell around Axel.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ooooh developments and more actual fluff. I don't usually do fluffiness but this is two chapters in a row lol.**

The Night of the Lolly Overdose, as it was widely remembered, became to Axel a symbol of the massive changes that were occurring in his life. As the others were leaving in the morning he received hugs from both of the girls and Zexion, and surprisingly even Demyx muttered something about next time shutting the hell up when he judged someone. Axel stood in the doorway in a happy daze until Roxas tugged playfully on his hair and they went inside to begin the monumental task of clearing up.

A strange thing happened while they were cleaning that Axel tried to avoid thinking about afterwards as he didn't want to even lift the lid on the potential clusterfuck that lurked within the incident. He and Roxas were collecting the empty chippie packets and trying to gather up the worst of the crumbs when they reached for the same piece of rubbish and their hands brushed together. Axel felt a jolt shoot through his body and his eyes widened before he clamped down on the feeling and tried to crush it out of existence. Pretending that nothing had happened he jumped to his feet and hurried over to the rubbish bin, buying time for his suddenly racing heart to slow.

Axel was distracted and skittish for the rest of day, doing everything he could to avoid Roxas while at the same time trying to act natural. In the moments when he was alone he spent his time kicking his own ass in an attempt to reason with his treacherous and fucking stupid emotions. 'I don't fucking believe me, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? He's only just stopped instinctively reaching for a bazooka when I'm near, there is no universe that this could ever happen in so just fucking forget it!'

When he could finally escape and retreat to his room Axel sat on his bed with his head in his hands and attempted to work out what the hell was going on in his obviously malfunctioning brain. He tentatively took himself back to the moment that his hand touched Roxas' and tried to sort through the riot of feelings stemming from that instant. Alone with his thoughts he could no longer deny to himself that the emotion most dominant was attraction and the thought shook him to his core. The situation could not be more wrong for him to develop a crush and most definitely not on Roxas. 

As was his first instinct in the absence of drugs, alcohol or a knife to numb the confusion Axel grabbed his notebook and sat there, pen poised, waiting for the words to flow through him. He inhaled deeply and let out a shuddering breath, the chaos inside him building up to critical level before he started to write, his pen skittering frantically across the paper.

_Still as stone  
White as bone  
He is alone  
He is alone_

_Locked inside  
He has to hide  
Protected, all alone._

_He spreads the pain  
Like acid rain  
He is alone  
He is alone_

_Don't let them near  
Keep back, stay clear  
And leave him all alone._

_His love can kill  
Not safe until  
He is alone  
He is alone_

_A life apart  
No warmth, no heart  
Doomed to be alone._

The words that flowed from the tip of his pen were reflective of Axel's deepest beliefs about himself. Writing the desolate poem served to both purge the build-up of pain within him and remind him that his future would in no way contain the comfort and solace of love. His life experience had taught him that love was torture for all involved and even though the odds of Roxas ever actually having feelings for him were slim to none he would rather gnaw off his own arm than even think about being the cause of more pain for the teen.

Having finished his poem Axel slammed his book shut and tried to figure out how to deal with this new development. Eventually he came to the conclusion that he would just have to do the best acting job of his life to maintain the illusion that there was nothing wrong and that he saw Roxas as nothing more than a friend. Years of hiding his self-harm and drug abuse would help him in creating a smokescreen but Axel didn't fool himself into believing that this would be easy while living under the same roof as Roxas. As he had no other options however he just needed to suck it up and get on with it.

Rising from his bed Axel did just that and sucked it up. The boy who emerged from the bedroom was not the rattled and uncertain creature who had locked himself away only thirty minutes before. Engraved in his mind was his promise to himself to do nothing further to screw with the well-being of the family who had taken him in and in an effort to cement the resolution in his head he went slightly overboard and cooked a huge dinner of roast lamb for Roxas and Ventus who had been dropped back home that afternoon. Axel kept up a natural sounding chatter of conversation through the evening but as soon he could he escaped to his bedroom again and lay awake long into the night, his thoughts refusing to give him peace.

***&&&***

Unfortunately for Axel and his plans of emotional suppression he was not the only one who felt a shock run through him when his and Roxas' hands had touched. When Axel leaped up and high-tailed it to the kitchen Roxas just sat there on the floor looking at his hand, slightly dazed by the unexpected zap that started at his fingers and coursed through his body. He was confused enough by the unanticipated emotional jumble that he barely noticed Axel's edgy behavior and he walked around the rest of the day lost in thought.

After the tidying up was done and Axel did his disappearing act Roxas flopped onto the armchair to try and sort out what was going on in his own head. His azure eyes stared off into space and he replayed the moment that his fingers touched Axel's over and over in his mind. Even taking into account the knee-jerk of denial it only took a short time for him to admit to himself that the electric shock that had shot through him earlier had been desire mixed with no small amount of longing. Roxas could barely deal with that fact that he no longer would be happy to see Axel drop dead on the spot and he definitely was not ready to even start thinking about this new development.

Another thing that complicated matters exponentially was Roxas' suspicions about Axel possibly self-harming. He had been watching Axel as surreptitiously as he could since the night before and had seen what could have been a bandage outlined under the redhead's shirt. This situation provoked an unexpected ache in Roxas' heart that just added more perplexity to the emotions stewing inside of him. By the time Ventus was dropped home however, Roxas had managed to shove the bewildering feelings so far to the back of his mind he could almost fool himself into believing they had never arisen.

Roxas dragged himself out of his confusion when Ventus hobbled in and he managed to interact normally, if in a slightly distracted manner. He was little nervous when Axel finally emerged from his room but the redhead was so convincingly and aggressively normal that Roxas found himself wondering if he had actually imagined the moment in the lounge. He stuffed himself at dinner, the lamb being on the level of gourmet dining at the Hakunetsu house, and when he went to bed he was so full that he fell asleep almost before he could get under the covers.

***&&&***

A puzzled Ventus limped around a quiet house for the next three days. When Roxas wasn't at school he was either doing his homework or watching Axel furtively and Axel was a constant whirlwind of cleaning, cooking and writing but would only talk in monosyllables. Even though he was rather bemused by the weird atmosphere that the three of them were living in Ventus was reluctant to interfere until he knew more. Fortunately on Thursday a package arrived in the post that promised to shake things up in a good way; Ventus had finally received Axel's home-study materials.

In one of the brief moments between Axel finishing one chore and starting the next Ventus managed to snag the boy by the collar and sit him down at the table. As Axel was still very uncommunicative Ventus was prepared to do all the talking and started by saying, 'I don't know what's going on at the moment Axel and I'm not going to force you to tell me when it's obvious you'd rather not. I've grabbed you because I've actually got good news. Do you want to hear it?'

As planned Ventus' blunt approach had caught Axel's full attention. When the boy nodded curiously Ventus grinned and said, 'That box sitting there on the table, that's your study materials for the home school program. We were able to get all the subjects you asked for, English, Music, Calculus, Italian and Physics and they even sent us an example schedule that would get you finished on time at the end of the year. You don't even have to start right away as the timeframe allows for another week…'

Ventus didn't get to finish his sentence because Axel leant over to give him a massive hug. Snapped out of his funk the teen blurted out, 'Can we start today? I've cleaned everything in this house that it's possible to clean and I can't believe I'm saying this but I've actually missed school. I mean, only if that suits you and you have the time to help…'

Chuckling at the sudden reappearance of Axel's personality Ventus nodded emphatically. 'Of course you can Axel, really there isn't much I need to do after we get you set up. Seeing as you're so keen we can take the time now to get your timetable sorted out and that way you're ready to get right into it. Honestly, all you're going to need me for once you get going is to supervise your tests and to answer any questions.'

Axel responded with a glowing smile and Ventus sat back, watching the teen attack the paperwork like he had a grudge against it. Between them they hammered out a timetable of subjects for each weekday and a tentative projection of dates for tests. The time flew by swiftly and before he knew it Ventus was limping to answer the stridently ringing phone at exactly the same moment that Roxas walked in the door from school.

Ventus answered the phone while waving at Roxas but he wasn't sure if his brother saw him as the blonde teen staggered straight to the lounge and fell full length on the couch. The unexpected voice on the other end of the phone however grabbed Ventus' total attention and when he hung up he was grinning as much as Axel had been at the arrival of his study materials. Hobbling back to the table he sat down and just stared at Axel with a huge grin until the boy felt the pressure of his gaze and looked up at him questioningly.

The smile on Ventus' face widened as he said, 'Hey Axel, you remember that I said on Monday that I might have found you a job? Well that was Aqua and she wanted to know if you were interested in helping on Sundays, giving her a hand tidying up her yard and doing some work on her house. I should warn you though, her section looks like a jungle at the moment so it won't just be pulling a couple of weeds.'

For the second time that day Ventus had managed to provoke a sunny grin from Axel and the teen shook his head, the smile turning a little goofy. His voice sounded slightly husky as he replied, 'That's amazing Ventus, I have a suspicion that you might be going for sainthood you know. You can tell Aqua that I'll be there whenever she needs me for as long as she wants me there. I have a bigger debt to you than I can ever pay, but I'll be damned if I'll just sit and sponge off your hospitality too. I know your disability can't be paying much and there's no definition of the word fair that allows for Roxas having to work harder for the things I've fucked up.'

Both Axel and Ventus started at the sound of a weak cheer from Roxas who, although thoroughly exhausted, had been listening to the whole exchange. With an almighty effort Roxas propped himself up on his elbows and smiled wanly but widely saying, 'That's my brother, Saint Ventus the Bountiful. Seriously though Ax I'm glad that job came through, not coz it'll let me off the hook or anything but because it'll make you feel more like part of the household. Now if you think you could keep the celebrations down to a dull roar I'm going to somehow crawl to bed.'

Axel offered to lend a hand but Ventus waved him away and did a credible impression of the lame carrying the lame, helping Roxas off to bed even though it was only 3.45pm. A few minutes later however Axel heard a noise that sounded like someone calling him but trying manfully not to be heard and he scurried into Roxas' room as quietly as possible to retrieve Ventus whose leg had frozen up on him. The covert feel to the awkward exercise tickled them both and they barely managed to wait until they reached the lounge before dissolving into uncontrollable laughter.

Both men were comfortable enough to just sprawl in the lounge and chill out without talking but Axel heard a snoring noise after about five minutes and lifted his head to see that Ventus had actually fallen asleep, obviously as knackered as Roxas. Axel briefly giggled at Ventus' sleep face and growling snores but he spent too long studying the man's features, so like his younger brother's, and his thoughts turned to the confusion swirling within him around the thought of a certain Roxas. Deep within the green eyes that were now boring a hole in the ceiling lurked a growing wistfulness restrained by iron determination to hold his feelings in check.

***&&&***

Friday morning saw Roxas wake up thirty minutes after throwing his alarm across the room which meant he was still in the process of pulling on clothes as he flew out the front door. His classes felt like torture sessions and the only time he got a question right was when he thought he was answering a different question, so the end of day bell came as a saving grace.

Falling into a seat on the bus felt great and it was only with a huge amount of persuasion that Roxas was able to talk his legs into getting him up again and off the bus into the house. He had to stop and lean on the breakfast bar for a moment once he was inside and that was the moment that the limping wonder swooped out of the lounge and fixed him with a stare he knew all too well.

Ventus didn't let his brother begin to get a word in and quickly said, 'You can relax Rox, I called you in sick at work so you don't need to run out the door again. You've been running yourself ragged trying to get everything done and I reckon that you need some sort of a break before your head falls off or your brain explodes. Sit down for a bit and then it would do you good to go out for a strolling type walk, you know, one where you aren't almost running.'

Too tired to argue Roxas poured himself into the seat that Ventus had pulled up for him and dropped his bag at his feet. Leaning back he sighed at the strange feeling of not having anywhere to be and after a couple of minutes he could feel the tension start to leave his body. It took him a while to feel up to complying with Ventus' strongly recommended suggestion and when he finally swayed upright again his brother made his second non-negotiable recommendation; that it might be nice if Axel went with him.

***&&&***

Axel had been quietly engrossed in his English required reading when Roxas got home and he was so deep in the course material that he hardly heard what Ventus said. The house went quiet around him for a bit but then when Roxas got up to go for his peaceful walk Axel found himself just about dragged to his feet and propelled out the door to a shout of, 'Walking and talking will do you good, byeeeee!' Disoriented he stumbled to a halt and stared wide-eyed at Roxas who looked similarly shell-shocked.

First to pull himself together having had more practice Axel said softly, 'I can go in the other direction if you want to be alone. I'm not quite sure what your brother thought he was doing but we can go for separate walks if that's what you want. You can decide where you want to go and I can just go the other way…'

Roxas stood, blinking in the bright sun and listening to what Axel had to say before he responded, 'You know, I wouldn't mind going for a wander with you. I've hardly seen you since the DVD night and we live in the same house. Maybe Ven is right and walking and talking could be good. It's a bit cold for the beach though, do you have any ideas where else we could walk?'

Taken aback Axel just blurted out the first thing that came into his head, 'I always walk around Siréne Park when I need to calm down or get some peace. There are some beautiful statues and the paths go on pretty much forever. I even know a bit about its history if you're interested in shit like that. We don't have to though, it's just an idea.'

Even before Axel had finished speaking Roxas was nodding his head as enthusiastically as he was able and Axel grinned at how well his idea was received. They set off towards the park, Axel taking care to keep his long stride in check in consideration for how tired Roxas was. At first they walked in a prolonged silence but once they got to the park Roxas asked about the history of the place and then there was no shutting Axel up.

Unconsciously adopting a tone similar to a lecturer Axel began the story, 'Well, when the town was first built on the Destiny Islands one hundred and fifty years ago it was founded by the Siréne family, huh well more accurately it was bankrolled by Ariel Siréne and built by her children. One of the first things Ariel built was the dock which brought in the fishermen and then she discovered the unique fruit that grows here, the Paopu. Pretty much overnight the town tripled in size and Ariel became the headmistress of the school that became Keystone Primary.'

A strange look came over Axel's face as he paused in his mini-lecture, 'My mother used to tell me when I was little that I was distantly related to Ariel through my father's side. His father was born on the border world of Halloween Town but his mother's family had been here for ages so it could be true. All the pictures of the Siréne family show them to have flaming red hair I know that much.'

Axel suddenly became aware that he was digressing ever so slightly and he blushed. 'Ahem, sorry, I uh didn't mean to go off on a tangent like that. Anyway… So yeah, Ariel ran the school for nearly two decades while maintaining her control of most of the Islands. She died when she was only forty nine and that was when her daughter had the park commissioned as a memorial. The story goes that Ariel heard a scream when she was walking along the beach and dived in to rescue a drowning child. She managed to get the child close enough for the girl to scramble ashore but before she could find her feet she was dragged back out to sea in an undertow. It was kind of weird that they never found her body though.'

Now at the end of his tale Axel looked over to see that Roxas was staring at him in fascination and he blushed again, this time in shy pleasure. For some reason instead of feeling the need to get the hell out of the situation Axel basked in the small glow of happiness, caught up in the pleasant interaction. He was so distracted that he didn't notice that they had managed to walk deep into the park along a winding trail and were now strolling along a narrow track that skirted the top of a steep sided ravine. The scene went from idyllic to terrifying in a split second when Roxas, intrigued by Axel's blush, stepped on the crumbling edge of the path and suddenly found himself teetering precariously on the lip of the gully.

Sometimes the body works before the brain can kick in and Axel's hand shot out faster than the eye could follow to snag Roxas' sleeve. With strength born of acute fear Axel gave a wild heave and even though it ripped the seam right up to Roxas' armpit it was enough to send him staggering back into Axel's arms. His legs were weak with a combination of panic and residual terror and all Axel could do was sink slowly to his knees with the trembling Roxas still in his arms.

***&&&***

Absorbed in the captivating history of Destiny Islands and the small insight into the background of Axel's family Roxas had been just as oblivious as the other boy to their surroundings. When the ground crumbled beneath his feet he was helpless to do anything other than gasp breathlessly and stare down at the rocky bottom of the ravine far below and he would have been unable to save himself if Axel hadn't pulled him back. As Axel crumpled to the ground Roxas was also unable to hold himself up and ended up clinging shakily to Axel trying not to cry.

The late afternoon sun glowed through the trees and soon the shivering boys were bathed in light and warmth as a shaft of sunlight slowly moved over them. The soft heat of the winter sun seeped into Roxas' body and he gradually stopped shaking enough to feel Axel's chest against his cheek and register the other boy's quick shallow breathing. It didn't take Roxas long to realize that Axel was almost in shock at the close call and when he tried to lean back and get a look at the redhead's face he was unsurprised that Axel convulsively clutched him close and his breathing sped up even more.

Thinking quickly and remarkably calmly after such a close call Roxas twisted himself round so that he could grab Axel's face in both hands and he forced the teen to look into his eyes. Drawing on knowledge gleaned from years of helping Ventus cram for his exams Roxas held Axel's gaze and spoke firmly and evenly, 'Axel, I'm okay. You made sure nothing bad happened and you can see me, I'm right here and I'm fine. Can you please say something coz I'm starting to get kinda scared.'

Slowly, achingly slowly, Roxas watched awareness seep back into Axel's face and he closed his eyes, sighing with relief that the teen was coming back to himself. Though the ground below them was hard and cold neither boy felt able to stand immediately so they just sat there in the middle of the stony path. When it finally dawned on Roxas that he was still being held tightly against Axel he felt a jolt run through him again, similar to when their hands touched but a lot stronger this time.

Roxas was so certain that Axel had felt it too that he incautiously flicked his eyes up and locked gazes with the redhead, from which point there was no going back. Blatantly obvious in Axel's unguarded emerald stare was a multitude of emotions, but none more prominent than a deep yearning mixed with hopelessness. Roxas could only guess at what was showing on his own face as his defences were totally down but whatever Axel saw there it caused a faint questioning glimmer of hope to spark into light. Possessed by more courage than he thought he had in him Roxas stepped off the metaphorical cliff and pushed himself forward to lightly kiss Axel on the lips.

***&&&***

On the ground, still shivering at the thoughts of what might have been, Axel had no chance to lift his habitual barriers when Roxas looked up and stared straight into his soul. Axel knew that his feelings were written vividly all over his face and he was already mentally packing his things when he registered that Roxas was looking at him with an expression mirroring his own. Baffled hope barely had time to bloom before Axel's world imploded at the soft touch of Roxas' lips on his own.

The kiss was hesitant, soft and tentative and Axel gave up on thinking. He lost himself in the silky feel of Roxas' skin and the warmth of their bodies pressing against each other, their lips moving gently against each other and the heat of Roxas' breath on his mouth. When Roxas made a wordless sound of pleasure Axel's hand came up seemingly of its own accord and buried itself in the other boy's wild blonde hair, provoking a low moan and causing the kiss to deepen.

A cloud passed in front of the sun causing a sudden chill to fall on the boys. With his hand still cupping Roxas' face Axel softly broke the kiss and simply sat there staring wonderingly at the smile on the blonde boy's face. Linked by a new found closeness and understanding the two boys silently climbed to their feet and wandered back along the trail towards the entrance of the park and the beckoning warmth of home. There was one obvious difference on the way back though, unwilling to relinquish contact Axel and Roxas walked home clasping hands with fingers interlinked.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Self-harm trigger warning.  
>  A scene in this is based on a real experience of mine, but with my best friend instead of my boyfriend. A gentle kiss on scars.**

The time for Ventus' physiotherapy appointment rolled around again but this time Ventus had insisted that Axel deserved a lie-in and as emphasis called Leon right then and there to sort a ride, even waiting until Axel got back into bed before he swung out the door on his crutches. Cocooned in the comfort of his bed Axel guiltily luxuriated and didn't emerge until 11am, yawning cavernously and looking massively rumpled in his black cotton pyjama pants and t-shirt. His hair didn't help either, resembling a spectacular ruby gemstone formation that someone had inexplicably chosen to place on his head.

Axel was in the kitchen and halfway through making a coffee before he realized that Roxas was sitting at the breakfast bar, wrapped in a blanket and biting his hand to stifle his giggles. Out of the corner of his eye Axel finally caught a glimpse of some of his rebellious hair and frantically tried to flatten it into submission to the not so quiet sounds of sniggering coming from Roxas. Trying not to laugh himself Axel turned back to the kettle and attempted to ignore Roxas while he finished making himself a drink. Once he had a hot mug in his hands he felt centred enough to turn around and engage with another human being.

When he turned back to Roxas Axel was unable to resist smiling at the impish grin wreathing the blonde boy's face. As someone who got up early out of necessity not 'early-bird eagerness' Axel couldn't understand how Roxas could be so perky when he had obviously just woken up, although he was prepared to admit that 11.30am wasn't dawn by any stretch of the imagination. Pulling himself together he spoke his first eloquent words of the day, 'Sleep well?'

When Roxas made the 'com çi comme ca' gesture with his hand, his mouth being full of coffee, Axel nodded in agreement and took a scalding gulp of his own drink. Silence with coffee was loads different to awkward silence and Axel was thankful for that. The coffee gave Axel an excuse to avoid proper talking for the moment and to try and plan for the conversation he was expecting to rear its head at any minute.

When they had made it home from the park the previous evening it was almost dark and Ventus had left them takeaways on the counter. Axel was too drained and conflicted to feel hungry though, he just wanted to shut himself away and have some time to think. Roxas had seemed to want to talk about what had just gone down and Axel didn't blame him, but he wanted to sort through his own head first to lessen his chances of blowing things totally. Roxas had agreed to postpone the talk until the following day but now the day was here and Axel had no idea where to even begin.

Stalling tactics seemed to be the thing to do so Axel sculled his coffee to finish before Roxas and made his opening gambit, 'Hey Roxas, Ventus told me the other day that you weren't very good at Gran Turismo and I wondered if that applied to other games too. I couldn't help but notice that you have a few Tekken titles and a grey day like today kinda calls for a tournament of some description don't you think?'

Roxas raised an eyebrow and gave Axel a look that said he knew exactly what he was doing but he still smiled back with a challenging look in his eye and said defiantly, 'I can kick your ass in ways you've never seen with any character you care to name Firebonce. In fact I will cook dinner for the next week if you can win more than two games in a row off me.'

Axel thanked his lucky stars that Roxas was prepared to play along and stuck out his tongue before hightailing it to the lounge. Grabbing his favourite title, Tekken 5, Axel set up the PS2 and tossed the second controller over to Roxas. There was no pregame battle for characters as Axel quickly snapped up his favourite Hwoarang and Roxas went straight for Devil Jin, so as soon as they were sorted the heroic battle commenced.

***&&&***

Time passed in a flurry of playful swearing and thumbs blurring on the controllers. Roxas was indeed a master of Tekken as he claimed but Axel was giving him more trouble than he would like to admit even with his bung wrist. A white flag was flown at around 2pm so that lunch could be had and strength regained for the second half of the battle. For the sake of convenience they settled on leftover sausages and the cheesy goodness of Doritos. Assembling their food they decided to sit at the table so that Ventus would have no crumbs to go spare over.

Unbeknownst to one of the teens there was calculated strategy happening and as soon as Axel had a mouth full of chips Roxas took his opportunity, stared fixedly at the ceiling and saying, 'I know that the Tekken challenge was meant to postpone this for longer but I uh think we need to talk about shit. If you really don't want to talk at all then say so now coz it would probably avoid at least a small amount of awkwardness…'

Axel found himself needing to do some creative eating to avoid choking when Roxas spoke up and thus was unable to speak himself until he cleared the jagged blockage from his throat. Not wanting Roxas to think he wasn't going to respond he forced the mouthful down and spoke in a ragged voice, 'I know Rox *ahhuurumph* yeah, I'm sorry. Oh Bahamut, *splutter splutter* give me a minute here.'

Unable to keep going Axel went into an uncontrollable coughing fit, bending over and clinging to the table to avoid ending up on the floor. Once he was done and thought he could talk without losing a lung he straightened up and ran his fingers through his hair. In a much more normal voice he said, 'Now that I have your attention, I'm sorry for chickening out last night when you wanted to talk. My mind was so tangled I didn't want to risk fucking things up by saying something stupid. I tend to ramble without making sense a lot… Much like I'm doing right now…'

Abruptly embarrassed Axel stopped and took a deep breath. A wry look crossed his face at the amusement obvious in Roxas' eyes and he decided to throw caution to the winds. Though he summoned his courage he still looked everywhere except at Roxas when he muttered, 'I didn't say anything because I didn't want to mess things up. I know you felt it too that day in the lounge… Dammit, you're going to make me say it… I like you Roxas. A lot okay?'

The resounding silence stretched out and Axel felt himself shrinking into a puddle of humiliation. With the last of his rapidly draining courage he slowly looked up at Roxas and was stunned to see that the tiny blonde was speechless but grinning like a jack-o-lantern. Disbelieving and needing more confirmation Axel whispered, 'Can you say what you're thinking Rox? Please?' The nickname rolled easily off his tongue, unnoticed by him but definitely noted by Roxas.

Roxas smiled softly and managed to find his voice. Not wanting to torture the redhead anymore he said simply, 'I like you too Ax. A lot.'

***&&&***

Ventus walked in the door at 4pm and nearly tripped over his own crutches when he saw the scene in the lounge. The TV was up full bore blaring the epic trumpetness of The Fellowship of the Ring and on the larger sofa, leaning against each other companionably sat Roxas and Axel. Unable to stop his jaw dropping open Ventus gaped at the pair and his eyes nearly fell out of their sockets when he saw Roxas reach over and wriggle his hand into Axel's. Almost transfixed by the sight in front of him Ventus fumbled with his crutches and walked into the wall.

The thud Ventus made in his rare clumsy moment had an electrifying effect on the boys in the lounge and he couldn't help a confused and amused snort at the way his brother jumped a foot in the air but still held onto Axel so that he couldn't leap away. A rather louder snort came out as Ventus watched Roxas turn slowly to face him with a look of defiance mixed with apprehension on his face. Taking this as his cue Ventus abandoned his crutches and hopped to the armchair, just about biting through his tongue at the pain that came from jostling his still healing ribs.

Ventus had plenty of practice at waiting his brother out but this time it was only a matter of seconds before Roxas broke and blurted out, 'I'm glad you're here Ven, I um, well, I wanted to talk to you when you got home coz there's been… I mean something's happened that you should probably know about.'

The bright red of Roxas' face quashed the urge that Ventus felt to let his brother stew for a little longer and he raised a hand to halt the word vomit that had the potential to continue indefinitely. Once he was sure he had both boys' attention he said, 'I know Rox. You want to tell me that you and Axel have a thing. Gaia little bro, did you think I'd gone senile? I knew there was something between you pretty much the moment I got home on Sunday after your DVD evening. I'm trained to watch people and figure shit out remember?'

This time a loud belly-laugh managed to escape Ventus at the comical facial expressions adorning the pair on the couch. Roxas was bright red with his mouth hanging open and Axel looked reminiscent of a deer, on fire, caught in the headlights, getting hit by lightning. Addressing only Axel for a moment Ventus abruptly got serious saying, 'I like you Axel and what you've done here counts for a lot. I do think you're a good kid, but you better believe me when I say that if you ever hurt my brother I will come down on you worse than Roxas ever could 've, even taking into account his innate scariness.'

Ventus softened his tone as Axel nodded mutely looking like he was about to throw up. 'Honestly Axel I don't think you would ever hurt Roxas or me on purpose. I just believe in having things out in the open to avoid anyone getting the wrong idea. In fact, I'm so okay with this that I'm going to go crash and recover from physio and I don't think I'll be up again before dinner. Anyway, I hope I haven't interrupted anything too critical, as you were boys.'

***&&&***

Silence filled the room as Ventus limped away to his bedroom grinning like a Cheshire cat. Axel was still doing his impression of a catatonia patient when Roxas recovered enough to wrap an arm around him, but unfortunately the well-intentioned hug pressed Roxas tight against Axel's still healing bicep and he hissed sharply in pain before he could stop himself. Cursing despairingly in his head Axel tried to subtly pull away from the other boy even though he knew it was too late and there was an unavoidable interrogation coming.

Roxas' quiet voice echoed in Axel's ears and he heard the question clearly even as he tried valiantly to transport himself elsewhere through sheer force of will, 'Have you... Cut your arm Axel? I just… I feel like if this thing is going to go anywhere I need to know what's going on…Can you please try and talk to me?'

The tremulous query trailed off and Axel stared at the floor as if trying to burn a hole in it to hide in. Remembering his promise to himself just a few days before, Axel gritted his teeth and sucked it the fuck up, able to admit to himself that if he had any chance with Roxas it lay in total honesty. He had never talked about his self-harm to anyone apart from a couple of counsellors who totally didn't count and now that nine years of blood and scars were welling up in his head he had absolutely no idea where to start.

Axel was aware that Roxas was waiting patiently for him to begin so he made a heroic effort and picked a place to start and said, 'You remember the other weekend when you went to help Namine out with her art project? Well when Ventus and I got back from his appointment some of his friends turned up out of the blue. One of them recognized me from the newspaper articles and even though she was too far away to say anything her eyes said it all. She looked like she would've happily ripped my throat out.'

Staring fixedly at the floor Axel growled out a confession he had never put into words before, 'I fucked off to my room and cut the shit out of myself so bad I needed stitches. I deserved everything she thought about me and more so I did what she would've done if she had been given the chance. No matter what Ventus says I know that I should be punished for what I did and if no one else is going to do it then I have to. So now you know and I'm sorry that you have to deal with it.'

Axel ran out steam and sat slumped on the couch eyes downcast, waiting for Roxas to make the usual noises of incomprehension, disgust and pity that he had even had from the fuckwits who called themselves his therapists, but what the other boy actually said made him question his hearing. In a calm voice with an undercurrent of sadness Roxas asked, 'If you don't mind, and I mean please tell me to fuck off if you don't want to… But could you show me your arms?'

It was possibly the simplicity of the request that moved Axel or it could have been something he saw in Roxas' shimmering blue eyes; either way he thought seriously about how this could go and then did something he never thought he would do. Slowly, every second telling himself that yes this was voluntary, Axel rolled back the soft black fabric covering his left forearm and exposed skin criss-crossed with too many raised silvery scars to count. Still unable to look at Roxas Axel studied the uneven texture that was his skin.

As if seeing through someone else's eyes Axel regarded his arm critically. The parts of his forearm that should have been flawless and smooth were rough and marred with unsightly, starkly scarring lines. Looking at the ugly marks tore at Axel's soul and he kept his head lowered, hyper-aware that Roxas was scrutinizing the same thing he was seeing; the blonde boy was the first person apart from himself to lay eyes on his bare arm.

***&&&***

Roxas was shocked into silence at the sight of Axel's arm and he shivered at the thought that the extensive scarring went up even further. His gaze traced every line and every burn mark, imagining the blood shed for each wound and the pain that must have been felt to compel someone to do such a thing. Eventually he realized that Axel must be waiting for him to say something and he tried to kick-start his brain.

Roxas cleared his throat and when Axel looked up bleakly he hoped like hell he had the right words and said, 'I'm not going to run away Ax. From what you've told me you've been through hell and I've a feeling that you haven't told me the half of it. While I don't get how you can do that to yourself I sure as shit can't judge you for what you had to do to survive. You're not going to scare me off with the shit in your past or the things in your head. I'm getting past the crash because there's something about you… I just… I don't want you to feel like you have to hide stuff from me.'

Reaching out impulsively Roxas placed his hand on the back of Axel's forearm and ran gentle fingers over the lumpy keloid scars, feeling the tremors of tension as Axel resisted the reflex to pull away. Curiosity urged him on and Roxas turned the boy's arm over exposing the underside of Axel's wrist, letting out a distressed sigh upon seeing the multitude of scars that left almost no smooth skin at all. Acting entirely on instinct Roxas bent his head and laid a soft kiss on the roughly ridged skin of Axel's wrist.

A choked sob made Roxas look up in concern and then his mind stuttered to a stop as Axel's lips found his. For Roxas the tenderness of the kiss was made bittersweet by the delicate taste of Axel's tears and it was mere seconds before his arms were wrapped around the redhead as he was enfolded in a tight embrace. The two teens clung together, caught in the desperate kiss until the need to breathe became a demand not a request. Trying to recover Roxas buried his head in Axel's shoulder and sucked in a deep shuddering breath.

A thought had been running through Roxas' head for a while and it could only ricochet around for so long until it broke free. While Axel still clung to him tightly and the taste of the other teen was fresh on his tongue Roxas murmured, 'Will you tell me if you want to do this to yourself again? I hate to think that you're struggling with this alone. I know this is all new with us and I don't really have a right to ask this, but would you, could you please tell me if you start thinking that way again?'

Roxas wasn't sure what response he expected, but it wasn't what came next. Axel's thin fingers tightened almost painfully on his shoulders and then the teen dug his fingers into his hair and clutched him so tight he could hardly breathe. Axel's lips were just about touching his ear and the redhead whispered hoarsely, 'I'd tell you anything Rox, anything to not be alone with this anymore. I've been so, so lonely and I can't stand it for one more second, one more breath. I promise I'll try to talk to you.'

The welling up of emotion in response to the genuine vow took Roxas by surprise and he was unable to stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks. He simply held Axel close and let his sorrow mixed with compassion course in shining rivers down his face, his emotions mirrored by the other boy's tears. They sat, cradled safe in each other's arms for over an hour until the tears on their faces dried and their breathing slowed. When dinner time finally rolled around Roxas and Axel had pulled themselves together enough to collaborate and create a mind-blowing pork cannelloni dish, ready for a surprised Ventus when he cautiously emerged.

***&&&***

Ventus awoke that evening to wonderful smells from the kitchen and moments after getting up he found himself being escorted to the table by Roxas while Axel dished up. Though he had meant to talk to Roxas over dinner Ventus was unable to stop stuffing his face long enough to get anything out beyond a wordless expression of foodgasm. Still unused to the outrageously delicious food that Axel conjured up most nights Ventus was lost in his own happy little world of decadence until his plate was clean and his stomach full to bursting.

Once everyone had finished dinner Axel automatically got up to clear the plates and do the dishes, leaving Roxas and Ventus groaning theatrically at how full they both were. Smiling at how well it had worked out eventually, Ventus turned to look at Roxas who met his gaze slightly warily. Offering a smile to try and dispel any uneasiness Ventus winked and said, 'So Rox, how was your afternoon? I had my headphones in the entire time so I didn't hear anything I wasn't meant to.'

Laughing involuntarily at the way Roxas' jaw dropped open Ventus waved away his brother's stammering. 'I'm being a dick dude, I really don't even want to know. All I've really got to say on the subject is be careful. I would have never in a million years have seen this coming and I… yeah… Ah shit Roxas just be careful. I like Axel, otherwise he'd be straight out that door, fuck, please just promise me you'll come to me if you need to.'

The last of the guardedness faded from Roxas' eyes as Ventus watched and when his brother got to his feet and walked over Ventus wrapped him in a huge hug. Roxas buried his head in the crook of Ventus' neck and only when he strained his hearing could Ventus make out what his brother was whispering. 'I really like him Ven… There's something, something there, I don't know why I can't stop thinking about him. You've been like a dad as well as a brother to me and even though it was me acting like a fuckwit in the beginning, I was so scared you'd kick Axel out when you found out…'

Roxas' breath hitched and he stopped talking in an attempt to hold back tears. Ventus, while keeping half an ear on the clattering noise of Axel doing the dishes, rubbed Roxas' shoulder reassuringly and simply held his brother close until the boy's breathing smoothed out. When he was sure Roxas had composed himself Ventus pulled back and looked him square in the eye. 'This is the last I'll say on it Rox, come to me for anything okay? And if you and Axel is what makes you happy then I'll sure as hell support it. Once you got over the initial urge to strangle him I don't think I've seen you smile so much since… Well, for a very long time. And now to blatantly change the subject, what do you reckon about watching a movie?'

***&&&***

Roxas had been nervous getting Ventus up for tea as he wasn't sure how his brother would act, having had some time to think about the whole Axel thing. The fact that Ventus had broached the subject first had rattled Roxas and then his brother's calm and reasonable words had left him thanking Gaia and all the gods that he had Ven for a brother. Lurching in to hug Ventus Roxas had felt strength and support communicated in the embrace along with an unspoken protectiveness that filled him with warmth. When Ventus switched the pace of the conversation Roxas responded automatically with the name of his favourite movie of all time, 'SNATCH!'

Ventus laughed out loud and Axel stuck his head out of the kitchen to see what the noise was about while Roxas scurried through to the lounge and began rummaging through the DVDs to find Snatch. Yanking the Brad Pitt adorned case out of a messy pile of movies Roxas got it all ready in the DVD player and sat bouncing on the couch waiting for the other two to come through. Ventus slouched in and poured himself into the armchair and after crashing the last of the dishes away Axel appeared and stood there uncertainly.

Roxas mused that his connection with Axel had to be deeper than he thought because he could almost hear the thought going through Axel's head, should he sit where he wanted to with Roxas or should he err on the side of caution and sit elsewhere. Seeing that Axel was leaning towards elsewhere, thus avoiding a possible comment by Ventus, Roxas decided to step in and he cleared his throat noisily before saying, 'Ax, come sit over here. I'll probably rant to you about the best bits of the movie and if you sit next to me it won't bother Ven so much. Right Ven?'

The look Roxas shot at his brother clearly communicated what he expected and Ventus did not disappoint. Chuckling wryly he gestured magnanimously and said, 'Please Axel, sit over there. Roxas is probably the worst person to watch a movie with, especially if it's one he loves. If he's telling you all about it and ranting right in your ear I might stand half a chance of getting to watch this one in peace.'

Axel was trapped by the flanking manoeuvre and slowly walked over to sit on the far end of the couch from Roxas. Not taking offence Roxas started the movie and for a change let the previews play through, sneakily moving closer to Axel as the redhead focussed his attention on the screen. By the end of the previews Roxas had managed to get right next to Axel without him noticing and five minutes into the movie he tried the old yawn-and-stretch trick, neatly slipping his arm around Axel's bony shoulders.

There was a moment where Roxas was sure that Axel was going to totally levitate off the couch but thankfully it passed quickly and a warm feeling filled Roxas when Axel leant into him and actually snuggled under his arm. A sensation of completeness filled Roxas' world, making him very aware of how damn good it felt to have Axel's body pressed against him and he realized with a shock that he had never felt like this before. Though he still laughed and nattered throughout the movie Roxas was floating on a cloud of cotton wool.

It wasn't until after the movie finished and Axel became involved in a spirited discussion with Ventus about British movies that Roxas felt a small but insidious sliver of doubt creep into the back of his mind, puncturing the cloud he was on. One moment he was blissing out at the mere touch of the other boy's skin and the next moment he found himself starting to second-guess how something that seemed so deep could come from such a fucked up situation. And so fast, for the last few weeks had felt like they had been on fast forward.

While Axel was still deep in conversation with Ventus Roxas moved away slightly and wrapped his arms around himself. Normally he wasn't one for wavering moods but when it did happen the swings could be drastic. At least able to recognize the signs of his own volatility Roxas waited for a break in the discussion going on next to him and excused himself, citing total nackeredness and the need to crash. Axel reached for his hand but Roxas pretended he didn't see and made for his bedroom as fast as he dared.

On the way to his bedroom Roxas faltered as he turned into the hallway. Flashing in front of his vision was the memory of his first sight of Axel back in the hospital and that flash also brought back the overwhelming anger he had been feeling at the time. Spinning out Roxas broke into a stumbling run and burst into his room shoving the door shut behind him. He was so unnerved by his change in mood that he completely failed to notice the stricken Axel staring after him from the end of the hall.

Roxas hurled himself full length on the bed, burying his face in his pillow and letting out a pained groan of confusion; trying to get a handle on his life that had veered wildly from intense anger and hate to pity and compassion and then to the most confusing of all, attraction and possibly more. Trying to release some frustration Roxas slammed a punch into his pillow and swore viciously, battling with himself over how the hell he could go from utter hate to something suspiciously like love in less than a month?!

There had been more truth in Roxas' excuse than even he realized because before he had a chance to get out of his clothes or even under the covers sleep hit him like a freight train. Shattered by the overwhelming confusion and maelstrom of emotions that had bubbled up from nowhere Roxas went from cursing to dead to the world in the time it took for his last obscenity to stop echoing around the room. Sleep however was not peaceful.

_He was standing in the dingy halls of the closed part of the hospital, but this time there was no kindly Lexaeus to lead him out. The steady drip of water echoed all around him but Roxas was sure that beneath it he could hear stealthy footsteps. Spinning around quickly Roxas came face to face with no one, but that didn't change his certainty that there was someone coming. Picking a direction at random Roxas took off running._

_Time was elastic in dreamland so Roxas had no idea how long he ran before he found a door in the featureless walls. Light spilled from the cracks around the door but Roxas felt a chill up his spine and found himself extremely reluctant to open it. What forced his hand was the unmistakable noise behind him of movement getting closer so he ignored the foreboding in his heart and pulled the door open, slipping quickly inside and yanking it closed again as swiftly as possible. The sight that greeted him in the room froze him to the spot and drained all the blood from his face._

_The inside of the room was not the hospital anymore, it was the house he used to live in when his parents were still alive. He was standing by the dining room wall and could see his seven year old self on the couch next to his dad, and walking through to answer the knock on the door instead of his mother (oh-fucking-Gaia-no!) was Ventus. Because it was a dream Roxas was unable to move or scream or do anything, all he could do is watch in breathless horror as Ventus opened the door._

_Then things went from horrific to truly sickening. As Ventus pulled open the door, just as his mother had done so long ago, the person who had knocked became visible. A soundless scream broke free from Roxas' throat when he saw that holding the gun to Ventus' forehead was Axel, dressed in the same dirty rags that the murderer had worn. The shot sounded like it shattered the whole world and Ventus fell backward in slow motion causing Roxas fall also, backwards into cold darkness._

_Finally able to make a sound Roxas screamed into the blackness until his throat gave out and he could only make a hoarse whisper. Tears soaked his cheeks, freezing at first until an unknown length of time later he felt a warmth surround him and a light pierce the darkness. Afraid to look at whatever new hell was being conjured for him Roxas closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable pain. Instead he felt a gentle hand wiping the tears from his face and the familiar scent of jasmine that immediately brought a lump to his throat._

_Lifting his gaze Roxas found himself looking into a pair of smiling blue eyes that he hadn't seen in eight years; his mother was standing in front of him in the softly glowing light. For Roxas in that instant everything was washed away, the confusion, the pain, and he threw himself into Aurora Hakunetsu's arms. Finally a coherent word escaped his lacerated throat and he cried out, 'Mum!'_

_Aurora held her son to her as if she were more than just a dream and it was Roxas who pulled away first so he could take in the details of her beautiful face. Roxas was so busy trying desperately to lock every inch of his mother into his memory that he jumped in fright when she spoke, but then tears came to his eyes again as he had all but forgotten the sound of his own mother's voice. Though he was struggling to stay composed in his dream, Roxas found every word was instantly etched into his brain._

_'My Roxas, my little Roxas… You've grown so strong. I've missed you so much, my brave little man. Listen to me Roxas, I can't stay long but I need to tell you some things that you'd be able to tell yourself if your heart wasn't so confused. Oh Roxas, it makes me sad to see you fighting your feelings. Listen to me and remember what I say.'_

_The dream-mother paused to affectionately touch his face and then continued, 'You're letting your fears poison things that could be so good Roxas. What happened to my brave boy? I remember when you were only five and you were bitten by an injured dog, but when your father was going to have it taken to be put down you threw yourself at Phillip and screamed until he caught it and took it to the vet for treatment instead. Do you remember how you and Ventus walked around the neighbourhood until you found someone who would take the poor thing? Only a week after you needed four stitches from its bite and you saved that dog's life.'_

_Roxas was unable to supress a small sound of recollection as he had forgotten about the dog from his childhood that had only bitten out of fear and pain. He thought he knew where his mother was headed with this but he looked up at her, still unsure. Aurora smiled, 'You know I'm talking about him Roxas. You just needed reminding of who you are beneath the darkness of pain and fear. The Roxas I remember let compassion and hope guide his actions and it hurts to see you ruled by emotions that even you thought were gone.'_

_The dream began to fade and Roxas hopelessly stretched out his hand to touch his mother one more time. To his surprise he felt warm fingers enfold his hand for a moment and Aurora's distant voice whispered, 'You've grown Roxas, I miss you and your brother so much. Don't let the pain and fear blind you to things that could be so good… Your father and I are so proud of you Roxas…'_

Roxas awoke crying softly. The image of his mother was etched in his brain and every word she said still echoed in his mind. His bedside clock told him that barely an hour had passed but it felt like he had spent days listening to his mother speak. Pushing himself up Roxas wrapped his arms around himself and let the tears fall until there were none left. He might have had dreams about his parents when he was younger but this was the first that he could remember clearly and definitely the only one to be so coherent.

While he was waiting for his well of tears to run dry Roxas replayed his mother's words over and over in his head. Part of him was coldly saying that the dream was merely his subconscious giving him a kick in the ass, but a deeper part of him clung to the desperate hope that somehow his mum had briefly overcome the chains of death to reach out and help him be more of the person he might have been had a murderer not torn his family apart. Deep in thought Roxas didn't notice the tear streaks drying on his cheeks, he was focused solely on making a decision.

It took less than five minutes though for Roxas to admit that there was really no choice and therefore no decision to be made. His mother had all but spelt out for him the un-Roxas-ness of running away from what could be forming with Axel and now that he had her words as a point of reference Roxas knew that his second thoughts were based on nothing but fear. Checking the clock again Roxas got to his feet, it wasn't late so there was still time tonight to go find Axel and man up about what the hell had happened. He wasn't deluded enough to pretend that Axel wouldn't have noticed something was wrong and drawn his own conclusions.

***&&&***

By the end of the movie Axel was sore from laughing so much, he had never seen Snatch before but was in love by the time the credits rolled. To top off the most perfect of perfect evenings, the whole movie had been spent wrapped in Roxas' arms their bodies pressed together from shoulder to hip. Feeling like he must be in heaven Axel watched Brad Pitt's shenanigans with a stupid grin on his face and was unable to wipe it away even when Ventus laughed at his reaction and asked him if he watched much British stuff.

The conversation with Ventus got very involved very quickly but it didn't mean that Axel was oblivious to something strange going on with Roxas. Before he could find a moment in the banter to check that the other boy was okay Roxas had jumped up and pled tiredness and when Axel surprised himself by boldly reaching for Roxas' hand he felt like he had been slapped as Roxas turned quickly away. Worried and unsure as to what was going on Axel excused himself to Ventus and cautiously followed after Roxas.

Axel made it to the hall in time to see Roxas stagger into his room looking like he had been hit by a truck and he stopped dead staring after him. Putting two and two together seemed pretty simple at this point and Axel felt sick at the inevitable conclusion; Roxas had obviously changed his mind about everything he had said earlier and couldn't even stand to be near him. 'Well', Axel thought bitterly. 'Not everyone can claim to have had a relationship that lasted bang on twenty four hours.'

Forgetting that he had left Ventus in the lounge Axel walked numbly to his own room and shut the door with a soft click. Now in his own space and alone Axel just stood staring at the wall, still unable to believe what the fuck had just happened. Dissociation at this point would have been welcome but unfortunately for Axel he could feel the piercing pain of rejection burning through his chest.

Minutes ticked by before Axel came to himself enough to wander, almost in slow motion, over to his bed and sit absently on the edge. Feelings meandered in and out of his consciousness, slowly gaining momentum and coalescing into razor-edged emotions. The dominant emotions warring for supremacy were definitely confusion and icy betrayal but beneath those were also self-condemnation for daring to believe that he and Roxas could be and a jeering cynical amusement at his own idiocy. Axel sat and stared at nothing for a long time, immobilized by the chaos ripping at his very soul.

Gradually in the place Axel's mind had fled to a voice began to make itself heard, the voice he had identified since he was a child as Bad Red. For as long as Axel could remember Bad Red had been the sly whisper in his mind telling him that he was worthless and useless and he had begun to hope, as he hadn't heard from Bad Red since the second night with the Hakunetsus, that the horrible voice might have finally left him alone. With Bad Red driving him on Axel scrabbled for his self-harm kit, hunting frantically under the bed when he couldn't find it immediately.

Axel calmed a little when his hand finally came into contact with the bag and he shakily sat up on the bed to prepare for the only thing that could have a hope of silencing the screaming in his head. His eyes changed from sharp emerald to foggy jade, his gaze drifting up to fix on a point in empty air and with his usual unerring precision Axel stretched out his hand and dreamily picked up his well-used knife. Haphazardly Axel ripped up his sleeve to expose his forearm but the predictable mechanical slice followed by the ritualized clean-up was interrupted when the bedroom door swung open and a small subset of hell broke loose.

***&&&***

Upon forming his resolution Roxas shoved himself to his feet and strode purposefully down the hall to Axel's room. The door was closed but he didn't hesitate and gently pushed it open, totally forgetting to knock. From there things happened so fast that afterwards Roxas was barely able to piece together the sequence of events. The instant he opened the door to see the silent tableau of Axel poised to cut, his mind went blank even as his body took over.

Roxas came through the half open door so fast that he clipped it with his shoulder, throwing it wide open. Before the heavy door had had time to rebound shut Roxas hurled himself across the room colliding squarely with Axel's chest, ending up on top of the other boy and pinning him to the bed. The knife flew away and clattered against the wall but Roxas was more concerned with the look of pure rage that was simmering in the green eyes staring at up at him.

In the dead quiet that filled the air Axel struggled viciously and snarled in a tone Roxas had never heard from him, 'What the ever-loving fuck is your problem Roxas? I got the message damn loud and clear before, you're not interested no matter what you said earlier and in fact you'd be quite happy if I'd oblige you by getting the fuck out of your life again. I was just working on that so if you would piss off for a few minutes you wouldn't have anything to worry about it anymore.'

Despite the venom in Axel's words a tear escaped to slide down over the tattoo on his left cheek and though he was still essentially chest to chest with Roxas he turned his head away and closed his eyes. Struggling for anything even halfway adequate to say Roxas felt an ache deep in his chest at the thought of what he had almost caused. Not long ago he would have been happy to wield the knife on the redheaded teen himself but now he knew for certain that that feeling was gone for good.

Abruptly Roxas gave up on trying to compose the perfect thing to say and he reached out to brush away the tear from Axel's cheek. When Axel opened his eyes and treated him to an incredulous gaze that was nevertheless filled with deep anguish Roxas whispered, 'I am so sorry Axel. I can be an inconsiderate fuckwit at times but I… I should never have treated you like this. I had no right to visit my own fears and uncertainties on you, especially after you risked opening up to me. And I… I was wrong, so wrong.'

Axel involuntarily let out a soft sigh at that last bit and Roxas felt encouraged that he hadn't yet been invited to take a long walk off a short pier. Still in a voice barely louder than a murmur Roxas went on, 'When we were watching the movie something went click in my head and I got scared. Totally shit terrified. When this all started I was so, so angry and then in the lounge I just got convinced that the new feelings just couldn't be real after such a short time… So I did what I always do when things go bad, I removed myself from the situation. I ran.'

Roxas stopped and stared at nothing for a long time. He hadn't registered at the time of his talk with Zexion just how perfectly the bluette had him pegged but hearing the other boy's words come out of his own mouth stopped him dead. There was an extended silence before he jumped out of his skin at the low rasp of Axel's voice saying bleakly, 'Why are you here, why are you even here now? If it was such a fucking lapse in judgement you couldn't stand to breathe the same air as me… Just tell me to leave and I'll go Roxas… But please, don't fuck with my head anymore.'

Finally realizing just how far over the edge Axel had been pushed Roxas shook his head frantically and took the risk of running his fingers down the boy's cheek again. This surprised Axel into looking up at him again and as soon as their gazes met Roxas started speaking so fast his words almost ran into each other, 'I'm sorry, I really am, I'm so sorry. It's my fault for being too fucking stupid to figure out my own head without a sign ten miles high signed by my own mother. I don't want you to go and I was so wrong to think that how I'm feeling could be any other than real. I wanted… I just… Please give me another chance…'

Roxas cringed at how pathetic and inadequate his words sounded and in a fit of self-consciousness he shoved himself backwards off of Axel and retreated to the other side of the bed. He felt sick to his stomach that he was having to beg forgiveness for tearing to shreds the tentatively offered heart of the boy that he had recently judged so swiftly and so harshly. Out of words and out of strength Roxas stared at his hands and waited for Axel to walk out the door.

Once again though Axel managed to surprise the hell out of Roxas, remaining sprawled on his back and letting out a cynical bark of laughter. Lying motionless like all his energy had simply vanished Axel spoke as if every word was causing him pain, 'You have nothing to apologize for. I deserve to be hurt and I deserve to be reminded of the pain I've caused every day. What I don't deserve is a chance to be with someone like you. I shouldn't have put you in this position in the first place and I sure as hell shouldn't have been surprised at this.'

Axel's short speech somehow hot-wired the anger centre of Roxas' brain but the anger was directed at the fatalistic resignation in Axel's voice and at his own fuck-witted-ness rather than at Axel himself. Desperate not to let things fall apart before they had even started Roxas moved back to Axel's side and put his hand on his arm. 'I do need to apologize Axel and the worst part is I don't know how I can fix this, if I can at all. Fuck, you think you deserve to be made to feel like this and all I've done is reinforce to you that you're worthless… I'm such a piece of shit for putting you through that when… When I condemned you so harshly for hurting me and Ven…'

Stripped of his usually ironclad defences for once Roxas fell silent and could only stare pleadingly at Axel's impassive profile. A sinking feeling in his heart told Roxas that it might well be too late but he clung to the indefinable, almost imperceptible tremor that had betrayed the buried feelings behind Axel's bitter words. He was at the point of giving up hope entirely when Axel broke the silence.

His words could barely be termed a whisper and Roxas had to strain his ears to hear Axel say, 'I want this Roxas… I want you… I don't even understand why you would come near me, but I know that when I'm with you I feel things I've never felt. Then you all but told me to fuck off and it just confirmed everything I ever knew. It wasn't bad, it made perfect sense to me. You don't need to ask me to forgive you, you never have to ask me to forgive you…'

At this point Roxas couldn't hold back any longer. Gently, careful not to bump any spot that might be a recent cut, Roxas slipped down beside Axel and nestled himself in the crook of the teen's long arm. Slowly, sensitive to the sensations of soft material over lean muscles and the shallow rise and fall of Axel's ribs, Roxas slid his hand over the boy's chest and moved in until he was finally pressed close against his side.

Even though his head was down and resting on Axel's chest, Roxas felt it when Axel turned his head and kissed his hair. Craning his neck upwards Roxas was able to catch a glimpse of Axel's face and the expression of disbelief and aching relief humbled him profoundly. Slowly Axel's hand stole its way into Roxas' and worn out by yet another storm of emotions the boys fell asleep, limbs tangled, with Roxas' right hand clasped in Axel's left.


	11. Chapter 11

Axel was up early on Sunday morning to begin his role as paid garden help for Aqua, returning home as night was falling with only the strength to request takeaway pizza before falling headlong into bed. The next few days, what with school for Roxas and study and Ventus-duty for Axel, things were both frenetic and disconnected. On Wednesday however Roxas was handed the present of a teacher's only day and Ventus, with much exaggerated winking and sniggering, insisted that Larxene was happy to take him in to the hospital for his check-up.

Axel was so used to waking up early that he had to force himself to stay in bed and listen to Larxene come to get Ventus at 8am. Once the door closed behind Ventus Axel only lasted for thirty minutes of listening to the rain on the roof before he rolled out of bed to go get a coffee. Hit with a brainwave as the jug boiled Axel made a second cup of coffee and shyly took it down to Roxas' room. Tapping lightly on the door Axel smiled when Roxas immediately called for him to come in.

Opening the door dexterously enough for a guy with a stuffed wrist holding two steaming cups of coffee Axel edged into the dim room, focusing straightaway on the ruffled blonde grinning at him from a nest of blankets. Axel was unable to stop a matching grin from spreading over his face and at Roxas' gesture he put the boy's coffee on the bedside table and sat down right on the edge of the bed. Trying to figure out what to say Axel sipped at his burning hot coffee with a reflective look on his face before he became aware that Roxas was watching him, with a grin still tugging at his lips.

***&&&***

Roxas was grinning well before Axel realized he was being watched and when the redhead snapped his head up and met his gaze the blonde's lips stretched so wide he hurt his mouth. Gratified to see an answering smile light up Axel's face Roxas picked up his own coffee and groaned at his first taste of delicious caffeine for the day. Once his taste buds had finished their party Roxas said approvingly, 'Well, you could totally go into business as a barista Axel. That could possibly be the best coffee I've ever had in my life. Thank you, that's got to be one of the better ways to wake up.'

Axel blushed as red as his hair at the compliment and Roxas couldn't help but giggle. In a comfortable and undemanding atmosphere they slowly savored their coffees and sat in silence. It wasn't until they had both finished their drinks that Roxas spoke again in a contemplative tone, 'Axel… We've hardly seen each other the last few days so that meant I've had some time to wonder about things. Nonono, don't worry, not in a bad way; I just mean that I've realized I don't even know your favorite color let alone anything about what you like or shit like that.'

Fixing Axel with a rueful look Roxas tried to inject a little humor into a serious thought, 'If I'd gotten to know you the normal way I would have found out the things you like and your hobbies and stuff… Ah crap, I'm starting to sound like a bloody dating site. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know a lot about the bad stuff, but I want to know more about you.'

Axel was obviously surprised at the direction of Roxas' questioning but to his credit he thought seriously about the question before answering. 'I… You have a good point Rox. You know about the absolute worst things in my life but I guess nothing is all bad huh? And to be honest I'd like to know more about the guy who's decided that I'm worth getting to know. I'm still a little hazy as to your reasoning. Umm, I guess though, could you do me a favor? Tell me something about you first, like to get us started?'

A mischievous glint lit up Roxas' eyes. He had planned to try and initiate a conversation about normal things as opposed to the heavy, heart-breaking topics that seemed to have dominated discussions so far but this had worked out better than he had imagined. Nonchalantly he said, 'Sure I can do that Ax, if you do something for me… Do you think you could come sit next to me so I don't keep thinking you'll tip right off the bed?'

Axel wordlessly shuffled onto and up the bed until he was not quite sitting beside Roxas but was at least in the middle of the mattress. Now it was Roxas' turn to consider what he was going to say next and he decided on the easiest thing to talk about. 'Okay, um something I would ramble on about if I just met you at school or something… I would tell you that I do a martial art and then when you asked 'which martial art is that Roxas' I would say well Axel, I do Taekwon-do.'

At that Axel indicated both interest and amusement with an eloquent snort so Roxas went on, 'As I told you the other day I started Taekwon-do in primary school partly because of the bullying, I was nine at the time, well I uh, I got my black belt when I was fourteen. Even though I'm small I could probably kick someone's kidneys out of their ears if I tried, which was useful when Marluxia and Vanitas thought it would be a good idea to beat the gay out of me. Believe it or not that's the only time I've ever had to use what I know in a fight.'

Now it was Roxas' turn to look thoughtful as Axel hung on his every word. 'You know, I haven't thought much about it till now but the whole mental aspect of the art has been a shitload more useful to me than any ass-kicking techniques. When I first started I was so angry… I mean you have some idea of how mental I am, but that was nothing compared to how I used to be. My instructor taught me how to channel the anger into my training and then, when that wasn't enough, how to get control of my emotions and thoughts.'

Almost forgetting Axel was there Roxas mused, 'Without that as a release I don't know where I'd be now. There's every chance I could have… Fucking Ventus! That's what he meant, he saw it right from the fucking start!'

Wide-eyed Axel stared at Roxas curiously but he didn't have to wait long for an answer to his unspoken question. 'That's why Ventus pushed this even when I was being a consummate fucking douche about everything, because he looked at you and saw exactly how I would have… The dark places I could have gone if things had been even slightly different for me. Knowing that bright son of a bitch he's probably been counting down the minutes to me being hit with this bloody epiphany.'

Axel made a noise of bewildered agreement and smiled when Roxas let out a half-pissed, half-impressed laugh. In a tone of vexed admiration Roxas said, 'Wow. It's fucking weird when you suddenly realize someone knows you better than you know yourself. That they know what's happening in your brain just like they're reading it out of a book. I seem to have gotten slightly off topic, but damn!'

Looking a little dazed Roxas tried to apologize but stopped when he saw the look of total understanding on Axel's face. He realized that if anyone else in the world understood what a mind reader his brother was it was Axel and in that moment he felt a bond between himself and the other teen that transcended attraction and superficial issues. Pulling himself together Roxas chuckled and quipped, 'Okay, your turn. Beat that.'

***&&&***

It seemed that in the last few weeks Axel had become a lot more proficient at recovering from unexpected things and he only paused for a second before he snapped his fingers and said, 'I've just thought of something that pretty much no one knows about me. I was going to ramble at length about how I feel half dead if I go without writing for more than a day but this is way more interesting, and I guess it's actually in keeping with the martial theme.'

Bouncing off the bed Axel grinned and said, 'Wait here, I'll be right back. Heh, this works better as show and tell anyway.' Tapping into a small spark of frivolity Axel made a big show of plumping up Roxas' pillow and wrapping the blankets up snuggly round the boy's neck before gesturing to the door with a flourish and sallying forth to get the 'show' part of his show and tell.

Less than a minute later Axel was back, walking somewhat slower and carrying something large, wrapped in red velvet. He sat on the bed and laid the object between Roxas and himself before carefully pulling back the fabric to expose gleaming metal. Glinting in the light was a sharp edged circlet of red accented steel, with a cross of metal forming a grip in the middle and diamond shaped spikes around the outside edge. A soft smile lit up Axel's face at the astonished intake of breath from Roxas and he ran his fingers lightly over the razor-edged points and sweeping curves of his treasured chakram.

While Roxas studied the weapon Axel started his story, 'When I was little things weren't all bad all the time. He, my dad, went through patches of acting like he gave a shit and at some point… When I was nine he even got sober for a couple of months. I couldn't believe it, I felt like maybe things were going to be better and he dragged the chakram out of the attic and sat down with me to tell me about how it used to be my great-great-grandfather's back in the days when they needed the Defenders to protect Halloween Town.'

The smile sparked by memories of that bright time transformed Axel's face from attractive to stunningly gorgeous although he was completely unaware of it. His voice sounded far away as he continued, 'Every day for three awesome weeks we went down to the beach and he taught me how to wield the weapon that my ancestor used. Honestly, those days down at the beach are basically the only happy times I can remember of my childhood. Even when things swung back to worse than they used to be I would take off whenever I could to practice with the chakram and try and remember what it felt like to be normal for once.'

Pausing in his tale Axel sighed sadly. Pretty much ever since his dad had gone to jail he hadn't let himself think of the rare good times he and Reno had shared and he now found that it provoked a melancholy wistfulness rather than the pain he had anticipated. Realizing he had been quiet for a while Axel shook himself out of his thoughts saying, 'Um yeah, sorry. Got a little side-tracked there. If you're interested I could show you how to use a chakram sometime… And to be honest I've always wanted to learn how to throw a punch.'

The response to his spontaneous offer surprised Axel so much that he jumped and fell off the bed. Excitement lit up in Roxas' eyes and he bounced out from under the covers, narrowly missing the pointed chakram and chirping, 'Fucking Bahamut! Are you serious?! Oh my gods, when can we start? That's so fucking cool! Shit man, are you okay?'

A roar of laughter came from the floor and Axel found himself unable to move due to being utterly convulsed with merriment. The strange mix of feelings Axel had been grappling with while thinking about his father had gotten too much and the slapstick act of falling off the bed had been enough to set him off. Roxas stared at him for a second and then also burst out laughing, holding frantically onto his ribs while Axel flailed on the ground. It took a long time for their laughter to taper off into sporadic giggles and hiccups and by then both boys were well and truly feeling the call of breakfast.

***&&&***

Once again sated by an encounter with Axel's fantabulous cooking Roxas lay on the couch and groaned happily. It took him a while but when he felt capable of sitting up Roxas struggled upright and looked over at Axel who was draped over the armchair comfortably. Still musing about what they were talking about earlier Roxas said, 'Dude, you know you could be a chef right? A barista-ing baker haha. Hey, I was thinking… We could go down the beach tomorrow and in exchange for you showing me how to use your chakra thingy I could teach you some self-defense… Maybe? If that's okay with you?'

Axel opened one eye and nodded slowly. Letting his head drop back he said in a thoughtful tone, 'I guess the beach really is the best place isn't it. That'd be why Reno took me down there in the first place. Alright, tomorrow when you get home from school we'll have a tutorial where you try and not cut yourself on my chakram and I'll try not to knock myself out.'

Roxas chuckled at Axel's dry humor but the redhead's next words shut him up. 'So Rox, I'm guessing that most people who know you know about your Bruce Lee-esque skills, but you're the only one who knows about my chakram. What I want to know is something about you that only you and possibly Ventus know about.'

Surprised into a hurried answer Roxas said without thinking, 'I play the shakuhachi.' Then under his breath he cursed Axel as seven types of devious bastard for getting him to admit something that couldn't usually be dragged from him by wild horses.

Fully aware that Axel was now staring at him with a stupid grin on his face Roxas made himself elaborate. 'I know it's not like I do ballet or anything but I'll never forget the time when Marluxia caught me playing after school. He started laughing and said something intelligent about 'the whistling orphan' and the next thing I was pinning him against the wall with my flute across his throat. This was after the Vanitas thing so good old Marly never said anything about it and I was just glad he got the point. Now you know and yeah before you ask, even Zex and them don't know.'

No longer grinning foolishly, instead smiling a soft smile, Axel slid around so he was also sitting up. Hopefully he asked, 'Would you… I mean you don't have to but could you maybe play for me sometime? I listen to pretty much any music, but my favorite has always been the haunting classical stuff from The Land of the Dragons. I totally get it if you don't want to though…'

Roxas raised an eyebrow but couldn't help smiling back. There was something infectious about Axel's smiles. Making the decision on impulse he said, 'Okay, next time I practice you can listen in. I usually try for once a week but what with everything lately it's been a while. What about this afternoon? At least Ven can't laugh at me then, for some reason he finds it hysterical even though I'm not that bad.'

As Axel nodded happily a sly look came over Roxas' face. In a deliberately nonchalant tone he said, 'So Ax, I've told you something else about me, what about you again? You glossed pretty quickly over your writing earlier and I'd like to know more. Do you write stories? Or maybe songs or poetry?'

The happy look drained quickly off Axel's face to be replaced with a clouded inscrutable expression. Turning his suddenly sharp green gaze on Roxas Axel studied the teen for a moment and then said, 'Well, I should have seen that coming. You never miss a trick huh? I write pretty much everything from short stories, to half a novella, to more poems and songs than I can count.'

Not relaxing so much as folding up Axel slumped forward to rest his elbows on his knees, while Roxas huffed out the breath he had been holding. Axel couldn't stop his eye from twitching slightly as he went on, 'I was kicking myself when I brought up my writing and I thought bringing out my chakram would maybe distract you enough to let it go. I can see where this is going you know, you're going to ask me innocently to see some of my work and I'm going to feel obligated to show you because you told me about playing the shakuhachi.'

Roxas had been staring at Axel as the boy's words came out like they were being dragged from him and when Axel paused for breath Roxas jumped in quickly, 'Gaia's sake Axel do you really think I'd force you to show me your writing? I mean, I'd love to see it but not if you don't want me to. You could just tell me about it, not even much detail if you want… Like, um, like what you write about and stuff.'

Axel shook his head slowly, 'I didn't think you'd outright force me to show you Rox, but I'm torn y'know? No one, I mean no one has ever seen anything I've written, not even the shrinks and head-meddlers who have all but ordered me to hand it over. I didn't even show your brother and Terra when they were working with me although I trusted them more than anyone else I'd talked with…'

Trailing off Axel stared into Roxas' eyes across the room and seemed to be searching for something. Wisely keeping quiet Roxas calmly looked back and nearly had a heart attack when Axel shoved himself out of his seat without warning and strode off in the direction of his bedroom. The startled blonde barely had time to worry if he had pushed too hard before he heard the bedroom door shut and Axel's footsteps coming back down the hall again.

A couple of sheets of paper were thrust at him and Roxas automatically took the offering. His eyes narrowed though and he put a hand on Axel's wrist before the other boy could withdraw. Capturing Axel's gaze with his own Roxas spoke in a low voice trying to convey his sincerity, 'Ax… If you'd rather not show me this then don't. I mean it, I don't want you to do something just because you think you should or because you think I'll be pissed if you don't.'

Axel attempted a smile which turned out rather sickly and he plopped down next to Roxas as if his legs had given out. His voice was nearly a whisper when he said, 'I just don't want you to look at me differently. I don't write about rainbows and sunsets Rox, all that on paper, that's what goes on in my head. I've given you two pieces because those are the only ones I could think of that hopefully won't send you running out the door. I wish I could hand you my work and expect you to critique whether it's a good poem or not but I know that once you've read it all you'll remember is how bleak it is. Just read it okay? I'm going to sit over there and stare at the wall and if you still want to talk to me afterwards just let me know.'

Roxas watched worriedly as Axel jerked himself to his feet and all but fell back into the armchair again. Finally he managed to tear his eyes away from the vision of dejectedness and looked back at the paper he was holding. In a rounded and meticulous script words flowed across the page, a lot longer than he had anticipated, but if Roxas was honest with himself he actually had no idea what to expect. The first piece was entitled 'Hidden Dreams' and the poem managed to break Roxas' heart by the second verse.

_My gentle smiles and thought out words_  
 _Calmed you to my real intent_  
 _Scattered like a flock of birds_  
 _Now showing my hell, heaven-sent._  
  
_**I’m in hell**_  
 _Can’t you see?_  
 _**Can’t you hear me**_  
 _Scream and plead?_  
 _**I can’t speak**_  
 _The words I need_  
 _**To let you see me**_  
 _Writhe and bleed._  
  
_See the pale tracks wend their way_  
 _Over marbled landscape tenderly_  
 _But there in rock, ingrained they stay,_  
 _Inflamed as hell’s incendiary._  
  
_It’s a dream…_  
 _**Let me scream!**_  
 _It’s a dream…_  
 _It’s a dream…_  
 _**It fucking isn’t**_  
 _**Hell is real!**_  
 _**Let me feel!**_  
 _**Let me feel!**_  
  
_My living hell_  
 _Your dark dream_  
 _**Fucking hear me**_  
 _**Fucking scream**_  
 _You wake up_  
 _But here I stay_  
 _**So fucking wish it**_  
 _**All away.**_  
 _To me the nightmares_  
 _All are real_  
 _**Let me feel**_  
 _**Let me feel.**_  
  
_You turn away_  
 _Refuse to see_  
 _Things I simply know to be_  
 _**So in my dreams I hide and say**_  
 _**I wish it all would go away.**_  
  
Roxas just sat for a time, trying to get his head around the outpouring of uncensored emotion that he had just read. It felt as if the poem had been written for him alone even though Axel had dated it six months ago and had all but said that no one was ever meant to read it. The broken, despairing feel of the poem brought tears to Roxas' eyes and the frantic pace of the words left him on edge and tense. Carefully so that he didn't so much as crease the paper Roxas shuffled the second sheet to the front.

_Denied._

_A darkness_  
_Lives inside,_  
_That should forever be_  
_Denied._

_The beauty of the sin_  
_Belied_  
_By ugliness within._  
_Release of any sort_  
_Denied._

_The loneliness_  
_I've lived with_  
_Echoes in my head,_  
_Combining with the_  
_Bitter tears I've cried_  
_And darkened blood I've shed._  
_All I wish is happiness_  
_But the sweet caress, the soft touch I am_  
_Denied._

This poem was less hectic in its construction but equally poignant in its soft despair. Roxas finished it feeling a heaviness inside himself that came from a sense of deep empathy for the boy he still barely knew. Even though he had heard of the horrific things in Axel's past and seen a small glimpse of the physical scars the traumas had left, it had taken this look inside Axel's mind for Roxas to grasp just how dark and desolate the boy felt that his world was.

The fact that Axel hadn't moved a muscle since sitting down and hadn't even lifted his head to see Roxas' reaction touched a nerve in Roxas and he took the initiative, getting up and perching on the arm of the other boy's armchair. Placing the poems carefully on the coffee table Roxas didn't bother with words and just wrapped his arms around Axel, burying his face in the teen's mane of red hair. At first Axel's body was thrumming with tension and anxiety but after a few minutes of silent comfort the strained atmosphere seemed to ease a little.

Once he judged that Axel had relaxed slightly Roxas thought through what he wanted to say, definitely not wanting to say something thoughtless and set back any progress he had made with the fragile redhead. Slowly and deliberately Roxas said, 'You don't need to be scared Ax, I'm not going anywhere. Your writing is amazing you know… I hate that you have to live with this shit going on in your head but it doesn't scare me away.'

Something about Axel's breathing and demeanor told Roxas that he was being listened to intently so he went on, 'I think we should lighten things up right now, y'know take a breather, but I'd like to read more of your writing if you want to show me. And if you don't want to that's fine too but I just thought I'd let you know where I am on that. Do you reckon now is a good time to repair to my room for a demonstration of how to play the shakuhachi?'

Roxas could visibly see the effort Axel made to pull himself together and he gently squeezed the teen's shoulder to offer support. Axel took a few slow breaths and when he looked up at Roxas there was gratitude shining in his eyes. In a controlled and almost normal tone Axel said, 'For some reason Gaia smiled on me Rox, I don't even deserve to know you yet here we are. When I get my head together a little bit more I'll show you more of my writing, but right now I can't even believe that I showed you what I did.'

Axel shook his head and let out a breath that was almost a sigh. 'I think I could really do with some flute music right now if you feel like playing. We seem to have a habit of going through really intense things with little to no warning huh? If you go grab your shakuhachi I'll do us coffees and bring them through. I've been practicing carrying stuff with my bung hand and I haven't spilled anything yet.'

Relieved beyond what he could express that the day hadn't spiraled out of control Roxas nodded and went to get up before pausing and grinning at Axel. 'I'm impressed with your dexterity Ax, but remember that you will be cleaning up any spilt coffee. And come to think of it you can compensate us for any debilitating lack of caffeine in the event of a spillage.'

Followed in the direction of his room by the unusual but very welcome sound of Axel's laughter Roxas chuckled to himself and rummaged in his desk for his flute case. Checking the instrument to make sure it was in playable order Roxas waited for Axel to join him and while he waited he tried to pick a song to play. Deciding on his favorite melody, 'Kōjō no Tsuki' Roxas greeted Axel's arrival (bearing coffee) with a grin and decided that the afternoon would be devoted to smiles and happy crap.

***&&&***

The walls of Hollow Bastion Prison looked as if they had been planted in the ground to grow towards the sky into towering stone barriers. A common impression of the place was that it had been designed and built by a talented maniac as the stones on the right side of the building were incongruously smooth and white while the left side looked as if it had been hewn from a blood-stained vein of sandstone. Instead of standing straight, the old-fashioned turrets bent in weird ways to give the impression that they were twining around each other and partly because of this the whole place gave off an aura of unhinged menace. Hollow Bastion was the prison reserved for the worst of the worst, a prison designed to hold monsters. No one who was taken in walked out and most died screaming.

In a small cell deep in the bowels of Hollow Bastion a man stood and stared into the metal mirror by his bed. He was gaunt to the point of emaciation from the meager rations of food he had been subsisting on and there were lines etched on his once youthful face by the horrors of the Bastion. The two aspects of the man that had remained the same were the scar-like tattoos curving above his cheekbones and the shock of wild red hair that framed his face. Even the eyes that stared back at the man from the mirror weren't the same, once a clear blue-green they were now a flat murky grey.

Madness battled with pure fury behind Reno's eyes and as he had done every night of his imprisonment in the Bastion he slammed a fist into the metal mirror until his knuckles bled while snarling Axel's name. The lights were abruptly turned out a few minutes later prompting the usual evening chorus of screams and swearing from the majority of prisoners who had learned to fear the dark. Reno however ignored the uproar and walked back to his bed, stretching out on his back and lying motionless, his eyes fixed on a time and a place far away from his cold cell.

Vivid images of Axel's terrified face flitted through Reno's unbalanced mind along with the glorious memory of his son's blood splashing everywhere. When he had attacked Axel six years before Reno had been well on the road to crazy, but now he was completely and irretrievably insane. The years of incarceration had intensified his hatred into an obsession that was paired with a sly cunning, making the redhead a very dangerous man.

Locked inside the hate-soaked and haunted stone walls of Hollow Bastion, Reno Raffica drew each breath in anticipation of the day that he would look into his child's eyes and watch the light of life fade away. Each day that went by was to Reno, another day of hell that he would take out on Axel. Deep in the echoing blackness that filled his mind Reno had no doubt that he would at some point be free of his prison and alongside that certainty was a soulless, bottomless lust for pain and fear, specifically the pain and fear he had seen so long ago in the green eyes of his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Shakuhachi is the Japanese Flute. I put this as from the Land of the Dragons because it was introduced from China and I have a borderline obsessive thing about trying to match up the Kingdom Hearts worlds with countries.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: The calm before an almighty shitstorm. Enjoy the fluffiness while it lasts. You have been warned lol.**

Due to their respective duties of caregiving and studying; studying and working; and recovering and physio, Axel, Roxas and Ventus barely found the energy to eat over the following week, let alone talk properly or even hang out together. Conversations were limited to exchanges such as 'How was your day? Good? Great.' Usually followed by the sound of loud snoring. Even through his exhaustion however Ventus took note of the effort both Axel and his little brother were putting in and as a treat he booked them all a table at the best pizza restaurant in the Destiny Islands.

Unsure about how well his strength would carry him through a night out, Ventus was pleasantly surprised at how perfectly the evening went. The owner of Daisy's Gourmet Pizzeria, the infamous Daisy herself, came out to seat them and took a moment to whisper in Ventus' ear that she thought that what he was doing was perfectly admirable. Fluttering around the group like a white-clad mother duck, the plump proprietress ushered them over to a table by the window and handed out menus with a flourish. As she left to tend to other patrons Daisy trilled over her shoulder that their complimentary entrees would be there shortly and with a waft of floral perfume she was gone, leaving the three men pleasantly shell-shocked.

Ventus was the first to pull himself together and nudged Axel who was still a little dazed. When the redhead turned to face him Ventus said with a smile, 'You see that? Not everyone is like Larxene? Daisy is pretty much the centre of the gossip hub in the Islands and you can be sure that she knows most of the details that the officials know about our situation. But she still gave you a smile and straight out said she approves of what we're trying to do with the hand we've been dealt.'

Roxas chimed in at this point without really thinking it through, 'Although she doesn't quite know everything… I'd love to see the look on her face if she hears what other developments have come up since the accident, right Ax?' Suddenly realizing what had just come out of his own mouth Roxas blushed bright red and bit his lip.

It was all Ventus could do not to collapse with laughter at how Axel tensed at Roxas' comment and then inhaled the water he had been sipping on. While Axel tried to die quietly and not make a scene, succeeding for the most part, Ventus poked Roxas in the shoulder and made a show of touching his forehead to see if he was running a fever. Showing a little of his former spikiness Roxas growled and slapped the inquiring hand away, only to cause Ventus to give into his mirth and start chuckling uncontrollably.

At this point a waiter turned up with three plates piled high with Daisy's famous cheese and garlic bread and the young server waited patiently until the group was coherent enough for him take their orders. Silence reigned for a little bit as they all fought to get the bigger share of the delicious appetizer. Even Axel who was usually apt to give way if someone else wanted something took part, exclaiming 'Oh Gaia, look over there!' And then purloining bread from both Ventus and Roxas' plates while their spiky blonde heads were turned. Even after the loss of his biggest piece of bread, Ventus couldn't help smiling a satisfied smile at the easy and pleasant atmosphere of the evening.

Then their main course turned up. Daisy had outdone herself with their pizzas and the food looked like something out of a magazine. Ventus had ordered a pizza named Agrabah Street Bread, topped with spicy lamb mince, a strange yoghurt cheese, olive oil, parsley and chili. Roxas stayed with a safer option and got the smoked chicken with cranberry, brie and caramelized onion entitled Castle Special. Axel, out of curiosity, went for the lame yet amusingly named Fun Guy that consisted of roasted mushrooms, feta cheese, sun-dried tomatoes and toasted pine nuts. For a moment all they could do was sit and stare at the feast in front of them but that didn't last very long at all.

***&&&***

Roxas was just as pleased as Ventus was about how the evening was going. He was also nicely chuffed that his brother had noticed how hard the preceding week had been, because at multiple points he had been sure he wouldn't be able to pry himself out of bed at the shriek of his alarm. Something else that was adding to his general good mood was how Axel was acting. As surreptitiously as he could Roxas watched the redhead who was now demonstrating something to Ventus with restrained but emphatic gestures.

A thoughtful look in his eyes, Roxas faded away from the world for a bit. Over the last week he had been too tired to do much of anything other than think and most of that thinking had been about Axel and the whole situation they were all in. Thanks to the words of his dream-mother echoing in his head Roxas found himself able to admit, in the privacy of his own thoughts at least, that what he felt for Axel was definitely real and a lot more than a superficial crush. Something else periodically gate-crashing Roxas' thoughts was the idea that Axel might be self-harming still, but currently he had no clue how to even approach that.

Jerked out of his introspection by a less than gentle elbow from Ventus, Roxas blinked and found his brother staring at him expectantly. Unable to replay the last few minutes of conversation in his head Roxas decided to try an unconventional tactic to divert the focus from his inattention and grinning cheekily he asked the magic question, 'So, who do you think knows the worst joke huh?'

Roxas was rewarded with a surprised smile from Axel and a knowing smirk from Ventus, so to keep the momentum going he came out with the first joke that popped into his head, 'How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a lightbulb?'

In the expectant silence Roxas was unable to keep in spontaneous giggles at his own joke, 'Two. One to change it and the other to hold the penis. LADDER! I MEANT LADDER!'

There was a moment of silence and that was then broken by groaning and unwilling laughter from Ventus and Axel who were both trying valiantly not to splutter their pizza all over the table. It took a while for the laughter to taper off to intermittent snickering and it was Roxas who recovered first, smirking at being able to surprise Ven and Axel with his favourite joke. Confident that he had the lead in the totally unscored and unwinnable competition Roxas gestured at Ventus to indicate that his brother should go next.

Although he had been laughing fit to bust Ventus' mind had still been racing to think of a joke that would make the teens laugh until they cried. By the time Roxas indicated for him to go next Ventus thought he had it, a simple yet awesome bad joke. Breathing deeply to force away lingering chuckles Ventus spoke with a grin, 'What do you call a zoo that only has one dog'

Looking at the expectant faces of the teens across from him Ventus found himself unable to stop the laughter bubbling up inside his chest. Giving into the mirth he gasped out between guffaws, 'A shih tzu!'

Again there was a second of silence and then a chorus of groans went up, the loudest from Roxas. Once the two boys pointedly made their reaction clear they burst into giggles at the look of pride on Ventus' face at the horrendousness of his joke. Soaking in the mockery Ventus leant back in his chair and folded his arms behind his head. This move prompted further heights of hilarity and Axel had to kick the hysterical Roxas in the leg when people began to stare.

***&&&***

For the whole evening Axel had been floating on a cloud of good feelings that he could hardly believe were real. When he booted Roxas in an attempt to get the boy to stop howling with laughter Axel could hardly believe the familiarity he felt and how comfortable he was out in public, when normally he would be shut away from the world. Realizing it was his turn Axel bit his lip and tried to think of something that would prolong Roxas' laughter. He had discovered that he adored hearing the blonde teen laugh.

Expectation hung in the air and anxiety prompted Axel to blurt something out before he could run it through his stupid-filters. Coming out with the only joke he could think of Axel stammered, 'What has four legs and one arm? A happy pitbull!'

In the time it took for Ventus and Roxas to gape wordlessly at him Axel went bright red staring at the table in embarrassment. Because his eyes were down the redhead didn't see Roxas and Ventus bite their lips with amusing synchronicity, but he did hear them collapse almost off their chairs roaring with laughter. Being surrounded with such unrestrained good-humour coaxed a snort out of Axel and soon he had tears of laughter running down his face just like the others. The unfeigned hilarity even affected the rest of the room and smothered giggles filled the restaurant.

***&&&***

Ventus relaxed back in his chair as the smiling waitress spirited their plates away. He had planned for the evening to be great but the laughter and fun had surpassed all of his expectations. Roxas and Axel were whispering together over the other side of the table and averting his gaze with a grin Ventus stared out through the front window. Instead of seeing warmly clad people hurrying past in the frigid air however Ventus nearly fell off his chair when his glance found a pair of glowering blue-green eyes staring at him from below a thick grey beanie.

Even once Ventus locked gazes with Seifer the other man didn't back down, instead transferring his intense scowl over to Axel who was caught up in his conversation with Roxas. Unsure what to do Ventus watched the man at the window out of the corner of his eye and wrestled with the idea of picking up and leaving, but he didn't want to make the boys aware of the unnerving behaviour of the man he had once thought of as a friend. When Roxas turned towards him to ask something Ventus anxiously snapped his eyes towards the window again and breathed a silent sigh of relief to see that Seifer had disappeared into the night.

Despite the strange Seifer moment, the evening was a resounding success and by the time Axel drove them home again all three men were happily full and drunk on good company. Ventus found himself awkwardly helped through the door by both Axel and Roxas at once and the giggling that followed him as he hobbled independently off to his room seemed to be telling him that things were teetering precariously towards normal. Slumping face-first onto his bed Ventus didn't bother to undress and fell asleep in a contorted position with a grin like the cat that got the cream.

***&&&***

Seifer hadn't meant for Ventus to see him watching the trio through the window of the restaurant but when he locked eyes with the blonde man he found he simply didn't give a shit. When he had blown up at Ventus and stormed out of the man's house he hadn't even hinted at the real reason behind his rage. Before he had started working at Destiny University Seifer been studying for his PhD but a lot of his study time had really been spent drinking massively to excess with his oldest friend, Reno Raffica. No one in his current group of acquaintances knew about this connection in Seifer's past as he had kept it quiet after the sordid arrest and trial.

Coming across Ventus having a fun night out with the person that Seifer viewed as responsible for his best friend's downfall really stuck in the blonde man's throat and he found himself unable to hide a flash of venomous rage. Sure that Ventus had seen the true feelings burning in his eyes Seifer waited for the other man to look away and then slipped into the night. Striding away with his fists clenched tight Seifer felt a dark idea form in his mind and promised himself that he would go make a long overdue visit very soon.

***&&&***

Sunday was a day of extensive recuperation, mostly in the form of hot drinks, intermittent Play Station rivalries and Axel flitting around like the Convalescence Fairy. As he was feeling the least wiped out of out the trio Axel was drafted into the position of nurse and the ease with which he took to it had Ventus eyeing him carefully, evaluating the teen's caregiving prowess (in between his own moments of being good for absolutely nothing). Chicken soup was the meal du jour and the TLC meant that both the Hakunetsus were able to rise from the exhausted dead on Monday morning with relative perkiness.

Axel pulled his usual trick of rising with the sun and in the minutes before Roxas' alarm went berserk the redhead tiptoed into the teen's room and placed a hot cup of coffee on the bedside table. Pausing for a second to smile at the cherubic look on the blonde's face as he slept Axel slipped out of the room before the alarm proclaimed that Monday had begun. Repeating the procedure for Ventus Axel jumped a little to see that the man was already awake and he grinned sheepishly as he put down the mug.

In a rare moment of daring Axel relaxed a little and smiled a more genuine smile. Helping Ventus sit up against his pillows with his leg in a comfortable position Axel quipped, 'You look a lot better than yesterday Ventus. It's not often you don't do your physio exercises. Do you think you'll need to do double today?'

Biting his lip at his own impertinence Axel was pleasantly surprised when Ventus chuckled and said, 'You know what Axel? That wouldn't be a bad idea if I hadn't already told Aqua to force me out for a walk no matter how hard I protest. She said she would come and kidnap me this morning to give you a break and then muttered something about tying me to a chair and keeping me for dinner. That blue-haired minx even said to tell you that she would make sure I did all my physio properly before I came home.'

Axel opened his mouth, though whether it was to argue or say thank you he wasn't sure. No sound escaped him however as Ventus grinned and continued, 'No arguments Axel, I think you've earned a day off. Just hang out and take care of yourself for a bit until Roxas gets home…'

Ventus paused and gave a suggestive grin that made Axel turn bright red, 'Then maybe you can take care of Roxas for a little bit. I'm sure the two of you can think of something to occupy yourself with until I get home.'

Mouth open and face as red as a sunset Axel nearly fell off the bed when Ventus gave him a gentle push. Tottering on unsteady feet and still trying to banish the thoughts that Ventus had sparked Axel wandered by Roxas who was hurrying down the hallway and shut the door to his room, burying himself in his duvet until everyone had left the house and he was sure he was alone.

***&&&***

Roxas awoke to what he thought was a normal morning but he was quickly disabused of that notion when an incandescently glowing Axel nearly knocked him over on the way to the bathroom. He would have inquired of his brother just what had been said to turn Axel into a tomato but once again the late Roxas was running very late and he had to run to even look like making his bus. Bursting out the door at a gallop Roxas vowed to himself that he would delicately question either Axel or Ventus when he got home and was a little less strapped for time.

His behind barely on the seat as the bus pulled away Roxas let himself breathe out and he was finally able to turn his mind away from rushing around and onto something more interesting. A vague look coming over his face Roxas started to work out a way to bring forward the plan he had with Axel to go down the beach and indulge in a little light violence. Pulled out of his thoughts when the bus rumbled into the school bus stop Roxas decided that he had another thing to talk about with Axel when he finally made it home again.

***&&&***

For most of his blessed day off Axel settled into a warm seat in the lounge and took refuge in pouring his thoughts out onto paper. The notebook that doubled as a journal and poetry book was half-filled already and in the seven hours he spent not needing to do anything else he found himself having to plan to buy a new book. Axel was so engrossed in his scribbling that he forgot to have lunch and when 3.30pm rolled around he didn't even hear Roxas trudge in the door.

A touch on Axel's shoulder nearly sent him through the ceiling and he slammed his book closed with a gasp. As deep as he was in his thoughts, Axel had completely lost track of where and when he was and when Roxas touched his shoulder his brain had screamed at him that Reno was about to smack him into next week. Following the short gasp Axel let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes, flinching away from the anticipated pain.

When absolutely nothing happened Axel cautiously opened his eyes and nearly bit through his lip when he saw the expression on Roxas' face. His current circumstances caught up with him and Axel squeezed his eyes closed again, trying to think about how to fix things this time. The last thing that the redhead was expecting was a feather-light embrace that surrounded him but didn't confine him. Uncertain green eyes opened to see understanding blue ones staring back.

Once again Roxas wrong-footed Axel by smiling shyly and saying, 'See now Ax, this is why you need to learn how to kick ass. That way instead of trying to pretend nothing is happening you can take me out if I'm stupid enough to startle you again.'

For a second Axel gaped at Roxas, totally speechless, then he let out a breathless cough of laughter and hugged the blonde back. Slowly the tension left Axel and the pair sat tangled together drawing comfort from each other until Roxas decided to speak again saying, 'Hey Aaaaaaxel, do you want to hike down to the beach and learn how to punch someone's ears out through their nasal passages?'

***&&&***

The mood lightened with every step that they took towards the beach and inwardly Roxas let out a sigh of relief when Axel's banter started sounding more natural. With things going so well over the weekend Roxas had almost forgotten the life Axel used to live and he promised himself that he wouldn't be so thoughtless again. Glancing over he watched Axel walking along with his velvet wrapped chakram slung easily over his shoulder and curiosity grew in the blonde as to how the strange weapon would even be used.

By the time Roxas set foot on the shimmering white sands of Mirage Bay he was so impatient he thought that his head would explode. While Axel spent a moment gazing at the sweeping expanse of blue water that made up the bay Roxas fidgeted and bounced around until he couldn't bear it anymore and burst out, 'Freaking Bahamut Axel! You need to teach me how to use that spikey damn pizza-cutter before I melt into a puddle of curiosity! I can't even imagine how you would use it in practice, let alone in battle.'

Roxas felt slightly guilty at how high Axel jumped at his outburst but a small part of him rejoiced as it jumpstarted the lesson. Axel only taught him a few basic moves, such as how to spin the chakram on his palm and how to use it as an in-close, melee armament, but that was enough for Roxas to get a sense of the unique weapon.

The two boys lay in the sand trying to regain their breath and at Roxas' prompting Axel shared what he knew of his ancestor who had once wielded the chakram in battle. Roxas listened entranced to the tale of a time when warriors still used battle-magic and images of flaming chakrams spinning through the air filled his mind. When Axel fell silent the pair simply lay in the sand and enjoyed the unseasonably warm winter sun, hands outstretched so that their fingertips just brushed each other.

***&&&***

Axel didn't want to move from his comfortable spot in the sand but eventually he decided that if he didn't get Roxas started with the martial arts lesson soon, they would become part of the embarrassing statistics of people sunburned to death in winter. Though Axel's eyes were closed an impish grin pulled at his mouth and he began to flick increasingly large amounts of sand at Roxas until he scored a direct bull's-eye and hit the other teen right in the mouth.

Helpless with laughter at the ridiculous spluttering noises Roxas was making, Axel had to try three times to get to his feet and only just managed to dodge the blonde's flailing feet. Dancing away to a safe distance Axel waited until Roxas shoved himself upright before adopting a flamboyantly outrageous, wannabe flying-crane stance and glaring playfully at the other boy. Still recovering from the lungful of sand Roxas then had to contend with breathless laughter at Axel's clowning but eventually he was in control of himself enough to put his hands on his hips and start instructing.

Axel found that his brief time training with Reno all those years ago had actually set him up well for learning the basics of a martial art and his exceptional coordination and agility made him a natural. The lesson started out with learning how to form the proper attacking tools, how to make a fist, how to kick properly, and then moved on to punching Roxas' palms to get an idea of Axel's strength. Axel couldn't help but grin happily when Roxas commented on his punches, impressed at his power and speed after such a short time of instruction.

Both boys were massively enjoying themselves and Axel clapped his hands with glee when Roxas decided to teach him a self-defence technique before they had to get back home. A brief demonstration found Axel flat on his back staring at the sky and as he got up he gave Roxas a sidelong smile saying, 'You know I'm really glad I get a turn at that one… I'd hate to let you have all the fun throwing me around.'

Axel stood with his back to Roxas and forced himself not to jump when the teen grabbed him from behind in a reasonably tight bear hug around his waist that left his arms free. Having taken mental notes when Roxas had performed the release on him Axel didn't wait for instruction and slid his foot behind Roxas' legs, throwing his arm out and tripping his attacker in a single smooth motion. Unfortunately the release worked far better than either of them had anticipated and Roxas fell with his arms still wrapped around Axel's waist, dragging him down too.

A surprised yelp escaped Axel's lips but his scary-quick reflexes came into play and he managed to sinuously twist his body in mid-air to land braced on his good hand without breaking Roxas' face or re-breaking his own wrist. It took a second for the rapid progression of events to catch up with Axel and when it did he realized that he was face-to-face with Roxas, staring into the boy's wide blue eyes and pressed against him in a very intimate way. A surge of boldness swept through Axel and while Roxas' mouth was still half open in shock the redhead bent down and kissed him firmly on the lips.

Axel had an instant to freak out as Roxas just lay there but then a small pair of hands buried themselves in his shock of fiery hair and Axel was caught up in a kiss that set his every nerve on fire. When Roxas ran his tongue slowly over Axel's lower lip Axel let out a low growl and invaded the boy's mouth with his own tongue. Axel kissed Roxas deeply and thoroughly, only coming up for air when it was either breathe or explode.

The pause lasted for the length of a deep inhale and then at Roxas' urging Axel began to press searing kisses down the pale neck that was exposed so invitingly below him. Roxas moaned low in his throat and at a particularly heated nip to his throat arched his body in pleasure, somehow managing to push every inch of himself against Axel who couldn't help the convulsive jerk of his hips that pressed them even closer. The resulting groan of lust from both boys was loud enough to frighten a raucous screech out of a passing seagull.

Hands began to wander and just as Axel, lost in a haze of desire, ghosted his fingers up under Roxas' top the weather itself took on the role of cockblock. A feathery cloud had been building up layers for almost an hour over the beach and just as Axel drew a hitching sigh from Roxas the cloud burst like a massive water balloon. Uproarious laughter echoed in the hissing downpour and Axel dragged Roxas to his feet, pausing only to grab his precious chakram before they ran for it back to the house.

***&&&***

Ventus eventually arrived home exhausted from a mixed day. Half of the day had consisted of awesome food and great conversation, the other half of it had been Ventus whining in disbelief as Aqua channelled her inner physiotherapist. As soon as Ventus had let slip that his exercises had been slightly neglected over the weekend Aqua had morphed into a perfect imitation of a psychotic personal trainer and worked him until he felt like both legs were about to fall off.

Shuffling in through his own front door at last Ventus stopped dead at the entrance to the lounge and had to use every shred of self-control to resist the overwhelming compulsion to squee his pants at what he saw on the couch. Enveloped in gigantic fuzzy towels and positioned cross-legged on the sofa sat Axel, wrapped around Roxas who was nestled in his lap. Ventus had to bite his tongue when he heard what Axel was saying in Roxas' ear; the redhead was haltingly reading the fairy tale 'The Three Enchanted Princes' in Italian.

For a while Ventus stood right where he was and let the beauty of the scene wash over him. There was an almost tangible feeling of contentment and tranquillity radiating from the two teens and while he didn't want to spy on the couple Ventus found himself unable to look away. Ventus lingered in the doorway until Axel finished the story and when the redhead smacked a kiss onto his brother's nose, the man decided that he probably shouldn't be there and crept away to his room.

Once he was safely shut away in his room Ventus flopped onto his bed and sat there with a totally goofy grin on face. There had been a time when he had despaired of Roxas ever regaining the ability to form bonds outside of the one they shared as brothers and now, seeing the way his brother was with Axel, Ventus felt a weight begin to lift from his heart. Unwilling to keep his good feeling all to himself Ventus pulled his phone out of his pocket and pushed the first of his speed-dial numbers.

Aqua picked up her phone after three rings and Ventus was unable to resist spending the next few minutes cooing with his friend about the scene on the couch. Cooing in the manliest way possible of course. Once he had managed to get the squee out of his system Ventus cleared his throat to drop his voice an octave and asked how the rest of Aqua's afternoon had gone.

Happily listening to Aqua's bouncy rendition of the soap opera that had happened in the few hours since he left, Ventus made appropriate noises in the right places and eventually realised that Aqua had asked a question that needed a proper answer. Pulling himself together Ventus replayed the last five seconds, grinned and said, 'A night to themselves huh? You know I really don't appreciate being made to think of my brother like that.'

While Aqua spluttered and stammered Ventus couldn't keep a straight face and soon burst into unrestrained laughter. Through his chuckles Ventus declared, 'I think that's a genius idea Blue, I don't know what I'd do without the half of my brain that you seem to keep in your head. The soonest I can get out of the house again is Friday but I'm not sure where I could crash for the night. Yuffie and Leon are being disgusting and having a dirty weekend and I don't think I could spend a night at Larxene's even for my little bro…'

Ventus was given some of his own medicine at this point when Aqua loudly interrupted him with a snort and stated flatly, 'You're coming to stay with me you moron and that's the end of it. Oh, I've got nowhere to stay; what the fuck man? Anyway, I think it's high time we got some quality time where you weren't paranoid about your leg and I need something a little better than moonlighting as your physio.'

Left gaping and legitimately speechless Ventus listened as Aqua finished a conversation that he didn't seem to be structurally integral to. When his friend hung up the blonde found himself sitting on the bed feeling like a total idiot. Eventually his brain kicked in again Ventus blinked at a sudden realization, he had never heard the undertone that had been in Aqua's voice before and that tone made his stomach lurch in a decidedly uncomfortable way.

***&&&***

While the Hakunetsu household basked in a temporary aura of contentment and peace, Seifer was striding down the dingy and dangerous streets that led to the visitor's entrance of Hollow Bastion. It had taken the man almost two full days to arrange things to his satisfaction but by Monday evening he was pleased with the way he had things organized. Wrapped in his long white trench coat against the night-time chill Seifer knocked on the small side door to the Bastion and hurried inside the second it slid open.

The heavy door slammed behind Seifer but he didn't flinch and kept his gaze trained on the guard in front of him, a slumped form dressed all in black. Not a word was exchanged between the prison guard and visitor and exactly in step they marched off towards their destination. Dank halls twisted and wound deeper into the prison, designed to disorient both prisoner and visitor alike, so Seifer was slightly wrong-footed when he was abruptly shoved from the grimy hallway into a large, well lit meeting room.

Upon entering the room the first thing that Seifer laid eyes on was the slouching figure sitting alone at a heavy-duty steel table and forgetting his horrible surroundings, even forgetting the reason for his visit, Seifer dropped his impassive façade and lunged over to gather his friend in a rough hug. A sickly smile that Seifer couldn't see flittered across Reno's face, but as a prisoner he couldn't return the gesture of affection due to the heavy restraints anchoring his wrists to the chair.

The uncharacteristic moment of warmth out of his system Seifer sat opposite Reno, his oldest friend, and stared at the figure who seemed to be a shadow of the man he used to know. After a moment during which he ran through possible strategies Seifer decided on antagonistic and snapped, 'Well, the great Raffica, look at what they've reduced you to. A cringing prison-rat without even the wit to wonder what I'm doing here.'

Seifer could never have predicted the result of his goading and therefore he just about shat himself when Reno chose that moment to rip his hand free from the straps binding him. The redhead slowly gripped the table with implacable grey fingers and by the time he let up the pressure there was a visible dent in the metal. In a voice that sounded like ground glass Reno snarled, 'Remember who yer talking to Sei, don't ya fucking try me. I haven't been sitting on my ass for the last six years, yer damn well better keep that in mind. Now, why the fuck are ya here after so fucking long yo?'

Swallowing hard, suddenly aware that his unpredictable friend had become something even more dangerous during his time in the Bastion, Seifer got right to the point. 'You need to get the fuck out of here before the shit going on outside locks the gates on you for good. I wouldn't be here at all if I hadn't run into just the person who should be sitting here instead of you. Just the other day I ran into your son.'

At this point Seifer stopped, the look on Reno's face hinting at the prospect of apocalyptic violence. In a deceptively calm voice Reno whispered, 'Axel. Red. Boy. He will pay for what he did to me. He will scream for it to end when I get my hands on him again.'

Seifer was more than a little unsettled to see the lunacy glinting in Reno's eyes when he looked up, but having come so far the blonde man pressed ahead with the reason he had come to the Bastion. For almost an hour, with minimal interjections from Reno, Seifer spoke of the plan he had come up with and by the time he had finished he was sharing a ferocious grin with his old friend. Writing things down was out of the question but with enough repetition Seifer left the prison confident that Reno had the escape details committed to memory.

Walking away from the haunted walls of Hollow Bastion Seifer allowed himself a shiver at the sheer horror of the place, but it was quickly replaced by the satisfying thought of his friend soon being liberated from the grey stone hell. Not a troubled thought entered Seifer's head on the subject of Axel's fate on his way home and he simply basked in the anticipation of seeing Reno once again free of the Bastion.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: This chapter contains a very disturbing scene of child abuse that may trigger. I felt quite sick writing it but it happens to be part of the plot bunny that beat me up so blurgh. Also, talk of scars and self-harm near the end. More in a sense of someone else seeing them as opposed to creating them.**

Zexion had been through fifteen changes of clothes in five minutes and he was studiously avoiding the increasingly amused gaze of his boyfriend. The proceedings finally seemed to be coming to a halt and Demyx sat up on the bed, interested to see the final outcome. Slipping around the corner of his wardrobe door Zexion stood in front of his full-length mirror and skeptically evaluated his outfit.

Looking down at himself Zexion critically took in the solid motorcycle boots, super-skinny black jeans, silver-grey t-shirt and long, loose, black hooded jacket. Scrutinizing his look in the mirror Zexion caught a glimpse of Demyx's expression out of the corner of his eye and had to bite his lip to hide his smile at the expression of pure lust he had managed to intercept. Clearing his throat and falling out of his flustered state into his much better known persona of 'Zexion the emotionless one' Zexion grabbed Demyx and pulled him out the door so that they wouldn't be late for their group date.

***&&&***

Although Namine was an artist to the core she had a fundamental need for organisation and order, so she was ready to strangle Kairi when the girl strolled out of her front door twenty minutes after their scheduled pick-up time. Bouncing up and down in the driver's seat of her beat up VW Namine barely waited for Kairi to close the door before letting out an exasperated growl and tromping on the accelerator. Being a forgiving soul at heart however Namine was soon chatting away and giggling as she zipped through the dark city streets.

The conversation between the two girls was punctuated on Kairi's side with little shrieks and squeals as Namine tended to drive like a Mario Cart competitor on meth, but the pair made it to the cinema in record time and with only minor body damage to the plucky little car. Pulling up to the curb in a screech of brakes Namine fussed around locking up the car while Kairi shot out of the door as if , for some reason, she couldn't wait to get out.

Once they were both safely locked outside of the car it was a matter of seconds before Kairi and Namine launched themselves like a pair of matched bullets at Zexion and Demyx for a comprehensive round of greeting hugs. With a wide grin Kairi greeted the boys saying, 'So lovely to see you gentlemen arrived on time. Care to take wagers on how kinky the reason is that Roxas and Axel are tardy?'

***&&&***

When Axel's Mercedes pulled into a vacant park across the road, the pre-assembled group was still giggling uproariously at Kairi's brazen question and bets had already been laid. Axel eyed the four friends nervously as he opened Roxas' door for him and he hung back behind the blonde when they walked over to join the gang. Pulling anxiously at his long sleeves the redhead kept his eyes on the footpath until he heard his name and snapped his head up.

Replaying the conversation in his head Axel realized that Zexion had asked him how his home-schooling was going and he went red at how spaced out he had been. Trying to pull himself together Axel forced a smile and said, 'The home-school that Ventus set up is pretty amazing. It actually suits me better than normal school ever did.'

Lapsing again into silence as he still wasn't sure that anyone was really that interested in what he had to say Axel blinked when Demyx nodded at him and asked what subjects he was taking. Gaining a little confidence Axel smiled more easily and answered, 'Calculus and Physics for Uni entry, then Music, English and Italian. I just took the first Calculus module test and Ven let slip that I passed even though he wouldn't tell me my mark.'

At that point Kairi burst in said loudly, 'Okay, okay, now we know Axel's a genius. I'm more interested in why you two lovebirds were so late. Oh don't look so surprised Roxas, everybody knew that you were sweet on each other ever since the movie night.'

Axel flushed redder than his hair and looked sideways at Roxas who was looking like he had just been slapped. The girls and Demyx burst out laughing but Zexion sidled over and nudged Axel whispering, 'You can choose to stay silent if you want to, I wouldn't blame you, but I'm going to noisily head inside because I don't want to miss whatever movie we end up seeing.'

With a grateful smile at Zexion Axel let out a shaky breath when the flighty girls lost interest and skipped inside with Demyx between them. Looking over at Roxas to try and gauge his mood Axel was surprised to see that the blonde was grinning rather impishly and he nearly died of shock when Roxas took his hand and laced their fingers together before dragging him into the brightly lit foyer of the cinema.

***&&&***

The four walls of stained marble that confined Reno no longer seemed to be entirely solid. Inside the mind of the man who had become a monster, reality was becoming more and more insubstantial. Deep inside the man's mind however, behind the layers of slavering insanity, Reno replayed his conversation with Seifer like a mental touchstone. Soon he was going to be free of the hellhole that had been his home for so long, and when he escaped there would be nothing that could stand between him and his son. Reno's lips peeled back from his teeth in a vacant smile that contained no humor but every promise of pain.

***&&&***

At the same time that Reno was enjoying thoughts of escape from Hollow Bastion, Seifer was making sure that all his plans were in motion and on track. When he had left the Bastion after his visit with Reno, Seifer had gone straight to find the woman that he thought of as his contact with the Destiny Islands underworld. It had taken longer than he had hoped but eventually Seifer had found himself face to face with the girl known as Fujin and she led him silently through a series of winding alleyways to the headquarters of the leader of the gang called Dusk.

Seifer had been loosely involved with Dusk long before he ever met Reno but his illicit substance use had spiked when he began hanging out with the redhead. After a few years of being high as a kite and eventually having to plagiarize massively to complete his PhD Seifer had forced himself to go cold turkey when Reno had been arrested and convicted, outwardly turning his life around. Away from prying eyes however Seifer maintained convert ties to the shadowy underworld.

When he finally left the rundown building that served as a base for Dusk, Seifer drifted slowly back to his house. The past seemed to be coming back to bite him but a part of Seifer mused that the past must have had its teeth pulled because the bite didn't hurt at all. By the time he wandered into his own lounge and folded onto the couch however, Seifer found his mind opening doors to memories that he had tried very hard to suppress.

'It' had happened eight years ago but the images were still fresh in Seifer's mind. Even though he had shoved the memories out of his brain for nearly a decade Seifer found them tucked away as bright and beguiling as ever. Sitting on the sagging sofa that he had owned forever Seifer fell away from the real world and into a treasured memory.

_His day was looking up, college was finished for the day and he was now on his way to see Reno for what promised to be an excellent evening. Seifer barely registered that he would be arriving almost three hours early due to a teacher's only half day, he just wanted to get to Reno's and let his guard fall away. Strolling down the long path to his friend's large house Seifer pulled up short when he caught a glimpse of something odd through the front window._

_Slowing his step Seifer stalked cautiously towards the house and edged into the shrubbery that blocked half of the front window. The sight he saw through the grimy windowpane froze the man to the spot and tapped into a side of him that he never knew existed. The blonde man could see Reno and nine year old Axel in the dimly lit lounge, Axel standing with his back pressed hard against the wall and Reno standing over his son with an indecipherable look on his normally grinning face._

_Unable to move, Seifer could only watch as Axel's expression changed from worried to terrified and the unreadable look on Reno's face became twisted and wolfish. Reno's hand clamped down hard on Axel's shoulder to stop the boy from moving and Seifer's breath caught in his throat when he saw Reno's other hand trail down the boy's cheek and neck. Caught in the sheer disbelief of the moment Seifer watched mutely as Reno's hand continued to make its way down Axel's thin chest._

_A strange tendril of sensation awoke in Seifer's gut as he watched Reno grab his son's throat roughly and rip his shirt from neck to waist, a sensation that felt suspiciously like lust. Though he was unaware of it Seifer's breath was coming faster and he let out a little sigh when Reno dropped to his knees in front of Axel who was now trembling uncontrollably. Moving a little so he could get a better view Seifer was still alert enough to muffle his footsteps making sure that no one heard his movements._

_Teeth buried in his lip so he wouldn't make a noise Seifer watched breathlessly as Reno held Axel against the wall by his throat and shuffled forward on his knees until they were pressed together chest to chest. Reno whispered something in the younger redhead's ear that made him jerk against the wall and that was when Reno shoved his hand down the boy's shorts. Seifer leaned closer to the window and imagined that he could hear the whine that surely forced its way between the boy's trembling lips._

_For an immeasurable amount of time Seifer drank in the depraved spectacle in front of him, avidly committing every detail to memory. Finally Reno retrieved his hand and even though Seifer couldn't hear it he could see the man was spitting venomous words into Axel's face. The blonde man pinned the redheaded child with his gaze and watched with his mouth half open as Axel's eyes filled with tears and his face changed from blank dissociation to crumpled anguish._

_Reno snarled a few more words that drained the color from Axel's face and Seifer watched closely as the boy slowly shook his head. With suddenness that would have startled anyone else Reno's face took on a feral look and he unloaded a punch that hurled Axel off his feet and left him lying groggily on the floor. At this point Seifer's memory began to fade and he came back to reality with a warm feeling in his chest and arousal burning in the pit of his stomach._

The real world filtered back into Seifer's consciousness and he groaned at the crick in his neck. The first thing he noticed on coming back to himself was that it was pitch black and thse second was the clock in the hall loudly striking 2am. Like a zombie Seifer staggered to his feet and lurched off to the bedroom. Somewhere in the back of his mind the blonde man wondered if maybe Reno might actually, knowingly, allow him to watch the next time.

***&&&***

Once again Axel was pleasantly shocked by the synchronicity that happened within the odd-ball group of teens because picking the movie took less than a minute and everyone was happy with the choice. The second that Kairi yelled out that there was a movie adaption of the Terry Pratchett book The Wee Free Men, looks were exchanged throughout the group and consensus was reached almost without a word. Filing into the cinema they all followed Demyx as he chose the very back row and sat down right in the middle.

The lights went down and Axel looked furtively over at the row of people next to him. He was sitting at one end of the line of friends next to Roxas and then there was Namine, Kairi, Demyx and finally Zexion. Axel watched, feeling like a naturalist observing a rare species, as Demyx fought with Zexion over the popcorn and Namine bitched about the quality of the CGI in the trailers. Getting a little introspective Axel found regret rising in him for not having tried to make friends sooner.

Apparently Axel had lost his touch for keeping emotions from showing on his face as he felt Roxas' hand steal over to hold his own. Looking up he saw faint worry glittering in the other teen's expressive blue eyes. Getting a grip Axel conjured up a smile and squeezed Roxas' fingers gently in an attempt to reassure him he was okay. Engaging again with the real world Axel somehow managed to get into a trailer based pun competition with Zexion through the medium of Chinese Whispers and before the movie even started they were asked by an irritated usher to quieten the hell down.

Then the movie actually began and they fell into a silence brought about by pure awe. Axel later theorized that everyone in their group had a chemical in the brain that allowed full appreciation of the genius of Terry Pratchett, because from the opening credits they were all spell-bound at the fantastic translation of a wonderful written universe into film. When the doors opened two hours later they all stumbled out leaning against each other, unable to even give voice to the wonder of what they had just seen.

***&&&***

Roxas was so happy to be having a problem-free night out with his friends that he felt like he was floating an inch off the ground. He had a moment of concern when he noticed Axel staring at the screen with a melancholy look on his face but it warmed his heart when just the touch of his hand pulled his boyfriend (oh Gaia, actually his boyfriend) out of his thoughts. Being part of a long distance pun contest bound the group in laughter and Roxas found he didn't even care about the chastising tone of the usher who came to shush them.

The experience of being transported to a familiar and well-loved universe was so much more enjoyable when it was with like-minded people and Roxas didn't even feel self-conscious when the movie brought him to tears multiple times; perhaps it had something to do with the fact that there wasn't a dry eye in their row. Sighing sadly when the fantastical wonder was over Roxas used Axel and Kairi to humorously prop him up on the way back to the foyer.

While everyone took a moment to recover from the stunning effect of what appeared to be their collective favourite author being elevated to the silver screen Roxas was trying to think of ways to prolong the amazing evening. They had made no concrete plans to do anything after the movie but a little smile lit Roxas' face as he thought up the perfect end to a perfect night. Turning to the band of space-cadets he called his friends Roxas said, 'Hey guys, it's not even 10 o'clock yet and if I went home now the heaters Ven left on wouldn't have even begun to start warming the house. I was thinking we should hit up that new coffee shop on the next block, I've heard amazing things about their delicious flavours…'

The magic word 'coffee' seemed to snap everyone out of their daze and soon the air was thick with eager agreement. Demyx and Kairi once again proved to be the perkiest of the group frolicking comically with each other in front of the others, but Roxas was happy walking hand in hand with Axel between the silent grins of Zexion and Namine. To Roxas' delight Axel seemed to have unwound a bit and also had a shy smile brightening his green eyes.

Their arrival at the coffee shop was heralded by Kairi letting out a ridiculous yodelling victory cry that had them all gasping with laughter, Demyx actually collapsing onto Zexion in hysterics. Posed dramatically in front of the door Kairi sighed impatiently and muttered, 'If you keep me from my caffeine any longer I swear I will elinguate each and every one of you!'

Roxas' laughter trailed off along with Zexion, Demyx and Namine and they looked at each other, puzzled at the meaning of the threat they could tell was bad, but not exactly how bad. Axel was the only one who looked horrified and clamped his hand over his mouth saying in a very muffled voice, 'Dude, get in that coffee shop, I'd like to keep my tongue thank you very much. Gaia have patience, you obviously never studied the Spanish Inquisition. Elinguation, cutting out your tongue…'

Roxas took the initiative and shoved the glowering Kairi into the brightly lit shop to order as quickly as possible. Breathing a sigh of relief he turned to Axel and said emphatically, 'You have no idea what you saved us from Axel. Kairi has a habit of thinking up obscure threats when she's caffeine deprived that she usually finds some way of making good on. Dammit, I thought it meant taking, um taking away our lings? No, I really had no idea.'

Bonded by the thought of a tongueless existence narrowly avoided, Roxas and Axel shared a look of slightly disturbed relief and hand in hand they followed the others into the coffee shop. Despite Kairi's self-proclaimed terminal lack of caffeine she was taking her time to decide what to have which meant everyone else was in no hurry to make up their mind either. Watching with fascination Roxas listened as his friends all tried to convince each other that their personal favourite drink was the best ever.

As usual Demyx was the loudest in declaring that his lemon, honey and ginger tea with extra ginger was both classy and clearly the tastiest, but for once Zexion was being just as loud with his claim that nothing tasted better than a pumpkin spiced latté if it was made as advertised with real pumpkin. In her typical quiet voice Namine cut through the conversation by asserting that anything less than a triple shot, triple chocolate mochaccino was utter blasphemy and Kairi for once was silent as her mouth was already full of her eye-wateringly spicy Mexican hot chocolate.

Roxas folded his arms and looked at his friends with a mock expression of contempt and stated in an uncompromising tone, 'Shame on you all. I can't believe I'm friends with such a gaggle of misguided idiots. Everyone knows, deep in their heart of hearts, that the very best drink ever invented, unsurpassed in annals of history is the incomparable Salted Caramel Latté. Hey! What do you think you're doing?'

The last questioning exclamation happened because, ignoring all the debate going on around him, Axel had simply stepped up to the bemused but patiently waiting barista and said loudly, 'I would like the most popular drink on your menu please, and thank you for ignoring the, uh, intelligent conversation.'

Roxas stared at Axel with wide eyes, he hadn't seen the redhead act so nonchalant and relaxed before, not even around Ventus. Snorting along with the rest of the group and absentmindedly patting Kairi on the back as she choked on her drink Roxas also gave way to laughter at the calm reply from the girl behind the counter, 'Certainly sir, that will be one, exceedingly popular and widely acclaimed, Coconut Pecan Hazelnut Mocha coming right up. And may I commend you on your excellent taste.'

In a happy haze Roxas sipped his delicious drink with his awesome friends and soaked in the unadulterated happiness of the moment. He kept an eye on Axel surreptitiously for a short while but when Namine loudly asked him if he would be her model again for her next art project Roxas spluttered into his drink and trained a red hot glare on the beaming blonde girl. With Kairi laughing her head off at 'girly model-boy Roxie-poo' Roxas turned his full attention to saving his manly reputation.

***&&&***

Taking a swig of his Nutty-McNutnut drink as Kairi had dubbed it Axel smiled and finally relaxed fully. He just had time to briefly savour the full wonderful flavour of his drink when Zexion suddenly departed for the bathroom and Demyx purposefully slid into the vacant seat. To avoid the embarrassment of choking on his drink Axel painfully swallowed the scalding mouthful and then bit his tongue to refrain from gasping at the boiling feeling going down. At a loss as to what to say to Demyx despite their tentatively polite interaction Axel settled for nodding cautiously.

To Axel's surprise the first thing that came out of Demyx's mouth sounded both regretful and remarkably sincere as he said, 'I don't often admit that I'm wrong, but dude I was really wrong to say the shit I said to you that night at Roxas'. When we got back to Zexion's he sat me down and told me about what was happening with your dad before you split from the group and he told me how he watched things basically turn to shit for you afterwards. I'm not sure if I deserve it, but can you forgive me for being a judgemental asswipe?'

Axel didn't hesitate and simply nodded his head firmly. A small smile tugged at his mouth and he replied, 'If I'm honest I would have probably been harsher if I'd been in your position. Despite what Ventus and now Roxas seem to believe, I don't think I really deserve to be forgiven for what I did and having you apologize for something I feel was pretty justified is doing my head in. Can we just agree that it's in the past and if Roxas can be as forgiving as he is then we can too?'

Demyx snorted to show that he didn't necessarily agree with Axel's assessment but he nodded yes to the idea of starting again and not looking back. The expression on his face turned thoughtful and the blonde twiddled with his mullet indecisively for a second before blurting out, 'Stop me if I sound obnoxiously nosey or you want me to shut the fuck up, but I was wondering if you could maybe tell me a little more about all this shit? Zex didn't want to betray your trust which I get, but I figured that I could ask and you could tell me to take a hike if you wanted. I really do want to get my head around how Zex and even Roxas can get all compassionate over you and your situation.'

Wrong-footed by the turn the conversation had taken Axel blinked and took a second to analyse the real meaning behind the other boy's words, detachedly musing that the teen appeared to be genuine in his intentions. The seed of trust that Roxas had planted within him over the past weeks drove Axel to take a chance and he sighed softly saying, 'You probably know that when I was younger um, my dad got sent to prison. Did Zexion tell you why?'

When Demyx shook his head Axel looked down at the table and mumbled, 'He'd been beating me for years but when I was eleven he completely flipped out when he had a knife in his hand. Even though he got put away it fucked me up, pretty much beyond repair and it didn't help that the so called professionals didn't give a crap. From there it was the usual story, drugs and drink, alone all the time, typical emo kid shit I guess.'

Looking at Demyx who was listening intently Axel smiled a wry smile, 'I never blamed Zexion and our group for cutting me loose because I did a damn fine job of driving them away all on my own. All that time Zex was feeling guilty for ditching me I was feeling like I deserved nothing more than isolation, quarantine I guess you could call it. I was quarantining myself so no one else could catch the terminal bug I thought of as Axel's Poison.'

Axel chuckled under his breath and rolled his eyes, forgetting that this conversation should have been awkward as fuck. He continued mockingly, 'I know, I know, I seriously couldn't have been any more emo if I'd tried but that's how my screwed up brain worked for going on three years. Sometimes I still can't believe my life and I wake up thinking all this never happened and everything is back how it was before the crash.'

Sitting back in his seat and falling silent Axel watched Demyx from under lowered lashes and waited for either the scorn, false understanding or outright incomprehension to fall on his head. The redhead almost swallowed his tongue when Demyx mirrored his motion of leaning back in his chair and in a subdued manner quite unlike his usual self sighed, 'I didn't know. I know that's no excuse at all, but I honestly had no idea. I'll say it one more time before we actually leave it in the past, I'm sorry man. At least this thing has made damn sure I'll never be a knee-jerk, judgemental douchenozzle again.'

Afterwards Axel couldn't recall much else of the evening even when he wracked his brain but he was pretty sure that he would remember forever the warm feeling that filled him when Demyx looked up and offered a lopsided smile along with his hand. Like he was in a dream Axel shook Demyx's hand and somehow the conversation turned effortlessly to Demyx's obsession with his 'freaking awesome sitar', ending up in an involved discussion about how, if Demyx could just find a singer and songwriter, he would destroy the song charts and take over the world.

***&&&***

A day and a night after the wonderful night at the movies Axel found his life continuing its trend of fucking awesome. Early on Sunday morning he distributed a round of coffees to the snoring Hakunetsu brothers and quietly left to go and get some work done in Aqua's garden. Axel had found out during his first day of odd-jobbing that Ventus hadn't been lying about the state of Aqua's jungle-like yard but when his mind was right he found it cathartic to get covered in dirt and work until he was sore. This particular Sunday he was actually looking forward to the pitched battle that passed for gardening.

Walking up the long path to the house and knocking on the door Axel waited patiently until he heard the crashing of Aqua's progress down the hall. The door swung open silently and Axel stepped in to see and definitely hear that Aqua was in the middle of a heated phone conversation. Trying not to listen Axel stared at the eye-popping, black and white wallpaper until Aqua flicked him on the shoulder and held the phone away from her ear with her hand over the mouthpiece.

Axel smirked at the exaggerated eye roll from the blue-haired girl and nodded obligingly at her request for him to get started on moving the pile of broken tile in the corner of the garden over into the skip bin. Hurrying back out the door before the volatile phone call bubbled over again Axel thanked the gods for the cool winter air when he saw the sheer scale of the tile mountain. For once deciding to indulge in some planning before jumping into the task Axel circled the heap and tried to calculate the best place to start.

Green eyes narrowed as Axel evaluated the daunting task and then his inspection revealed a spot around the side where the tiles were fractured into slightly smaller pieces than the rest of the stack. Not wasting any more time Axel pulled on his thick gloves, grabbed an armful of the broken stone and after letting out an incredulous huff at the weight of his cargo, began ferrying the tiles load by load to the skip. Quickly the redhead realized that he was going to blow a valve if he tried to go too fast so he halved the size of each lot and set himself a steady pace.

Axel was so absorbed with his task that when Aqua's hand fell on his shoulder he jumped almost a foot in the air. His reaction was so extreme that Aqua let out a startled scream and then immediately threw her hands up to cover her mouth. The redhead and bluette stared at each other for a second and then simultaneously broke into breathless howls of laughter. Axel was laughing so hard that he had to wrap his arms around his midriff to stop his ribs aching and it was at the point that his shoulders screamed in pain to let him know that he couldn't get away with the exertion he had just put his body through.

Though he thought he had hidden it well Aqua obviously caught the flash of pain that passed across Axel's face as she immediately stopped laughing and looked guilty. Axel found himself propelled in the direction of the porch as Aqua spluttered, 'Oh shit Axel you dope, I didn't mean for you to move that many huge tiles all on your own. I thought you would see the sledgehammer over at the edge of the pile and break each piece into little bits before even trying to lift them.'

Axel opened his mouth but before he could say anything Aqua asked, 'How the hell did you manage to get any of it off the ground? I tried the other day and even the small bits weighed a ton. You must be stronger than you look Mr Skinny, no offense, because you moved half a freaking ton in just the time I was on the phone. No wonder you look like you've been hit by a truck.'

Pushed gently into a chair on the deck Axel finally got a word in edgewise saying, 'I've always have been stronger than I look. It's because I practice with my chakram most days. My ancestor used to fight with it in the Halloween Town Wars and I decided I wanted to learn how to use it. It'll sound strange if you haven't seen one, but chakram is a circlet of sharpened solid steel with spikes on it and it weighs a metric shittonne. I can show it to you sometime when you come over to see Ventus if you want…'

Here Axel's babble was cut off as Aqua had suddenly turned into a slavering fangirl. Clasping her hands in front of her chest and bouncing up and down the bluette squealed, 'Shiva wept Axel, that's so cool! I collect antique weapons and I have a battered old chakram somewhere in my collection. I'd love to see one in all its curvy, spiky glory!'

In her enthusiasm Aqua forgot about Axel's sore muscles and reached over to squeeze his shoulder, grasping him hard enough to elicit an agonised groan. Immediately contrite Aqua cried, 'Fuck, I'm sorry! Let me grab something to put on those arms that will stop the pain. I'll see if I can find my bottle of Antiflam.'

Axel's head was whirling with Aqua's exhausting energy so he barely took in her words as she dashed off inside. When the blue haired girl returned however Axel swore silently but virulently because if Aqua was going to be putting Antiflam on his arms, said arms would need to be deprived of their cloth coverings. Like a deer in the headlights Axel stared at Aqua as she returned waving a purple tube triumphantly.

Either due to Aqua's overwhelming personality, or more likely because of the cumulative influence the Hakunetsus were having on him, Axel found himself unable to flat out decline the medicated balm. Raising his hands he stuttered for a few seconds but a cold barrier within him was melting and Axel found that he didn't want to lie to the sweet girl who only wanted to make his pain better. Even though Axel was unaware of it, his inner defences were slowly but surely being dismantled.

Reaching a decision Axel took a deep breath and caught Aqua's eye for a second before glancing away and saying, 'Look, um, I, uh would rather put that on myself. It's not something I talk about or anything but, well, uh, I cut myself and my arms are a bit of a mess. Shit, I've only talked to Rox about this stuff so I don't really know what to say but it's not really nice to look at 'kay?'

Axel heard the light intake of breath at his words but didn't look up. His revelation had been in the spur of the moment and as soon as the words had left his lips he was second guessing the wisdom of his decision. Bad Red crept back into his thoughts without so much as a by your leave whispering, 'What the hell were you thinking you craptacular fuck-stain? (Axel was sure that Bad Red had an extensive dictionary of vulgar insults stashed away in his brain somewhere.) Searching for sympathy votes? Or were you simply trying to drive this chick away with the sheer force of your emo-fail?'

As usual Axel had no answer for the vindictive little voice inside his head but this time his inner one-sided debate was cut short by a voice outside of his mind. Somewhat closer than Axel had thought she was Aqua spoke up and in a soft voice saying, 'I don't really know what to say either Axel, but I know how hard it must have been to say that. To be honest if it won't freak you out I'm still happy to put the ointment on the sore bits you can't reach; I have a friend who harms herself... I guess it's been a very long time since scars have fazed me.'

The silence stretched out as Axel tried bewilderedly to reconcile what he had expected Aqua to say with what she had actually said. Forcing himself past the cognitive dissonance Axel raised his gaze to meet Aqua's worried eyes and said vehemently, 'I swear Ventus must emit a cloud of pure Mindfuck as he walks around. I don't know who I am anymore, Roxas went from vengeful to reasonable in ten seconds flat and now his friends are ignoring everything I've done in their haste to embrace me into their lives.'

Burying his face in his hands Axel continued in a muffled voice, 'I just don't get how people who know him and know what I did can even look at me, let alone bother to get to know me. And then people as close to him as you and Rox even find it in yourselves to feel compassion… I just don't fucking get it!'

***&&&***

Looking down at the trembling redhead teen in front of her Aqua felt a wave of empathy sweep through her and she couldn't stop herself from kneeling down and wrapping her arms gently round Axel's shoulders. Like Axel she had wondered for a while now just how Ventus and Roxas had arrived at their current level of affection for someone who had come so close to tearing their little family apart, but having spent even a short time with Axel she now understood. Just by looking at Axel Aqua could sense something shining out from within the boy and after talking to him she knew that there was something undeniably special beneath the tarnish that life had put on his brightness.

Confidently and calmly Aqua said, 'It's because we can see something in you Axel, something special that you can't see yourself. I've only known you for a couple of weeks and already I can see that you're more than you think you are. Hanging around Ventus I've picked up a lot from his encyclopaedic knowledge of the human mind, and I can tell you think you're just a loser druggie blah, blah, just from the way you talk about yourself… But I don't agree with that assessment at all okay? I think Roxas is right to hang on to you.'

Axel went totally still and for a moment Aqua wondered if she had gone too far. The bluette had time to bite her lip in worry before the boy shuddered and his shaking arms crept up to return the hug. Though Axel couldn't seem to find words, Aqua could feel an almost tangible aura of gratitude and relief being delivered through the medium of the hug. The pair stayed where they were, both giving and receiving comfort until a clock inside chimed midday, shaking them out of the moment.

Gently Aqua disentangled herself from the hug and her mouth fell open when she saw what Axel was doing. Eyes firmly fixed on his long fingers, Axel was slowly but decisively rolling up his right sleeve to the shoulder. When the teen had finished on his right arm he moved on to the left and Aqua tried not to stare as Axel's extensive scarring was bared to the light. Still not looking at Aqua Axel stated quietly, 'It's the back of my arms that hurt the worst, and my biceps aren't doing so well either. I can do the front of my arms but I don't think I can stretch around to the back without my arms falling off.'

Giving in to the urge to smile Aqua boldly reached forward and flicked Axel's chin, causing the teen to jerk his head up and look at her again. Squeezing a liberal amount of ointment onto her fingers Aqua gestured for Axel to hold out his arms and said, 'Don't be silly, this balm is really annoying to get off your fingers. Just be quiet and I'll be done in a minute.'

Interpreting the long sigh from Axel as a yes, Aqua gently began to massage the Antiflam into Axel's muscles, absently noting the strange feel of the uneven skin below her fingers. Rubbing the ointment in firmly on the lower part of Axel's biceps Aqua lightened her touch as she moved towards his shoulder, delicately smoothing balm around the bandages still in place on his arm. Though Aqua worked quickly and with great care, Axel was shaking again by the time she finished.

Aqua wiped her hands on her pants to get the rest of the ointment off and tried to think of a way to break the tension. Casting around for a topic of conversation Aqua went for a long shot and sat cross-legged on the deck saying, 'Axel, what if we talk about something so awkward it will make us forget the last few minutes ever happened? I mean we go back to yard work if you want, but I think you need a little more rest before you tackle the tiles again.'

***&&&***

While Aqua was applying balm to his arms, actually touching his bare skin, Axel was trying to squash his building anxiety and not freak out on an epic scale. He hadn't showed his scars to anyone but Roxas before and even then he had only revealed a small part of his wrist. His mind side-slipping briefly Axel wondered, with a certain amount of melancholy, if the carnage that covered his upper back and shoulders would stay hidden forever.

The delicacy and care he felt in Aqua's hands made Axel focus on the here-and-now and though he was observing furtively but intently he couldn't detect a single ounce of hesitation or distaste in the girl's touch. Although he couldn't actually remember the last time he impulsively trusted someone like this before Roxas, Axel found that despite the strangeness of it all he actually felt better for a lack of more sophisticated word. The cognitive dissonance between what Axel expected to be feeling and what he was actually feeling manifested itself in small but uncontrollable tremors that shook his whole body.

Once again the wisdom of Aqua's assessment of the situation left Axel slightly stunned but he sensed something going on behind the woman's words. Wanting to somehow give back to Aqua after she had shown him such consideration Axel quickly weighed his options and chose boldness asking softly, 'What's wrong Aqua? Is there something I can help with? I may not be a psychology whizz like Ventus but I can tell that you want to talk about something that's bothering you in quite a big way.'

It was Aqua's turn to look startled and Axel bit his lip to avoid chuckling at the wide-eyed look on her face. For a moment Axel thought that Aqua was going to chicken out on taking her turn to open up but the bluette took a deep breath and said very quickly, 'IhavefeelingsforsomeonethatIkindofshouldn'thavefeelingsforandIdon'tknowiftheyfeelthesameorifthey'lltellmetofuckrightoffiftheyfindout!'

With an empathetic look on his face Axel took a second to translate the high speed babble and then nodded in commiseration sighing lightly. In a tone of mild questioning he caught Aqua's eye and said, 'Do you want to tell me who it is Aqua? You don't have to you know but I'd like to help if I can. If you think I'm being nosey don't hesitate to tell me to shut the hell up though.'

Axel looked quizzically at Aqua as the woman's face slowly turned so red that he started to worry that her head would explode. Aqua's eyes darted all over the place, everywhere except Axel, and all at once she blurted out, 'It's Ventus okay, it's bloody Ventus!'

While Aqua buried her face in her hands and squeaked incoherently Axel blinked vacantly at nothing for a second before shaking his head to snap himself out of it. Giving himself a mental slap Axel forced himself not overthink things and simply let the words come out, 'Aqua, something I've realized over the last month or so is that life is just too damn short to sit and wonder. At risk of not being invited back to break my spine in your garden you just need to suck it up and tell him. Life isn't going to wait for you to get it together and regret really sucks y'know.'

In the silence following his bold words Axel watched the bluette carefully and with no small amount of trepidation. His honest statement was well received however and after a comical double take, Aqua cracked up laughing and flung her arms round his neck. Shyly returning the hug Axel found that he was really starting to like this 'human interaction' he had heard so much about and when Aqua jumped up to take on the garden again he readily followed to join the battle again.

***&&&***

Roxas had started a wonderful Sunday with the coffee that Axel had left him, spending most of the morning luxuriating in bed with his favorite music playing quietly. Finally deciding at midday that he had had enough sloth Roxas hauled himself out of his warm blankets and wandered out to the lounge to find that Ventus had made it to the couch on his own and was chuckling at the horrendous daytime TV available on Sundays. Plopping himself down next to his brother Roxas was soon giggling at the atrocious human beings showcased on the show 'So You Want To Sex Your Way To A Million Dollars'.

The afternoon was wonderfully quiet and pressure-free, allowing Roxas to relax and simply enjoy spending time with his big brother. Bonding over reality TV would never have made the top of the list in Ventus' psychology texts on relationship building but for Roxas it sure as hell beat bonding over mutual trauma. By the time the credits rolled on the collection of perverted, wannabe TV-personalities Roxas was comfortably curled up under Ventus' arm, nestled into his brother's side with a lazy smile on his face.

Two reality shows and one eye-wateringly strong coffee later Roxas rolled onto his back so that his head was in Ventus' lap and he was looking up into his brother's face. Still smiling his contented smile Roxas murmured, 'This is nice Ven, I've missed our trashy TV sessions. You look better too, are you feeling better?'

Ventus returned Roxas' smile and gently ran his fingers through the teen's feathery spikes of hair. Letting out a comfortable sigh Ventus replied, 'Yeah Rox, on all levels. My ribs are just about back to normal unless I'm stupid enough to stretch or laugh too hard and my leg is nowhere near as agonizing as it was even two weeks ago. I don't feel like I have to bust a gut to keep this weird little household together and to be honest, seeing you smile properly again has made my freaking year.'

The smile on Roxas' face grew a little bit watery and he sat up to give Ventus a proper hug. The brothers were still clutching each other tight in an embrace of mutual comfort when the door swung open with a creak to reveal something that could have Axel, or it could have been a mud monster from the bottom of a swamp. After a playful little shove from Ventus Roxas rolled to his feet and hurried over to his exhausted boyfriend, slipping an arm around Axel's waist and assisting him in the direction of the bathroom.

On the painfully slow trip to the bathroom Roxas took in Axel's appearance and mused that the redhead looked as though he had been attacked by the whole inventory of a malevolent garden centre. From the top of Axel's head to the soles of his feet Roxas could see either muddy globs, leaf mould or clumps of shredded grass and there were scratches on the teen's hands that had not been there the night before. At Axel's mute plea Roxas gracefully bowed out to let his boyfriend have a shower and he wandered off to the kitchen after having the epiphany of making a hot drink for them both.

Roxas was back and seated on Axel's bed for barely a minute before the door swung open and the apparition that walked in nearly made the blonde swallow his tongue. Axel's face was obscured as he was vigorously drying his hair and he had only thrown on a tight, black, long-sleeved t-shirt, having opted to simply wrap a towel around his narrow waist. Roxas' blue eyes opened so wide that they looked like they could fall out of his head and he was still gawking like an idiot when Axel raked his hair back and looked up to meet his gaze.

Intent on avoiding a catastrophic nosebleed Roxas was busy trying to think of something, anything else when Axel glanced up and stared straight at him. The look on Axel's face was unlike anything Roxas had seen before, the redhead seeming to know exactly what was in Roxas' mind and he smiled slowly, a smile that exuded sensuality and suggestiveness. Roxas felt his breath catch in his throat and he watched like a rabbit hypnotized by a snake as Axel strolled closer.

Wide blue eyes watched intently, transfixed by the sway of Axel's hips and the smooth motion of his muscles as he walked and Roxas only came out of his trance when Axel leant forward and placed his hands on either side of his thighs bringing their faces together almost close enough to touch. Roxas couldn't help the shaky sigh that escaped him as Axel's warm breath blew against his cheek and he also couldn't help unconsciously leaning in toward the gorgeous redhead. Axel's lips almost touched Roxas' ear and he whispered breathily, 'Roooooxasss… Could you turn around so that I can regain my modesty and put some pants on?'

The tension abruptly broke and Roxas hurt his nose snorting with laughter. Placing his open palm over Axel's face Roxas pushed the teen away playfully and turned around, light-heartedly flipping the duvet up over his head as a signal that he wouldn't peek. Behind the duvet-swathed blonde came the whispery sound of fabric on skin and a second later Roxas jumped to find himself pinned in the blanket and wrestled onto the bed to the sounds of Axel snickering.

A brief struggle broke out with Axel trying to contain Roxas like a bird in a blanket and Roxas wriggling like a snake to escape the thick material. Roxas was on the verge of bursting free when he heard a choked groan from the other teen and he stopped his thrashing at once, sliding out of the now released blanket to look questioningly at the redhead. Axel was sitting cross-legged at the head of the bed attempting to hold both his arms at once and when he saw Roxas looking at him he gave a wry smile and beckoned the blonde over with one finger.

Roxas scooted up the bed and sat next to Axel, careful not to bump him in any way. When Roxas was comfortably situated Axel grimaced and said, 'Never let yourself get talked into gardening without seeing the garden first okay? Aqua is great and all but she sucks at giving instructions. Today I was meant to be moving a pile of broken tiles from the garden into the skip, but she forgot to tell me that I was totally allowed to break them up smaller with a sledgehammer. Just now I kind of forgot that my arms are on the point of falling off from lugging a fucking tonne of stone all over the place.'

Wincing in sympathy Roxas reached out and petted Axel's red mane of hair gently. In a burst of inspiration he bent and peered up into Axel's face and asked, 'Would you like a massage? I took an after school course about a year ago so at risk of sounding conceited I would say that I'm quite good at getting munted muscles to relax. If it doesn't make it any better I'll stop obviously, but if I use some Tiger Balm it might help some.'

It made Roxas' heart glow a little when Axel smiled and nodded without hesitation and he jumped up to grab the Tiger Balm from the bathroom cupboard. Returning quickly to the bedroom Roxas carefully crawled back up the bed and edged his way over to sit in front of Axel who was still sitting in the same spot clutching his aching arms. Shyly Roxas asked, 'Are you okay to roll up your sleeves? I mean, I can just massage your lower arms if you like… Honestly though I just hate seeing you flinch every time you move your arms and I'd like to help if you'll let me.'

In answer to Roxas' earnest question Axel forwent a verbal answer and averted his gaze to the bed, determinedly rolling his sleeves up to his shoulders for the second time that day before he could talk himself out of it. Acting as if it were no big deal Roxas scooped up a small glob of balm and began to knead the taut muscle in Axel's right forearm. Roxas kept his face carefully neutral but really he was taking in every sensation of the skin beneath his sensitive fingers.

Eyes fixed on his skilled hands Roxas drank in the interlaced pattern of scarring that almost completely covered Axel's skin. While he massaged the balm into the skin and muscle Roxas used the tips of his fingers to explore the texture of the scarring and was interested to notice that each scar felt like a silky smooth mound raised up against the normal skin. Keenly aware of the tension emanating from Axel Roxas tried to keep moving and worked his way up past the other teen's elbow.

The scarring on Axel's upper arm was much more extensive than lower down and Roxas had to bite his tongue to keep from making a sound of distress. From Axel's elbow to his shoulder the scars covered every inch of skin and even built into uneven accumulations where he had placed new scars over old. Massaging with infinite delicacy Roxas worked to loosen Axel's painfully tight muscles, deciding to work in silence until Axel was comfortable enough to break the silence himself.

***&&&***

Axel couldn't believe it, he had bared his always hidden arms twice in one day and the world hadn't collapsed in screaming and flames. Showing his arms to Roxas so soon after being brave enough to bare them to Aqua, a relative stranger, was stretching the limits of Axel's daring, but deep within himself he could feel significant parts of his internal defences being eroded away. Unable to think of a single word to say that wouldn't sound nauseatingly cheesy Axel settled for staying silent as Roxas massaged his poor, overused arms back to some semblance of life.

Finally Roxas finished with the now relaxed tricep of Axel's left arm and went to go and put the Tiger Balm away. Before the blonde could slide off the bed however Axel's hand shot out and he pulled Roxas into an embrace, kissing him lightly on the lips. After kissing Roxas thoroughly and gently Axel pulled back a little and said quietly, 'I don't deserve you Rox, but I'm damn sure going to try and make myself worthy of being with you. I just… I don't even have the words for how fucking special you are.'

Axel saw a small smile tug at Roxas' lips and without preamble the blonde shoved the tube of balm onto the bedside table and moved forward to claim another kiss. Wrapping his arms around Roxas and feeling the blonde's arms encircle him in return, Axel lost himself in the taste and feel of his boyfriend's lips and tongue. An indeterminable amount of time later Axel found himself lying comfortably on the bed with Roxas snuggled under his arm like he was made to be there. Overwhelmed by an alien feeling of contentment Axel let himself soak in the peace of the moment, which only increased when Roxas wrapped his arm around his waist and sighed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Really the only warning is for some triggering-ish poetry.  
>  A recommendation though that links to later in the chapter, if you haven't seen the movie Section B13 then do so right now. Personally I laughed so hard I nearly threw up... It's not a comedy :P**

It was four days after Aqua had taken the risk of blurting out her problem to Axel and she was getting supremely frustrated. Ever since Axel had delivered his honest and genuine feelings on the subject of not taking life for granted Aqua had been trying to find a way to tell Ventus her feelings even if he didn't return them. The problem was however that Ventus had picked up a slightly larger workload at the University again and both Leon and Yuffie had seen fit to start monopolizing his time. Aqua loved Yuffie like a sister, but if she called and heard that Ventus was out for a 'ninja walk' one more time she might just have to smack the tiny woman upside the head.

Finally, at 11am on the Thursday morning, Aqua gently snapped. She had a day off from tutoring her advanced Control Theory and Image Processing class for fourth year students and she knew that Ventus wasn't in at the campus either. Operating on pure impulse the usually confident woman dithered for half an hour before catapulting out of her house before she could change her mind. Deciding to walk so she could work on what the hell she was going to say, Aqua inched her way down the road, forming and discarding declarations of like with every step.

The usually fifteen minute long walk from her house to Ventus' place took Aqua the best part of half an hour and she stood on the step for a further five minutes before summoning the courage to knock. Strangely enough it was recalling the strength it took for Axel to open up to her that stiffened her resolve and by the time Ventus made it to the door Aqua had shored up her strength of will and recaptured her determination. The door opened in front of her and Aqua looked up into Ventus' smiling ice-blue eyes.

Momentarily unable to speak Aqua just stared silently as Ventus grinned happily at her and said, 'Oh Gaia Aqua, I'm glad to see you. Axel's been practicing his Italian on me all morning and I'm starting to involuntarily learn a language! Could you tell him that you've come to order me out for a walk or something? Please, please pleeeeease?'

Kicking her brain back into gear Aqua nodded slowly and stepped forward when Ventus limped back to let her in the door. Loudly enough to provoke a startled yelp from the lounge Aqua shouted, 'I'm kidnapping Ventus Axel, he promised me we could go for a walk so I could see how his leg was doing. You'll have to practice your Italian on the wall or something for the next couple of hours okay? Bye Renaissance Man, we'll be back later.'

Not waiting for a reply from Axel, Ventus hobbled out of house, looping his own arm through Aqua's and pulling the door shut behind him. It was only then that Aqua noticed that Ventus was limping slightly more than usual because he was only using one crutch and a big grin bloomed over her face. In a tone of amused reproach she said, 'So Ven, when were you going to tell me you had jettisoned one of your crutches? I haven't seen you in nearly a week but this, well, this makes me feel downright neglected.'

Inwardly Aqua giggled to herself at the kicked puppy look that came over Ventus' face but outwardly she looked sternly at her friend. In a rush, trying to get everything out at once Ventus blurted, 'Gaia I'm so sorry Aqua! I was so excited to get back to work and that the doctor told me my healing was progressing well that I totally forgot to tell you! It was only yesterday at my doctor's appointment that he told me to try walking around on one crutch…'

Aqua couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out into gasping laughter at Ventus' frantic explanation. In between wheezes she patted Ventus on the arm and snickered, 'Oh man, you are just too easy to wind up Ven. I could've kept that up until you were prostrated before me begging for forgiveness. It's awesome that you're healing well and it's great that you're able to get back to work part time.'

Laughing even harder when Ventus punched her on the shoulder Aqua linked arms again with the blonde man and together they wobbled down the road in the weak winter sun. The conversation was light and frivolous, sticking mainly to topics like the latest gossip from the University and what was happening in their favourite soap opera 'The World That Never Was'. About every ten minutes Aqua would think about raising the subject that brought her to Ventus' door in the first place but then she would chicken out and tell herself that she would do it later.

In a burst of inspiration Aqua suggested that they wander down to the small gelato shop at the end of the block so that they could sit for a bit and rest Ventus' poor leg. Around two hours, four pottles each of delicious gelato and a long, absorbing conversation later Ventus put forward the proposal that they should go back to the house for fortifying coffees and the comfort of overstuffed armchairs, a proposition heartily agreed with by Aqua. As they started off for home Aqua casually took Ventus' arm and took on the role of additional support after the unusually long walk.

By the time they were approaching the house Aqua was starting to panic. She knew that with Axel in the house with them she would never get up the courage to voice her feelings but they were almost there and she was running out of time. It wasn't until they were standing on the doorstep about to open the door that Aqua abruptly threw caution to the winds and blurted, 'Wait Ventus, I've got something I need to say to you. I, um, just stop a second…'

Ventus paused with his hand on the doorknob and cocked his head towards Aqua, looking at her with startled blue eyes. Before she could psych herself out of it and go running down the road Aqua met Ventus' gaze and said clearly, 'I like you Ven. Like, like-like you. I, uh, well I know it's out of the blue but I knew it even before Seifer turned out to be a spectacular arse…'

Aqua was unable to get any further as with a huge grin Ventus swept her up in his arms, turning whatever else she was going to say into an involuntary squeak. Like the unfolding of the end of a fairy tale Ventus bent Aqua backwards and slowly lowered his lips to hers. The moment transformed from magical to slapstick however when Ventus' leg chose that second to give way, spilling the couple unceremoniously into the thick boxwood shrub that lined the path to the house. There was a second of silence and then both the blonde and bluette simultaneously burst into uncontrollable, hysterical laughter.

Aqua was too weak with the giggles to look like climbing to her own feet let alone helping Ventus up so it was rather fortuitous that Roxas chose that moment to step off the bus from school. The look on the blonde teen's face was utterly priceless and provoked further heights of hilarity from the pair in the bush. Still cackling like hyenas Aqua and Ventus gladly accepted the helping hand that Roxas rather bewilderedly offered and looking for all the world like the Three Mouseketeers the trio finally made it into the house.

At Ventus' request Roxas, still confused about what the hell was going on, went off to find Axel. When the four of them were comfortably seated in the lounge Ventus subtly looked askance at Aqua and when she smiled and nodded he said plainly, 'Rox, you may have gathered that there's been a development so I thought I should tell you and Axel, Aqua and I… Well we're a couple. Um, yeah.'

Aqua was watching under her lashes, trying to gauge Roxas' reaction to the announcement, hoping that the sudden change of dynamic in a relationship that was once just friends wouldn't screw up all the other relationships around it. The blue haired girl was pleasantly stunned however when Roxas turned to her with a massive grin and launched himself forward to give her a warm hug. Biting her lip at the warm fuzzy feeling filling her Aqua hugged the blonde teen back tightly.

When she was finally released from the patented Roxas-Squeeze Aqua was once again stunned when Roxas chirped happily, 'Oh Gaia, I'm so glad you both got your heads out of your butts enough to tell each other how you feel! I was beginning to think I'd be an old man before you got it together.'

The lounge was suddenly filled with unrestrained laughter that continued well into the evening. Turns were taken to bring the hot beverages and the group, by easy consensus, began to work their way through Roxas' boxed set of the first season of Arrested Development. The dark of a winter's night closed in around the Hakunetsu house but bright light and even brighter laughter shone from the windows, turning the cosy home into a radiant fortress in the blackness.

***&&&***

Axel was in the process of almost carrying Roxas to bed when Ventus went to call a taxi to take Aqua home and he caught a brilliant and grateful smile from the blue haired woman as she walked out the door. Cruising on the warm glow of a good deed well done Axel focused on getting Roxas to bed and he just managed to shepherd the blonde over to the bed before he dropped forward and landed on his face on the covers. With some creative manoeuvring Axel wiggled Roxas under the covers and made sure he was well tucked in before heading off to his own room.

Sleep was almost instantaneous when Axel's head hit the pillow so he was a little disoriented when he woke up what seemed like a minute later to the grey morning light shining into his room. When he rolled onto his back a wide smile spread across Axel's face as he saw the steam rising from a hot cup of coffee sitting next to his bed, obviously left by Roxas. An amusing thought crossed Axel's mind that this must have been the first morning that Roxas had been able to find the time to even make a coffee, let alone a round of hot drinks.

Blinking blearily at the clock Axel saw that it had just gone 9am and suddenly a tremor passed through him, a voice in the back of his mind yelling that he was forgetting something important. Absently picking up the mug by his bed and taking a slurp of the delicious, caffeine-filled goodness Axel spent approximately five minutes chilling before a light bulb went off in his head and he virtually levitated off the bed. In a whirl of clothes and stolen sips of coffee Axel cursed himself as a moron for somehow forgetting that he was due in to the hospital to have the cast on his wrist removed.

The house was empty, Roxas being at school and Ventus at work, so there was no one around to see the half-dressed Axel stumbling through the house, brushing his teeth with his good hand and trying to wiggle into both shoes at once. Pitifully grateful that his ignominious departure from the house went unwitnessed, Axel made it to his car not missing any crucial elements of clothing and once he was behind the wheel he took a second to try and centre himself. Slightly calmer Axel checked that he hadn't forgotten his phone and set off for the hospital.

***&&&***

At precisely 12.30pm Ventus was treated to a close-up of Yuffie's face appearing in front of the massive amount of paperwork he was trying to get through and as usual he cursed her ninja-like skills. Though he should have been used to it by now Ventus still experienced something very like a heart attack every time Yuffie unexpectedly popped up where she shouldn't be. Clutching his chest and trying to slow his breathing Ventus gasped, 'Ifrit's Hellfire Yuffie, do you have to do that? We all know you're a damn ninja, you don't have to run around proving it!'

With an evil little chuckle Yuffie hopped up and perched precariously on Ventus' desk. Crossing her legs primly and leaning forward to rest her chin on her hand she said in a sing-song voice, 'I've been speaking to your HOD Veeeentus, he told me something iiiinteresting… You're only meant to be staying at work until lunchtime and it is soooo totally lunchtime!'

When Ventus when to open his mouth Yuffie held up her hand imperiously. Dropping the sing-song voice but not the grin she continued, 'I volunteered to be your ride home today because I figured that you wouldn't know that Professor Xigbar had to go home sick. And really Ven, I knew that if no one came to drag you away from your desk you'd be here until Judgement Day.'

Again Ventus went to open his mouth but he quickly shut it again as Yuffie had him pegged dead to rights. Smiling wryly at the woman Ventus haphazardly piled his work into a heap beside his computer and once he was done he graciously accepted Yuffie's aid in getting to his feet. Together the pair wound their way through the convoluted halls of the University talking about nothing in particular, but the moment Ventus' behind hit the seat of Yuffie's car she whipped around to face him and growled, 'In the name of Odin's Sword Ventus, I should break your other leg! When the hells were you going to tell me about you and Aqua huh?'

Ventus' ride home consisted of him telling the perkily attentive Yuffie every single second of how Aqua came to his house and declared her undying love (Yuffie's words, not his). It didn't take long for the conversation to spread to encompass in depth just how long Ventus had been having feelings for a certain lovely bluette and by the time he arrived home Ventus was completely exhausted from the strain of oversharing. Leaning heavily on Yuffie's arm to get up the path Ventus fumbled for his key and let them both in; once inside though he and Yuffie both were dumbstruck at what they saw.

Though the Hakunetsu brothers usually attempted to keep their house at a minimum level of clean there was always an element of blokey slob in their living habitat. The house that Ventus and Yuffie walked into however looked like something out of Good Housekeeping Magazine. Surfaces sparkled like diamonds, cleaned to within an inch of their lives and the rugs, sofas, cushions and curtains had been vacuumed to resemble the show products in a furniture store. On the gleaming counter sat a ginormous plate of steaming cookies and from the back of the house came the sounds of humming mixed with industrious activity.

Ventus gave Yuffie a mock-fearful look and grabbed her hand jokingly, the two of them slowly proceeding into the house. Looking around in wide-eyed wonder and no small amount of confusion Ventus settled for sitting with Yuffie at the breakfast bar, biting into one of the delicious cookies and waiting for an explanation to fall out of the sky. About ten minutes later the explanation arrived in the form of Axel, covered in dust and grinning, with his hair pulled back in a ponytail and a cleaning rag stuffed in each pocket.

Before the stunned university professors could remember how to make their vocal chords work Axel grinned wider and said happily, 'Hey Ven, Yuffie, you're just in time for lunch. What a gorgeous day huh? You might have noticed I've gone a little cleaning-mad but Bahamut damn it all I'm just glad to have two hands. I just finished changing all the beds too.'

There were no words, Ventus and Yuffie's jaws dropping open with silent and amusing synchronicity. Bewilderedly the pair allowed Axel to lead them to the kitchen table and sit them down with another gigantic cookie each while he flitted off to produce lunch. With his first bite of the little biscuit-shaped bit of heaven he held in his hand Ventus met Yuffie's gaze with a goofy grin. The sublime experience of Axel's baking was only topped when mouth-watering smells began to emanate from the oven.

Over the soft sound of Axel's humming Yuffie swallowed a huge mouthful of biscuit and said in a muffled voice, 'Dear Gaia Ventus, I'm going to have to move in. You get this all the time? If that redheaded beanpole flunks out of school he could open his own damn restaurant tomorrow. Dude, by the time you're up to a proper workout in the ring again you're going to be totally spherical.'

Ventus had to try and prevent his cookie exiting his face via his nose due to the massive snort that erupted thanks to the mental image Yuffie conjured. Luckily though, the blonde man was saved from further indignity when Axel appeared out of thin air, holding two coffees in his right hand and grinning like a jack-o'-lantern. In a cheery tone the redhead chirped, 'Lunch will be served momentarily guys.'

Axel hadn't been lying and the second that Yuffie and Ventus finished their cookies they found themselves looking at enormous, steaming bowls of macaroni cheese, chock full of beautiful vegetables and topped with glistening bacon. After a solid minute of staring at the culinary treat in front of him Ventus tried to ignore the appreciative scarfing noises coming from Yuffie and he turned to Axel saying, 'Well Axel, thank you just doesn't really cut it but I'll say it anyway… Thank you for stuffing me full of your amazing cooking. Hey, what brought this on anyway?'

The grin on Axel's face somehow got even wider and he replied, 'I got my cast removed this morning. I was just so damned happy to have both hands back that I couldn't help myself. And I figured that it lightens the load on you and Roxas so it's so much the better. It's a weird thing about me, but when I'm feeling good I tend to clean like a mental and cook until everyone around me is stuffed and as happy as I am.'

Chuckling loudly while Axel blushed Ventus nodded and said through his laughter, 'Well Axel, there are worse things to do when you're happy. I'm glad your cast came off with no problems. You really shouldn't've told me all this though you know because I'm going to make it my goal, teaming up with Roxas hopefully, to keep you as blissfully happy as humanly possible. Now Masterchef, if you'll excuse me I'm going to pig out on the best macaroni cheese I've ever seen.'

***&&&***

Axel was happy in his domestic goddess role and found the lunchtime spent with Yuffie and Ventus to be wonderfully pleasant. Ventus had mostly concentrated on shoving as much macaroni cheese into his face as physically possible so Axel had found himself party to a type of discussion sometimes referred to as a 'Yuffie Special'; a conversation that consisted of Axel sitting with his mouth half open while Yuffie waxed lyrical about whatever thought happened to fall out of her brain.

Blinking at the aural onslaught Axel listened to Yuffie's rambling tale of her journey to what she called 'ninja-hood' and he was fascinated by the woman's encyclopaedic knowledge of martial arts and painful targets on the human body. Captivated by the enthusiasm in Yuffie's every word Axel was surprised when the clock chimed the half hour, signalling that lunchtime at the University would be ending and that Yuffie would need to start running. With a lot of prompting from Ventus and complaining every step of the way Yuffie staggered out of the house leaving Axel and Ventus smiling and shaking their heads at her irrepressible nature.

When the door closed Axel turned to Ventus and was amused no end to see that the blonde man was sagging where he stood, eyelids drooping sleepily. Without preamble Axel looped an arm around Ventus' waist and lumped him away so that he could crash on his own bed. Later Axel would swear to Roxas that Ven had already started snoring in the second it took him to fall from his feet to his face on the duvet. Tucking the man in as best he could without waking him Axel quietly slipped from the room and made his way to his own bedroom.

Once the door shut behind him and Axel was alone in his sanctuary he flopped bonelessly onto his bed and tried to think of ways to prolong his amazing mood. As his green eyes gazed around the room Axel caught sight of the messy pile of his assorted writings and an idea sparked in his mind. Rolling to his feet and shambling over to the stack of crumpled papers Axel gracefully lowered himself down so that he was sitting cross-legged and began to leaf through the many pages of writing.

An hour later when Roxas wandered in through the front door Axel was still buried in the thousands upon thousands of words he had scratched into innumerable sheets of paper. The knock on his door startled him so much that he jumped perceptibly and unfortunately this resulted in him almost being swept away by a crapalanche of paper. Luckily however Axel had been holding a handful of poems at the time, so he gave up on trying to create order and simply attempted to slog his way to the door without trampling the storm of papers beneath his feet.

***&&&***

When Roxas tapped gently on Axel's door the last thing he had expected to see when the door opened was a disheveled redhead, covered in scraps of paper and brandishing a sheaf of poems in his hand. Blinking curiously and unable to hold back a grin Roxas said amusedly, 'That's new Ax, taking a bath in your piles of paper… That can't be too hygienic. Geez, it looks like you tried to detonate an experimental Papercut Bomb in there.'

As Axel slipped out of the room and tried to quickly shut the door behind himself Roxas craned to see over the redhead's shoulder and his eyes nearly fell out of his head when he saw the paper-blizzard that covered most of the room. Nodding thoughtfully Roxas turned away and beckoned for Axel to follow him to the lounge saying, 'Okay, well, seeing as my room is a bombsite too we might have to mingle with Ven in the lounge. This weekend may have to be sacrificed to the gods of cleaning and shit, but I'm fucked if I'm doing anything about it today.'

To Roxas' surprise a wide grin came over Axel's face and the redhead gestured with his fistful of papers animatedly saying, 'I have good news there. It's possible that I overfed Ventus when he came home with Yuffie at lunchtime and now the poor lamb is passed out on his bed having the biggest nana-nap I've ever seen. I doubt he'll be up before dinner so we have the run of the house for the rest of the afternoon.'

Matching Axel's smile Roxas turned to walk down the hallway and called over his shoulder, 'I'll grab something horribly unhealthy for snacks if you'll turn on the TV. I think there's a blanket on the couch too so we can snuggle up and keep warm, purely for survival purposes you understand.'

Roxas didn't need to look over his shoulder to see the blush that he knew was staining Axel's pale cheeks, he could almost feel the heat radiating from the other teen from the end of the hallway. Rattling around in the kitchen Roxas unearthed a half-eaten bag of chips and happily grabbed the rest of the cookies that Axel had made earlier, pausing only to stuff one in his mouth with a noise of delight. Making his way over to the lounge Roxas dropped onto the couch next to Axel who was flipping through the TV channels with a glazed look on his face.

Sighing ostentatiously Roxas let his head fall heavily onto Axel's shoulder and as the redhead jumped slightly he drawled, 'So it looks like we're bereft of anything resembling good programing. Any ideas what we can do to while away the time before you assault me with your amazing cooking again? I can't help but notice that you seem to have half a book still clutched in your hand from before, might I ask what that's about?'

***&&&***

Somehow Axel had made the decision to reopen his lapsed discussion about his poetry with Roxas even before he had started ripping into his paper-pile. The firm decisiveness he felt at the time notwithstanding, he still couldn't help the instinctive jolt of fear that shot through him as he faced the prospect of once again exposing his writing to the light. Enough in control of himself to mask his involuntary twitch at Roxas' lighthearted question Axel took a steadying breath and slowly uncrumpled the three pages he had almost forgotten were still in his hand.

Looking at Roxas out of the corner of his eye Axel summoned his courage and said in an almost playful tone, 'Far out Rox, your powers of observation are really breath-taking. I, uh, when I decided to explore that pile of crap in my room I found a whole shit-tonne of my poetry… Um, not sure why but I kinda thought… Maybe you'd like to read some more? I mean if you don't want to then that's cool too, I mean I wouldn't…'

Axel abruptly stopped talking when Roxas reached out and touched a finger to his lips. A small smile gracing his lips, the blonde teen said, 'I didn't want to push you so I've been waiting for you to bring it up again. To be honest I thought I would have to wait longer than this. If it makes you feel better I'll ask so that it's me asking and not you offering, please would you show me some more of your work?'

His breath whooshing out in a long sigh Axel dropped his gaze and shoved the three poems at the blonde teen. Having committed himself, once again, to exposing parts of his mind that he thought would never see the light Axel was suddenly overwhelmed with familiar anxiety. Hunching over and wrapping his arms around himself with his eyes on the floor Axel withdrew into himself, but not quite as far as he had last time. Axel bit his lip and waited for Roxas to finish perusing the words that had fallen straight from his mind onto the paper.

***&&&***

Though he wasn't showing it Roxas was almost as nervous as Axel. The emotions he had absorbed from the first poems he had seen were still vivid in his mind and though he really wanted some more insight into Axel's internal world he was somewhat scared of what he was about to read. As often happened in times of stress, Practical Roxas gave Stupid-Scared Roxas a slap upside the head and he smoothed the poems flat on his lap. The title of the first poem was ominous, The Rage Within. Roxas read:

_My rage is screaming  
I just want to release  
The beast.  
I want to free the wild creature  
Locked deep within,  
Burning red as flame  
And black as sin._

_The beast roars in my soul  
Bending me to its will  
Wanting to kill.  
The ones who have ripped out my heart  
Deserve death from within.  
From an angel red as blood  
And black as sin._

The raw emotion and uncharacteristic fury in the bitter words made Roxas' heart hurt and even when he averted his eyes from the writing scored deep into the page he could still hear a whisper echoing in his head, 'black as sin'. Aware that Axel was sitting eerily still next to him Roxas took a long, deep breath and blinked away the beginnings of tears. Carefully Roxas laid the first poem by his leg and moved on to the next one, 'Noughts and Crosses'.

_I play noughts and crosses on my skin,  
In the dark of night  
When the games of light and laughter  
Get just too much.  
I am drawn deep  
Into the diversion of noughts and crosses  
That lets my demons loose._

_Grid of ruby brilliance  
Delicate sliced lines  
Dreamy razor movements  
I play for my life._

_Cruel sport marks my once smooth skin,  
The night screams.  
As the stars stare, implacable and cold  
My blood runs for the game.  
Morning comes and the night wears thin.  
The game is played out,  
Bloodstains blot out the victor and vanquished._

_The crimson river  
Makes cross and nought the same.  
Nothing is lost  
And nothing won  
In these dark games  
Of madness and blood._

_The sun shines bright on the playful wounds  
And dries the incidental blood.  
The leisure in the gleaming day  
Replaces the midnight games.  
Just as the night screams sin and carnage,  
So the morning heals.  
Only deep inside do the scars of night stay,  
Hidden until my next midnight._

_End game  
Blood spilt  
My soul  
Still split  
Not dead  
Not alive.  
Noughts  
And crosses._

A shudder ran through Roxas' body and he couldn't suppress a low painful sound, a cross between a cry and a moan. Knowing that Axel harmed himself was an intellectual thing to Roxas, even the scars were something from the past, but the poem was the most brutal reminder possible of what lay beneath both Axel's sleeves and his smile. Abandoning the poems on the arm of the sofa Roxas twisted on the spot and dragged Axel into a tight, almost desperate hug.

At first Axel was unresponsive and unresisting, almost like a limp doll, lifeless. Roxas tried to ignore the redhead's catatonic appearance and simply buried his face in Axel's neck, trying to snap him out of his trance. After a few long minutes Roxas felt shaking arms move to wrap around his waist and he started to stroke Axel's hair and murmur soothingly. When Axel drew in a deep hitching breath Roxas pulled back a little so he could look the other teen in the eyes.

Slowly, still reeling from what he had just read Roxas whispered, 'How can you live with that in your head, holding it in and not showing it? You've never showed anyone your writing have you? That's why it's screwing with your head so bad… Ax… I'm not going anywhere okay?'

The gently spoken, compassionate words seemed to shake Axel completely back into reality and his shuddering breath turned into a choked cry. Not bothering to wipe away the tears streaming down his own face Roxas just sat and held Axel as sobs wracked his slender frame. Roxas wanted more than anything to be able to stop the wrenching tears that shook his boyfriend, but a small voice in his head told him that Axel needed this release very badly. Knowing that providing unwavering support was all he could do at this point Roxas held Axel tightly to his chest.

***&&&***

A part of Axel was shocked that he had scraped up the courage to even look for his poetry, let alone give it to Roxas and while he waited for the blonde to finish reading he spiraled further and further out of control in his head. Withdrawing even as he handed over the crumpled paper Axel had gotten lost in his own wild thoughts before Roxas had even smoothed the paper over his knees. Staring blankly ahead Axel was utterly unsurprised when Bad Red burst out of nowhere, louder than he had ever been.

'So you're trying to drive him away huh? You couldn't have chosen a better method fuckface. Do you really think that once he gets a glimpse inside that fucked up head of yours he'll even want to look at you, let alone be with you? For fucks sake Axie, you barely want to know you with the disgusting shit that you know runs through your mind, why the fuck would he even want to be near you?'

Unable to pull his muddled thoughts together Axel felt like he was drowning in the bile that Bad Red was spitting. Not even noticing when Roxas put aside the first poem and started on the second Axel bit his lip as Bad Red continued, 'He says that he isn't bothered by your ugly-as-fuck skin, but you and I both know that there is no way that can be true. I mean, even you can't bear to look at your own arms, it's fucking moronic to believe that someone else would.'

A lump had lodged itself in Axel's throat but he almost swallowed his tongue when out the blue Roxas turned around and threw his arms around him. Still battling with the vicious thoughts swirling around in his head Axel almost couldn't process the alien sensation of Roxas pressing against him, nuzzling into his neck. The words that Roxas whispered echoed softly around his mind and the chaotic thoughts seemed to recede a little.

Out of nowhere Axel suddenly burst into tears and clung to Roxas desperately, feeling the release of a flood of horror and misery that had been dammed up for so many long years. A storm rushed through the redhead, sweeping him away and he found solace in the tight embrace that Roxas enfolded him in. After a few minutes of silent comfort Axel felt he was able to speak. Huskily he said, 'I don't know… What did I do to deserve knowing you? I can't even comprehend why you would let me breathe the same air as you, let alone…This…'

The breath was squeezed out of Axel's lungs when Roxas involuntarily tightened his hold and shook his head firmly. Moving so that his lips were right by Axel's ear Roxas growled, 'I know what you think and I'm going to do whatever I can to change it. I don't want to run away from you and the things in your head, I want to hold on to you and help you put other things in place of all that shit. I need you to try though… I know you can't just flip a switch but you have to try…'

Roxas' words lodged deep in Axel's heart, spreading warmth and strength throughout his body. Emboldened by the unfamiliar feelings of security and contentment Axel looked down at Roxas and murmured, 'Thank you Roxas. You have no idea how much that means. And I will try, I am trying. You, uh, you should read that last poem though… It doesn't come out often, but it's not all dark shitstormy in my head all the time…'

The smile on Roxas' face took Axel's breath away and he dropped a kiss onto the teen's forehead before reaching over to grab the final poem. Smoothing the paper out one-handed Axel ran with a rare surge of daring and started to read out loud.

_Wild Music._

_I dance under a darkening sky  
Whirling with abandon,  
Spinning and twisting gracefully.  
I dance down the sun,  
Welcoming the twilight.  
Around me swirl the delicate strains  
Of wild music._

_The melodic wind howls her song,  
Raising her keening voice  
Above all else.  
Haunting song of melancholic beauty  
Soaring and weaving my dance  
With wild music._

_The rain taps an arrhythmic pattern  
Keeping time on my body.  
Silver raindrops  
Hiss and patter  
Filling my world with silver sound.  
Above all else, the wind howls her melody.  
This is wild music._

As Axel's words rang in the quiet room he chanced a look at Roxas and luxuriated in the stunned grin on the other boy's face. In the wake of the poem Roxas whispered, 'I can see it. I can see you in the dusk with the rain on your face, smiling… It's like a movie in my mind, how, how can you write like that? Actually scratch that, you're fucking amazing okay?'

***&&&***

Once again when Ventus awoke and hobbled out the lounge in the growing dusk he found Roxas and Axel together on the couch. This time however Axel was lying in Roxas' lap, their arms wrapped around each other and both boys fast asleep. Ignoring a slight twinge of guilt Ventus fumbled his phone from his pocket and carefully snapped a photo of the two boys and then a second one for back up. Tucking his phone back into his pocket Ventus then cleared his throat as loudly as possible, waking his brother with such a start that he nearly jolted Axel off the sofa.

Ventus' snorts of amusement were joined by Roxas' snickering and then drowned out by the sound of Axel hitting the ground and gasping with uncontrollable laughter. Diplomatically Ventus refrained from mentioning the unmitigated cuteness of the way he had found the boys, instead limping over to his chair and slouching into it with a huge grin on his face. For moment all three sat in comfortable silence before Ventus' smile grew even wider and he said cheekily, 'So Axel, what have you got planned for tea tonight? Chop chop, it's nearly 7pm and I'm getting hungry.'

Like he planned Ventus' words set off further gales of laughter from both Axel and Roxas, leaving them both prone and helpless with the force of their giggles. Once Axel recovered enough to sit up he looked over at Roxas and said thoughtfully, 'I think it's about time you learned how to cook properly Rox. Hey Ven, are you prepared to risk your stomach on the sheer skill of my cooking tutelage?'

Ventus snickered, amused at the idea of Roxas even entering the kitchen and nodded his acceptance of the challenge Axel had set for himself. Blinking at the speed with which Axel disappeared into the kitchen dragging Roxas behind him Ventus switched on the TV and prepared to be either pampered or poisoned. The noises coming from the kitchen didn't reassure Ventus of the viability of the coming dinner but he promised himself he would choke down whatever was served to him.

It was the end of the second episode of Top Gear and Ventus could hear his stomach growling over the sounds of the supercars on the TV. Just about at the point of making the supreme effort of struggling up onto his good leg Ventus nearly went through the roof when Roxas whispered right beside his ear, 'Prepare to dine upon the ambrosia of the gods oh brother of mine. Under Axel's instruction I'll soon be working for Daisy at the Pizzeria as her head chef.'

Clutching his chest in mock terror Ventus was further surprised when Axel swanned into the lounge wearing a frilly apron that had been given to Ventus years before as a joke and bearing a steaming plate of food. Roxas coordinated with the redhead flawlessly and with wide eyes Ventus watched his dinner appear before him on a polished tray with gleaming cutlery. Finding his voice Ventus stuttered, 'I-I-I take back everything I ever said about your cooking Rox, this looks incredible. And not to take away from your achievement little brother, but Axel deserves a medal and a freaking marching band. Bloody hell, never thought I'd see the day that a brother of mine would make… Wait, what have you two Top Chefs made?'

Ventus had to bite his lip not to laugh at the way his brother puffed up with pride and said smugly, 'We have created for you the most wonderful Chicken Parmigiana ever to have graced a plate. Alongside the chicken you will notice we have served garlic mashed potatoes and an assortment of steamed vegetables. Your gourmet dining experience will end with a desert, believe it or not, the nature of which will be a surprise after you finish your main course.'

Shaking his head in utter amazement Ventus tried to find the words to express his awe and happiness that his brother had managed to make a meal without burning down the house. All he could come up with was, 'Dude. Get your plates and sit because I'm not waiting for you. Marks out of ten will be awarded after the meal.'

***&&&***

Roxas was blissing out. After the meal on Friday night, awarded full marks out of ten by the disbelieving Ventus, the trio had sprawled happily in the lounge watching mindless crap on TV until they stumbled to bed. Now, on a rainy Saturday morning, Ventus had left for his first proper date with Aqua and Roxas was cuddled up against Axel's chest watching the final minutes of Star Trek: Into the Darkness. Finding out that they were both Trekkies had all but cemented the teens' budding relationship.

The final credits rolled and even though it was already lunchtime neither Roxas nor Axel felt hungry. Grinning and squinting in mock thought at the ceiling Roxas said slowly, 'Say Aaaaaaxel, what do you think about throwing caution to the winds, taking a chance and watching a movie neither of us have seen before?'

As soon as Axel's head started to nod in agreement Roxas was up and searching through his DVD collection, keeping up a lively running commentary the whole time. His head buried in the cabinet muffling his voice Roxas muttered, 'Now, let's see. We can rule out every 90s disaster movie, actually make that every disaster movie 'coz everybody's seen those. Bye-bye Snatch, Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit and the whoooooole Alien Quadrilogy… Dammit, it would be quicker to ask what you haven't seen!'

It was then that Axel earned his metaphorical keep by quickly interjecting, 'Why don't we check the movies on your laptop? I bet there's tonnes on there you haven't gotten around to watching and there's bound to be an overlap with the ones I've missed at the movies.'

Unable to restrain himself Roxas laid an exuberant and loud kiss right on Axel's mouth, laughing at the redhead's stunned look that quickly morphed into a smile. Giving in to the overwhelming impulse Roxas leant over Axel again and proceeded to kiss him so thoroughly that by the time he finished they were both breathless. Recovering quickly Roxas grabbed Axel's hand and dragged him off to his bedroom to find his laptop.

Leaving Axel lounging on the bed Roxas began speeding through his movie list out loud. The third movie he called out however seemed to be it and Section B13 was duly opened and started with great ceremony. It proved to be the best choice they could have possibly made, as by five minutes in they were helpless with laughter at the dreadful acting and hilarious accents.

***&&&***

Axel's master plan had worked brilliantly. He was lying on Roxas' bed with the blonde draped over his chest and wrapped in his arms. Roxas was currently unable to move from laughing too hard as the supposedly French protagonist of the film had just said something unintelligible in a broad Irish accent and then proceeded to kill everyone around him through the strategic yet cataclysmically stupid use of parkour.

Waiting until Roxas had managed to calm down a little, Axel exercised the small amount of daring that life hadn't beaten out of him and reached down to gently tilt Roxas' chin so that they were looking at each other. Green eyes smiled into bright blue and the kiss, when it came, was soft and sweet. The movie forgotten, Axel ran his slender fingers down Roxas' cheek and kissed him until they had to stop and draw breath.

When Axel pulled away from Roxas and gasped for air he was transfixed by the suggestive glint in the other teen's eye. All he could do was watch as Roxas turned on the spot and boldly readjusted their positions so that he was straddling Axel's hips. Axel's heart sped up and when Roxas bent down to kiss him again he buried his fingers in the teen's blonde spikes of hair, returning the kiss heatedly.

The kiss took on a life of its own and soon Axel was sitting with his back against the wall with Roxas melded to his chest, kissing him gently and deeply. Giving into the bliss that coursed through him, Axel savoured the exquisite feeling of Roxas' warm lips moving on his mouth and the teen's body pressed full length against him. Somehow Axel found that Roxas' shirt seemed to have melted away and his long fingers delicately caressed the soft skin of Roxas' sides dragging a sigh from the other boy.

For the longest time it felt as though an enchantment had descended on the room, but it only took an instant for the spell to be abruptly broken. Roxas had started out with his hands cupping Axel's face, his thumbs stroking gently over the other boy's tattoos, but slowly Roxas' gentle fingers found their way into the tantalizing wild red spikes of Axel's hair and Axel could barely think through the waves of sheer pleasure that were so alien to his past experiences. Axel let out a low groan into the kiss and felt Roxas smile against his lips. The fingers in Axel's hair stroked at his scalp but then shifted downward, shattering Axel's dreamlike state and sending a jolt of terror down his spine.

***&&&***

Roxas had being blissing out just as much as Axel, hardly able to believe how good the other teen's body felt against his own. Pressed against Axel's chest, vaguely wondering where his top had disappeared to, Roxas let his hands sneak up and do something he had been longing to do for ages. First Roxas lightly stroked Axel's hair but very soon his hands were deep in the thick red mane, alternating between massaging Axel's scalp and softly tugging on the scarlet strands. Roxas' found his fingers naturally slipping down towards Axel's neck but then he was jerked back to reality when Axel stiffened under him and let out a choked whimper.

Immediately pulling away from Axel so that he was able to look anxiously the redhead's face Roxas was distressed to see that the teen's eyes were squeezed shut and his teeth were clenched so hard that the tendons were standing out on his neck. Unsure what had happened to fuck with Axel's mind but desperate to figure out what the hell was going on, Roxas reached out touched Axel on the cheek murmuring urgently, 'I'm sorry Ax, I don't know what I did but I'm sorry… Please open your eyes and look at me… How can I fix what I did wrong if I don't even know what I did?'

Axel's eyes slowly opened at Roxas' quiet plea but Roxas still felt worry bubbling in the pit of his stomach. The light had gone out of Axel's normally vibrant green eyes to be replaced by a dark dullness and when the redhead finally spoke Roxas shivered to hear the desolation in his tone, 'I don't know why, but I hoped it would never… That you'd never see… Why they fuck does my past have to come back and fuck things up every time they start to go even slightly good? I hate this… I hate him so much.'

Starting to get a half-formed idea of what was going on Roxas nevertheless had no intention of making any assumptions. Not taking his eyes off Axel's for a second Roxas said slowly, 'The gods know that he should be dead for what he's done to you Axel. And I… If I could I would take the memories away so that you never had to suffer this shit again. I hate that he takes you away from me, even for a second… Gaia's blessings Axel, I'm here, you're not alone anymore. I don't even… I don't want to ask because it will probably make you feel like you have to tell me… But I just hate you living with this in your head and no way to get it out.'

A little bit of the deadness began to bleed out of Axel's gaze but his voice was detached and emotionless as he said, 'There are some things that shouldn't be anywhere but my head… And some things that shouldn't… I can't do this to you Rox, I just can't. You'll run, I'll run further… And then it will all be back how it was only worse because I'll remember how this felt and what it sounded like each time you said my name.'

Roxas flinched at Axel's words, feeling a physical pain in his chest as his heart broke for the damaged teen sitting in front of him. Wanting, needing Axel to feel his sincerity Roxas slid his fingers into Axel's limp hand and grasped it gently. Looking pleadingly into Axel's eyes, trying very hard to keep his voice level Roxas said, 'There is nothing that could make me run from you Axel. When this, when we started I didn't run. I know some of what you've been through and some of what you've done… Enough to know that I don't want to be anywhere else. I want you Axel… I want to be near you and to hold you when things turn to shit. I wish you wouldn't draw away from me, but I understand why you do…'

***&&&***

Axel couldn't block out Roxas' low, urgent words but some cynical part of his mind wouldn't stop screaming that he shouldn't fucking do what he was thinking of doing or the world would end in screams and flames. When he ignored the lump in his throat and spat out what he truly believed, that Roxas would disappear and leave him with nothing but bleeding memories of things too good for him to have, Axel waited for the invitation to either get the hell out or get the fuck out. Roxas' reaction, once again, sent Axel's head spinning and he felt like the ground was shifting under his feet.

Abruptly Axel came to a decision, sure in his own mind that the only outcome could be pain and rejection, and in the middle of Roxas' plea he sat up away from the wall, startling the smaller teen into silence. Gently pushing Roxas off of his lap Axel refused to look the boy in the eye, sliding off the bed and standing there shivering for a moment, wanting to continue but not sure if he had the courage. Goading himself into action, Axel turned so that his back was to the bed and so that Roxas couldn't see his face. Before he lost what little courage he had left Axel grabbed the hem of his top, roughly ripping it over his head to expose his back.

A hoarse gasp came from the bed and Axel could see in his mind as clear as day exactly what Roxas was looking at. From the small of his back to his shoulder blades Axel's back was littered with a mess of burn scars and marks left by the buckle end of a belt; but it was nothing compared to the battleground that covered the top of his back, all over his shoulder-blades and up his neck to his hairline. The scars Reno had left from his wild hacking and slashing were thick and uneven, mostly raised keloid scars, marking Axel permanently with a reminder of how much his father had wanted him dead.

Turning back around Axel faltered at the look of horror on Roxas' face, sure deep in his heart that the next words he was going to hear would be an order to leave. Imprinted indelibly in Axel's mind was the idea that he was a worthless piece of shit not worth the air he breathed and the massive scarring left by his father's murderous rage had always seemed to him to be proof of that theory. Now that someone else was looking at him with an expression approaching disgust, Axel wanted nothing more than to finish what Reno had tried to do and have done with it.

Before Axel could decide whether he wanted to run, cry or die right on the spot, Roxas spoke in a hushed voice that contained sympathy and deep empathy without any artifice saying, 'Bahamut's Hellfire Axel… I'm so, so sorry. I don't even have the words… No wait!'

Roxas' outburst came because Axel had begun to jerkily step backward and the teen halted where he stood, face expressionless but green eyes full of pain and the certainty of rejection. While Axel stood rooted to the spot Roxas rushed on, 'Please don't run away, I don't want you to go. I don't want you to have to remember all of this because I don't want to end it! I won't let it go back the way it was, it can't… I'm not letting you push me away! What your evil fuck of a dad did, that's not you… It's not who you are and even if it somehow was, I want… I want you, all of you.'

Faster than Axel could react Roxas flung himself off the bed and Axel found himself with his back against the wall and his arms full of blonde teen. Looking down at Roxas who was staring up at him imploringly, Axel felt another fragment of his splintering inner defenses melt away as if it had never been. Suddenly weak and shaky from the wild storm of emotions that had been rushing through his body Axel could only cling to Roxas tightly, once again drowning in relief and gratitude that he had been gifted with such an astounding second chance.

After a very long time, long enough for the movie to reach its climax of parkour and yelling in terrible accents, Axel finally became aware that neither he nor Roxas had a stitch of clothing on their top halves, and his bare chest was pressed rather familiarly against Roxas' body. Flushing red from his face to his feet Axel tried to subtly extricate himself from the intimate embrace but all he accomplished was to make Roxas tighten his grip. Giving up on moving Roxas, who was doing a very good impersonation of a koala, Axel settled his arms around the teen's waist and dropped a feather-light, almost reverent, kiss on the top of his head.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Trigger warning for graphic self-harm scene and not too graphic child abuse scene.**

Two and a half weeks passed quickly, with all three members of the Hakunetsu household rushed off their feet with school, work, and school and work. Axel completed two ongoing projects for his Italian and English papers and burned his way through over a month's worth of Music theory in two weeks. Ventus stepped up his schedule at the university from excruciatingly part time to ostensibly not (but really actually) full time and spent every second evening acting like a teenager with the equally dizzy Aqua. Roxas was also absolutely swamped, his teachers deciding that every other day was pop-quiz day and his boss at work deciding to raise his pay and double his workload too. Domestic life was pleasant and comfortable, not getting boring but settling into a quiet routine that included absolutely nothing out of the ordinary.

Early on Tuesday evening of the third week Roxas rolled in the door to find Ventus passed out on the couch and Axel gesturing at him to be as quiet as he could. Sneaking past the lounge and following Axel to his room Roxas waited for the door to close before turning to look quizzically at Axel who looked like he couldn't decide whether he was proud or embarrassed. As Roxas looked on Axel turned around to the table next to his bed and, blocking Roxas' view with his body he got something out and turned back around with the something hidden behind his back.

Curiosity was eating Roxas alive and he couldn't help whining like a three year old in a tantrum, 'Axxxxxeeeellllll, why are you making me wait? You know I haaaaate waiting and I'm going to die if you don't tell me what you're doing? Pllleeeeeeaaaaaaasssseeeee put me out my misery or I'll whine so bad that you'll want to throw me out the windoooooooowwwwwww!'

The look on Axel's face was a beautiful mix of incredulity and amused smugness and Roxas jiggled around on the spot with impatience as the redhead drew the moment out. Finally, just before Roxas was about to explode with exasperation, Axel gave a small smile and said, 'Look, uh, I know that this is possibly the girliest, cheesiest thing in the entire world, but I figured that we deserved a little congratulationy, celebrationy type thing with all the hard yards we've been putting in. Anyways, I'm rambling slightly, so um, well, here, this is for you.'

With that last barely coherent sentence Axel brought out the thing he was hiding behind his back and shoved it at Roxas with an incandescent blush. To his astonished pleasure Roxas found that he was holding a single, perfect, chocolate cupcake, frosted with yellow icing, with a chocolate '1' placed on top. A huge, jaw-breaking grin bloomed on Roxas' face and after a moment of inspecting the beautiful gift he let out a delighted laugh and said, 'Fucking Gaia above Axel, you made the frosting the colour of my hair! If I'm not completely off my tree this is for the one month anniversary of us isn't it?'

The look of shy pride on Axel's face melted Roxas' heart into a little puddle of goo and despite his usual façade of tough-guy, Roxas let out a squee that would have made the most rabid fangirl proud. Continuing to jiggle from foot to foot Roxas decided that Axel looked good all in red and squeaked impishly, 'Oh Axel, you sure know how to make a girl feel special. I didn't get you anything, oh gosh, where can I put my face? I have to make it up to you somehow, what if I washed your undies in special fabric softener and promised to sit down for at least an hour of gossip every night!'

Roxas' outrageous gushing paid off and Axel blushed so deeply that Roxas was worried his skin might start to melt. His over the top silliness notwithstanding Roxas was truly floored by Axel's thoughtfulness and the sweetness of the gesture. Looking up at Axel from under his lashes Roxas gazed at Axel's bright green eyes and the sharp lines of his face, seeing him through the lens of the other teen's beautiful spirit and generous heart. Even with the thought of how everything had started in the back of his mind Roxas marveled at how blessed he was to be where he was right at that moment.

Suddenly Roxas' mood shifted and his grin changed from bewildered to predatory. While Axel was distracted with trying to subdue the blush that had taken on a life of its own, Roxas placed the meaningful little cupcake gently on the chest of drawers and without warning jumped on Axel, catapulting then both onto the bed. Ignoring Axel's startled yelp Roxas covered the other teen's mouth with his own and tried to pour all his affection and desire into the kiss. Roxas' hands wandered freely, running over Axel's chest and the kiss became more intense.

Roxas was so lost in the kiss that he didn't notice Axel's hands moving to his waist and the redhead caught him totally by surprise when he growled deep in his throat and flipped them both over so that Roxas was now on his back with Axel looking down at him. Staring up dazedly Roxas only had time to take in the hungry look in Axel's intense green eyes before he was being kissed in a way that had his body responding powerfully and instinctively to the other teen's want.

Axel kissed him heatedly until Roxas couldn't help but groan into the boy's mouth and as if it were a signal Axel then started on Roxas' ear, nipping and sucking, making Roxas shudder as waves of pleasure flooded through him. Roxas let out a throaty moan as Axel moved from his ear to the side of his neck and when the redhead nibbled and kissed his way down to his collarbone Roxas gasped and arched his whole body up off the bed, provoking Axel to press down against him.

The intense sensations that Axel was sending through his body were driving Roxas wild and he was rapidly losing any hesitancy he had about how fast things were moving. Whatever Axel was doing to his collarbone was making Roxas' brains dribble out his ears and there was no telling where things would have gone had Ventus not chosen that moment to rap on the door and proclaim that everyone's favourite pizza was on the table. Roxas' brother went on to add that if the potential dinner eaters were not out in the dining room in five minutes flat, he would be claiming their pizzas for the sovereign state of Ventus' Stomach.

For a whole minute of the five minute grace period Roxas simply stared up at Axel who seemed similarly disinclined to move from where he was. Knowing that he would very shortly have to come back to the real world seemed to heighten Roxas' senses and he savoured the silken feel of Axel's hands on him, hyper-aware of the teen's firmly muscled chest hard against him. It was Axel who finally got up first as it became obvious that Roxas could have happily stayed where he was until the sky fell and the sun burned away into nothing.

Coming out for dinner seemed to agitate Axel for some reason but Roxas couldn't figure out what was making his boyfriend so edgy. While they tucked into their pizza Roxas was a little mystified by the sly insinuations the Ventus was making all through the meal but he wrote it off the fact that his brother probably assumed he had interrupted something by knocking on the door. It wasn't he was brushing his teeth and everyone had disappeared to their rooms that Roxas noticed something that made his mouth drop open and a red haze start to blur his vision. On his neck, just above the collar of his shirt, was a purple-red love bite the size of a golf ball.

***&&&***

Ventus was just about to get into bed when he heard a crash in the bathroom. Footsteps stomped ominously up the hall and the older Hakunetsu found himself fervently thanking Gaia that it wasn't him about to face Roxas' wrath. Hauling himself into bed Ventus chuckled at how long it had taken Roxas to click that he had a hickey the size of a small car on his neck and he sent up a prayer on Axel's behalf asking that the redhead might come out of the following events not too mangled.

Through his closed door Ventus could hear from all the way down the hallway the sounds of his brother trying and failing to keep his rage contained. What Ventus could hear sounded something along the lines of, '…Knew… Say anything…Fuck! Axel… How big did you… Right there… Not even… Hide it! A Gaia-damned fucking hickey!'

To muffle his mirth Ventus had to shove his pillow over his face and bite down on the fluffy softness. He heard Axel say something in a conciliatory tone but this seemed to only aggravate Roxas further. Ventus could hear every word of his brother's tantrum as he yelled, 'I look like a Wonderland hooker Axel, I swear to Gaia I'm going to… Fuck I'll break both your legs and knot your damn lanky arms behind your head! Fuck, fuck… Argh, Bahamut's balls! I have fucking school tomorrow… I'll fucking kill you!'

When Roxas realized that he had school the next day Ventus thought that the windows were going to break. Amused though he was at the thought of his little brother walking the Wonderland streets in fishnets he was beginning to get worried that Axel might not make it out of this alive. Ventus could only hear the high-decibel-Roxas-side of the conversation but he sighed with relief when whatever Axel said next brought the volume down considerably. Though he didn't consider himself a consummate eavesdropper Ventus strained his ears to hear the next bit.

Roxas had quietened down so much that Ventus only heard snatches of the end of the conversation. What he could make out sounded like, 'You've seen… Don't make me mutilate… Dammit Ax… This again and I will actually… Yeah, you better.'

Footsteps stamped back down the hall, slightly less viciously than when they went the other way and Ventus couldn't help a quiet chuckle. Blue eyes, so similar to Roxas', widened with mischievous glee and with a grin Ventus grabbed his phone and sent a highly amused text to Aqua, giving her the full rundown of the hilarious end to the evening. Aqua's response made Ventus snort with laughter and the next hour was spent mocking the complexities and trials of teenage love.

***&&&***

Roxas wore a high-necked top to school the next day, thanking Gaia that the weather was cold enough to justify his choice of attire. When he walked out of the house on Wednesday morning Roxas ignored Axel who had gotten up at the same time as him and as he got on the bus he was grimly satisfied that Axel would never leave another visible hickey as long as he lived. Out of the corner of his eye as he got on the bus Roxas was happy to note that Axel was peeking timidly out the window after him.

School actually went quickly for once as it was a rare day with no pop quizzes or surprise one-period projects. Roxas just about skipped out of the gates at the end of the day and halted at the bus stop with an idea blooming in his mind. Content that Axel had probably been punished enough for the hickey incident Roxas decided to surprise his boyfriend and brother with a yummy dessert to match the culinary delight that Axel was undoubtedly planning as a mollifying effort. Setting off in the direction of town Roxas lost himself in thought, trying to decide on the perfect treat.

The short walk to town went quickly and Roxas was eager to get back to the house with his purchase of the decadent dessert 'Death by Chocolate, Caramel, Kahlua and Cream'. Distracted as he was with trying to get the dessert into his bag without squishing it Roxas didn't see the man coming towards him until he ran right into him, sending them both crashing to the pavement. Swearing fluently Roxas picked up his bag and looked up to apologize for being so stupid but the blonde teen's apology died in his throat as he saw who he had collided with.

Glaring venomously at Roxas from his sprawled position on the ground was none other than Ventus' ex-acquaintance Seifer Almasy. Roxas' reaction time would have shamed a rattlesnake and in the blink of an eye he was on his feet snarling, 'You! Ventus told me what you did and the shit you've been saying. You don't know fuck all about anything so keep your fucking mouth shut about Axel and all of us! Oh, and if you say one more word about Aqua I swear that I will help Ventus castrate you with a rusty fucking box cutter!'

Seifer lurched to his feet and growled back, 'Your family is fucking insane Roxas, I'm only telling everyone the truth. I can't believe you don't think, like any normal person would, that that redheaded fuckup should've died in the crash that almost killed your brother. And that bitch Aqua, well I think I dodged a bullet there anyway so your brother is welcome to the whore.'

As Seifer leant forward and got in his face Roxas winced at the strong smell of alcohol on his breath. Observing the sweat beading on the tall man's skin and the red rims of his darting eyes Roxas sneered and said disdainfully, 'Get the fuck away from me you drugged out fucking drunk. If you ever come near my family again I'll take you out myself. Or maybe I'll just call the cops and you'll end up in the Bastion.'

The malevolent gleam in Seifer's eyes almost made Roxas want to take back his words but his anger spiked again as Seifer snapped, 'Watch it you stupid little bastard, you don't know who you're dealing with. All of you better keep one eye open because sooner or later everyone has to pay their dues. You'll never see it coming, not you or your fucked up houseguest.'

With that last parting shot Seifer spun on his heel and stalked off leaving Roxas staring after him with a deep sense of foreboding. Slowly starting to walk back towards home Roxas couldn't stop replaying the disturbing conversation as he tried to decide how much was bluster and how much was legitimate threat. Roxas wanted to believe that Seifer was talking through a haze of drugs and drink but something in the man's menacing ice-green eyes warned him that there might be more to it than just idle threats.

Arriving at the house Roxas distractedly wandered in the door and stashed the melting dessert in the freezer before collapsing on the couch and worrying at the problem of Almasy. The blonde teen was so deep in thought that he neglected to find Axel and let him know he was home, sitting alone on the sofa for over an hour. It was only when Ventus came banging through the door at 4.30pm that Roxas stirred from his spot and walked slowly to meet the others in the kitchen.

Ventus' response when Roxas related his strange encounter was nothing short of spectacular, the older blonde abruptly hurling a glass across the room to shatter against the wall. Roxas and Axel both jumped in fright at the explosive reaction from the normally level-headed man and they were further stunned by the string of obscenities that Ventus spat out. Roxas in particular was especially concerned as he had never seen his brother so livid.

After a minute of furious release Ventus took a deep shuddering breath and propped himself up on the table with trembling hands. Roxas let out a sigh of relief to see his brother once again in control of himself but he still twitched when Ventus rumbled, 'If you see him again Roxas you call the damn police before you do anything else. That goes for you too Axel. Stay the fuck away from him. Where's my phone Rox, I need to make a couple of calls. Privately.'

Giving his brother a piercing look Roxas went and grabbed Ventus' phone from the other room and walked out of the kitchen with Axel. Once they were in the hall however Roxas grabbed Axel's hand and gestured for him to be silent, leading him stealthily back to the end of the hallway to listen in on Ventus' calls. In any ordinary situation Roxas would break a leg to get out of earshot of Ventus' private business, but this time he was stubbornly certain that both he and Axel needed to know about what was going on.

In the kitchen Ventus made the first call and when the other person picked up he said curtly, 'Aqua, I can't talk long. I think I need to do this quick and I need something weird from you. I need you to give me Seifer's number… No I can't explain now but I promise I'll tell you what's going on once I've sorted it. Okay? Thanks Aqua, I'll call you soon, bye.'

Hidden in the hallway Roxas exchanged a quizzical look with Axel, both teens unsure why Ventus would be contacting Seifer at all. Their attention was snapped back to Ventus when he roughly hit the buttons to dial Seifer's number. It took a long time for Seifer to pick up the call, but when he finally did the tone in Ventus' voice chilled Roxas to the bone.

Ventus' voice was like ice as he snarled into his phone, 'If you come near my family Almasy I swear I will end you. I won't bother with the police, you will just end up dead in a fucking ditch… No! You don't fucking get to talk about him… What the fuck Seifer, why do you even give a shit about Ax… WHAT! That's it, if I see you again you're dead. Go die you sick fuck.'

Roxas stared at Axel fearfully as he had never in his life thought his brother capable of physically harming anyone. He didn't have time to stress about that particular problem however as Ventus' voice sounded again from the other room, 'You can come out now. I'm not thick and you're a pair of dumbasses if you think I can't hear you breathing from six feet away. We need to talk about this anyway so get out here.'

***&&&***

After the Seifer incident everyone in the Hakunetsu household was permanently on edge and tense. The easy feeling of comfort that had been slowly growing between the three men had been ripped away but the bond that bound them together only grew stronger. Both Axel and Roxas were scrupulously careful to keep their phones on them at all times, answering calls from Ventus quickly and infallibly. Ventus for his part was hyper-vigilant everywhere he went, always on the lookout for any hint that Seifer might be somewhere close.

Everyone had agreed that home was the safest place and it was decided that all three of them should be home as much as possible. This meant that Axel was home all day every day and aside from getting increasingly lonely he was feeling very claustrophobic. None of the facets of the situation were conducive to Axel's mental wellbeing, so it was a wonder that what happened didn't happen sooner.

Axel lasted for nearly two weeks of the necessary restriction before everything turned to shit and it would have been longer if it hadn't been for a song coming on in one of the brief periods that Axel happened to have the radio on. On May 11th, sitting in the kitchen and trying to focus on his course work, Axel had turned the radio on for the illusion of company. It was then that a song came on that froze him to the spot. To anyone else the song The Power of Love was just a catchy, upbeat tune but for Axel it took him back to the very worst night of his short life.

_It had been drizzling, not raining but gently misting. The weather was cold and once again eight year old Red had to figure out how to keep himself warm because the fireplaces around the house were all unlit. Huddled on his bed, Red had gathered all the blankets he could find and built himself a cozy nest to sleep and hide in. Unfortunately blankets were not enough to protect him from what was to come._

_Night hadn't even fallen and He was on the prowl. Red was in a semi-doze, unguarded and vulnerable when the dark form moved into the doorway of his bedroom. The shadowed figure stood looking at Red for a long time, breathing slowly and occasionally wracked with convulsive shudders. Though the figure was lean to the point of being gaunt it nevertheless exuded a powerful aura of menace._

_Red was ripped out of sleep when a rough hand grabbed his hair and threw him to the floor. Before he could gather his wits a heavy boot slammed into his stomach, driving his breath from his lungs and turning a scream into nothing more than a harsh bark of pain. Ignoring Red's agony his assailant shoved him onto his back and with terrifying single-mindedness the shadowy man began to tear Red's clothes from his body._

_Even though Red tried to fight against Him, there was no way an eight year old could escape the long arms and brutal punches of a fully grown man. After Red desperately bit down on His calloused hand, a vicious punch to the side of his head knocked his world spinning and blanked out his vision for a time. Lying limp on the floor, right on the edge of passing out, Red couldn't stop his pajama pants getting yanked down to his ankles and in his mind he began to scream._

_Half an hour later Red was lying motionless on his side, curled into a ball and oblivious to the blood trickling down his legs. The radio was on, having been turned up to drown out Red's sobs while He drank himself into oblivion. Although Red was almost completely detached from reality, the jaunty tune playing in the other room filtered through his traumatized thoughts and the song embedded itself in his subconscious. The relentlessly cheery lyrics burned themselves into Red's brain, becoming an ironic, triggering, mental scar of brutal rape. 'That's the power, that's the power of love.'_

The sound of the song that had been embedded in his psyche so many years ago broke something deep inside Axel and he jerked to his feet, knocking over the chair with a clatter. Ignoring the chair and the song that continued blaring on the radio Axel unsteadily walked from the room, bumping into the doorway and falling into the wall hard enough to bruise his shoulder. Green eyes stared straight ahead and he stumbled to his room, not seeing the hallway in front of him, his whole mind caught in the traumatic events of his past.

By the time he got to his bedroom Axel was choking on harsh sobs and shaking so uncontrollably that he could barely work the doorknob to open his door. A low whimper escaped Axel's throat as he eventually shoved his door open and staggering into his bedroom he slammed the door behind him. There was no hesitation, no internal battle, Axel made straight for his bed and fell to his knees, snatching his self-harm kit out from its hiding place. Not even taking a moment to lay out his gauze and bandages in his usual ritual, Axel fumbled for his knife with violently shaking fingers.

Shoving his sleeve up to his elbow Axel slashed the sharp knife across his wrist and repeated the action until his forearm was bleeding heavily, covered in gaping wounds. Through his tears Axel watched the blood flow down his arm and gazed at the deep gashes detachedly. The pain cut through some of the hell in his head, but as Axel half-heartedly slapped an absorbent pad to soak up the worst of the blood, another memory of his father's contorted face leering down at him burst into his mind and he let out a broken groan.

By the time the clock chimed the hour of 3pm Axel had transformed his arm into something that looked like it belonged on a butcher's slab. The cuts varied from mildly serious to scarily deep and when he had run out of room Axel had simply carved a new set of slashes that ran vertically along his arm overtop of the horizontal ones. The chiming of the clock barely managed to penetrate the numbness that filled Axel's being, but when it finally did he was wrenched out of his sick half-dream with a jolt.

Scrabbling for the clean-up kit he kept in his self-harm bag Axel frantically began trying and wipe up the puddles and stains of blood that covered his arms, legs and blanket. In the nightmare daze he had been consumed in Axel had lost track of time and now he was panicking because the fact was glaring in brilliant neon in the front of his mind that he had only half an hour before Roxas got home from school. Deciding that the most important thing to begin with was to stop any more blood flowing from his arm, Axel haphazardly threw layer upon layer of gauze pads over the open wounds and bound the whole mess tightly with medical tape.

Moving as fast as possible in his weakened and light-headed state Axel mopped as much of the blood off himself as he could with a roll of paper towels he kept under his bed. Realizing that he would never be able to clean up his sheets and duvet enough to fool Roxas, Axel quickly ripped the linen off his bed and yanked off his pants as well, wadding the whole lot into a ball before tossing it into his wardrobe.

Dragging on some clean pants Axel carefully maneuvered his shirt over his head and threw the sodden shirt into the closet with the sheets, ratting around in his drawers for a dark top that was thick enough to hide any leakage that might show through. The door slammed to signal Roxas' arrival just as Axel was adjusting his sleeve over the rough dressing and he drew in a shaky breath before squaring his shoulders and trying to nerve himself to lie his proverbial ass off to Roxas.

***&&&***

Roxas' day at school had actually been relatively enjoyable as he had spent most of his classes firing paper plane notes at Zexion and Demyx, holding full conversations behind the teachers' backs. On the bus home from school Roxas was in fact feeling relatively cheerful despite the whole Seifer issue hanging over him and he savoured the feeling of optimism that had been absent for too long. Walking with a spring in his step Roxas let himself into the house and left the door to bang shut behind him. Deciding that he was totally going to share his good mood with his boyfriend, Roxas swanned up the hallway and knocked on Axel's door.

There was a long pause before Roxas heard any sound of Axel moving to open the door and a small alarm began to ring in his head. When Axel slowly pulled the door open Roxas took one look at his white face and haunted eyes and put his hand on the door saying apprehensively, 'Ax? I can tell there's something really wrong… Can I come in? Please?'

For a moment Roxas wasn't sure if Axel was going to just shut the door in his face but the teen quickly dropped his green gaze to the floor and pulled the door back far enough for Roxas to enter. Slowly walking into the room Roxas noted the stripped back bed and when he caught a clearer look at Axel's haggard face and the way he swayed on his feet the blonde teen felt panic rise in his chest. Stepping hastily forward Roxas slipped his arms around Axel's waist just as the taller teen slumped forward and almost fell.

Roxas pushed away the feelings of fear and distress that threatened to overwhelm him, concentrating on getting Axel over to the bed and sitting down as fast as possible. Once Axel was on the mattress staring at the ground, Roxas let out a shaky breath and asked in a trembling voice, 'What the hell Axel… What's going on? You're seriously scaring me and you haven't even said anything…'

There was a long silence during which Roxas started to wonder if he had somehow lost Axel's trust or unintentionally done something to fuck with the other teen's head. After a black hole of silence that lasted at least five agonizing minutes, Roxas heard a hitch in Axel's breathing and strained to hear his almost inaudible words, 'You're going to hate me. You're going to realize what an unfixable fuck up I am and walk right out the door. You might as well go now…'

Before Axel had even finished his hopeless little speech Roxas was shaking his head frantically and he reached out towards Axel's shoulder trying to ignore the teen's flinch at the touch of his fingers. Speaking quickly as he was scared that Axel would withdraw from him completely Roxas blurted, 'No Axel, please don't think that! No matter what you think or what your mind is telling you I'm not going anywhere. Please, you need to tell me what's wrong, I swear to you I won't leave, I promise you… I swear on the memory of my parents that I won't go anywhere…'

Whether it was the words or the heart-deep sincerity in Roxas' voice, Axel slowly raised his stare from the floor and looked at Roxas through green eyes swimming with tears. Roxas felt a stab of pain lance through him at the sheer agony in Axel's eyes but his heart shattered when Axel forwent giving a verbal answer, opting to show instead of tell. Roughly pulling up the sleeve of his top, not even noticing as it tore away from the dried blood, Axel exposed the blood soaked bandages that swathed his whole forearm.

Roxas' world stopped, even his heartbeat skipping a beat at the sight of the bloody mess of Axel's arm. Seeing old scars and even relatively newer scars had been one thing for Roxas, but the carnage abruptly revealed to him made him feel sick, scared, frantic and as helpless as all motherfuck. Hyper-aware that Axel seemed to have dissociated from the situation completely and was staring with unfocussed eyes at a spot on the floor Roxas struggled to get his head around the unrestrained brutality with which Axel had attacked his own body.

The silence dragged out, punctuated by Axel's ragged breathing and Roxas' shallow, hitching intakes of breath. Slowly Roxas began to get past the blood and the bandages that undoubtedly hid appalling injuries and his mind finally got around to thinking about just what the fuck could have triggered Axel's plummet off the wagon. Roxas tried to stop his stomach lurching sickly as he considered the fact that Axel's injury after the Larxene incident paled in comparison to this.

Knowing that he needed to say something, anything, but terrified of saying the wrong thing and fucking Axel up even worse, Roxas looked up from the teen's savagely lacerated arm and made a decision to do something because doing nothing was not even an option. The dead look on Axel's face was breaking Roxas' heart into smaller and smaller pieces so he slowly reached up and rested the tips of his fingers on the other teen's cheek. Biting his lip hard Roxas turned Axel's head gently and looked into his blank green eyes.

Almost as if to himself Roxas murmured faintly, 'Gaia Axel… I wish I'd been here… What happened, what the fucking hell happened to make you do this? I don't even know… What were you thinking? What was going on in your head? I… Oh fuck… It kills me to see you do this to yourself Ax… I want to help somehow, some-fucking-how, but I don't know what to do.'

The fathomless depths of Axel's eyes remained empty and lifeless but Roxas refused to simply let the redhead fade silently into the depths of his own mind. Lifting his other hand so that he was holding Axel's chin gently in both palms Roxas stared into his eyes and willed him to come back from wherever he was lost saying, 'I'm not going to let you go Axel, I swore I'd be here no matter what. Please don't pull away from me Ax, I can't do anything if you don't reach out to me… Please, _please_ just look at me… I… I need you…I do Axel, I need you to come back so I can look you in the eyes and see you again, see _you_ again…'

As his stuttering words dropped heavily into the silence, Roxas had to fight the growing feeling that this time Axel was too far gone to be pulled back. The blonde teen's words slowly became strained and more and more unsteady and his sight got steadily blurrier as his eyes filled with tears. By the time he was unashamedly pleading with the other teen Roxas could barely see. Rapidly losing hope that he would be able to get through to Axel, Roxas couldn't stop a shuddering sob that broke through his desperate words.

***&&&***

As soon as he opened the door and saw Roxas' warm, blue eyes Axel knew that there was no way he could speak the lie that was on his lips. Hesitating, trying to stave off the moment that he was sure would cause Roxas walk out for good, Axel finally gave up when Roxas caught onto the ambient wrongness and stepped back to let him into the bedroom. The sudden movement caused the blood loss and trauma of the last few hours to unexpectedly hit him all at once and he swayed where he stood, terrified that he was about to pass out right in front of Roxas' eyes.

Feeling Roxas hastily grabbing him and holding him upright sent a wave of gratitude through Axel which was quickly eclipsed by an avalanche of shame and disgust with himself. Leaning on Roxas and staggering forward, Axel collapsed onto the bed and tried to get even a partial hold of himself. The fear in Roxas' voice as he haltingly asked the question that Axel knew was coming pierced the redhead straight through the heart and he found himself unable to speak through the lump in his throat and his surety that Roxas would hate him just as much as he hated himself.

In a final attempt to delay the inevitable and give Roxas an easy out before finding out how truly broken he was Axel whispered, 'You're going to hate me. You're going to realize what an unfixable fuck up I am and walk right out the door. You might as well go now…'

Roxas' immediate and vehement response dashed the last of Axel's already futile hope that he could spare the teen his weakness and fucked up actions without lying, something he just couldn't make himself do. With tears stinging his eyes Axel looked up into Roxas' worried and confused face, feeling his heart breaking in his chest. Utterly incapable of forcing the words out of his mouth, Axel abruptly and completely dissociated from reality and watched himself distantly as he pulled back his sleeve and exposed his deficiency as a human being.

On some level the extended silence tore Axel apart, but he felt the pain almost as if it were happening to someone else. His bandaged and blood-sodden arm lying limply in his lap, Axel let himself fall away from the world and the pain and rejection that choked him like a noose around his throat. When Roxas stroked his cheek Axel hardly felt the contact and he felt like he was looking through a mile thick layer of glass at the other teen when Roxas turned his head so they were face to face.

Like a quiet radio slowly being turned up Axel gradually started hearing what Roxas was murmuring. As the genuine caring and misery in Roxas' voice began to penetrate Axel's clouded mind he was unwillingly dragged from his numb limbo back towards the real world. When Roxas resorted to begging unashamedly for him to come back, the pain in Axel's heart and arm came flooding back and he was legitimately speechless at the sensory overload after the soothing numbness.

It was Roxas' anguished sob that slammed Axel fully back into himself and he foolishly reached out towards the other boy with his injured arm. The unthinking motion caused the poorly wrapped bandages to shift over Axel's wounds and the dressing tore away from crusted, dried blood, ripping open barely scabbed gashes. The visceral sound of agony that tore from Axel's throat caused Roxas to snap his head up with a panic-stricken look in his eyes. Locked in the grip of excruciating pain Axel fell forward and was caught by Roxas just before he landed on his arm.

When the agony had receded slightly, enough for his thoughts make some sense, Axel realized that he was lying awkwardly over Roxas' legs and the blonde teen was hunched over him crying uncontrollably. Clumsily, this time using his non-fucked arm, Axel maneuvered himself onto his back and reached up in an attempt to wipe away the tears that were rolling down Roxas' face. The touch of his fingers on Roxas' cheek elicited a shuddering sigh from the teen and Axel quietly hated himself all the more for inflicting such hell on the one he cared about more than anything.

Axel lay in his awkward position, lightly cupping Roxas' cheek in his palm, trying to offer some sort of comfort after the devastation he had caused. As Roxas' tears slowly began to taper off into deep, shuddering breaths Axel painfully levered himself into a sitting position. Almost without thought Axel slid his hand around to rest on the back of the other boy's neck and with tears burning tracks down his own cheeks he rested his forehead softly against Roxas'.

The two teens sat on Axel's bed for almost half an hour before Roxas took a long, slow breath and pulled away from Axel's gentle grasp. Axel had a split second to panic that Roxas was about to walk out but the blonde teen quickly stretched out his hand and brushed Axel's chin, the redhead instinctively tilting his head up to stare into Roxas' red rimmed, blue eyes. The intense mix of compassion, pain and something else in Roxas' eyes transfixed Axel as he dazedly realized that the something else he could see in the blue depths was undeniably love.

***&&&***

When Roxas stared into Axel's eyes he had a revelation that was as much a shock to him as it was to Axel. The exact second that Axel locked eyes with him, Roxas was hit by such an overwhelming wave of emotion that his breath caught in his throat leaving him unable to speak, move or think. All Roxas could do was feel and the feeling that overloaded all his senses was improbable, heart-stopping love. Staring into Axel's shimmering, green eyes Roxas was shaken to the core to realize that somehow he had fallen in love with the redhead who had literally crashed into his life only months before.

Caught in the moment and in the sudden realization he had comprehended, Roxas could only stare mutely into Axel's eyes and marvel at his life and the utterly unpredictable chain of events that had brought him to the current moment. As Roxas slowly came back to himself the feeling of wonder remained but was joined by a sinking, saddened feeling in his chest as he once again caught sight of the blood-stained mess that was wrapped around Axel's arm. After a moment of uncertainty Roxas made what he hoped to hell was the right decision and tried to summon his courage to put his plan into practice.

Keeping Axel's gaze Roxas quietly cleared his throat and after a short pause he managed to force the words out saying haltingly, 'Axel… I… I said I'm not going anywhere and I meant it. I wish you didn't… Gaia I wish you wouldn't do this to yourself but… I'm here for you. Ax… I don't know what you did when you tried to wrap your arm but you can't leave it like that. Um… Can I… Will you let me help you? It can't be easy to clean yourself up with only one hand… Can you show me where your bandages are?'

As Roxas spoke he saw emotions flickering wildly through Axel's eyes, sadness followed by guilt and then a curious mix of disbelief, hope and gratitude. Waving his hand weakly towards the space under his bed Axel whispered in a voice made hoarse with tears, 'I don't deserve you Roxas.'

With a sad smile on his face Roxas shook his head and slid off the bed to find Axel's supplies. Once he located the soft cloth bag that held Axel's self-harm equipment Roxas tried not to think too hard about what he was holding and climbed back onto the bed to sit in front of Axel. Once again meeting Axel's nervously doubtful gaze Roxas managed to produce a fragile half-smile and he held the bag out to Axel, wordlessly trying to communicate that they were in this thing together. When Axel took the bag silently Roxas reached out and lightly laid his hand on the redhead's knee in a gesture of support.

Roxas watched Axel lay out the scissors, bandages and medical tape in a tidy row in front of him, but when the other teen started to fumble awkwardly with the sloppily applied but tightly taped dressing on his arm Roxas couldn't just sit and look on. Moving closer to Axel, Roxas gently pulled the teen's shaking hand away from the bandages and with painstaking care he began to unwrap the blood-stained gauze that covered the terrible damage Axel had wrought on himself. Biting his lip hard enough to hurt Roxas held back tears and focused solely on the task at hand.

The once white fabric wrapped around Axel's arm didn't come off easily, but the redhead bore the discomfort stoically and Roxas tried to get the task over as quickly and painlessly as possible. Every time Axel winced and tried to conceal the pain behind an impassive mask Roxas gritted his teeth and forced himself not to cry. Using a drink bottle Roxas tried to dampen the dried blood to loosen it and eventually the stained cloth was off and Axel's shocking wounds were exposed to Roxas' distressed gaze.

Roxas' breath hitched in his chest but he managed to control himself enough to not burst into distraught tears. Stunned blue eyes took in the multitude of deep cuts, scanning the wounds that covered Axel's arm from his wrist to his elbow. Looking up at Axel with compassion and empathy in his gaze Roxas said shakily, 'What do you need me to do Ax? This needs to be cleaned and covered and I've never… I don't know what to do. Do you, uh, well, do you think you might need to go to the ER? Some of these look like they might need stitches…'

Before Roxas had even finished his disjointed question Axel was shaking his head wildly. In tone of voice that bordered on desperate Axel whispered, 'Please Rox, don't make me go to the hospital… I knew these… These cuts are serious but they don't need stitches. I… I've been doing this long enough to know.'

Taking a steadying breath Roxas nodded at Axel and rubbed his leg in an attempt to calm him. In a reassuring voice he said gently, 'It's alright Ax, I trust your judgement, I honestly do. I'm not going to make you do anything. Just… Tell me what to do and I'll do my best to get you bandaged up… I want to help and I don't think you can get this properly done on your own.'

At Axel's faintly whispered instructions Roxas used the water from the drink bottle to gently wet the blood that covered the redhead's arm while Axel used a damp rag to wipe the blood away. Every time Axel sucked in a breath in pain Roxas couldn't help but flinch and after a few minutes he slipped his free hand into Axel's and held his fingers in a light but firm grip. Eventually the semi-dried blood was washed from Axel's arm and Roxas began, with infinite delicacy, to rewrap Axel's injuries.

***&&&***

In the aftermath of the tremendous stress and emotional overload of the afternoon Axel felt utterly drained both emotionally and physically. By the time Roxas had finished binding up his arm Axel could see that the blonde teen was just as exhausted as he was. Smiling a wan smile and taking care not to bump his bandaged limb, Axel wriggled up the bed to the pillows and gently pulled Roxas towards him to rest against his chest. When the smaller teen snuggled into him wearily Axel wrapped his good arm around Roxas' shoulders and leant his head against the wall to stare at the ceiling.

The pair lay sprawled on the bed as time ticked on and then suddenly Axel sucked in a frightened breath and sat bolt upright, dislodging Roxas who let out a surprised squeak. Panicking and almost unable to speak Axel stuttered, 'Oh f-fuck Rox, Ventus is going to b-be here any minute! What the hell… How am I going to hide this? Gods fuck my life… He's going to fucking kick me out…'

Axel's ranting was cut short when Roxas struggled into a sitting position and gently placed his hand across his mouth. Axel's heart was still racing but he listened as Roxas said softly, 'Shit Ax, you almost gave me a heart attack. Oh Gaia, you need to breathe before you heart explodes. I didn't get a chance to tell you that I got a text from Ven on my way home, he… Well, him and Aqua have, urgh, they've taken things to a new level and he's staying over there for the night. You can calm down now okay? Um, can you calm down?'

As Roxas' reassuring words filtered through into Axel's brain his breathing gradually began to slow and his heart stopped trying to escape from his mouth. When Roxas cautiously removed his hand from Axel's mouth, the redhead let out a long sigh and let his head thump back against the wall. In a voice that still quivered slightly Axel muttered, 'Dammit, I'm sorry Rox. I'm fucking up so bad and apparently I can't stop… I thought I was getting stronger… I thought I was stronger than this.'

In response to the self-loathing dripping from Axel's every word Roxas wriggled around so that he was kneeling between Axel's long legs. Axel felt the blonde's small hands rest lightly on his chest and he reluctantly let his head fall forward so that he was staring at the bed beside Roxas. In a heartfelt tone Roxas said, 'You are strong Axel. Gaia, I don't know anyone who could live through what you've been through without going totally insane. And after it all you're still… You. Even with the way we met I thank Gaia that I met you.'

At Roxas' last sentence Axel's eyes widened and he snapped his gaze up to look at Roxas' face. The redheaded teen was utterly floored at the sincerity and earnestness that he saw in the blue eyes staring back at him and the words fell from his mouth almost without intervention from his brain, 'I don't get it Rox. I just don't. But I… I know that I feel the same way. Fuck… You say that I'm strong but if I was strong I wouldn't doing this shit, fucking up like this. I hate this… I hate me because I'm stupid enough to do this…'

Without warning Roxas leant forward and laid a feather-light kiss on Axel's lips before enfolding him in a careful hug. Axel hesitated a second and then slipped his good arm around Roxas' waist, not letting go when Roxas pulled back to once again lock their gazes. Timidly but with shy curiosity in his voice Roxas asked, 'I don't… I wish I understood why you do this. Can you tell me why… Why you hurt yourself so badly? Can you even stop?'

Roxas' gentle question hit Axel hard. For so many years he had asked himself the same thing over and over again, knowing that self-harm fixed nothing and swearing each time he slipped that he would never do it again. Though he tried to keep his tone steady Axel's voice broke as he said, 'I want to stop Rox, I want to stop so badly. But it's part of me, I don't know how to be without it because it's the only thing that's kept me alive for this long. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, had to see it…'

Trailing off as he ran out of breath Axel fought back tears for the fifty millionth time that afternoon. It was the extreme contempt that he felt for himself that dried Axel's eyes and he averted his gaze again, unwilling to see the sceptical incomprehension he was sure would be written all over Roxas' face. As the silence drew out Axel began to withdraw inside himself again, certain that his uncontrolled outburst of long hidden truth had just fucked up the one good thing that had ever happened to him.

***&&&***

The unadorned, stark truth that Roxas heard in Axel's rush of words left him speechless and he simply couldn't force his mind to work. Knowing that he had to say something but completely unable to kick-start his brain Roxas sat stock still, with his mouth hanging open and tried to marshal some words, dammit any words. Acutely aware that Axel had looked away and was beginning to give off a stifling aura of unapproachable detachment Roxas desperately wracked his brains for something to say.

Opening his mouth without a clue as to what was going to come out Roxas burst out, 'Axel… I… I love you.'

This time it was Roxas' turn to hang on tenterhooks, clapping his hands over his mouth, his eyes so wide they were almost perfectly round. He couldn't believe what he had just said, out loud, with Axel in the room, and judging by the look of complete incomprehension on Axel's face as he snapped his head up the redhead couldn't believe his ears either. The two teens stared at each other, riveted to the spot and the air in the room seemed to crystallize with the weight of the tension that filled it.

Axel was the first one to break the silence and Roxas could only stare as the redhead whispered, 'You don't mean that… You can't mean that… I don't deserve love from anyone, let alone someone like you. Rox… You're too good for an irreversibly fucked up, drop-kick nothing like me. Even though… Fuck, what I want doesn't matter, you can't make the mistake of letting me drag you down.'

The litany of hate and disgust that Axel directed at himself snapped Roxas out of his fugue and as he inhaled to interrupt, a particular sentence fragment got caught and echoed around his brain. Cautiously, as if Axel would shatter at a loud word, Roxas breathed almost inaudibly, 'What were you going to say Ax…? Even though what? What do you want? You do deserve good things and Ax… I don't give a single flying fuck if you think you deserve me, I want this… I want us…'

Roxas' quiet words seemed to reach Axel in a way that no impassioned outburst could have. Roxas watched anxiously as Axel closed his eyes and whispered, 'I want you, oh Gaia I want you. I was… I was going to… Fuck Rox… I love you. I know that I should push you away so you don't catch Fucked Up but I can't… And I don't want to… I do, I love you.'

Overwhelmed and completely and totally speechless Roxas reached out and touched Axel's cheek wonderingly, a beautiful smile lighting up his face. No further words seemed necessary, in fact Roxas didn't want to ruin the moment with even a sound, so he stretched up kissed Axel tenderly, almost chastely on the lips. Running his fingertips over Axel's tattoo and cheekbone one more time Roxas crawled into the redhead's lap, wrapping his arms around his waist and sighing a sigh that contained equal amounts of exhaustion, relief and bliss.

***&&&***

While Axel and Roxas were negotiating the roller-coaster of their wild emotions, darkness was beginning to converge on the little world they had been building. Across the other side of town in his dingy house, Seifer was halfway through a bottle of bourbon and in the process of pumping liquid rapture into his veins. Slumped on the dirty couch that was one of three tattered pieces of furniture in his lounge Seifer contemplated, through the euphoria washing over him, the plan that would unfold over the next few weeks.

Even in his drug-induced stupor Seifer shuddered at the thought of the events he had set in motion when he first went to visit Reno Raffica, riding high on the wings of righteous anger. The junkie turned university lecturer, turned relapsed junkie heard a small voice of reason speaking in his mind and he muttered out loud, 'Fuck off, I din't know that Ren had fuckin' flipped. He needed to know wha' his fuck up of a son was up to. Ain't my fault a'right? All I'm doin'is lettin' him out, what he does then ain't got nothin' t'do with me.'

Despite what he tried to tell himself Seifer shivered when he thought of Reno and the feral look in the man's once vibrant, aquamarine eyes when Axel's name had been spoken. Deep in his heart Seifer knew exactly what Reno intended to do when he was free of the Bastion and the blonde man was secretly terrified that he would get caught in the backlash of the insane redhead's fury. Though he had been clean if not sober for going on six and a half years Seifer had contacted his old dealer only hours after seeing Reno and he had escaped from the fear and creeping guilt through the rush of toxic chemicals that took him away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Shit's about to get real. From here out there is a noticeable dearth of fluff and the like. I'll put a standing trigger warning from here but I'll try and specify anything particularly traumatic.**

It was 3am on a Saturday morning that hell was let loose on the Destiny Islands, 3am when darkness was released to start creeping its way towards Axel and Hakunetsus. All was silent in the echoing stone vastness of Hollow Bastion until the clock struck three in the morning and then an immense explosion tore apart the massive stone blocks that formed the back wall of the prison. Alarms sounded all through the cold corridors of the stone penitentiary but the guards who rushed to the burning rubble, all that remained of the detonation site, were far too late to prevent the escape of twenty seven high security prisoners who vanished like wraiths into the night.

Less than an hour after the walls of Hollow Bastion had been cracked like an eggshell, the shadows under the window of Seifer Almasy's bedroom rippled and slowly morphed into a crouched figure. As silent as breath of wind the figure glided around the house and merged with the deep shadows around the recessed back door. After a moment of almost undetectable activity there was a glint in the darkness and within seconds the door was unlocked and the dark figure slid inside.

Drifting over to sink onto the couch the shadow decided that it was time to break the stillness of the house and with snakelike swiftness it grabbed a glass ashtray from the table and hurled it at the wall, smashing it to shards. The result of the shadow's action was loud and immediate, Seifer screaming out a curse from his bedroom and hurtling into the lounge wearing nothing but a loose pair of pants. The blonde made it to the middle of the room before his head snapped round and he stopped dead in his tracks, staring with a mixture of terror and disbelief at none other than Reno Raffica who was now lounging on his sofa.

Reno smiled slowly, a smile that contained not a hint of laughter or good humour, enjoying the consternation of the man who used to be the closest thing he had to a friend. On the redheaded man's face however, the smile looked more like the dying rictus of someone in agony. Moving languidly, like a panther that had been disturbed from sleep, Reno rose to his feet to stand face to face with Seifer. Eyes that had once been a vivid aquamarine stared into Seifer's own eyes, revealing that the cloudy orbs had somehow taken on an unnatural, faintly glowing green.

With his strange eyes fixed on Seifer Reno peeled his lips back from his teeth in something that could have either been a grin or a snarl. Without preamble, in a rough, grating voice Reno rasped, 'I'll hide out here yo, at least for a couple of days until the fuss has died down. You better do whatever ya do like normal and I'll watch for the right time yo.'

Watching Seifer with a look of thinly veiled contempt Reno let his one-time friend stammer and stutter for a few moments before he broke in curtly, 'Shut the fuck up Sei, get back to bed yo. In the morning I'll get the information I need off ya. Gotta be prepared if I have to fuck off in a hurry yo. Oh yeah, give me your laptop, the news sites'll be blowing up and I gotta make sure the fuckwits chasing me ain't onto me.'

As Reno watched intently Seifer nodded vigorously and scurried out of the room, returning moments later with his laptop. Taking the device from Seifer's trembling hand Reno promptly ignored the dazed blonde and walked back to the couch, sinking onto the lumpy cushions and yanking open the laptop to immerse himself in the ever changing world of online news sites. The bright light of the screen illuminated Reno's features in an eldritch glow, further giving the impression that the sudden intruder in Seifer's house was a demon fresh out of hell.

***&&&***

When he awoke on the morning of Saturday May 30th Axel extended his arms in a bone-cracking stretch, groaning at the absolute bliss of not knowing the time and completely not caring. It took almost a minute of Axel grinning at the ceiling for the smell of coffee to penetrate his senses and when he looked over the cup on his nightstand he nearly swallowed his tongue. Axel tried and failed to stifle a squeak when he noticed that right next to the hot cup of coffee was a be-robed Roxas, sitting cross-legged on the floor and gazing up at him with a faint grin on his face.

Reacting to the teasing good-humor in Roxas' smile Axel grinned back and stretched out an amazingly long arm, seizing the lapel of Roxas' robe and dragging the startled teen forward until their noses were almost touching. Staring into the wide blue eyes blinking back at him Axel let his hot breath ghost against Roxas' slightly parted lips and he whispered seductively, 'Roxasssss… Thank you for the coffeeeee.'

There was moment of utter stillness and then Axel found himself crash tackled to the bed, knocked breathlessly onto his back by a ball of playfully growling blonde, both still careful to avoid Axel's almost healed arm. In a wild flail of arms, legs and blankets Axel wrestled with the other teen who seemed to have turned into a cross between a snake and an octopus. Eventually however both teens mutually agreed that tussling was way too much effort and they collapsed back to the bed, Axel spread-eagled on his back and Roxas draped over his stomach comfortably.

The whole day followed the same sort of pattern, bouts of frisky play-fighting alternating with lazy periods of total nothing. At lunchtime Ventus came out of his room in search of food, but when he saw Roxas lounging languidly over Axel, half on, half off the couch, he was left so helpless with laughter that it was all he could do to grab a packet of chips and stagger back to his room. All Roxas did to acknowledge his brother was lift his head an inch and watch the chuckling man curiously, but then he caught the giggles himself and soon both he and Axel were rolling on the floor in hysterics.

It was about 1pm when Axel finally felt the drive to do something other than sloth and he prodded Roxas in the ribs until the other teen opened his eyes and glared at him balefully. Ignoring the mock scowl that Roxas was aiming at him Axel said thoughtfully, 'Hey Rox… I was wondering, it's been ages since we did that awesome crash course in Taekwon-do and, um, would you be up for a little more instruction? I know you said my punches were alright, but I really want to be able to hit properly. Heh, I've never really been okay with just 'alright'.'

By the time Axel was finished Roxas had pushed himself up and was grinning like a jack-o-lantern. Quicker than a blink Axel found himself getting pulled impatiently to his feet and then he was facing Roxas who had raised both his hands to present his open palms as targets. When Axel just stared at him Roxas laughed and lowered his hands saying, 'You're right, stupid me, first we need to make sure you aren't going to break your muscles or your wrist. I guess you've been there and didn't have fun the first time.'

At Roxas' irrepressible sense of humour Axel let out spluttering guffaw and gasped, 'Shit Rox, you don't need a punch, you slay me. Alright, so how can I punch and do more damage to the other person than to me? I'd rather not hit someone and end up in the ER getting dirty looks from the nurses for being a fucking idiot.'

Just like their first training session Axel found himself marveling at the ease with which Roxas communicated his extensive knowledge. First Axel learned how to form a proper fist, turning his hand into a solid ball of punch. Then Roxas went into detail how Axel needed to align his fist, wrist and elbow to distribute the impact along his arm without any single joint bearing the brunt of the force. Finally, before allowing Axel to practice his new punching knowledge, Roxas slid his arm around the redhead's shoulders and placed his hand over Axel's fist, moving both of their arms so that Axel could get a feel for the proper motion.

When Roxas pressed against him and ran his hand down his arm Axel felt his heart speed up and he had to use all of his concentration to keep his mind on the lesson and not turn around to kiss Roxas to death. Each time Roxas moved his arm in the correct motion for a punch Axel focused his attention on how his muscles moved and the way his arm felt during the action. After three such repetitions Axel felt he had gotten the concept and he cheekily whipped his head around and pecked Roxas on the cheek before sliding away with a grin.

When he turned back to Roxas Axel's grin widened at the look on the blonde's face that was a wonderful mix of surprise and pleasure. Smirking triumphantly Axel raised his fists like he had been taught and chuckled when Roxas stuck out his tongue before once again raising his open hands. For the next few minutes the pair engaged in a spirited exchange where Axel would throw three or four punches and Roxas would groan with mock despair and offer tips for improvement, the redhead honing his already enviable technique with every passing moment. Axel only stopped beating the living daylights out of Roxas' hapless palms when the other teen called a halt with a thoughtful look on his face.

Unconsciously cocking his head on an angle Axel blinked at Roxas, curious as to why the fun level of the moment had lowered drastically. Roxas looked back at Axel seriously and said in a stern voice, 'Now Ax, I'm pretty damn happy with how you can punch okay? But I really need you to listen to me… If you get in a situation where you think you need to hit someone, don't you dare punch them in the face. I'm not saying this to protect them, obviously if you're at the point of considering hitting them they deserve what they get… No, um, what I'm trying to say is that there's a way better technique for using on someone's head and now that you can punch, I'm going to teach you a better way to strike.'

Axel's eyebrow shot up so high that it nearly disappeared into his hairline. Tilting his head the other way Axel said cautiously, 'That's it? You tell me in all seriousness that you really seriously need me to listen to you and then you just tell me I need to learn another technique? You could have just said 'Hey, don't punch people in the head, do this instead', instead of making me think I'd done something wrong… For a second I thought you were going to say you regretted teaching me this stuff.'

Axel tried to keep up his façade of injured incredulity but the mortified look on Roxas' face just wouldn't allow it. Lips quivering with the effort of holding in his mirth Axel managed another three seconds of offended indignation before roaring with laughter, bending over and wrapping his arms around himself to stop his ribs from exploding. Hearing Roxas start giggling as well got Axel laughing even harder and although he tried to calm down it was a good five minutes before he could look up at Roxas with streaming eyes and a grin so wide it hurt.

Even though Axel schooled his face to look suitably apologetic Roxas let him hang for a long moment before breaking into a grin and clipping him round the head lightly. In a sing-song voice Roxas trilled, 'You know what happened to the boy who cried wolf don't you Ax? No one believed him the next time he was really, truly offended and he died of chronic snub. And death by snub is, well, you wouldn't want to die by snub.'

Before Axel could collapse with laughter again Roxas strode over to him and jumped so he could hook his arm around his neck. Bent over and spluttering around Roxas' tight hold on his neck Axel had no choice but to listen to the feisty blonde as he growled, 'Hey Axel, don't punch people in the head. Do this thing that I'm about to teach you instead.'

Axel staggered forward snickering when Roxas let him go and executed a smooth spin around to face the blonde teen. Continuing his twirl and turning it into an elaborate bow Axel looked up at Roxas from his half-stoop and said cheekily, 'Impart your wisdom, oh sage and sensible one. No, seriously Roxas, I love learning this stuff and it's so much more fun when you teach me. Please tell me how to clock someone without re-breaking my wrist?'

Watching Roxas closely Axel could tell that he was deliberately spinning out the moment for effect, but the redhead still breathed a sigh of relief when Roxas smirked and nodded his head. Straightening up from the bow he had been holding Axel strolled over to Roxas and was surprised to say the least when the teen grabbed his hand, dragged him over to the desk, placed both his and Axel's palms flat on the table and gestured for Axel to copy him and lean heavily on his firmly planted hand.

Doing as he had wordlessly been told Axel looked at Roxas for further instructions and the tiny blonde didn't disappoint him, saying authoritatively, 'The bit that you're propping yourself up on Ax, that bit is a supremely tough piece of anatomy. Lean back on the bit of your hand that attaches to your wrist… That's the bit called the palm heel, and if you hit someone in the jaw with that they'll be picking their jawbone up off the street.'

Lifting his hand off the desk Axel probed the heel of his palm and quickly recognized the strength and toughness of the attacking tool. His attention was snapped back to Roxas as the other teen continued, 'What you need to do is curl your fingers down but leave your palm clear and pull your hand back so it's bent back at a right angle, then you use the same motion as a punch to drive the blow. Come on, you're not stupid, you know what I mean so let's practice.'

Taking a moment to form and reform the attacking tool a couple of times Axel nodded to Roxas who smiled in approval and gestured for him to come over and join him by the door. As Axel walked over Roxas said, 'I won't get you practice this one on me Ax, it's a pretty damn powerful technique. I'll get you to watch me for a moment and then try and copy it really gently. Then, when you get more confident that you're doing it right, you can increase the power. This is the best way to practice this technique, trust me on this… Doorframes became my friend when I was training for my black belt.'

Axel watched as Roxas cracked the door open enough to stand in the gap and then squared himself so he was directly facing the hard wood of the frame. Although Axel was expecting it, he still jumped a mile when Roxas' hand shot out and smashed into the doorframe hard enough to shake the wall. From down the hall Ventus yelled out irritably, obviously used to such noises, and Roxas called back a garbled apology while grimacing exasperatedly at Axel. Repeating the action a couple of times but with a lot less power, Roxas stood back and motioned for Axel to have a turn.

***&&&***

Warden Ansem sat at his desk in his chilly office, wrestling with his conscience. He had served as the head of Hollow Bastion's staff of officers for almost fifteen years and had never been in a situation like he the one he was in now. Pinching the bridge of his nose Ansem glared at the twenty seven names on the paper in front of him, trying to weigh the pros and cons of his next move. In his analytical mind Ansem was weighing the odds of catching the prisoners before there was any need to alert the public and he narrowed his honey-gold eyes at the top three names.

In Ansem's assessment of the situation he was confident that twenty four of the prisoners would be captured and returned to the Bastion within six hours. The guards that Ansem had dispatched through the flames and piles of rubble were the best trackers and hunters in the Bastion and having weighed their abilities against the cunning of the convicts the Warden knew the hunters would return quickly with the majority of their prey. The prisoners that really had Ansem worried were the ones who had used the explosion to escape from maximum security solitary.

At the top of the list of three Ansem read 'Barret Wallace', bringing to mind all he knew about the massive, physically intimidating man. Barret had been captured in the aftermath of a terrorist attack on his hometown, a mid-sized town called Coral Village. The 6'4", hulking, dark skinned man, despite being as recognizable as a slap in the face and sporting a revolving gun attached to his wrist, had evaded capture for almost two weeks before being brought down and sentenced to life in the Bastion.

Second on Ansem's list was the woman who most of the world knew by the chilling nickname 'The Eviscerator'. Ansem had met with Quistis Trepe on two separate occasions and each time he had left with a sense of having just escaped something horrible. The beautiful, smiling woman with the shining, golden hair had been consigned to Hollow Bastion when police in the precinct of Radiant Garden had stumbled across a killing floor she had created in her basement, filled with the gutted corpses of at least fifteen teenagers.

The third person on Ansem's list was the one that worried him most. While Barret and Quistis had been spirited away to Hollow Bastion from their habitual hunting grounds, the third person had lived in the tiny community of Destiny Islands and, now free, would be right back in his old stomping grounds. Ansem stared at the snarling picture of Reno Raffica and felt a seed of worry gnawing in his gut. Since Reno had been incarcerated Ansem had watched the attempted murderer slowly breaking ties with reality and start to sink into madness; though this happened to a decent percentage of the Bastion prisoners, Ansem hadn't seen anything like the insanity that closed its grip around Reno.

Slamming the folder closed Ansem shot to his feet and stalked from the room. If it had been up to him he would have the Destiny Islands crawling with every hunter from the surrounding towns along with public announcements blaring from every radio, TV and web page. When Ansem had outlined his plan however, his shadowy superiors had flat out refused to risk a widespread panic. Striding over to a rough-hewn window Ansem glared down at the flames that still flickered by the broken wall and swore that he wouldn't rest until the dangerous prisoners were all caged once more.

***&&&***

Shut in his room Seifer found himself unable to sleep for single second, almost able to taste the bitter tang of the evil aura that surrounded the man in the other room. He had only been able to drag things out until 7am before he reluctantly opened his door and slouched into the lounge. The second Seifer set foot outside his dingy bedroom he saw Reno rise to his feet and glide across the room to grasp his arm with a mock-friendly grip. Seifer saw mad intensity in Reno's eyes as he growled, 'It's not a bright idea to keep me waiting Sei. You know what I want and there ain't no way I won't get it from yer one way or the other yo. So Sei, is there anything ya want to tell me?'

Seifer trembled visibly at the overt menace that dripped from Reno's every word, taking the barely concealed threat as seriously as it had been intended. In a slightly higher pitched voice than usual Seifer quavered, 'I, uh, I don't know exactly where he's staying okay? I know that the people he's staying with live in the Keystone Heights area but I couldn't find out where the house was. I'm sorry Ren, that's the best I could do.'

Reno's terrifyingly changed eyes glowed more brightly for a second and then dimmed back down to merely frightening. A horrible parody of a smile dragged at the corners of the redhead's lips and he slung a wiry arm around Seifer's shoulders, squeezing him painfully tight and sneering, 'Seems as if you've lost some of yer edge yo. Was a time ya could've given me his daily schedule and what the little fucker had for lunch. Pity yo, that'll slow me down some. Now Sei, do ya remember what I just said only a few minutes ago? I'll give yer a clue, it was about keeping me waiting yo.'

Scared beyond speech Seifer began to tremble in Reno's merciless grip. The blonde man was still caught in petrified silence when Reno lashed out with his free hand, sending a brutally powerful punch into Seifer's gut. As Seifer doubled up in stunned agony Reno let him drop to the floor and whipped from his belt a jagged piece of metal that had been serving him as a crude knife. Straddling Seifer's hips and staring into his frantic eyes serenely Reno lowered the sharp metal towards the man's face and hissed, 'I know that ya won't fail me again yo, this should serve to remind ya. I take back what I said about carrying on as usual Sei, ya may need to call in sick for a couple of weeks. Hah, should give ya time to come up with a convincing sounding story yo.'

***&&&***

When Seifer impulsively lied to the man who was no longer the Reno he once knew, he had for a moment blocked out the possible consequences for his actions. Most of Seifer's inner self was fundamentally amoral and intensely selfish, but when it came down to it he found that he simply couldn't bring himself to directly unleash the malice within Reno on the man's unsuspecting son. As the lie left his lips Seifer felt a fleeting sense of self-worth and a defiant sense of satisfaction, but those feelings disappeared as if they'd never been when Reno's arm began to squeeze painfully tight.

The punch came out of nowhere, taking Seifer entirely by surprise and knocking the wind out of him with bruising force. When Reno let him go Seifer was unable to hold himself up and dropped to the floor in a heap. Struggling to suck air into his lungs and push away the burning pain in his stomach Seifer was distracted long enough to put up no resistance when Reno pulled out his weapon and pinned him to the ground. The sight of the makeshift weapon descending towards his face paralyzed Seifer with bone-chilling fear and Reno's words engraved themselves into his brain like a pronouncement of doom.

A long time later Seifer was still lying on the floor, but Reno was long gone from the dilapidated little house. The blood flowing from the jagged gash across the bridge of the man's nose had slowed to a sluggish trickle, but Seifer still huddled on the ground and stared blankly at the wall. Eventually Seifer seemed to come back to himself and he disjointedly began to climb to his feet. Slipping in the pool of blood sent Seifer crashing to one knee but the look of blank shock on his face didn't change one bit.

Moving like a zombie Seifer lurched through to his dark bedroom and stumbled into the tiny bathroom attached to it. With a trembling hand Seifer reached out and after a second of hesitation he flipped on the light and raised his eyes to the mirror. Seifer's breath caught in his throat and he had to swallow hard a few times to not throw up at what he saw. From his eyebrows down, most of Seifer's face was a mess of congealing and crusted blood. The source of the blood was what had Seifer spellbound, a deep, four inch gouge that stretched diagonally from his forehead, across the bridge of his nose and tapered out on his right cheek.

Mechanically Seifer reached for a washcloth and ran it under the tap. His movements jerky and hampered by the tremors that wracked his body Seifer wiped the blood away from his mouth and cheeks before he hesitantly began to dab at the ugly wound. Dull eyes barely flickered each time the ragged cloth caught on the edges of the cut, but by the time most of the blood was gone Seifer's eyes were beginning to change from vacant to full of glittering fear and helplessness. Absently thanking Gaia for the butterfly stitches that had been lurking in his cabinet for fuck knows how long Seifer began to painfully close the wound as best he could.

With the wound at least semi-closed Seifer walked unsteadily into his bedroom and slumped onto the edge of his bed. Elbows resting on his knees, his head hanging limply, Seifer tried to make his mind work so that he could figure out just what the fuck to do. The grimly realistic part of Seifer acknowledged that Reno would be back at some point, simply because running around in broad daylight was not the smartest course of action for an escaped prisoner. For all Reno had changed in the hell of Hollow Bastion, Seifer knew that he wasn't stupid and he was definitely infinitely more dangerous.

***&&&***

There was a rustle in the scrubby forest behind Seifer's house at around 1pm and the predatory figure of Reno stepped out of the trees. Loping across the lawn to the back door Reno silently turned the knob and let himself into the house. All the curtains were closed much to Reno's satisfaction and his eerie gaze darted around the room, assessing for threats and scanning for any sign of betrayal. Once he was certain that Seifer's house contained no hunters or law enforcement Reno strolled over to the couch, stepping over the blood that still stained the floor, and waited for Seifer to come to him.

It only took a few minutes from when Reno sat down to when Seifer walked reluctantly out of his bedroom and Reno smiled mirthlessly at the beaten slump of the man's shoulders and the way Seifer refused to raise his eyes from the floor. Lounging indolently on the sofa Reno let the silence draw out painfully before saying, 'Nice wood back there Sei, very handy how it joins up with the back of the cinema in town yo. I couldn't look around much, but I think ya might be able to help me with that. And get me something to eat yo, pay for it online or some shit and don't forget that fucking stupid beanie… Looks like it might actually be useful yo.'

Leaning back on the cushions Reno watched with hooded eyes as Seifer scurried over to the coffee table and grabbed his laptop. In minutes Seifer had ordered a huge amount of crappy pizzas and garlic bread, confirming that it would be delivered in around thirty minutes. When Seifer got up to put away his computer Reno smoothly rose to his feet too and sauntered along behind the other man into his bedroom. As Seifer half turned to flip the light on Reno smirked at the clumsily patched, still raw wound that conspicuously marred the man's face.

Once in the shabby room Reno completely ignored Seifer who was standing uncomfortably by the bathroom and without pause the redheaded man strolled over to Seifer's wardrobe and yanked it open. Rummaging carelessly through Seifer's meager collection of clothes Reno eventually found a long, grey, tailored duster that he found satisfactory and a pair of loose, black trousers that would serve to replace his threadbare, prison-issue pants. Not deigning to acknowledge Seifer's presence Reno stripped to his boxers and changed into his new outfit, oblivious to the horrified look on Seifer's face at the numerous scars and welts that disfigured his pale skin.

Staring into the long mirror in the wardrobe Reno ran his gaze over his appearance approvingly, noting how the slightly too large duster hid his emaciation and made him seem a fair bit bigger than he actually was. Turning back to the wardrobe, Reno ransacked the messy cupboard again and emerged with a nondescript, black beanie that he jammed on his head and shoved his hair up underneath. Once again checking out his image in the mirror Reno smiled a thin smile at how he looked, confident that he was almost unrecognizable to casual scrutiny. Breezing past Seifer into the lounge Reno crashed back onto the couch and grabbed the laptop to once again scour the news sites for any updates on the prison break.

The massive order of food arrived twenty minutes after Reno acquired his new look and was gone in less time than it took to get there. Paying no attention to Seifer who only picked at a small piece of pizza Reno began to spread his internet search wider and he quickly found something that brought an unconscious snarl to his face. Having run a search for his son's name, Reno had found the archived newspaper articles about the crash months before and the updates that followed.

Seifer could clearly see the ferocious look on Reno's face and he cringed back into his chair at the violence it hinted at. Glaring at the screen Reno read through the stories about the 'Destiny Druggie' and the drug fueled motorcycle ride that nearly ended two lives, but his glowing eyes widened as he read the story that contained a padded out account of the Restitutionem deal. Comparing the names from the short, sparse article and the crash stories Reno realized that somehow his son had gone to live with the man he had nearly killed. One word burned itself into Reno's unhinged brain, the last name of the injured party, 'Hakunetsu'.

Across the room Seifer jumped as Reno let out a hissing oath, but the redhead was oblivious to anything outside of his pinpoint focus. Fingers flying over the keyboard Reno ran search after search for the name that could lead him to the house his son was living in, but each time the hunt hit a dead end. The only thing Reno could find to explain the total blank of information on the whereabouts of the Hakunetsu residence was a passing mention on a university website of the nameless Hakunetsu's status as a court-appointed psychologist.

With an unnerving calm Reno delicately closed the laptop and laid it on the table, slowly pushing himself up from the couch. Walking nonchalantly across the room, Reno ended up in front of Seifer, staring off into the air above the trembling man's head. What happened next happened without warning, an explosion of unbridled fury and violence. Without any hint of warning Reno's hand snapped out to close around Seifer's throat and he spun on his heel, hurling the man who used to be his friend clear across the room.

Gliding over to Seifer who was slumped against the wall gasping for breath Reno bent down to again seize his throat and effortlessly he shoved the tall man up the wall until Seifer was dangling from his hand a foot above the ground. Eyes blank, but rage screaming through his head, Reno dispassionately watched as Seifer clawed at his wrist choking for breath and just before the blonde man passed out of consciousness Reno abruptly let go, allowing Seifer to crash to the ground struggling harshly for breath. Not giving the man any time to recover Reno began hammering savage kicks into Seifer's ribs until the battered man was sobbing out broken pleas for mercy.

As abruptly as he had started Reno halted his vicious attack on Seifer, leaving him huddled against the wall, too brutalized and beaten to even moan in agony. Moving once again to the couch Reno dropped full length on the cushions and began to brood about the task of locating the boy he still thought of only as Red. The escaped prisoner didn't notice when Seifer eventually found the strength to drag himself slowly to his bedroom and he didn't notice when the faint sunlight that made it through the curtains faded to leave the room in pitch darkness. When he finally noticed that night had well and truly fallen Reno also realized that he hadn't slept in over two days and he was unable to resist the sleep that crashed into his brain and took him away.

***&&&***

Axel's Saturday afternoon had been a bit less enjoyable than his morning as Ventus had stuck his head into Roxas' room around 3pm to drag both him and Roxas out to the lounge. Worried at the hesitant and cautious tone in Ventus' voice Axel walked slowly down the hall behind Roxas and reluctantly sat down at the table. Green eyes watched Ventus warily, thoughts wildly running through his mind of being asked to leave or being told that he couldn't see Roxas anymore, and by the time Ventus cleared his throat Axel had convinced himself that he would be out on the street within an hour.

With all the negative and hopeless thoughts running through his head Axel couldn't hold Ventus' gaze, and he was staring blankly at the table when Ventus began to speak. In a carefully neutral tone Ventus said, 'I, uh, there's something you both need to know, you especially Axel. I was just online and I saw a breaking news story… And I wanted to tell you before you stumbled across it yourself without any warning.'

Slightly blindsided Axel glanced up at Ventus and blinked in confusion. Trying to change gears from the conversation he was expecting Axel was pathetically grateful when Roxas slid his arm around his waist in a steadying hug. Realizing that Ventus was waiting anxiously Axel coughed apologetically and said, 'Okay… I… What's happened Ventus? You wouldn't be this worried unless it was something serious…'

Ventus sighed, met Axel's gaze levelly and said, 'Asking you not to get worried over this would be stupid, but just know that we're here okay Ax? You don't have to hide away or deal with it alone. Okay, enough talking in circles… About an hour ago… That breaking news story… Apparently there's been trouble at Hollow Bastion. The story said that an earthquake had collapsed half of the back wall of the prison, breaking open a couple of cells. The Warden wouldn't release the names of the prisoners in the cells but he said that they had been secured and that there were no escapees. Ax… I know this is a shock, but can you say something please?'

At the mention of the prison that had held his father for the last six years Axel shuddered convulsively but he went stock still at the news that the seemingly unshakable walls of the Bastion had been breached. The teen's breath hitched in his throat and his mind began to spiral, but before Axel could lose his grip on himself he became conscious of Roxas wrapping him in a tight embrace and Ventus limping quickly around the table to join the hug. Enfolded in the warmth and support of his boyfriend and the man who had become his friend Axel maintained a tenuous grip on himself through the shock and emotional turmoil stirred up by the news.

Finding that he was gradually able to breathe more steadily Axel said in a trembling voice, 'Thank you for telling me Ven… I don't know what would have happened if I'd found out just browsing online. I… I'm so thankful for your guys. Fuck, I mean this was a shock, but I think can handle it… Without you both here I'd have… I'd have either gone back to drink or drugs or worse. I think… Do you think we could hang out or something? Just chill in the lounge and watch crappy TV?'

Beside Axel Roxas let out a quiet sigh of relief and the redhead found himself subjected to a relieved hug and a tender kiss on the cheek. Doing something that he didn't usually do Axel took the lead, and taking Roxas' hand he led the way to the lounge. Looking over his shoulder Axel saw Ventus following them looking somewhat reassured and within moments all three men were ensconced in their habitual places on the comfy furniture, watching the most amusing show in the world, Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent searching out the most deplorable shows they could possibly find and hooting with laughter at the absurd, brainless antics of people who deluded themselves into thinking they were famous. At 7pm Axel finally gave in to the collective growling of three hungry stomachs and he took just thirty minutes to whip up a Korean beef stir fry recipe that he had picked up from his parent's neighbours back when he was only seven. For a while all that could be heard were happy eating noises and then the three friends returned to their unbridled derision of the 'reality TV stars'.

***&&&***

Once the shitty TV marathon wound down and Ventus staggered off to bed Roxas sat next to Axel on the couch, watching the redhead trying not to fall asleep. Taking pity on Axel when the teen's chin hit his chest for the umpteenth time Roxas wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist and staggered awkwardly down the hall. Stopping outside Axel's room, Roxas hesitated for a moment before making an executive decision and stumbling down the hall to his own bedroom. With the last of his strength Roxas swung Axel onto his bed as carefully as possible before falling bonelessly onto the mattress, lying face down next to the dozing redhead.

It was almost an hour later that Roxas emerged into consciousness again, pulled from sleep firstly by a monumental crick in his neck, and secondly by a sensation of heat along his right side. With a groan Roxas adjusted his neck to a slightly less excruciating position and by happy chance the move allowed him to see the source of the warmth pressed against him. Roxas melted into a puddle of goo when he saw that Axel was snuggled up against his side, his face nuzzled nose-first into his ribs. Despite his uncomfortable position Roxas simply couldn't bring himself to move and disturb the adorable sight, settling for gently draping his arm over Axel's shoulders and falling back to sleep.

***&&&***

Axel didn't regain consciousness until midday on the Sunday and just like Roxas he was at first puzzled by the pressure and heat that he felt against him. Firstly Axel realized that his face was smooshed up against something and right on the heels of that awareness he clicked all at once to the situation. Taken by surprise Axel snorted into Roxas' ribs and jerked backwards, waking the blonde and provoking a bewildered groan of disorientation. Biting his lip Axel looked sheepishly over at the bleary Roxas, regretting ruining what had been a rather beautiful moment.

Before Axel could say anything however, he became aware of a throbbing in his skull and he groaned as he realized that a migraine had been brewing in his head, just waiting for him to awaken so it could seriously fuck with his day. Roxas said something questioningly, but Axel couldn't hear it properly over the rising thump of his heartbeat in his ears. Forgetting for a moment that Roxas was even there, Axel dived for his pillow and burrowed under it, trying to block the light out before it could enter his eyes and explode his brain out of his ears.

Through the thick fluffiness of the pillow Axel could hear Roxas asking in a quiet quizzical voice, 'Um, okay? Ax… I'd ask if you were okay, but it's obvious you aren't. What's wrong? Is there anything I can do?'

Muffled by the pillow Axel muttered, 'I've got a migraine, one fuck of a migraine. Shit Rox I'm sorry, I'm going to be out of it all day… If it's not too much of a bother, could you please shut the curtains and grab me something Panadol-ish? I just need to crash and wait for this to fade away. Damn thing could take hours.'

Axel's words had begun to slur by the time he stopped talking, but before he had finished Roxas was tiptoeing silently around to close the curtains and pull a blanket over the distressed redhead. Axel felt Roxas pat him on the shoulder to acknowledge that he understood and then the blonde teen hastened from the room, only to return moments later with a packet of painkillers and a big glass of water. Putting the pills and water down beside the bed Roxas whispered, 'I'll let you be Ax, I hope you get better soon. I think Ven's out today so you can just crash until you feel better.'

Before Roxas left the room Axel felt a gentle kiss on his neck and then the door closed with a quiet snick. Using the last of his strength Axel pulled his head from under the pillow and threw a couple of painkillers into his mouth, swallowing them with a large gulp of water. Shoving his head back under the pillow Axel closed his eyes and tried to ignore the pounding pain that blanked out all other thought and he gritted his teeth against the intense ache until he eventually fell into a restless doze.

Hours later Axel slowly dragged himself out of the clutching arms of sleep, to find that his head was no longer caught in a tightening vice. Slowly lifting the pillow off his head Axel was gratified to find that the dim light of the room no longer lanced into his eyes like needles and in the complete silence of the house he sighed in relief. Glancing at the clock Axel saw that he had slept for four and a half hours and discovering he was ravenously hungry he rolled gingerly out of bed.

As he made his way out to the kitchen Axel realized that the blank silence around him was because he was completely alone in the house. Wandering up to the kitchen bench Axel noticed that there was a scrap of paper lying on it and he picked it up and read, 'Hey Ax, just letting you know I've gone to hang with Namine for some more 'modelling' (damn her persuasiveness). Ven will be at Aqua's overnight again (ugh) and I should be home this evening if Namine hurries up with her portrait. Hope your head doesn't fall off, see you later. Love Rox.'

By the time he finished reading the note Axel was smiling widely and the smile turned into a grin when he read the last two words. Folding the message Axel put it carefully in his pocket and then proceeded to raid the fridge and devour the leftover stir fry he found within. His stomach full and head finally shrinking to its normal size Axel found himself able to think properly and he decided that he wanted to do something random and sweet for Roxas and Ventus, but mostly for Roxas. A moment of thought resulted in the brilliant idea of going to rent a movie and obtain an obscene amount of junk food, so Axel went to get dressed and set out on his self-imposed mission.

***&&&***

Sprawled on the uncomfortable couch Reno slept like the dead for twenty two hours straight. The redheaded man shot into wakefulness around 4pm on the Sunday when a thump sounded from Seifer's room and jolted him into abrupt alertness. Reno was on his feet in an instant and he moved warily forward, crouched twitchily with his improvised knife held in front of him. Approaching Seifer's room Reno tensed and as quick as a whip he lashed out with his foot, kicking the rickety door open with a crash. Ready for anything up to and including a squad of hunters from the Bastion Reno burst out laughing when he saw the cause of the noise.

On the floor next to his bed Seifer lay groaning in a pool of vomit. Looking down at the man in amusement Reno saw the two empty bottles of bourbon on the bedside table and his lip curled in contempt. Rolling his eyes Reno sadistically stepped over to the stricken man and ground his heavy boot into Seifer's damaged ribs, relishing the scream of pain his action elicited. As Reno turned to leave the room, the bright numbers of the digital clock caught his eye and he cursed under his breath at the time he had wasted that could have been spent searching for his son.

Checking in the mirror one more time to make sure that he was all but unrecognizable Reno snatched a pair of dark glasses from beside Seifer's bed and walked out of the house, intent on hunting down the person he blamed for his incarceration. Reno slipped into the woods like a grey-clad phantom and threaded through the trees smoothly and swiftly. With the cunning and carefulness that made Reno so dangerous he took an hour to make his way through the scrubby trees, doubling back and keeping a cautious eye out for anything suspicious, ensuring he wasn't being followed or seen.

By the time Reno arrived at the edge of the woods and emerged by the rear of the cinema it was already past 5pm and the light was beginning to fade from the day. With the arrogant confidence of someone who believed fully that he was immune to capture Reno began to stroll down the street, looking for any sign of red hair or someone who matched the photo of the Hakunetsu man that had appeared in an obscure article about the crash. Moving through the almost deserted streets Reno scanned his surrounding with eyes that glowed dimly behind his stolen glasses.

***&&&***

In the happiness of doing something nice for Roxas and Ventus Axel had pushed to the back of his mind the issue with Seifer and his semi house arrest. Giving in to the cheerful feeling that swelled in his chest Axel all but skipped down the street towards town, planning gleefully which movie he was going to get and just how much junk food he would be able to carry. Axel was so caught up in his plans that he didn't notice how empty the streets were and he swept into the video store without so much as a glance at his surroundings.

By the time Axel emerged from the video store it was nearing sunset and he realized that he should hurry and get home in case Roxas or Ventus decided to call. Walking quickly down the street Axel was intent on getting back to the house and he was totally oblivious to the man behind him who had stopped in his tracks, standing stock still and staring after him. An instant later the man had disappeared into a side street, moving as swiftly and silently as a shadow.

Axel made it only twenty meters further before his world shattered into pieces. The teen was passing a dark alleyway next to a noisy bar when an arm snaked out of the darkness, closing on his upper arm and dragging him roughly into the dank, brick lined backstreet. Too shocked and frightened even to struggle Axel found himself shoved unceremoniously up against the wall with a calloused hand clamped tightly over his mouth. Panicked green eyes stared, utterly terrified, into the face of his father, a face he had thought he would never see again.

As Axel simply stared, paralyzed by all-consuming fear Reno smiled an almost normal smile and said, 'Hello Red, I'm sorry for the ambush but I wasn't sure if ya would run yo. I bet they didn't let yer know, but I was released a few days ago and I've been looking for ya to see if ya might forgive me. You know, forgive and forget? I was kinda thinking I could take ya for a drink yo and we could have a good old talk about old times. Cummon Red, what do ya say?'

Too terrified to be within shouting distance of clear thinking Axel nodded jerkily and sucked in a trembling breath as Reno removed his hand from his mouth. The teen couldn't even contemplate escape before Reno slid an arm around his shoulders and pulled him tight to his side, dragging the younger redhead out of the alley and straight into the bar beside it. Axel stumbled into the noisy building and all but fell into the booth that Reno pushed him into at the back of the room. Still stunned beyond speech Axel stared at Reno as if hypnotized as the man brashly flagged down a waiter and ordered them both a couple of tequila shots.

Sitting beside the man who haunted his dreams was too much for Axel and his brain immediately reverted to the submissive, silent personality that his father had beaten into him. The shots were delivered to the table and when Reno downed his drinks and nudged Axel in the ribs the teen compliantly threw back the two shots and coughed, his eyes watering at the potent alcohol. His heart beating out of his chest Axel stared at Reno and waited for the axe to fall.

Axel instinctively flinched when Reno broke the silence, saying in a rough voice, 'Have ya been keeping outa trouble Red, since I've been away? I hope ya've missed me as much as I've missed you yo. I was thinking now yer older ya might be up for something a little harder than drinkies, hey come with me, I think ya might like this.'

Not given time to reply Axel was abruptly yanked out of his seat and hustled out of the main bar into the disgusting bathroom of the pub. Axel slumped against the wall while Reno quickly checked to make sure the room was deserted and then the older redhead pulled a package out of his pocket and dropped it on the side of the sink. Unable to move Axel was once again seized by the arm and dragged over to Reno's side and he watched with a sick feeling in his stomach as Reno unwrapped a mirror, a straw and a decent sized bag of white powder.

It was when Reno poured a pile of cocaine onto the mirror and began to separate the coke into generous lines that something deep within Axel snapped. As Reno turned around with an arrogant smirk to hand Axel the straw, Axel shot his hand out just as Roxas had taught him and smashed the heel of his palm hard into Reno's jaw. The utterly unsuspecting Reno went down like he had been poleaxed, out like a light before he even began to fall. Shaking so hard his vision blurred Axel staggered from the room, almost falling as he lurched into the hallway.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: A bleak chapter that hits close to home for me. Trigger warnings for suicide attempt and self-harm talk. It only gets worse from here to be honest.**

Roxas spent a pleasant afternoon at Namine's actually enjoying the passive role of model and obediently allowing the artist to direct and push him around until she was satisfied. It was only 3pm when Namine sat back from her easel with a happy sigh and not daring to move Roxas could only swivel his eyes to try and see if she was done. Roxas' silent question was answered when Namine jumped off her seat and pulled him over to see the results of her labour and his patience.

When he came around the side of the canvas Roxas could only gape at the softly coloured, perfect depiction of his ¾ profile staring into the distance with an expression of melancholy. Momentarily speechless Roxas was eventually able to look over at Namine and whisper, 'Gaia's blessing Namine, I knew you were talented, but this is something else. Why isn't your work hanging in some famous gallery being gawked at by rich people?'

Roxas grinned when Namine blushed like a sunset and murmured, 'Oh Roxas, I'm not that good. I hope to get that good one day but for now I'd settle for passing my art class. I still need to complete five sketches and my mixed media mega-project. I've made a start on the huge canvas but I have no idea how I'm going to be finished in time.'

Nudging Namine playfully Roxas said confidently, 'You are that amazing Nam, I hope you realize that soon. Oh man, can you show me your uber-art? If it's even half as good as your 'me on canvas' I don't think they'll have a mark high enough to give you.'

At his effusive praise Roxas thought that Namine was going to spontaneously combust before she managed to grin with embarrassment and beckon to him to follow. Honoured that the usually reticent girl trusted him enough to show him her deeply personal art, Roxas followed Namine into her private studio and stopped short, completely and utterly speechless at what he saw. Hung all around the walls of the small room were canvases of varying sizes, all displaying beautifully detailed portraits that looked as if the subjects could step out of their frames at any moment. At first glance Roxas glimpsed Zexion, Demyx, Kairi and Ventus along with faces he didn't recognize but would instantly know if he subsequently saw them on the street.

The time Roxas spent with Namine in her art sanctuary felt like a strange dream as the tiny girl came alive in telling the stories of her artworks. Caught in the wonder of Namine's remarkable talent, Roxas was only pulled out of his trance when the sun sunk below the horizon sending a sharp gleam of brightness into his eyes. As he blinked at the pain of the glare Roxas was suddenly assailed by a sensation of absolute dread and he actually went weak at the knees before the feeling disappeared as quickly as it came. Namine chattered on about her work and Roxas gradually forgot the jarring feeling, though a remnant of the panic remained in the pit of his stomach.

***&&&***

The streets were completely empty as Axel stumbled back to Ventus' and fell through the front door to land on his hands and knees panting harshly. Almost out of his mind with fear Axel stayed where he fell shuddering uncontrollably until he suddenly realized that the door was open at his back and he was defenceless if Reno had somehow followed him. Shooting to his feet Axel swayed with sickening dizziness but managed to slam the door and fumble the deadbolt home. Unsteadily Axel tripped over his own feet and stumbled blindly down the hall.

Rational thought was long gone from Axel's mind and he blundered into the bathroom instead of his own room. Catching sight of his dead white skin and wild fear-stricken eyes in the mirror Axel gagged and dropped to his knees by the toilet, emptying his stomach of everything he had ever eaten. Sagging over the toilet bowl, suffocating in the fear and self-loathing that Reno inspired in him, Axel couldn't stop the screaming in his mind that drowned out anything resembling sane thought. Gradually Axel's sight cleared a little and out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a small bottle on the edge of the sink.

Like a marionette controlled by a careless puppeteer Axel jerked to his feet and his hand shot out to grab the pill bottle, roughly unscrewing the lid to make sure there were pills inside. Walking out of the room Axel stared blankly ahead of him until he was standing once again in the kitchen by the countertop. Axel stood motionless for a few seconds before he suddenly slammed the bottle down on the counter and ripped Roxas' note out of his pocket. Flipping the paper to the blank side Axel scribbled something barely legible, snatched up the bottle again and stalked from the room.

Halfway up the hall Axel stopped in midstride, uncertain as to whether he should lock himself in his bedroom or opt for another room. After half a second his decision was made and Axel entered his room just long enough to grab his knife out of his self-harm kit before walking into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. Through the roaring feelings ripping apart his head Axel had one fleeting coherent thought, 'At least if I'm in here they won't have to clean up much. Now he can't get me… He can't ever get me again.'

***&&&***

Roxas finally extracted himself from the clutches of the blindingly cheerful Namine at nearly 8.30pm. He had only meant to stay for a few minutes, an hour at the most after she finished her painting, but instead he had been there for almost six hours. Sure that Axel would have recovered from his migraine Roxas drove home with a smile on his face, ready to kiss away any lingering headache the redhead might be suffering from. Pulling into the driveway of his house Roxas got his first hint that something wasn't quite right, seeing that the house was completely dark and all the curtains were wide open.

Unsure if Axel had gone out for some reason and forgotten to shut the curtains Roxas approached the door slowly, his alarm bells starting to shrill in his mind when he tried to unlock the door with the usual key and found the deadbolt pulled on the inside. Fumbling with his keys Roxas finally pushed the door open and shoved it shut behind him, listening keenly for any sound within the building. Hearing nothing at all Roxas felt a sharp edged tendril of fear uncoil in his stomach.

Just about to rush down the hallway to check Axel's bedroom Roxas pulled up short when he glimpsed a piece of paper on the kitchen bench, in a different spot to where he left his own note. Approaching the scrap of paper with trepidation eating him up inside Roxas picked up the message and read Axel's few disjointed words, 'I'm sorry. I can't. I'm so sorry. I love you Rox.

Terror, horror and full blown panic exploded like a bomb in Roxas' chest and he flat out ran from the kitchen to Axel's room. Bursting through the door Roxas was briefly wrong-footed when he saw that there was no one there, but then he saw Axel's self-harm bag discarded on the bed and his anxiety ratcheted up another notch. Spinning around, not knowing where to go next Roxas' breath caught in his throat when he caught sight of the closed bathroom door.

Moving faster than he had ever moved in his life Roxas flew across the hall and crashed into the door, fumbling with the doorknob in his haste to get in. When he finally got his fingers to work Roxas threw the door open and screamed so loudly that his throat gave out, turning his shriek into a painful rasp. Slumped next to the sink against the wall, Axel lay as if dead in a large pool of blood. The redhead's sleeves were pulled up roughly and his upturned forearms were opened deeply from wrist to elbow. Next to Axel's limp hand lay the pill bottle that had once contained Ventus' Vicodin pain pills.

As if his legs had been cut from beneath him Roxas fell to the ground gasping for breath. For a heart-stopping eternity of a moment Roxas thought that Axel was dead, but as he crawled over to the redhead's side he noticed that the teen's chest was still rising and falling minimally. Galvanized into action Roxas looked around frantically for something to bind Axel's wrists and slow the bleeding, but seeing nothing close to hand he grabbed the hem of his t shirt and with strength born of desperation ripped it into uneven strips.

Once he had crudely pulled Axel's gaping forearms together Roxas wrestled with himself as to whether to wait for an ambulance or to start speeding to the hospital himself. The terrified teen's decision was made when Axel stopped breathing for a horrifying fifteen seconds and by the time the redhead drew a shallow shuddering breath Roxas was already trying to lift his deadweight. Running on pure adrenaline Roxas heaved Axel to his feet and supported him in a half-assed fireman's lift, muscling him as best he could out of the house and propping the redhead as gently as possible in the passenger seat of his car.

Forgetting to even lock the front door of the house Roxas tried to control his hitching breathing as he hurled himself into the driver's seat and started the engine with a roar. Screeching backwards out of the driveway Roxas threw the car into gear and tore off down the empty street. Roxas drove as fast as he dared in the circumstances, desperate to get Axel to the hospital, but he was barely able to see through the burning tears coursing down his cheeks. As Roxas flew around the corner at the end of his street he nearly swallowed his tongue when next to him Axel stirred and began to mumble deliriously.

In a croaky, deadened voice Axel slurred, 'I'm sorry daddy, please don't… Don't hurt me anymore. I don't… It hurts… Please don't do it. I hate it, I don't want to do it anymore… Please daddy don't touch me…'

Forgetting for a moment that he was driving Roxas whipped his head around to stare at Axel who was twisting against the seat belt but was still basically unconscious. Roxas caught sight of tears streaming down Axel's face before he had to snap his attention back to the road and the oncoming line of cars. Half of his brain on the task of driving Roxas couldn't stop his mind racing through the possibilities brought to light by Axel's rambling and he had to suppress a wave of nausea at the implications. Pressing his foot harder on the accelerator Roxas wished fruitlessly for the hospital to be closer than the half hour drive it was.

Roxas' concentration was broken again as Axel's small voice cut through the roar of the engine saying plaintively, 'Why dad? Why'd you save me? Y'hate me so much I thought you'd be glad… I even hid so you wouldn't find me til it was too late. Y'weren't home, y'always made sure you weren't there for my birthday… Tha' was the first time but you… Always came in time t' make sure I didn't die… Why dad?'

Barely able to speak around the lump in his throat but unable to help himself Roxas asked, 'Gaia… How old were you Ax…? How old were you when you first tried to kill yourself?'

Responding to Roxas' voice but still so far from reality he barely knew what he was saying Axel mumbled, 'It was my eighth birthday… Happy birthday to Red right? He didn't really want me alive… But he wanted me to play with… To hurt… E'ry birthday he'd think up sathing new, come up with some new way t' touch me, hurt me…'

Roxas was about to ask something else but Axel let out a groan of pure anguish and his eyelids fluttered as if he were about to wake up. Holding his breath Roxas hoped desperately that Axel would wake from his strange delirium but even though he uttered sounds of pure torment the redhead stayed in the arms of unconsciousness. Words eventually became audible through the moans, Axel's voice droning in the same dead tone, 'I tried daddy, I tried t' stop it all so you didn't ha' t' be angry 'nymore. Y'didn't even notice… Didn't e'en see when I had to clean up the mess and wrap up so it would heal. I tried so hard, so many times, but I failed… I couldn't e'en get tha' right. You're right, y've always been right… I'm nothing, nothing but a waste, pathetic, scum…'

As Axel trailed off Roxas blinked furiously to clear his vision and he slammed his fist into the steering wheel with helpless rage. The sound made Axel whimper pathetically and Roxas bit his tongue, reaching out to touch Axel's shoulder but jerking his hand back when the redhead flinched violently away from his touch. Thankfully at this point Roxas caught sight of the lights of the hospital glimmering in the distance and he tromped on the accelerator, ignoring the speedometer, focusing only on getting Axel to the ER as soon as humanly possible.

The arrival at the hospital was confused and chaotic, nurses and doctors running everywhere and pushing Roxas out of the way peremptorily. Roxas' desperate hold on Axel's cold hand was quickly broken and he could only watch helplessly as Axel was placed on a stretcher and spirited away into the bowels of the hospital. Uncaring hospital staff ignored Roxas as he stood shivering in a corner staring after Axel and even when he collapsed against the wall shaking with heaving sobs no one stopped to comfort the tiny, blonde teen.

It took a while but eventually Roxas cried himself out and was left staring blankly at the off-white wall in front of him. The quiet in his head, even though it was a quiet born of absolute exhaustion, gave Roxas a tiny amount of space to think and his brain took full advantage of the leeway. The chaos in his head starting to give way to a small amount of order Roxas finally registered something that had so far failed to click in his mind.

Red rimmed, bloodshot eyes narrowed as Roxas cursed himself as a complete dipshit. What he had just realized was that while he was talking to Axel through the teen's delirium he could have asked the most important question in the whole situation. While Roxas now knew more of Axel's past than the other boy would have likely told him, he still didn't know exactly what had sparked Axel's determined and damn near successful attempt to kill himself.

After almost twenty minutes of self-recrimination Roxas pulled himself together enough to stumble over to one of the hard chairs that littered the waiting room and he slowly pulled his phone out of his pocket to call Ventus. As soon as Ventus picked up his first words were to ask what was wrong and Roxas immediately burst into tears again. In between wrenching sobs Roxas cried, 'I'm at the hospital Ven… Oh Gaia… Axel tried to kill himself. Tried really hard. The doctors took him away and they won't tell me anything… Fuck Ven… I'm so scared.'

After a shaky intake of breath Ventus said in a voice of forced calm, 'I'm so sorry Roxas, dammit I'm so sorry. Fuck, I can't even come up there because my damn leg's given out and Aqua told me to stay on the couch until she can work the muscle back to somewhere near normal. Rox, do you want to stay there, or do you want me to send you a taxi to bring you round here?'

Even just the thought of leaving Axel alone in the hospital caused anger to explode within Roxas and he couldn't stop himself snarling, 'I'm not fucking leaving him Ven, how the fuck could you even ask that? I can't let him wake up all alone in this place without knowing if I cared or if I'd even come back!'

When Roxas had finished, his chest heaving in anger, Ventus replied in a quiet voice, 'I'm sorry Rox, I didn't mean it like that. I'm scared for you both okay? Of course you're going to stay there, fucking stupid suggestion, I just hate the thought of you all on your own dealing with this…'

Roxas abruptly stopped listening to his brother as he saw a doctor wander into the waiting room and look around half-heartedly. Snapping at Ventus that he had to go Roxas slammed his phone shut and all but ran over to the doctor. Staring at the tall man with an expression of tentative hope Roxas asked softly, 'Excuse me sir, who are you looking for?'

The doctor twirled his fingers through his curly black ponytail, giving Roxas a disdainful look and sighing in a long suffering voice, 'I'm looking for the person who brought in the attempted suicide about half an hour ago. Those witless nurses didn't have the consideration to get his name or even remember what he looked like. I don't know why we employ such…'

The doctor wasn't able to finish his griping as Roxas broke in frantically, 'That was me, I brought Axel in! Can I go see him? Is he alright? Please… I need to know if he's okay.'

With a contemptuous sneer on his face the doctor sniffed in annoyance at being cut off. Beckoning curtly to Roxas the doctor turned away and strode off down a long hallway saying dismissively over his shoulder, 'I'm Doctor Hook seeing as you were so good as to ask. As for your friend, he'll be alright, his stomach was pumped and his arms have been sewn up. We'll keep him in at least overnight but when you get him home just keep him away from anything sharp. We don't want to have to deal with his sort when we could be saving people who want to be saved.'

Any other time Roxas would have savagely ripped the doctor apart for his callous words but he was so distraught that it was all he could do to try not to burst into tears again. The pair walked in tense silence down the winding corridors of the hospital until eventually the doctor waved towards a closed door and walked off without another word. Suddenly scared to the core of his soul Roxas stood outside the door for a good ten minutes before he forced himself to turn the handle and enter the room.

The steady beep of a heart monitor filled the room and Roxas' own heart skipped a beat when he saw Axel lying pale and still under the white hospital sheets. His legs suddenly as weak as water Roxas wobbled over to the bed and collapsed in the chair that someone had considerately placed at the bedside. Staring dazedly at Axel's motionless form Roxas completely lost any remaining hold he had on his emotions and buried his face in his hands, crying as though his heart was breaking into splintered shards.

***&&&***

Reno eventually came to on the floor of the grimy bathroom, awakened by a bulky man prodding him in the ribs with his toe. The unfortunate bar patron was left in a bubbling heap in the corner of the room, mangled and barely breathing as Reno stalked out of the pub and stood in the street shaking with rage. Making a snap decision Reno turned and started to lope in the direction of Seifer's house, wrath burning in his chest and driving him to revise his plan to completely break the boy he called Red before killing him painfully and slowly.

By 7.30pm Reno was emerging from the trees behind Seifer's house and the trek through the woods had only served to stoke the fires of rage into an insane fury. Though he wasn't aware of it, Reno's eyes were glowing a sickly neon green and the look on his face would have made Gaia herself turn away. This was probably why, when he slammed open the back door and burst in to the house, Seifer turned dead white, let out a choked scream, and tripped backwards over his coffee table.

Reno completely ignored the small commotion his arrival caused and snapped his head from side to side trying to find something to take his fury out on. Seifer was lucky that he was sprawled on the floor behind the table as he was out of Reno's sight and therefore temporarily out of mind. In the absence of anything better Reno took two swift steps over to the wall and with berserk strength punched his arm elbow deep into the plaster. Punch after punch slammed into the wall and the rickety house shook to its foundations with the force of Reno's unrestrained savagery.

The wall was a mess of ragged holes and crumbling plaster by the time Reno stopped his wild attack and the man stood, taut as a bowstring, his bleeding fists clenched tight by his sides. In a voice that would have terrified the most depraved murderer Reno whispered, 'Get your ass over here Seifer. You're going to help me completely break and then slowly, so fucking slowly, kill Red.'

***&&&***

Roxas had fallen into a restless half-doze after running out of tears next to the unconscious Axel. Nightmares plagued him with visions of blood against pale skin and dull green eyes, but when Roxas jerked awake around 3am it was because of a slight stirring of the arm that his head rested against. Slowly raising his gaze, unwilling to get his hopes up prematurely, Roxas timidly forced himself to look up at Axel and his breath caught in his throat to see tortured green eyes staring unseeingly back at him.

Forgetting his own wild thoughts and the panicked racing of his heart Roxas shot to his feet and leant over the bed cupping Axel's face gently in his hands. Once again Roxas began to murmur softly in a voice of forced calm in an attempt to bring Axel back to him. So quietly he was almost whispering Roxas breathed, 'Axel, come back to me… I've said it before, I promise that I won't leave you and I won't, I promise, I promise… I'm going to be here until you look at me and see me, believe me Axel… I love you… I'm never going to let you fade away on me.'

Somewhere in the middle of Roxas' steady stream of words he saw a flicker of a spark deep in Axel's eyes and he lightly ran his fingers in a soft caress down the other teen's cheek. Keeping his voice low and caring Roxas went on, 'That's right Ax, I love you so much and no matter what I won't let you go. I need you to believe me and come back to me Axel… I can't… It hurts so much to see you right there but too far away for me to reach… Please look at me Ax, please…'

Roxas' words faded into silence as Axel's breath became shallower and the woozy teen blinked slowly. Axel's hand drifted up as if of its own accord and Roxas closed his eyes briefly at the feeling of soft fingertips carefully brushing the tears from his cheek. Exhaling shakily Roxas opened his eyes and looked into Axel's eyes once more, drowning in relief to see that the redhead's gaze was at least lucid even if his eyes were filled with unfathomable pain. Climbing carefully onto the bed Roxas pulled Axel into a gentle hug and cradled him as the other teen began to cry.

For over an hour Roxas sat silently with Axel held to his chest, trying to absorb the dark waves of pain emanating from the distraught teen. The blonde teen's heart ached unbearably at the fact that he couldn't take Axel's pain away, tears trickling down his own face to land on Axel's cheeks and mingle with the other teen's grief. Roxas clung to Axel desperately trying to keep it together and comfort the other boy.

When Axel eventually raised his hands to push lightly at Roxas' chest the blonde tensed and tightened his grip before giving up and slumping backwards onto his heels. Suddenly unwilling to meet Axel's eyes, hit with the irrational fear that the teen would to ask him to leave, Roxas kept his gaze on his hands and fiddled aimlessly with the blanket. Roxas only looked up when Axel said in a distant, desolate voice, 'I'm sorry. I… Oh Gaia, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't've found me… It was meant to be over before you got back…'

At first Roxas couldn't make himself understand Axel's words, staring at the redhead blankly as he choked out the bitter statement. Gradually Roxas replayed the words over in his head and his breath rushed from his lungs as if he had been kicked in the gut. Once the words registered however it only took a split second for incomprehension to be replaced with frustrated anger and soul-deep agony. Coughing out the words as if they burned his throat Roxas growled, 'Ax… How… What the fuck? Don't fucking apologize for not… For not fucking dying! What the fucking fuck do you think it would have done to me if I'd found your dead fucking body lying in the bathroom?!'

Physically unable to force any more words through the lump that closed his throat Roxas tried his utmost to restrain the stinging tears that yet again burned behind his eyes. Shaking with the force of the anxiety and blood-chilling fear that enveloped him Roxas stared at Axel with his emotions written starkly across his face. Desperately willing Axel to hear him, really hear him, Roxas felt a ball of hopeless misery sitting deep inside his chest, telling him that he was losing the boy that he loved to darkness.

***&&&***

Sitting in the familiar hospital bed Axel couldn't believe what an unmitigated, fuckup of a failure he was. In the past he had been unsuccessful at ending himself through various methods, but even with the extra backup of an overdose on top of bleeding out he was still too fucked to kill himself successfully. From the moment Axel awoke he was at the mercy of the dulcet tones of the shrieking voice in his head and though he was staring directly at Roxas he could hardly hear him over the litany of hate and bile echoing in his mind.

As Roxas tried to break the redhead out of his paralysis Axel could only hear his mind screaming, 'Once again you fucking failed! Fuck's sake, how fucking stupid do you have to be to screw up a double suicide attempt? The world would really be so much fucking better off without you and you can't even take yourself out of it! Gaia's love, you should've just passively let Reno fuck you up on drugs and finish what he started all those years ago… Think about how much easier that would have been for your precious Roxas and his brother. They wouldn't have to deal with you anymore and you'd be dead, everyone would've been happy.'

The voice took over all of Axel's thoughts and he was drowning helplessly in the deluge of spite and disgust until four words blew straight through the turmoil in his mind, he heard Roxas whisper, 'Axel… I love you…' Somehow the simple statement of love stilled some of the painful noise in Axel's head and he felt a tug on his heart, his clouded vision seeing Roxas as if from a great distance. As Roxas delicately stroked his cheek and continued his quiet words of kindness Axel clawed his way out of his own head until he was able to weakly raise his own hand and attempt to wipe away the tears that stained Roxas' face.

The second Roxas crawled onto the bed and enfolded him in a delicate embrace Axel was no longer able to hold his tears at bay and he let out a broken sob that gave way to grief-stricken tears. Swept away in his anguish and on some level knowing he was safe in Roxas' arms Axel let himself release some of the pain that had tortured him for so long. Time seemed to stop for Axel and he cried until he couldn't cry anymore.

As reality began to penetrate the storm of tears that held Axel in its clutches, the teen gradually became aware of the voice that still muttered in the background of his thoughts. Axel was so used to believing the poison seeping into his mind that he was powerless to dismiss the cruel words that assailed him. Gently pushing Roxas away in an attempt to convince himself of what he was about to say Axel cried out a miserable apology for his shortcomings and his failure to end the torment that he visited on Roxas simply by being alive.

Roxas' reaction to his earnest apology stopped Axel in his tracks and he shuddered at the vehemence with which Roxas rejected even the idea that his attempt should have succeeded. Guilt burned in Axel's gut when Roxas choked out the wretched question of how did Axel think he would have felt had he discovered his corpse. The redhead froze where he sat, forgetting to breathe as he was slammed by the reality of the complete and utter devastation that his death would have wrought on the boy he simply wanted to release from the burden of knowing him.

A long silence dragged out during which Axel struggled frantically to find some words, any words, to communicate to Roxas the crippling shame and regret that filled him. His heart beating so hard that he felt like he was shaking in time to its pounding Axel finally forced his vocal chords to work and cried wretchedly, 'I'm sorry Rox, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. I never meant to hurt you but I have and I wish… I wish I could take back the pain I've caused. Please… Please don't go… I know I lost any right to ask that… But I… Gaia… I don't deserve to love you.'

Roxas stared at Axel and the redhead could see every bit of hurt and suffering written clearly in the teen's wide, blue eyes. In the silence that echoed in the wake of Axel's words Roxas closed his eyes briefly before opening them and looking Axel straight in the eye saying intensely, 'You should be sorry Axel, I was so, so fucking scared that I was going to lose you… But you need to believe me when I say that you deserve to be loved and I do love you whether you think you deserve it or not. Ax… I love you so fucking much and I know that you love me too.'

The words began to spill out of Axel's mouth before he could stop them and he blurted almost incoherently, 'I do love you Rox… So much it hurts… I… You… I'm so fucking sorry for everything… For hurting you so bad. I can't ask you to forgive me… But I… You shouldn't… Fuck, there's nothing I can do to take back what I did…'

Once more Roxas didn't respond as Axel guessed that he might, just sighing dejectedly and shaking his head. Axel watched as the blonde teen dropped his gaze to stare at the bed and whispered, 'I know you can't take it back Ax… But even after that I'm still here. I just… I want… I need to know why you did it Axel… Why would you do this out of nowhere? I thought things were good… Was I so fucking blind that I didn't see you were hurting so bad?'

Although he had hoped against hope that this moment would be postponed at least a little while Axel couldn't bring himself to deny Roxas' right to know what had caused the unmitigated clusterfuck. Summoning every last scrap of his strength and resolve Axel closed his eyes tight and said brokenly, 'I… Saw him Rox. My father, Reno. I don't know how but he was in town when I went to get a movie, somehow he found me… Those bastards at the Bastion lied when they said no one escaped.'

Roxas' horrified gasp stopped Axel momentarily but he pushed on, trying to get the story out before he lost his nerve. His voice getting quieter and quieter Axel murmured haltingly, 'He grabbed me in an alleyway… Gaia's blessings Roxas I was scared, so fucking scared. It was like I was eleven again and I couldn't fight him or break free. He forced me into a bar to drink with him, I don't know why… Maybe he just wanted to make it easier to take me away… But then he wanted me to do drugs with him… Cocaine… And I just snapped.'

Taking a painful breath Axel avoided Roxas' shocked, angry gaze and spat out the end of the story, saying in a bitter tone, 'Apparently when I snap I really snap. I hit him… I hit him so hard I thought I'd killed him. I don't remember getting out of the bar but I ran, I ran until I couldn't breathe but I kept running until I made it home. Then I broke… I couldn't handle it… I just couldn't take it anymore… I guess I… Tried to finish what he'd started.'

Midway through Axel's retelling of his story Roxas twitchily jumped off the bed and began to pace tensely. When he got to the part about the drugs Axel flinched at the ferocity in Roxas' gaze and when he finally trailed off into silence he couldn't stop himself from cowering backward in instinctive fear when Roxas totally lost control of himself and put his whole bodyweight behind a punch that shattered one of the tiles that ringed the wall and left a substantially splintered dent in the wall behind the destroyed piece of ceramic.

Wrapping his arms around himself Axel ignored the biting pain from his wounds and cringed violently against the wall, turning his head away when Roxas turned back towards him. Axel heard the furious teen suck in a sharp breath and he shuddered convulsively, but then he heard a thud that made him jerk his head up in consternation. Green eyes darted around the room until Axel caught sight of Roxas and what he saw had him scrambling from the bed, heedless of the heart monitor that ripped from the tape on his chest. Roxas had fallen to his knees on the floor and with tears dripping down his face he pounded his bloody fist over and over again into the floor.

***&&&***

As Axel's story unfolded in all its sickening detail Roxas found that he was steadily losing his self-control, submerging in an anger so dark that it came close to breaking him. When he heard Axel quietly admit that the suicide attempt was an effort to complete the murder that his father so nearly carried out Roxas actually did lose it and his emotions broke loose in a wild storm of uncontrollable rage. Barely able to see through the red haze that blurred his vision, Roxas' fist shot out in the most powerful punch he had ever thrown, cannoning into the wall and obliterating one of the thick tiles.

A sound behind Roxas pierced through his anger and he spun around to see Axel shrinking away from him with naked fear in his eyes. Seeing Axel turn his head away and shiver just as he had when talking about Reno jerked Roxas completely out of his anger and the wrath in him turned to helpless, suffocating despair. All his strength abruptly leaving him Roxas fell awkwardly to his knees, tears blurring his vision and his breath coming in gasping pants. Unable to deal with the overwhelming powerlessness Roxas began to slam his fist savagely into the concrete floor, oblivious to the damage he was doing to his hand and the blood that splattered everywhere.

Roxas only stopped his frenzied pounding on the floor when a gentle hand caught his wrist and held it firmly. As Axel timidly snaked an arm around his shoulders and held him lightly Roxas finally became vaguely aware of his mutilated hand, but ignored the blood pouring down his fingers in favour of slipping his good arm around Axel's waist and leaning into his side wordlessly. The two boys hugged each other as if they would never let go and they only emerged from their private universe when a nurse came in to check on the lack of information coming from Axel's heart monitor. The woman opened the door with a bored look on her face but it quickly changed to horror when she saw her patient on the floor and the state of Roxas' mangled hand.

***&&&***

Ventus spent an anxious night, worried out of his mind for his brother and for the teen he had come to regard as part of his family. When Roxas had brusquely hung up on him Ventus sat staring at the phone in his hand, anxiety, foreboding and no small amount of fear threatening to suffocate him. At the time the call had come in Aqua had been fixing some hot drinks in the kitchen, but when she came out she took one look at Ventus and rushed to his side. At first Ventus was unable to do anything but wrestle with tears and he gave up that struggle when Aqua silently put her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.

It took Ventus a while to get a hold of his emotions and when he was finally able to speak he turned to Aqua with dread in his eyes and said, 'Gaia's blessings Aqua… Roxas just called. He's… He's at the hospital. Dammit, oh fucking dammit… Axel tried to kill himself. I don't even know what happened… Fuck Aqua, I don't know what the fuck to do. My leg's too fucked to even look like getting in the car… I don't even know if I should call him back…'

In her usual thoughtful way Aqua took a moment to mull the problem over before saying gently, 'I would leave it until tomorrow Ven, Roxas will call you if anything happens and Axel is in the safest place right now. They're going to need you Ven and I'm going to be right here with you for whatever happens. Right now is there anything I can do? Is there anything you need?'

Somewhat calmed by Aqua's composure and soft spoken sensibleness Ventus took a deep breath, held it for a second and let it out slowly. In a small voice he said, 'I just need you here Aqua. I don't even know what I would've done if you hadn't… If I'd been alone. I have you but Rox is all on his own and I don't even know if Axel will be okay. Why the fuck would he do this? I thought things were going well…'

Knowing that Aqua wouldn't be able to answer his question Ventus squeezed her shoulder and said in a stronger voice, 'Dammit, I need to worry about the shit I can do something about. I can't even think about… If he doesn't make it… I have to assume that they'll both come home Aqua, I just can't lose hope. So when they get out of that hospital… I'll need someone to help me get around. Obviously Axel won't be… He'll need Rox with him and they'll both need someone around 100% of the time…'

At this point Aqua touched his arm and broke in gently, 'What the hell do you think I'll be doing Ven? You couldn't keep me away with a whole fucking army okay? I'll sleep on the couch or something and be your live in physical therapist for as long as you need me. And if you need to get to the hospital for a check up on your leg I can organize for Leon or Yuffie to take you and I can stay with the boys. We can do this Ven, we have to.'

Through his short relationship with Aqua Ventus had felt stirrings in his chest that unnerved him due to the brief amount time he had been with the vivacious girl. Now however, in the devastation of such a horrible event, Ventus admitted to himself unreservedly that he did in fact love the amazing, blue-haired firebrand sitting across from him. Too exhausted and strung out to even begin to put his feelings into words Ventus pulled Aqua to him and buried his face in her neck as he tried simply to cope.

***&&&***

Roxas was jerked awake at the obscene hour of 6am, having only managed to snatch two hours of sleep. Seeing that Axel was still spark out Roxas whipped his head around to glare at the person who had crashed into their room without so much as a knock on the door. Blue eyes narrowed when Roxas saw that the intruder was the pompous Doctor Hook who he spoken with the previous night and he silently stared at the man until the tension got too much and the doctor beckoned curtly for him to join him outside the room.

Unwilling to leave Axel but needing to hear what the doctor had to say Roxas walked quickly after the man into the hallway. Roxas pulled up short when the doctor stopped in his tracks and he stared at the haughty face looking down at him as the man said tersely, 'Your friend will be fine. We got his stomach pumped in time and by the looks of him he is more than used to taking care of wounds. Now, what I needed to tell you is that he will be discharged at around 9am because we need the bed, and to be honest we can't waste any more resources on attempted suicides and self-pitying self-harmers.'

The rage that burned through Roxas was so apocalyptic that he couldn't breathe and his heart made an energetic attempt to burst out of his chest. Forcing himself to take careful note of the doctor's staff number on his nametag and spitting the words out through gritted teeth Roxas snarled as quietly as possible, 'Fuck you Doctor! If you say one more ignorant or hateful thing about fucking suicides I swear I will find out where you live and burn your fucking house down! I'll get Ax out of here just so he doesn't happen to hear any of your poison, you sorry fucking excuse for a piss-poor human being.'

Roxas ignored the taken aback look of rage on Doctor Hook's face, spinning on his heel and stalking away, trying with every step not to snap and do something that would get him arrested. Pausing briefly at Axel's door and trying to compose his face in case Axel had woken up Roxas quietly opened the door and stepped into the dim room. The similarity of the situation to how he had first met Axel was not lost on Roxas and he drew in a shaky breath before he looked over to see that the redhead was still out to it, curled up on the narrow hospital bed.

Reassured that Axel was still fast asleep Roxas slipped back out of the room and pulled his cellphone from his pocket. Glad for the doctor's sake that the man had disappeared down the hallway Roxas quickly dialled Ventus' number and waited impatiently for his brother to pick up. When Ventus' worried voice sounded at the other end of the line Roxas blurted out in a rush, 'He's alive Ven, thank fuck I found him in time. But the hospital is kicking him out, some shit about how they need the bed and I have to take him home at 9am. I don't even know… Should I take him home or round to Aqua's… I don't know what to do.'

Ventus' words were tinny and thin through the marginal connection but Roxas still drew comfort from the soothing sound of his brother's calming voice. In steady tones Ventus replied, 'I'll be home Rox, I'll be waiting for you. Aqua has told me on no uncertain terms that she is going to be sleeping on the couch and she'll be a staunch backup for me and you… We're here for you Roxas, for you and Axel. I love you little brother, don't you forget that.'

By the time Ventus finished speaking Roxas was crying softly, infinitely grateful for the Gaia-sent blessing that was his brother. Through heaving breaths Roxas managed to sob, 'Thank you Ven, thank you. I'll get Axel home as soon as I can. I can't… I need to be home with you and know that Axel's somewhere safe. I have to get back to him Ven, so I'm there when he wakes up… I'll talk to you soon okay?'

At Ventus' quiet goodbye Roxas hung up and turned around, hurriedly letting himself back into Axel's room. Sending a silent, grateful prayer to Gaia that Axel was still asleep Roxas wiped the tears from his cheeks and tried to wish the redness from his eyes. Completely ruined for getting any more sleep Roxas sat back down in the chair and made an effort to think ahead past breaking Axel out of the horrible hospital, but all his brain would focus on was the temporary peace on the redhead's face as he lay deeply asleep.

An hour after Roxas finished his talk with Ventus he was still sitting in the seat watching Axel absorbedly, trying imprint every detail of the teen's features into his mind. He let his gaze travel slowly over Axel's mussed, brilliant red hair and then down to the teen's pale, serene face. Though Axel's features were calm with sleep Roxas could still see the subtle signs of hurt, grief and regret that left their mark on the redhead's face. His heart aching for the boy that he loved Roxas gazed at Axel until he stirred and his green eyes opened slowly.

***&&&***

When he slowly came back to consciousness from his completely dreamless sleep Axel had a blissful few seconds before nausea hit him, reality crashed back into his brain and the weight of his actions fell onto his shoulders. Half-heartedly pulling himself into a sitting position Axel glanced at Roxas from under his eyelashes, unsure of how the other teen was going to react after having time to really think about what he had done. What he saw was Roxas pushing himself out of his chair and stiffly lurching over to the bed to lean on the side of the thin mattress.

Before Axel could speak Roxas slid his fingers into his hand, obviously picking up on the discomfort and sick expression on his face saying softly, 'Ax… You don't look good. Have some water, I left some by your bed. Gaia, you're so pale…'

Looking around, Axel reached for the paper cup and took a tiny sip of the water. After a couple of minutes and few more small swallows Axel had a tiny bit of colour in his face and felt able to control the rolling sickness in his stomach. Roxas squeezed Axel's fingers gently, took a breath and said, 'I hope… I hope you're feeling okay Ax, because the doctor told me that they're going to discharge you this morning. They said about 9 o'clock but if you can I'd like to get the fuck out of here as soon as possible.'

Axel knew exactly what Roxas wasn't saying, that the hospital looked upon attempted suicides as self-indulgent wastes of resources and he couldn't suppress a brief stab of guilt and cynical agreement with the sentiment. Looking down for a second Axel edited the self-loathing words in his head before croaking, 'I'll be well enough Rox, I want to go home. I've always hated hospitals… I've been in too many. I just… I just want to go home.'

***&&&***

Roxas smiled a sad half-smile and thought briefly through the logistics of the situation, how to get out of the inhospitable building as quickly as possible. Axel's shirt had been too ruined by blood to be saved and had been discarded by the nurses, but his black pants hadn't showed the damage as much and so had been placed in a paper bag by his bed. Roxas handed Axel his pants and turned away to let him put them on, turning back to see the redhead standing uncertainly with his trousers on but still wearing the horrible backless hospital gown. Before Axel could worry about what the hell he was going to do for a top, Roxas pulled off his long sleeved, loose jacket and handed it over with a slightly more natural smile.

It took a while for Axel and Roxas to wrestle the jacket's loose sleeves over Axel's bandaged arms without jolting or bumping anything but eventually Roxas adjusted the cuffs and zipped up the jacket over Axel's bare chest. Satisfied that he would be able to get the redhead out of the front doors without undue attention Roxas rang for a nurse and quietly demanded that he be given the discharge papers to sign so he could take Axel home. The nurse looked ready to argue for a brief second but then caught the murderous look in Roxas' eyes and nodded hurriedly, rushing out of the room in a fluster.

Roxas mused that he must have looked exceptionally menacing as the nurse returned in record time and all but threw the papers at him before exiting wordlessly. Scribbling in the required information and signing the accountability release Roxas helped Axel add his signature with clumsy hands and then they were set to get the hell home. Roxas had however underestimated how physically shattered Axel was and when the redhead took three steps forward Roxas had to stretch his quick reflexes to get under the teen before he hit the ground. Thanking Gaia they were on the ground floor Roxas ignored the fatigue that dragged at his own limbs and muscled Axel onto his feet, positioning himself as a steady support under the other teen's arm.

Afterwards Roxas could never figure out how in Gaia's name he managed to get Axel down to reception, throw the paperwork on the desk and haul the awkwardly tall, barely conscious redhead the short distance to his car. When he finally had Axel slumped in the passenger's seat and buckled in Roxas could barely stagger around the car and fall into the driver's side. Breathing hard and trying to still his violently shaking hands Roxas closed his eyes and waited until his heart rate had returned to something approximating normal before he put the keys in the ignition.

Driving well below the speed limit, fully aware that his brain was almost unfit to be operating a motor vehicle, Roxas took over an hour to get home. When he pulled into the drive with a deep sigh of relief Roxas looked over at his passenger and saw that Axel had regained some semblance of awareness and was staring blearily out of the window at the house. His attention mainly on Axel, Roxas noticed abstractly that there was another car in front of the house and the small part of his mind actually paying attention supplied the information that it had to be Aqua's.

Getting Axel out of the car was slightly easier than getting him in as he had recovered just enough strength to hold himself upright. Roxas kept his arm looped around Axel's waist as an extra support and together they made their way slowly up to the house. The door was locked and Roxas was grateful for his brother's appreciation of the danger that hovered ominously just out of sight. Fumbling his key out of his pocket Roxas somehow got the door open without letting go of Axel and together they lurched into the house.

***&&&***

Ventus had been on hyper alert from the moment he hobbled into the house leaning heavily on Aqua's arm and even though he was stuck on the couch, he jumped every time he heard a creak in the house or a car on the street. When he finally heard the distinctive sound of Roxas' car pulling into the driveway Ventus was thrumming with the tension running through him and he was staring fixedly at the door as Roxas and Axel finally entered the house. Though Ventus had been waiting impatiently for his brother so that he could question him in detail, he took one look at the state that both his brother and Axel were in and decided that talking could definitely wait.

At the sound of the door Aqua came running out of the kitchen and Ventus was distracted by her horrified gasp at the condition that both Axel and Roxas were in. Clearing his throat Ventus gestured for Aqua to leave the boys alone and he fixed Roxas with a stern look saying quietly, 'Get him to bed Rox, he looks like he's barely able to stand. You get some sleep too, I imagine you're almost out on your feet. When you're a little more rested and with it we need to talk.'

When Roxas let out a relieved sigh and nodded shortly Ventus watched his little brother and his little brother by default totter slowly down the hall. Biting his lip the blonde man tried to get a grip on the anxiety and panic that threatened to spill over into distraught tears. Ventus was pathetically grateful when Aqua sat down next to him and tentatively put her hand on his shoulder and he turned awkwardly in his seat, pulling the worried girl into a desperate hug.

***&&&***

The look on Ventus' face as he ordered him to get some rest made Roxas quail a little inside and he had never been so relieved to get a short reprieve as he was at that moment. Nearly at the end of his strength Roxas half-carried Axel down the hall and without thinking went straight to his own room and gently tucked the teen into his bed. Roxas saw that Axel wanted to say something but before the words could leave the redhead's lips his eyes fluttered closed and he was asleep. Alone with his own thoughts Roxas placed a gentle kiss on Axel's pale cheek and after contemplating lying down to try and rest he discarded that idea as utterly ridiculous and decided that he would try and find the courage to face his brother.

Walking slowly out of his room with one last glance at the sleeping Axel, Roxas clenched his fists and did his best to breathe deeply, incredibly nervous about the 'talk' he was about to endure with Ventus. The usually fiery blonde teen had always been one to turn fear into anger or determination, but when it came to his brother he hated any type of conflict or antagonism. Dragging his feet as he walked down the hall Roxas stared at the floor and took a shaky breath as he emerged into the lounge.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Oh god, so much angst. Trigger warnings around suicidal behavior, self-harm and violence.  
>  Thanks for the kudos guys :) Lol reviews are very welcome too.**

Sitting in front of Aqua and his silently waiting brother Roxas stared at Ventus and tried to swallow through a suddenly dry throat. In the horror and chaos of the last twelve hours Roxas hadn't had the time or the energy to think past the next minute and now that he had to give voice to the hell he had just been through he simply couldn't speak. Dropping his gaze to his knees Roxas managed a painfully dry swallow and abruptly started to shiver uncontrollably as shock overwhelmed him in a freezing wave. Roxas had just begun to fall into the black pit that was eating into his mind when Ventus lent over and pulled him into a strong hug.

His shivers turned into violent shaking and it was all Roxas could do to put his arms around Ventus and cling tight to his brother in an attempt to anchor himself to reality. At some point tears began pouring down Roxas' cheeks and he started to cry, each sob shaking his body and stealing his breath. Throughout the storm of devastating grief Roxas could distantly feel the secure strength of Ventus' arms and the gentle pressure of his brother tenderly resting his chin on his hair. Roxas cried until his throat gave out and his head ached, his sobs gradually slowing as he ran out of tears to cry. When he finally had a tenuous hold on himself again Roxas squeezed Ventus tightly and then drew away, knowing that he had to tell his brother everything before he overthought it too much and broke down again.

Lifting pain filled eyes to meet his brother's compassionate, steadying gaze Roxas began slowly, 'I went to Namine's for the afternoon because Ax was out of it with a migraine. I didn't mean to stay so long but I was there until after 8 o'clock. When I… When I got home it was all d-dark… I knew there was something wrong because the door was dead-bolted from the inside… Oh Gaia Ventus, I found him in the bathroom. H-he slit his wrists a-and took all your pills… Ven…'

Roxas choked on his words at the horrible memory and for a second he was sure he was going to vomit. After a moment's struggle with his roiling stomach Roxas forced himself to continue as Ventus watched anxiously, 'I took him to the hospital and th-they took him away. When they finally came to find 'the person who brought in the attempted suicide'… That was when I was talking to you. Axel was asleep when I got to his room and I guess I was so screwed that I passed out by his bed.'

Ventus made a small sound of anguish and Roxas broke off briefly as his brother whispered, 'Fuck Rox… I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I didn't… There was no way I could've known, I know that but I'm so, so sorry.'

Giving Ventus a reassuring squeeze on the arm Roxas made himself keep talking before he lost the will altogether. His tone turning dark and eventually furious Roxas growled through gritted teeth, 'When he woke up I made him tell me what happened. Gaia fuck it all Ven, his dad escaped from fucking Hollow Bastion. Their story about no one getting out was a fucking lie… He said that the bastard tried to get him drunk and high but he hit him… He hit him and ran. Ven… I don't know what to do… That sick fuck is out there…'

Ventus' reaction was immediate and startled Roxas even through the anger that blanketed his mind. Shoving himself off the couch, completely ignoring his injured leg, Ventus snarled, 'FUCK! Get me the fucking phone Roxas, the police are going to do something about this if I have to get every lawyer I know onto their incompetent asses! I'll be fucked if Reno fucking Raffica will get within one hundred fucking feet of my family… Gaia dammit he can't… I won't let him hurt Axel anymore!'

Completely agreeing with Ventus' every word Roxas jumped to his feet and ran to get the phone. Falling back onto the couch, once again aware of his trembling legs, Roxas deeply appreciated it when Aqua stroked Ventus briefly on the arm and then came to sit next to him, wrapping her arm supportively around his shoulders. In a flash of inspiration Roxas nudged Aqua and quietly asked, 'Aqua, do you think you could get a hold of Yuffie and Leon? I know you're here, but Ven will need all the support he can get. If he gets angry enough he might be stupid enough to try and go after Reno by himself even with his gimpy leg, and I'm pretty sure Leon could hold him down if it came to it.'

Nodding approvingly Aqua completely understood where Roxas was coming from and she pulled out her phone, fingers flying as she typed. When the blue haired girl smiled to signal that she was done Roxas turned his attention back to the heated conversation Ventus was having with the police. The blonde man was snarling viciously, 'What do you mean no fucking resources? What fucking police force throws every single fucking officer into a Gaia damned drug bust and leaves no one to protect the fucking people they're meant to protect? You know what, fuck you officer shit for brains, give me your fucking name and badge number so I know who to ream when I get my fucking lawyer onto your department for incompetence! What… Fuck! The ratfuck sonofawhore hung up on me!'

A little disconcerted by his brother's atypical display of pure anger Roxas got to his feet once more and walked cautiously over to Ventus, waiting for him to pause in his ungainly pacing before throwing himself forward and wrapping his arms around the man's waist. It took a moment for Ventus to shake himself out of his fury but when he did he looked down into Roxas' worried eyes and returned the hug tightly. In a timid voice Roxas said, 'Ven… I got Aqua to text Yuffie and Leon to come round. Is that okay? If… If the police won't do anything we'll need all the help we can get right?'

Roxas was highly relieved to see that Ventus was at least a little calmed by his voice and the distraction from the infuriating phone call to the useless police. Ventus nodded down at his brother and then looked up saying firmly, 'We need to keep watch every hour of every day now that we know the police aren't going to do jack shit about a fucking escaped lunatic. Rox, I think if you can you should go and get some sleep and make sure you're there when Axel wakes up. Aqua, when Leon and Yuff get here we can start getting a plan together… I'm not going to let Reno Gaia-damned Raffica anywhere near Rox or Axel.'

***&&&***

Axel slowly surfaced from sleep to find once again that he had no idea where the hell he was. The clock next to the bed told him that it was nearly 5 o'clock but he was completely at sea as to whether that meant morning or evening. Starting to roll onto his side, Axel found that he couldn't due to a warm lump lying pressed against his arm and his slow brain eventually realized that the lump was in fact Roxas. Staring raptly at the angelic face of the boy next to him Axel felt an ache in his heart caused by both an overwhelming surge of love that drowned him completely and also a soul-crushing regret at the pain he had put Roxas through.

As Axel began to reach out to brush Roxas' hair off his forehead he had to snatch his hand back and bite back an agonized groan. For a brief second he had forgotten everything that had happened, including the abused-to-shit state of his arms. Lying on his back and cradling both arms awkwardly to his chest Axel stared at the ceiling and felt a surge of self-loathing so harsh and bitter that he gagged on it and had to swallow several times to avoid throwing up. Painfully clear memories crowded into Axel's mind, a hideous slideshow that replayed in technicolor exactly what he had done and the events that he had been conscious for in the aftermath.

In the background of the gruesome movie flickering behind his eyes Axel could hear the briefly absent evil voice in his head start up once again to whisper its poison. As he was assailed by the image of his opened wrists lying limply in his lap Axel heard the voice whisper gleefully, 'What did I tell you, you fucking useless waste of breath. Sure you knocked the lovely Reno out, but then you haul off and do what he tried to do almost better than he did. Fucking genius you are, couldn't cut deep enough, couldn't take enough pills… Is there actually any end to your worthlessness? You could try again right now you know… Push blondie out the door while he's still half asleep and hang yourself with a sheet… Probably achievable even for a fuckup like you…'

As always Axel was unable to block out the vile torrent of hate that flooded his mind and he couldn't deny that the thought of ending it all, properly this time, was dangerously attractive. The redhead's thoughts were spiraling rapidly but he was partially pulled out of his head when he felt Roxas stir next to him. A sudden upsurge of painful stabbing hate for himself sliced through him like a jagged blade and Axel rolled over, ignoring the ache of his arms, withdrawing so deep into himself that he felt like he finally wasn't there anymore.

***&&&***

Roxas was blinking his way out of sleep when he felt Axel move next to him. Smiling faintly the blonde teen tried to push aside the events of the last couple of days, hoping for at least a few stolen moments with Axel before reality caught up with them again. Rolling over slowly Roxas felt his heart drop in his chest and a familiar fear rise sickly in his throat. Axel was facing away, hunched into a tight ball and his very aura screamed dissociated and 'get the fuck away from me'. His breath suddenly hitching in his chest Roxas reached out to touch Axel's shoulder and he bit his lip hard when the redhead didn't move or even acknowledge that he was there.

Pushing himself upright Roxas stared at Axel's unmoving form, panic rising uncontrollably in his chest as he frantically tried to decide what to do. Roxas hated the thought of leaving Axel alone even for a second, but he was seriously scared and needed to find Ventus before he dissolved into useless hysteria. With a long last wretched look at Axel's back Roxas almost fell off the bed as he scrambled to the door, desperate to get to Ventus and blurt out the newest development.

As soon as Roxas burst into his brother's bedroom and gabbled incoherently that something had happened with Axel, Ventus was on his feet and Aqua was right next to him assisting him along to Roxas' room. Ventus hurried over to the bed and Roxas watched, totally beside himself, as his brother tried doggedly to get through and break the shell that Axel had created around his mind. For over an hour Ventus tried everything he knew to get through to the teen lying huddled on the bed, but Axel remained blankly silent and unresponsive. Frustrated and more than a little afraid Ventus turned back to his brother, but before he could even open his mouth Roxas was shaking his head in violent denial and the distraught teen shoved roughly past his brother to fall heavily to his knees next to Axel.

***&&&***

While Axel and Roxas dealt with the harrowing fallout of Reno's failed opening gambit, the escaped prisoner was once again burning in the fires of his hatred. After reducing Seifer's lounge wall to so much crumbling powder, Reno had turned his ire to the terrified blonde man who hadn't followed orders and was trying to scramble away across the living room floor. Swift as a striking snake Reno darted across the room and stood over Seifer with a look of vengeful madness in his eyes. Face contorted in a furious snarl Reno shot out an arm and grabbed the front of Seifer's shirt, hauling the large man up so fast that the seams under his arms tore with a loud rip.

Effortlessly holding Seifer a clear foot above the ground Reno spoke in a voice of unsettling calm, 'I told ya not to keep me waiting Almasy, you're obviously needing another lesson yo. After this ya better get yer shit together or I might decide that you're more trouble then you're worth.'

Before Seifer could respond or even blink Reno lifted him even higher and then slammed him violently onto his back on the ground with enough force to crack the decaying floorboards. Ignoring the stricken man's whooping gasps for breath Reno dropped to his knees and straddling Seifer's chest with a deranged grin on his bruised face the redhead once again picked up his blood-stained piece of metal from the table. Seifer's eyes widened and he began to struggle but he was no match for Reno's insane strength.

With sadistic slowness Reno slipped the blade inside Seifer's shirt and slit it open to expose his chest. Abruptly switching from slow dreamy motions to swift, vicious slices Reno opened five deep wounds just under Seifer's collarbone, completely indifferent to the man's agonized screams. Joining the five parallel gashes with a single long incision that stretched across all of cuts Reno paid no attention to the blood that soaked his legs and with a final act of cruelty he slashed over the semi-healed cut that he had previously scored across Seifer's face.

Leaning forward so that his face was mere inches from Seifer's Reno purred, 'Remember what I say this time Sei, I won't be warning you again. Now, ya have two minutes to get yer shit cleaned up because this time I ain't fucking around yo. I will take him and he won't escape, then he'll wish I'd finished it the first time around. Ah Sei, I think ya might enjoy his screams as much as I will.'

Reno climbed to his feet not caring that he was jostling Seifer's massively bruised ribs and he callously disregarded the man's wretched groan. Stalking over to the window and staring out into the blackness Reno's mind began to churn and he shoved aside his madness as much as his unhinged mind would allow, devoting all of his energy to creating a foolproof plan. When Seifer limped slowly out of the bathroom bandaged and cringing Reno turned and gestured to the couch, lounging next to Seifer so they could discuss revenge. Long into the night and even after the sun began to rise over the horizon Reno forced Seifer to think like him and assist in creating a razor sharp web of entrapment with which to snare the boy he called Red.

***&&&***

The moment Axel shut himself away in his head and turned the key he found himself falling through pitch darkness. The relative peacefulness of the fall was only brief however as he soon landed hard on a slick, featureless surface, as black as a void and stretching endlessly in every direction. Everywhere Axel turned he saw nothing but the black plane and a murky, grey fog that lurked at the edge of sight and the single feeling that filled his heart and soul was dread. Abruptly losing his nerve Axel turned and started running but he soon slowed as he realized each step was the same and gave the sensation of not moving at all.

Slowing to a nervous walk Axel wandered for a time in the eerie nowhere but after uncountable minutes he stopped dead when he realized that the once distant fog had somehow encircled him and was closing in. Sudden bone-chilling fear flared in Axel's chest and he spun on the spot looking desperately for anywhere to run, only to see that the sinister looking fog had surrounded him completely. Axel was still frantically searching for escape when the fog collapsed in on him like a wave from all sides and he was frozen in its paralyzing, ice cold grip.

The muddy, greyish substance that encased Axel from head to foot transfixed him where he stood and he had no way of escaping what happened next. From the shadowy depths of the fog a stream of images began to flow and emotions began to assail him, slamming into his mind with merciless force. Trying with all his strength to struggle but unable to even blink his eyes Axel helplessly watched the first image shimmer into being in front of him.

As large as life Axel stared at a copy of Roxas standing right in front of him, but his mouth went dry when he saw the dream-Roxas fall to his knees with tears running down his face. Axel's heart gave a painful lurch when he realized what was about to happen and he was forced to watch the boy he loved cry his heart out while smashing his hand into a bloody pulp on the invisible floor beneath him. Axel couldn't believe how unspeakable it was to watch Roxas take a leaf out of his book and damage himself to the point of broken skin and splattered blood.

Before Axel could even get his head around the relived anguish and sorrow that the horrible memory evoked in him he was hit with the next image, a scene that briefly stopped his heart in his chest. Technically he hadn't been conscious at the time that the second scene had occurred but the tragic and horrifying events played out just as he could have guessed. Life sized, right in front of his eyes, Axel was treated to the sight of himself lying like a discarded doll in the Hakunetsu's bathroom, his life's blood splashed all down his arms and across the floor, his face so pale and still it appeared as if he were dead. Desperate to break the spell and somehow not see what was about to happen next Axel was nevertheless powerless to halt the relentless progression of the vision.

With no voice and utterly incapable of movement Axel still managed to cry out in wordless torment as Roxas burst into view and screamed a visceral scream of fear and soul-deep pain. Forced to watch the teen who had given him his heart collapse in shock and devastated horror Axel felt tears begin to stream down his face, tears that burned like acid. Somehow in the nightmarish place in his head Axel was also treated to all the pain and anguish that Roxas had felt when he discovered him, the fear and torture and all-encompassing devastation that he had inflicted on the boy who he purported to love ripping into his chest and tearing his heart from his ribcage. Trapped in a hell of his own creation Axel began to scream.

***&&&***

For three days Roxas barely moved from Axel's side, not even leaving the room to get food. Worried out of his mind for both Axel and his little brother, Ventus, with the unwavering support of Aqua, brought in meals three times a day and lived in hope. Invariably Roxas didn't even register the lovingly prepared meals and the food went completely untouched. 

Almost as divorced from reality as Axel, Roxas drifted in a dim, twilight world, slowly losing his mind to the creeping hopelessness that was eating away at his heart and soul. Roxas' world had contracted to a pinpoint the moment the moment he fell to the ground by Axel's side, all of his being focused completely on the rise and fall of Axel's breathing and when he laid his hand on the redhead's chest the steady beat of the teen's heart.

The first night Roxas couldn't even close his eyes let alone sleep, sitting slumped on the bed and hoping for a sign, any sign that Axel might be close to waking up. The night passed agonizingly slowly and as the moon dragged itself sluggishly up the sky Roxas wrapped his arms around his own waist, hugging himself tightly and trying to hold the shattered parts of his mind and soul together. Morning found the blonde teen in exactly the same position, staring hollowly at Axel's motionless form. At just past 7 o'clock Ventus quietly entered the room and reached out to touch his brother's shoulder supportively. The man's hand froze in mid-air however when Roxas turned slightly and stared right through him with haunted, vacant eyes.

Ventus sucked in a sharp breath but then lowered his hand gently onto Roxas' arm and the contact seemed to bring Roxas at least part of the way back to reality. Although Roxas' eyes focused and he slowly comprehended that Ventus was gazing at him anxiously, the tormented look in his dull blue eyes remained the same and his blank, empty expression didn't change at all. When he spoke Roxas' voice held no emotion or inflection as he said, 'Why won't he wake up Ven?'

Roxas stared impassively at Ventus easily able to read his brother's thoughts that were written all over his face, able to see that Ventus was wrestling with whether to tell him a soft lie or give him the unvarnished truth. Waiting without anticipation or impatience Roxas lifelessly watched Ventus come to a decision, the older man saying in a faded voice, 'This can happen after traumatic events Roxas, usually it's called shock but that doesn't really begin to cover the emotional havoc going on in the person's head. In this case Axel has… Basically he's retreated from everything. From the pain, from guilt and from the real consequences of his actions…'

In the middle of Ventus' attempt to explain what was happening Roxas simply drifted away from the world again and turned his head back to stare at Axel, his brother's voice only a faint echo from somewhere else. Roxas didn't notice when Aqua entered the room to speak quietly with Ventus and he didn't notice when they exited the room shortly after. He didn't notice when Aqua returned with a plate of toast and he didn't notice the toast slowly getting cold. In fact Roxas was oblivious to the midday sun lighting up the room and later the dim light of dusk, all he saw, felt, heard, was Axel lying there close enough to touch but unresponsive and an eternity away.

At around 10pm Roxas was pulled from his trancelike state by the dictates of nature and he reluctantly climbed from the bed to walk to the bathroom. The teen was so out of it that he had flushed the toilet and was apathetically running his hands under the tap before he realized that his brain was screaming at him. The dullness in Roxas' eyes bled away along with all of the color in his face and he staggered backward, falling heavily to his knees with a thud. Although Roxas' eyes were wide and staring, he didn't see the clean white bathroom around him, his sight instead stretched into the past.

Instead of scrubbed white floor tiles, Roxas was staring in horror at blood that drenched the floor in large puddles and brilliant, red splatters. The teen's mouth gaped in a silent scream when Axel's mutilated figure materialized to lie awkwardly sprawled against the wall. Roxas' last grasp on himself broke abruptly, his eyes rolling back in his head and his brain switching off, leaving his body to fall bonelessly to the floor.

***&&&***

From the moment he walked in to see Axel's catatonic condition Ventus found himself existing in a fragile state of rigid self-control balanced against a stark black hole of terror. As someone who was experienced in dealing with the psychological repercussions of traumatic events Ventus was exceptionally worried by the extreme withdrawal that Axel was displaying. If he had been asked for his views before Axel took himself away from the world Ventus would never have predicted that the emotionally annihilated teen would have pulled away from Roxas and that was the development that scared the absolute shit out of him.

When his brother had crashed past him and abruptly severed his mental self from everyone but Axel, Ventus would have ignored all his training and grabbed Roxas to shake him hysterically had Aqua not seized his arm and shook her head frantically. A tiny amount of reason that broke through his fear allowed Ventus to limp slowly from the room and he followed Aqua submissively as she led him to his own bedroom. With a gentle push from Aqua Ventus fell backwards to sit on his bed and he felt panic rising overpoweringly in his chest until the perceptive woman next to him slid her arms around him, ran a gentle hand down his cheek and whispered in his ear, 'You're allowed to cry Ven… You know that…'

Still with it enough to know that Aqua was 100% right Ventus felt the vocalized permission unlock his churning anger and misery, his sight immediately blurring with tears and a sob escaping his throat. As if the floodgates holding back his emotions had dissolved into nothing in the blink of an eye Ventus broke down completely, sobbing out his suffering as he completely lost his last shred of composure. Collapsing into Aqua's empathetic embrace Ventus let go of his control and simply cried until he couldn't cry any more. When his flash fire of emotion had finally run its course some time later Ventus drew courage from Aqua's steady strength and wordless compassion.

The first thing Ventus did once he recovered a modicum of his self-possession was struggle to his feet with Aqua's help and trek to the kitchen to make some breakfast for Roxas. Though he tried to hide it, his leg was starting to ache badly and when he failed to conceal a reflexive wince Ventus found himself hustled to the couch by the uncompromising Aqua who then spirited the plate of toast away to Roxas' room. Alone with his thoughts Ventus tried his best to convince himself that everything would turn out okay, but he couldn't suppress a thin tendril of doubt that wormed into his heart.

The first day was the longest and most nerve-wracking Ventus had endured since the terrible days in the aftermath of his parents' murder. It made Ventus almost physically sick to be comparing something his brother was going through to the hell that had been unleashed by the crazed, homicidal junkie so long ago, but the feelings he was experiencing were definitely on that level. If it hadn't been for Aqua Ventus was sure that he would have shattered under the pressure and the crippling tension, but with the bluette by his side he somehow found the strength to keep going.

Each time Ventus hobbled into the room to bring Roxas some more food he was broken further to see the untouched meal and his motionless brother exactly as he left him. The sight of the ignored food unexpectedly acted as a catalyst to kindle a smoldering ember of anger in his heart. As night fell and the moon steadily rose into the sky Ventus was completely exhausted but he fought against the fatigue, adamant that he wouldn't fall asleep and leave his brother to face the night alone. Ever observant, Aqua immediately picked up on Ventus' thoughts and came to sit next to the spot where he had collapsed on the couch.

Ventus stared blearily at the woman next him, trying to force his ears to work properly as she said firmly, 'You can't go without sleep and still be able to be there when Roxas needs you Ven. You need to get some rest… No, you don't damn well get to interrupt! What I was going to say was, if you get some sleep I can check on Roxas every half hour or so and if you want I can wake you up each time to let you know how he is. Please Ven, you're no use to him if you can't think or function.'

Fighting the insidious feeling that he was betraying his brother but knowing that everything Aqua said was the absolute truth Ventus nodded his head in reluctant agreement and attempted to get to his feet. Rubbery legs and a stabbing pain in his thigh conspired to keep Ventus on the couch with a low groan of pain, but once again Aqua came to his rescue and just about carried the tall man through to his bedroom. As soon as Ventus was half on the bed, every ounce of anxiety hit him at once and he immediately lost his struggle to stay conscious.

Every thirty minutes Ventus was gently shaken awake as Aqua kept her promise and let him know after each check that Roxas' status hadn't changed. After uncountable visits and awakenings Ventus found himself feeling marginally more refreshed each time he woke up and he had just found the strength to smile at Aqua as she sat next to him when a subtle sound in the quiet night sent an instinctual stab of 'wrong' straight through Ventus' heart. Forgetting Aqua, forgetting his leg, forgetting the tiredness that clawed at his mind, Ventus flat out ran from his room to the bathroom and barely paused as he threw himself, heedless of the wrenching pain in his leg, to the floor next to Roxas' limp body.

***&&&***

Almost an hour after his brain had shut down from the force of the flashback that had nearly broken him Roxas groggily came back to the world to feel pressure on his hand and a thick blanket wrapped around him. Rolling his head laboriously to look at whatever was pressing on his hand Roxas jerked awake at the sight of Ventus seated by the bed clutching his hand and with silent tears streaming down his grief-stricken face. Roxas made an involuntary noise of distress which caused Ventus to whip his head around sharply and then Roxas could barely breathe through the bone-crushing embrace that Ventus wrapped him in.

When Ventus let up his suffocating grip Roxas forwent the typical 'What happened, where am I', instead saying haltingly, 'Ven, I… Oh Gaia Ven I'm so scared. I saw it, him, all over again… I don't, I can't see that again… I can't see him lying there like he was dead, not again.'

Roxas had never, ever been so grateful towards his brother than when Ventus didn't bullshit him or lie to him in an attempt at offer comfort, instead saying quietly, 'I can't tell you that you won't Roxas, Gaia knows I wish I could but I can't. I know you remember… That you remember how it was when mum and dad died. The nightmares, the flashbacks… I hate this for you Rox, but I'm here with you and you need to remember that it will pass.'

Mixed feelings of despair and resignation swirled in Roxas' heart, his head dropping to his chest as he nodded a tiny nod to show that he had heard his brother's words. Sitting on Ventus' bed, still reeling from the mental aftershocks of the flashback Roxas leant into his brother's side and tried, with the meager remnants of his resilience, to keep from slipping back into the undemanding blank state he had been existing in for the last two days. Some of his fighting spirit seeping back into his soul and Roxas took a shuddering breath, resolving to do everything he could to hold onto himself so that he would be able to fight to get Axel back.

Half an hour after waking up in Ventus' bed Roxas shook himself briskly and looked up at his brother determinedly. Holding Ventus' gaze Roxas said levelly, 'I'm going to go back to Axel now Ven but you don't have to worry, I'm not going to fuck out again. I'm going to try, well try to try and get some sleep… But I want to be next to him. I can't leave him alone, I shouldn't have left in the first place…'

A hand on Roxas' knee stopped him mid-sentence and Ventus gave a forced smile saying, 'Rox, he's not alone okay? Aqua has been sitting with him, we both know that he needs someone there even if it can't be you. Go on, I know you want to be in there right this second and when you go you can tell Aqua that you're okay. She was ready to carry you in here herself and go buy some smelling salts to wake you up. You're not on your own Rox, we both love you and you couldn't drive us away if you tried.'

Thoroughly sick of crying but unable to stop himself from tearing up Roxas hugged Ventus as hard as he could and stood carefully, making sure that the dizziness that still affected his balance wasn't overwhelming. Satisfied that he wasn't about to crash to the floor again Roxas walked quietly into the hall and slipped back into his bedroom. When Aqua jumped and stifled a squeak of alarm Roxas kicked himself for not knocking and he hurried forward to treat the woman to the same tight hug that he had bestowed on Ventus. By the time he loosened his grip Aqua was smiling and she squeezed his shoulder gently before tiptoeing out of the door.

Once again alone with Axel, Roxas didn't hesitate for a second, stepping forward and climbing onto the bed. Hoping that he would be able to snatch at least some sleep but pretty sure that that wouldn't be happening Roxas wriggled under the covers and scooted up close to Axel who hadn't moved an inch. Suppressing a sigh Roxas slipped his arm around the comatose teen's waist and pressed himself tightly against his back. Roxas clung tight to Axel, trying to find comfort in the rhythm of the redhead's shallow breathing and the steady beat of his heart.

As Roxas had suspected sleep was once again an absent friend and he lay snuggled up to Axel staring into the darkness. Going for three days with only an hour of sleep that had technically been unconsciousness meant that Roxas was beginning to get past overtired into the realm where tiredness was a distant memory and in the dark of the night he was pretty sure that he was beginning to hallucinate. Holding onto Axel almost as a talisman against the shadowy blurs dancing around the edges of his sight Roxas rested his forehead on his boyfriend's back and tried his best not to think about tomorrow.

The sun rose on the third day to see Roxas huddled close to Axel, the whites of his eyes almost entirely red and the bags under his eyes a deep purple black. Unable to summon the will to get up straight away Roxas tried to draw whatever comfort he could from the physical contact with Axel and attempted to ignore the arid dryness in his mouth and throat. Aqua came in with a small plate of toast at around 9am but Roxas pretended to be asleep, barely able to stand even his own company in his wretchedly thin state.

Ventus came and took the plate away at midday, pausing for a second as if he wanted to say something, but ultimately keeping silent and simply leaving Roxas to emerge at his own pace. Staring hollowly at the wall Roxas paid no attention to the time as it crawled by, but as the clock in the lounge struck 1pm he could no longer ignore the sandpapery, desert-like, parched feeling spreading down his throat.

His head in some other universe Roxas wobbled through the house without running into anyone and like someone in a dream he filled a glass of water and tottered back toward his room. It was the click of the door closing behind Roxas that broke the dream into a million pieces and in that moment all of the bone-tiredness and strain and heartache sucked the strength from his body and soul. Blue eyes fluttered closed and Roxas passed out again, falling almost gracefully. Graceful that is until his head hit the table by the bed and the glass of water hit the floor like a bomb.

***&&&***

For the three days that Roxas was living in hell in the real world Axel was suffering the torment of the damned inside his head. The strange world he was in was timeless and for all of the time without time Axel was trapped like a fly in amber, battered unendingly by the graphically brutal horror show of his actions and the fallout of his selfish pain. For what seemed like forever Axel watched Roxas crying, blood everywhere, himself lying as if dead, Roxas crying, Roxas screaming, Roxas punching the ground until his own blood splattered, and then it would circle round again, no pause and no reprieve.

Even without the passage of time Axel eventually felt a subtle change in his environment and he began to struggle against the paralyzing shell that held him. The visions still assaulted his senses, but through the remembered screams and cries Axel could hear ghosts of other sounds from far away. At some points in the otherwhere Axel thought that he felt a phantom touch on his back but the sensation was always fleeting and quickly swamped by the ongoing torture. Eventually however Axel began to see a difference in his world, the visions becoming thinner and his surroundings fading away in front of his eyes.

Axel watched, silent and motionless, as the last piece of the dark realm winked out of existence, leaving him floating in grey nothing without a single point of reference. The new reality lasted for an unknown length of time until something happened that pulled Axel out of the grey and hurled him roughly back into the real world. The thing that dragged Axel back into his body and shocked his mind awake was a deafening crash from somewhere very near him, an ear-splitting smash that snapped his green eyes wide open.

Jolting upright in the bed Axel groaned at the pounding ache in his head, but the pain was utterly forgotten when he turned his head and saw what had caused the noise that pulled him awake. On the floor by the bed was a spray of water and smashed glass, but next to the mess, in a graceless sprawl of twisted limbs, lay Roxas with a thin trickle of blood flowing from a gash near his temple. In a fraction of a second all of this went through Axel's mind and with speed born of fear he flung himself off the bed, scrambling over to Roxas and lifting him with infinite gentleness into his lap.

Mere seconds after Axel reached Roxas the bedroom door slammed open, Ventus and Aqua bursting into the room followed closely by Leon who had just arrived to check on his friends. Oblivious to the distraught groan that came from Ventus as the man staggered back against the wall, Axel cradled Roxas' unconscious form, crying so hard he couldn't breathe or think. Shaking uncontrollably with fear and fury Ventus took a trembling step forward, but before he got close enough to Axel to do something violent, Roxas' eyes fluttered open and a faint moan of pain fell from his lips.

Everyone in the room froze except Axel who was wracked with violent sobs and Roxas who stared up at Axel with concern written all over his face. So far out of it he was almost beyond reason Axel scarcely felt it when Roxas lifted his hand in an attempt to wipe away his tears. Roxas' movement seemed to break the spell on everyone in the room and when Axel slowly raised his hand and brushed the blonde teen's hair away from the blood on his head all hell broke loose.

***&&&***

When he burst into the room to see Axel next to Roxas' bleeding body, Ventus had come so close to blacking out that he stumbled and would have crashed to the ground had the wall not broken his fall. Very quickly however the paralyzing numbness drained away and in its place Ventus felt a white-hot, searing anger that threatened to engulf him. Furious blue eyes raked over Axel's shaking form and shuddering with an almost murderous rage Ventus took an unsteady step forward, not sure if he would be able to resist laying hands on the redhead and not sure if he wanted to stop himself.

The sight of Roxas' eyes flickering open and the pained sound he let out halted Ventus in mid step and his breath rushed from his lungs, leaving him swaying and light headed. Staring fixedly at his brother Ventus was torn between relief that Roxas was awake and a deep, burning anger directed towards the redhead who held his injured little brother in his arms. Although he knew better Ventus felt a thin dagger of hatred score a line across his heart and when Axel drew his attention back to the bloody wound on Roxas' head Ventus abruptly snapped.

In a voice that barely recognizable as his usually soft and calm tones Ventus growled harshly at Leon and Aqua, 'Get him away from my brother.'

The message in Ventus' eyes spoke more clearly than his words could and Aqua nodded jerkily at the impassive Leon. Moving cautiously, trying not to frighten Axel, Aqua squatted by his side and tried to get through to him by murmuring, 'Ax… You need to let Ventus look at the cut on Roxas' head. Do you need me to help you up?'

A hard look came over Ventus' face when he saw Axel jump at Aqua's words and then clutch Roxas tighter. He was just about to lose it completely when Leon saw the look on his face and took action. Signalling Aqua, the tall, muscled man moved in tandem with his friend and before Axel saw it coming they took hold of the redhead by the arms and pulled him backwards as gently as possible. Gently quickly became impossible however because as soon as Axel felt himself being moved away from Roxas he went completely berserk.

Bucking and writhing, Axel fought against the hands holding him with such single minded ferocity that Aqua was forced to move back and leave Leon free to carefully pin the redhead's elbows behind his back. Leon for his part found himself needing to exert all of his strength to stop Axel breaking free and he was pretty sure that if his hand slipped and Axel did get free the redhead would probably do something he'd regret. For both Aqua and Leon the most disturbing part of the whole ordeal was that Axel stayed eerily quiet despite the tears pouring down his face.

As soon as Axel was pulled away from Roxas, Ventus stumbled forward to fall to the ground next to his brother, heedless of the screaming agony that shot through his leg. His heart beating so hard that he could hardly breathe, Ventus looked down at Roxas who was staring back at him dazedly. In a shaking voice that betrayed every ounce of his fear and grief Ventus whispered, 'Oh Gaia Rox… Can you move your head? I need to check the wound… If I need to get you to the hospital we need to know as soon as possible.'

Paying no attention whatsoever to Axel, Ventus sighed with relief when Roxas wordlessly swiveled his head left and right, gently nodding it up and down to show his brother that there was no damage to his neck. Sliding one hand under Roxas' head and another around under his back, Ventus carefully lifted his brother onto his lap and trying to keep his breathing under control he examined the wound on Roxas' temple. Using the edge of his sleeve Ventus delicately wiped away as much of the blood as he could and a shuddering breath left him when he saw that, though it had bled quite a bit, the injury to Roxas' head was superficial with no deeper damage.

Still completely disregarding the commotion on the other side of the room Ventus briefly stroked Roxas' cheek and then, breathlessly carefully, lifted his brother onto the bed. Swallowing hard to hold back tears of relief and exhaustion Ventus wrapped the soft top blanket around Roxas who was beginning to tremble with delayed shock and softly but firmly he pushed the teen back so he was resting on the pillows. In a weak voice Ventus said, 'You need to relax Rox, please. You aren't hurt badly thank Gaia, but you're in shock… Fuck Roxas… I thought… I was so fucking scared. Oh shit, don't…!'

Ventus' exclamation was because Roxas had totally ignored him, staring desperately over his shoulder and pushing himself up off the pillows, making a concerted effort to sit up. Panicking, Ventus reached for Roxas' shoulder to push him back, but he froze stock still when his brother turned to face him, eyes dark with pain and whispered, 'Please let him go… Oh Gaia, please Ven…'

Slowly Ventus turned his head to look at the boy he had been deliberately blocking out and he gritted his teeth at what he saw. Axel was hanging limply, crying brokenly in Leon's strong grip. The imposing brunette was staring at Ventus with an unreadable expression on his face and Aqua was standing next to him with distraught tears staining her face. Wanting desperately to hold onto his anger but feeling the rage bleeding away, Ventus closed his eyes briefly before nodding curtly to Leon to release the red haired teen.

Roxas made a strangled sound of distress when Leon let Axel go and had to immediately catch him as the teen's legs completely gave out. A small tendril of something like guilt unfurled in Ventus' gut and he growled under his breath, shoving himself off the bed and limping over to Leon. With gentle hands, at odds with the look of anger and frustration in his eyes, Ventus put his arm around Axel's waist and took the teen's weight from Leon. Part of his mind mused with surprise how little the redhead's tall form weighed and Ventus slowly walked Axel over to the bed where Roxas was already reaching for him.

It broke Ventus' heart even more as he watched his brother frantically gather Axel into his arms and the redhead return the desperate embrace. Even as Ventus watched, Roxas and Axel withdrew together into their own private universe, losing themselves in each other after so much terror and anxiety. Roxas slowly lay back and pulled Axel with him until they were lying down and then he carefully pulled the blanket over them both. Ventus stared at the teens with conflicted blue eyes as they almost immediately fell asleep, enfolded tightly in each other's arms.

***&&&***

Ventus stood unmoving by the bed as if he would stand there all night, but behind him Leon exchanged a look with Aqua and they nodded at each other silently. Though the big man wasn't anything approaching a psychologist, Leon had been around Ventus for long enough to pick up a few things and he was seriously worried about his friend's state of mind. As if responding to an unspoken command Aqua swiftly opened the door to the bedroom and walked out as Leon gripped Ventus by the arm and manhandled him out of the room before he could say a word.

Propelling Ventus down the hallway and ignoring his muffled cursing and struggling Leon pushed the furious man into the lounge and onto the couch. Aqua was already sitting hunched over in an armchair and Leon smoothly lowered himself into the other chair and stared at the fuming Ventus. Clearing his throat as Ventus went to say something Leon leant back and folded his arms behind his head saying flatly, 'What the fuck was that Ventus? I figured arguing in front of Roxas would do more harm than good, but what the fuck? Axel is just about as fucked up as you are over this and you go and try to take him away from Roxas…'

Interrupting Leon Aqua chimed in tearfully, 'I know you're hurting … Gaia knows we all are. But you can't take it out on Axel. I've never seen that look on your face Ven, you scared me… Do you… Are you going to make him leave? Is that what you want?'

Leon watched Ventus calmly his steel-grey gaze steady, but inwardly he ached for the man he considered to be his best friend. After a few moments during which Leon saw Ventus fighting back the anger that threatened to take over him the blonde man said tightly, 'I'm sorry for that Leon, I just… All I wanted was to get him away from Roxas so he couldn't hurt him again. I thought that Rox… Fuck Leon, for a second I thought I'd lost him and I can't… I can't lose him…'

Choking on his words for a moment Ventus took a deep breath and turned to Aqua who was curled into a ball and hugging herself tightly. In a subdued and shamed tone Ventus said quietly, 'Aqua, I am so sorry. I never wanted to scare you or hurt you. I'm not going to kick him out, fuck knows that even if I wanted to I wouldn't… That would be as good as putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger with that sick fuck Reno out there… And Rox… Rox would leave with him, I know he would.'

Aqua's eyes went wide and she whimpered at the thought of Axel on the streets with Reno on the loose, but Leon's lips curled slightly at the corners as Ventus jumped up and hobbled to her side to comfort her. Sitting forward and resting his elbows on his knees Leon waited for Aqua to calm down a little and then said in a low rumble, 'So Ven, now that we're here, what are we going to do to make sure that we're ready for that evil sonofawhore?'

With a sense of satisfaction and a slight easing in the tension in his shoulders Leon saw the exact moment that Ventus slipped from mindless anger to cold calculation. With Ventus' change of mood Aqua also shook herself out of her uncharacteristic fragile tearfulness and the look in her eyes slowly turned to burning determination. Leon dragged his chair over to where the others were sitting and he smiled faintly at Aqua before turning to listen to Ventus as the blonde man began to speak in a low, intense voice.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. Rape, violence, general bad stuff.  
> Man... Just so you know I do really like Axel. I know it probably doesn't seem like it but I do lol.

After the night he had had Ventus knew that sleep was the last thing that would happen for him. When Aqua wandered off to his room and Leon crashed on the couch, the blonde man stood in the dark hallway thinking deeply for a while before stalking silently towards Roxas' room. Letting himself into the bedroom Ventus could hear the quiet sounds of his brother's breathing and it calmed him somewhat, although his heart was still filled with the swirling remnants of frustration and no small amount of anger. Looking at Axel lying next to Roxas, Ventus felt a conflicting surge of emotions that drained the last of his strength, leaving him to bonelessly collapse into a chair.

From his seat by the door Ventus gazed at his brother's sleeping face and he marveled at how the teen's features could be so tranquil after all he had been through. Part of Ventus' mind whispered that it was mainly because he was holding Axel safe in his arms in normal sleep rather than the boy's terrifying unconsciousness and a thin sliver of grudging warmth for the redhead pierced through the turbulence of his fragile mental state. The night wore on and Ventus simply watched the teens as they slept peacefully, and he was still watching over them when the sun rose and laid a thick band of light across the middle of the bed.

Just after the sun lifted above the horizon, the door to the bedroom cracked open and Aqua peeked into the room. Ventus lifted a hand so show her that he was awake and to avoid disturbing the sleeping boys Aqua mouthed that she was going to run home and grab some clean clothes. Nodding to show that he understood Ventus managed to force a small smile that seemed to satisfy his girlfriend as she smiled in return and backed silently out of the room. Ventus turned his attention back to the bed and leant back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest.

Mere minutes after Aqua closed the door Ventus saw Axel begin to stir. Blue eyes narrowed slightly as the redhead slowly awoke and Ventus watched silently as Axel blearily clawed his way out of sleep and into some semblance of awareness. It took a while for Axel to become alert enough to realize that Ventus was in the room and when he did he flinched away from the man and stared at him with uneasy green eyes. Trying to ignore the pang that hit him when Axel cringed away from him Ventus stiffly got to his feet and gestured for Axel to follow him into the hallway.

Ventus walked out of the room without looking behind him and waited in the hall with his arms crossed for Axel to emerge. The teen was out of the bedroom within thirty seconds of Ventus' unspoken demand and as if his legs could barely hold him up he sagged against the wall, gaze fixed firmly on the floor. A tiny bit of the anger still bubbling inside Ventus spilled over and he took a menacing step forward, trapping Axel against the wall. Opening his mouth to say something, he wasn't sure what, Ventus was interrupted before a sound could leave his lips.

Hunched against the wall Axel began to cry quietly and he stuttered out frantic words that ran together as he wept, 'I'm sorry Ven I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry…It's all my fault, I promised I wouldn't hurt Roxas and I did and I fucking hate myself for it. If you want me to go I'll go… I know I can't make up for this I know I can't fix it… He got hurt, he could have… He could have died because of me. I get why you hate me because I fucking hate me too.'

Looking at Axel as he choked out the almost incoherent apology and litany of bitter self-hatred Ventus tried to hold onto the dark river of anger that was slipping from his heart. The man had been just about to harshly snarl at Axel and ask how the fuck he could do what he did to Roxas, but looking at the hysterical teen Ventus found that he just couldn't do it. With no small amount of shock Ventus recognized that Axel had gotten deep into his heart and although he was thrumming with tension and residual anger, his heart was full of compassion for the teen, and more surprisingly a strong bond of love. Ventus was stunned to realize that somehow he had come to care for Axel almost as much as he loved his own brother.

Surprising himself as much as Axel, Ventus reached out and dragged the shivering teen into a tight hug, making sure that he didn't bump the bandages on Axel's arms. Ventus took a wobbly breath and let his head fall forward to rest on Axel's shoulder, a weak smile coming over his face as he felt the teen's arms slowly creep up to hug him back. Lifting his head slightly Ventus whispered in Axel's ear, 'You need to stop fucking apologizing Ax, you don't need to. Just please… Please don't do anything like this again. I don't know if I could take it…'

Axel jerked against Ventus but his arms tightened around the older man and Ventus felt the redhead bury his face against his chest, tears soaking into his shirt. Not wanting to upset the teen more, but needing everything to be on the table and crystal clear, Ventus pulled away a little and waited for Axel to look tearfully up at him before saying grimly, 'You're almost like family Axel and Gaia help me I love you like family. But you need to remember that if you ever, ever hurt Roxas like this again I won't be held responsible for whatever happens after.'

Hating the harsh sound of what he was saying but meaning every word, Ventus stared flatly into Axel's eyes and waited. The redhead looked back at Ventus evenly and the blonde man admired the fact that, although Axel's green eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, the teen didn't flinch or look away. When Axel spoke he sounded completely spent as he said, 'Ven… I… You're the family I never had and all I do is fuck you over. I do love you like a brother and I wish you really were… I swear to you, I swear by Gaia and by everything I am that I will never hurt him… I can't…'

As Axel stuttered to a stop with a desperate look on his face Ventus smiled wanly and wrapped the teen once more in a warm embrace. Running out of words and way too tired to think coherently, Ventus gently pulled Axel back into Roxas' bedroom and walked slowly across to the bed. Trying his hardest not to jolt the mattress Ventus pushed Axel onto the bed and climbed on after him, wriggling in next to Roxas and wrapping one arm around his brother and the other around Axel who was already starting to pass out. Within minutes all three were fast asleep on the big bed, Roxas snuggled into Ventus' right side and Axel lying full length under his left arm.

***&&&***

Although the mood in the house was strange and tense, for Axel it was almost as if he had been reborn into a whole new bizarre world. Polar opposite moods swung Axel this way and that, ricocheting him from bewildered thankfulness for the amazing people he had come to love, to the depths of despairing fear of both his own fragility and his terrifying father. For the first few days after waking up to Roxas' unconscious body Axel could barely leave his room, even when he was at the crest of the waves of his turbulent emotions.

On day three Axel gave in to Roxas' gentle coaxing and together they walked slowly down the hall and into the lounge, surprising the hell out of Ventus and Aqua who were sitting on the couch watching TV. When Ventus gave him a hesitant smile Axel felt the corners of his mouth turn up in response and the quirk of his lips turned into a faint but unmistakable smile. At Roxas' soft pull on his arm Axel sat down in an armchair with the blonde teen comfortably in his lap and the rest of Axel's afternoon was spent watching trashy TV and trying to breathe through the waves of anxiety that washed over him at being outside the safety of his room.

When he awoke on the morning of the fifth day, arm slung loosely over Roxas' sleeping form, Axel lay still for a while trying to figure out what felt different. Gradually the teen realized that there was a lessening of the pressure in his chest, a pressure that had been constricting around his heart since the moment he came face to face with Reno only eleven days before. The lightness in his chest was slightly disconcerting for Axel but he grasped at the relief, trying to hold onto it before it disappeared. Next to him Roxas stretched and rolled over and Axel greeted his awakening with a fragile smile.

Roxas smiled back at Axel and propped himself up one his elbow saying muzzily, 'Good morning. That's a way to wake up I could get used to. Do you want a coffee or anything?'

Still riding the strangely buoyant feeling that filled him Axel shook his head and murmured, 'You stay here Rox, you've brought me all the coffees lately and I think it's my turn. Wait here and I'll be back in a minute. I think today I should spoil you if you can keep still long enough.'

Axel walked out into the hallway with Roxas' quiet laugh following him. The redhead's footsteps were slow as it was the first time he had left his room on his own since the shitstorm, but he placed step after each hesitant step and made it to the kitchen without breaking down or bolting back to the bedroom. Although Axel's hands were trembling he still managed to make two coffees without spilling anything, but before heading back to the bedroom he had to lean shakily against the bench and take a few deep breaths to compose himself. A couple of minutes was enough to calm Axel to the point that he could confidently pick up the mugs and his steps were slightly smoother as he walked back to the bedroom and Roxas.

With a shadow of his former stylish grace Axel opened the door with his elbow, stepping through and kicking it gently closed with a single movement. Making his way back over to Roxas' bed Axel put the coffee mugs down on the nightstand and looked at Roxas affectionately, appreciating the blonde's concerted effort to be as cute as humanly possible. It looked as though Roxas had rolled over and over in the blankets to create a blonde burrito and all that stuck out of the end were a pair of enormous blue eyes and a spiky burst of golden hair. Axel's smile turned into his first proper grin in days.

Roxas' overwhelming adorability combined with the small river of positivity flowing through Axel's veins and sparked an idea in his head that would've scared the shit out of him even the day before. Giving himself a small delay to think his idea through Axel climbed onto the bed, tromping over the Roxas-roll and once he was back in his spot on the blankets he leant over Roxas heavily and grabbed his coffee. The spluttering noises Roxas was making dragged a small smirk from Axel and he sipped at his hot drink as Roxas struggled to extract himself from his self-inflicted prison.

The coffee was consumed in a quiet, companionable silence, a calm that Axel used to mull over the thought running around in his head. By the time he finished the last dregs of his coffee Axel had come to a decision and, putting the mug down he looked over at Roxas saying haltingly, 'Rox… I, uh, well, I had an idea… I don't know if you'll like it, but, um, I… I need to get out of the house even if it's just for a little bit. Do you think… Maybe that Ven will let me go for a tiny walk or something? Not alone or anything, I mean Aqua and Leon, even Yuffie and obviously you and Ventus would come too…'

Quietly Roxas broke in, 'I think, if we can figure out how to make it safe, that's an awesome idea Ax. I don't know what Ven will say, but it's worth asking for sure. I know it's early but do you want to ask him now? That way we can try and get it sorted and even get out today. Ax… I'm proud of you… I don't think I could even leave the room if I… You're brave you know, even if you can't see it.'

Smiling weakly Axel shook his head and reached out to run his fingers through Roxas' messy blonde spikes. In a faint voice the redhead replied, 'I'm not brave Rox, I don't think you believe that after what I've done, at least you shouldn't. I never used to give a shit what people thought about me… And now that I do I just can't believe anyone would ever want to be around me. Rox… I… Fuck… I don't think that we should talk to Ven yet. Waking him up to ask him something like this is probably a sure fire way to get a no.'

Roxas raised an incredulous eyebrow to indicate his complete rejection of Axel's statement but to Axel's relief he let it pass for the moment. The blonde finished the rest of his coffee with a sigh and pinched the very edge of Axel's sleeve, pulling him back towards the pillows. Wryly Roxas said, 'You're right about Ventus Ax, he gets scary when someone wakes him up before 8am. Trust me, I know. Come here you, I intend to hug you senseless until I think it's time to go see my brother.'

***&&&***

In reality Roxas was a little apprehensive about approaching his brother, especially to ask for something that could potentially be so dangerous. Only the fact that Axel had obviously screwed up all of his courage to bring up the subject stopped him from wrapping his boyfriend tightly in a blanket and locking them both in the bedroom forever. At around 9ish Roxas gave up on stalling and he prodded Axel's cheek right on his tattoo until the teen looked up at him with questioning green eyes. Roxas managed a little smile and said, 'Well, come on then. Ven won't come to us.'

Roxas hated to see the look of borderline panic on Axel's face so when he slid off the bed he pulled the redhead with him and wrapped him in a comforting hug. It took a few minutes but the tension started to drain from Axel's muscles and to Roxas' pleasure the teen leaned down and gave him and light kiss on the lips. Once they were both as composed as they were going to get, Roxas led Axel out into the corridor and down to Ventus' bedroom.

Roxas knocked lightly on his brother's door and sighed with relief when Ventus called for him to come in almost immediately. As both teens were well aware, Ventus was not the happiest of campers when awakened prematurely. Walking into the room Roxas had to stifle a giggle as he saw that Ventus' hair looked like he had stuck his finger in a light socket. Grinning as brightly as he could manage Roxas said, 'Good morning sunshine, how are you today?'

Ventus tried to muster up a baleful glare, but Roxas' perkiness was contagious and all he could do was smile. The man could however raise an eyebrow and he said suspiciously, 'Good morning to you too Rox. Now, what do you want? I don't see a coffee so you're not coming in to be the angel of caffeine so I'm forced to assume you are about to ask for something. So, go on then…'

Blinking at his brother's quick perceptiveness so early in the morning Roxas glanced at Axel who had gone pale and looking back at his brother he said, 'Dude, remind me not to try and hide anything from you at any point that you're not actually asleep. You're a bit scary Ven. Of course you're right… I, uh, well Axel had an idea that I thought was a good one and we wanted to see if you would, I don't know, approve I guess.'

Looking over at Axel before pinning his brother with a suspicious stare Ventus nodded, indicating that he would hear the teens out. Gulping, suddenly nervous, Roxas tried to speak confidently as he said, 'Ax has been locked in the house for days now and I think he's going a bit stir crazy. Ven, it took a lot for him to bring up this idea, so please don't just say no… Me and Ax, we want to go out somewhere for a walk. It doesn't have to be a long walk, we could be surrounded by you and Aqua and even Leon and Yuff if you want… Axel just needs to get out for a bit. It scares me, but I think it's something we all need.'

Waiting for Ventus' reply strung Roxas out until he was twanging with tension and from the looks of Axel the wait was doing the same to him. Finally Ventus sighed and said, 'I want to say no, I really do Rox, but I think… Axel, I don't want to keep you in here like a prisoner. It might be a fucking stupid thing to try and believe me I will be recruiting Aqua, Yuffie and Leon as bodyguards, but if you're really set on this we can try. Trust me on this though, if I see anything that sets off the faintest of alarm bells, you will be back in the house before you can blink.'

Roxas launched himself at Ventus and smothered him in an enthusiastic hug, leaving Axel sitting on the side of the bed with a half-smile on his face and conflicted worry in his eyes. A warm glow of thankfulness burned in Roxas' chest as he saw the gratefulness in Axel's smile. Kissing his brother on the forehead with a smack, Roxas left Axel and his brother on the bed, sashaying out towards to kitchen to brew his awesome brother a truly stupendous coffee.

Upon returning to the room, Roxas sat with Axel on Ventus' bed and fixedly watched his brother as he slowly sipped at his coffee. By the time Ventus took the last sip of his drink Axel was watching with an eyebrow raised as Roxas bounced impatiently on the thick mattress. When Ventus placed his empty mug down by the bed Roxas grabbed his brother's arm whipped him out of the room so fast that Axel was left blinking after them. Considerate enough to insert himself under Ventus' arm like a crutch Roxas still propelled the surprised man to the kitchen at a pretty fair speed. Propping Ventus up on the counter Roxas shoved the phone at him, blinking his gigantic blue eyes in a mute appeal to start calling the unsuspecting bodyguards.

***&&&***

The second Roxas put forward their plan to Ventus, Axel felt his heartbeat speed up and his breathing start to hitch. When the idea of getting outside was safely in his head it sounded a lot more sensible than when Roxas haltingly put it into words. As Ventus voiced his reservations and skirted around the issue of the danger involved in even setting foot outside the house, Axel began to have severe trouble breathing and though he managed a feeble smile at Ventus' reluctant agreement he could hardly hear through the pounding of his heart in his ears.

While Roxas played housemaid Axel sat in silence, feeling slightly sick and trying to work out how he could erase the last few minutes and the idea of an excursion all together. Thankful that Ventus was content to sit in silence without trying to force conversation Axel briefly disappeared into his own head, attempting to sort through the rampant anxiety and fear that was raging in his head. By the time Roxas returned Axel had regained at least a small amount of control over himself, enough to raise an eloquent eyebrow when Roxas started to vibrate with impatience at Ventus' deliberately leisurely consumption of his coffee.

Axel blinked in amazement at the speed with which Roxas dragged Ventus away a split second after his final sip of coffee and he remained sitting on the bed, doing his best to control his rampaging emotions. Now that he was alone Axel was starting to kick himself for coming up with an idea so patently stupid that it seemed to have brain-damaged Roxas and Ventus into thinking it was a smart thing to do. The nebulous idea of a walk now turning into a reality for him, Axel was struggling with terrified panic that threatened to overwhelm him.

By the time Roxas remembered that he had forgotten someone and returned to the bedroom, Axel had wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to quell that tremors that shook him and the teen's breathing had shortened to the point that he was starting to feel lightheaded. Roxas' hand on his arm served to snap Axel out of his spiral of anxiety but his eyes were still swirling with uncertainty as he muttered, 'Oh Gaia Rox, I don't know if I can do this. I know it was my stupid idea but… Fuck… I'm sorry… I didn't think Ventus would say yes and now that he has I'm jerking him around but Rox… I'm so fucking scared.'

A look of mixed concern and compassion on his face Roxas climbed onto the bed next to Axel, putting his hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eyes saying quietly, 'You don't have to do it Ax, if you decide not to Ven and I will both understand. I mean shit, neither of us are exactly keen to step out of the door either. But Ax… If you do decide to go out, Ventus and Aqua and Leon and Yuffie… They would never let anything happen to you or me.'

While Roxas spoke Axel listened carefully, acknowledging the truth of the teen's words but still wrestling with the fear that clutched his heart. The fighter in Axel had been waxing and waning since the original accident with Ventus, the redhead's resilience and determination shifting with irregular peaks and troughs, but mainly ebbing to almost nothing. As Roxas stubbornly told him exactly the lengths his friends would go to in their efforts to keep him safe Axel felt an almost unfamiliar surge of resolve rise inside him and coalesce into a small but stable presence in his heart.

At the end of Roxas' speech Axel lifted his head, looking into the teen's intense blue eyes saying, 'You're right, I know you're right Rox. I can't let him… He can't do this to me, not again. Even though he didn't… He didn't kill me, he still took my life away from me for so long and I can't just sit here and let him do it again. Rox, I… Would you stay here with Aqua?'

Although he had to ask the question Axel knew what the answer would be and Roxas didn't disappoint. As soon as the words left Axel's mouth the fiery blonde shot to his feet and growled, 'I don't fucking think so Axel. You mention that to Ventus and I'll… I'll rip your fucking nipples off! If you think I'm going to be more than ten feet away from you for the rest of your Gaia-damned life you are sorely fucking mistaken!'

Axel had taken Roxas' vehement explosion resignedly until the blonde blurted out the ridiculous threat of ripping his nipples off. The outrageous mental image that the threat engendered took a moment for Axel to register, but when it did he burst out laughing so uncontrollably that he fell heavily off the bed with a yelp of pain. Lying flat on his back Axel couldn't stop the gales of laughter that were punctuated every few seconds with snorts of, 'Fucking nipples!'

When he had finally laughed himself out Axel picked himself off the ground and sat next to Roxas who was giggling on the bed. Once again able to maintain a serious face Axel tilted his head to look over at Roxas and said decisively, 'Now that I've exploded and got that out of my system we should go and find Ven. It's only 10.30am but you know, this might take some organizing I guess. That and I'm not stupid enough to give myself time to back out.'

Getting up off the bed and starting towards the door, Axel jumped a little when Roxas hurried up next to him and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. Hand in hand the couple walked out to the kitchen where they saw Ventus lounging on the couch toying with a half-eaten apple. The second Axel appeared from the hallway Ventus shoved himself upright with a half-smile and said, 'Leon and Yuffie are on their way round and as soon as Aqua gets back from the shops we can get sorted. Axel… Are you sure that you want to do this? You know that you don't have to. I mean every instinct in me is screaming that we should lock the doors and never leave the house, but… Living scared… Fuck, I don't know…'

Blinking at the doubt that was obvious in Ventus' usually self-assured voice Axel swallowed and answered, 'I'm shit scared Ven but I think I have to do this. I know it's stupid as fuck and probably a totally unnecessary risk but I can't… If he controls my life then he might as well have killed me. And… You said Leon is ex-military right? And Yuffie is even scarier… My dad, Reno, might be fucking unhinged but he isn't stupid enough to risk anything with so many people around…'

The look of admiration that displaced the doubt on Ventus' face turned the unformed resolution in Axel's chest to a small core of iron. Clinging to the steel-like determination Axel smiled at Ventus and turning to Roxas he said, 'I better put some clothes on if we're going somewhere right? I mean pyjamas are good under a roof but they're kind of embarrassing at the beach or wherever.'

Roxas and Ventus' laughter ringing in his ears Axel sashayed out of the room with more of his customary grace than he had shown for weeks and scant minutes later he emerged from his room wearing some beaten up black jeans and a green top under a dark grey hoody. Even though it had taken him less than ten minutes to grab the clothes and get dressed, Axel returned to the lounge to find Aqua sitting next to Ventus on the couch and Leon and Yuffie locking the door behind them. The usually undemonstrative brunette man gave Axel a brief smile but Yuffie, in her unabashedly spirited way bounced over and hung around Axel's neck like a human necklace before flouncing through to the lounge.

Axel's head whirled as the group put their heads together to plan a highly secure excursion and it had only just gone 11am when Aqua stood up and helped Ventus to his feet. Everyone mimicked their action and stood up too, but it was Yuffie who chirped, 'Well guys, I think it's time to go Mission Impossible on this sucker. I pity the fool who dares to try anything while I'm within a five mile radius.'

The group had been edgy at the thought of the imminent operation, but Yuffie's awful impression of Mr T abruptly broke the tension and scattered laughter filled the room. As per their plan Leon and Roxas left the house with Axel slouched between them with his hood up and Yuffie, Ventus and Aqua followed quickly to get in the second car. There were no mishaps in the exiting the house phase and Axel hunched down in the back seat as the car backed out of the drive and set off towards Mirage Bay.

The short drive was quite nerve-wracking for Axel and he could tell by Leon's constant scanning of the passing scenery that the taciturn man was also feeling the strain. Staring out of the window Axel felt his shoulders begin to ache with the rigidity of his muscles, but before the ache could become actual pain a small pair of hands began to gently knead his shoulder-blades and Roxas leant forward to kiss the back of his neck. In the ghost of a whisper Roxas asked, 'Can I rub your shoulders too Ax? It might help you relax just a little bit…'

Thinking about the marred, rough skin of his neck and shoulders Axel bit his lip and hesitated for a second but in a surprisingly short time he overruled the voice in his head telling him that he was disgusting and tainted and gave a tiny nod. Slowly Roxas began to inch his hands up under the back of Axel's shirt and the redhead made himself remain still as Roxas' fingers moved higher and higher. It had been a very long time since Axel had felt bare skin on the skin of his shoulders and he shivered as Roxas ran his fingers over the myriad of scars that littered his upper back.

Axel forgot for a moment that he was in a car outside of the house and on his way to a place with no walls or roof to hide behind, all he could focus on was the sensation of Roxas' smooth fingertips on the uneven, lumpy scars on his shoulders. Roxas didn't hesitate or recoil and gradually Axel found the tension easing from his muscles if not disappearing completely. In a voice so soft he wasn't sure if Roxas could hear him Axel whispered, 'I love you Roxas.'

It wasn't until the car slowed and turned into the car park by the beach that Axel was brought back to what was going on and he stiffened again, his breathing turning shaky and shallow. Roxas abandoned his back rub and slid his arms around Axel's waist, but it only took the very edge off of Axel's fear and apprehension. The car pulled to a halt right next to the short trail that led down to the beach and as soon as the engine shut off Leon turned around in his seat to look over at the teens in the back seat.

Even though he tried to hide it Axel knew that Leon could see the anxiety in his eyes and with his brow furrowed in concern the older man said, 'Axel, are you okay with this? Getting out of the house and out for a drive is a huge step, you don't have to do anything else if you don't want to. Rox, back me up, everyone is perfectly happy to head back home and have a strong coffee if Ax wants right?'

Roxas nodded in agreement but Axel shook his head firmly, saying in a wobbly voice, 'I need to do this Leon. He's ruined so much of my life and I just can't… I can't let him lock me up like a prisoner. I hope… I think he's hiding out somewhere, at least during the day and I just, I hate him for making me this scared and I hate me for letting him. I need to do this…'

Leon nodded his understanding at Axel's thought process and Roxas sighed in a mixture of resignation and reluctant agreement. At that point Aqua arrived driving the other car and she, Ventus and Yuffie got out and came over to Leon's vehicle. In a moment of courage Axel unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the car, moving over to stand close to Ventus and clutching Roxas' hand when his boyfriend hurriedly got out too and walked swiftly over to him.

The group stood clustered by the cars, an undercurrent of unease and nervousness surrounding them. After a long pause during which no one seemed willing to move Axel gritted his teeth and still gripping Roxas' hand tightly he walked forward down the sandy track, the four adults surrounding them protectively. Even though the path through the dunes was less than thirty feet long, by the time the toes of his sneakers dug into the fine, dry sand of the beach Axel was gripping Roxas' hand so tight that both of their fingers were dead white.

It took every ounce of Axel's concentration but he managed to narrow his focus down to just two things. Axel's gaze was fixed on the glittering blue sea that stretched out from the golden sand and faded into a blue-grey haze at the horizon, and his sense of touch was aware of nothing beyond Roxas' hand in his, the warmth of the teen's breath on his arm and the gentle pressure of Roxas' free hand gripping his upper arm. The moment free of fear and worry only lasted a second but the feeling remained, held deep in Axel's heart.

Awareness washing back over him Axel consciously loosened his stranglehold on Roxas' hand and looked around at the group with a expression on his face that he hoped was reassurance. Not trusting his voice with speech, Axel gestured wordlessly down the beach and the strange procession started to walk along the sand. Axel alternated between gazing distractedly at the beach under his feet and staring fearfully at Roxas, getting more and more scared that he had led the teen that he loved into unimaginable danger. Around him Ventus, Aqua, Yuffie and Leon were on high alert, scouring the surrounding area for any sign of menace, but all Axel could feel was an impending sense of disaster closing in on him.

The walk only lasted for just over five minutes but when they turned around to head back to the car Axel felt a quiet sense of gratified surprise that he had found the courage to even leave the house. Even though his shoulders were so tense that they ached and his stomach was roiling with nausea Axel found the strength to smile faintly at Ventus when the man walked alongside him and laid a steadying hand on his shoulder. Comforted a little by the unwavering steadfastness of his friends who enfolded him in a circle of protection Axel walked back towards the car, step by step getting closer to the house that represented safety and sanctuary.

***&&&***

Roxas spent the entire five minute walk down the beach and back in a state of such hyper-awareness that he could hear the rustle of a passing seagull's feathers and see the glint of sunlight off the sand a hundred feet away. With his right hand tightly holding Axel's cold fingers and his left wrapped around the teen's upper arm, Roxas almost melded himself to Axel's side in an attempt to give the teen his own strength. Roxas had never felt such relief as when Axel turned jerkily around and his heart gave a fluttery lurch when the redhead gave Ventus a weak smile. Getting off the beach and onto the sheltered track made Roxas feel a little bit better, but he only let himself breathe again when the car door slammed shut behind him.

Letting out a shaky breath Roxas looked over at Axel on the seat next to him and his heart hurt when he saw that the redhead had once again wrapped his arms around himself and was staring blankly at the seat in front of him. Desperate to prevent Axel from slipping back into the terrifying state of disassociation Roxas ignored his seatbelt and slid over to the teen, lightly brushing his fingers over Axel's cheek and turning his face towards him. Roxas looked up into Axel's faraway green eyes and hoping that his idea would work he stretched up and kissed the redhead tenderly on the lips.

For a moment there was no reaction from Axel and Roxas had time to feel terror at the thought that the teen had locked himself away in his mind again, but then Axel slowly reached up to lay his hand over Roxas' and returned the kiss timidly. Sliding his hand under Axel's hair to rest behind his neck Roxas delicately pulled his boyfriend forward and deepened the kiss, trying to communicate his love through the brush of skin on skin and the warmth of his breath on Axel's lips. For a brief few seconds Axel returned the kiss and even darted his tongue out to run along Roxas' lower lip, but then the moment was over and Axel broke away letting out a choking sob.

Roxas spent the short ride home holding Axel tightly while the redheaded teen broke down after the tension and strain of forcing himself to be strong. Not able to find any words Roxas shared the warmth of his embrace and the strength of his body, all he had to offer by way of comfort. His heart thumping painfully when Axel slumped over against his chest Roxas rested his chin on the boy's hair and tried not to cry as he listened to the sound of Axel's misery. When the car pulled up to the house once more, Roxas and Leon almost had to carry Axel inside, but the click of the door locking behind them was the most beautiful sound any of them had ever heard.

***&&&***

In the days following his daring venture into the outside world Axel was thrown to and fro with the force of the emotions flowing through him. Unlike most of the up and down mood swings Axel had experienced for various reasons throughout his short life, this time he shifted rapidly between crushingly black depression, sudden and causeless fear, and painfully tense anxiety. Even though Axel managed to hold onto the memory of the fleeting good feeling of being brave enough to leave the house, he felt himself being drawn into a crushing spiral of depression despite his desperate struggles to keep his head above water.

One saving grace that Axel had during the few days immediately following the walk on the beach was Roxas who had requested and been granted time off school before his exams. When Axel holed up in his room each evening, curled up in a ball against his pillows, Roxas was right there next to him holding him tight and talking him through the panic attacks with calm patience. Most of his life Axel had lived through the hell in his head completely alone, and having someone there with him in the darkness was a completely new experience.

In the times that his head was calmer and he was able to think semi-clearly, Axel would steel his nerve and shove Roxas out of the door to study with Aqua for his upcoming exams. Although it cost him dearly Axel made sure that Roxas spent at least five hours each day in the lounge immersed in his books, totally determined that even though he had created a huge amount of upheaval in the teen's life, he would walk in front of a car before fucking up the exams that could shape Roxas' future.

The first morning that he pushed Roxas out to start studying Axel had nearly died of shock when Ventus walked through the door before it even began to close and came over to sit on the bed with him. Axel sat blinking on the bed as Ventus sat cross-legged on the covers next to him and looked at him with an empathetic smile on his face. As Axel stared at him Ventus said quietly, 'Rox may be out there doing what he should be doing, but that doesn't mean you have to be alone.'

Ventus' simple statement brought tears to Axel's eyes and despite the confusion and anxiety screaming in his head he slowly pushed himself over to the blonde man and slipped his arms around him in a timid hug. Ventus returned the embrace cautiously and the light, loose hug served to drive away the darkness and misery in Axel's head at least for a little while. When Roxas hurried back to Axel's room on the lunch break that Aqua allocated for him he found Ventus lying on the bed reading with his arm wrapped around the sleeping Axel's shoulders.

***&&&***

When Roxas walked into Axel's room to see his brother holding the redhead protectively he felt a small portion of the weight in his chest lift from his heart. Forgetting that he was going to grab something to eat Roxas walked quietly across the room and climbed onto the bed too, gently easing up beside Axel and wrapping him in a double Hakunetsu hug. Over Axel's tousled head Roxas smiled gratefully at his brother and with his free hand he grasped Ventus' arm, trying to communicate his love for his brother through the touch.

It took all of Roxas' willpower to untangle himself from the hug without waking Axel and tiptoe from the room to continue his study session, but the knowledge that Axel was being held in safe and caring hands made it easier to leave. Sitting down once more with Aqua who was smiling knowingly, Roxas bent his mind to the task of cramming as much information into his mind as he could before his English exam on the Monday. With Aqua's valuable prompting and interjections Roxas managed to make his way through the English material and get started on his Statistics exercises before the blue haired woman put her hand over the book in front of him and metaphorically rung the bell for the day.

Free of his study obligations, at least for that day, Roxas grabbed some leftover fried rice and after nuking it in the microwave carried his dinner offering to Axel's room in the hopes his boyfriend might eat something. As he was approaching Axel's room Roxas saw his brother closing the door behind him and he hurried up to his brother, throwing his free arm around him and whispering, 'Thank you Ven. I know that it's just what you do, be awesome and compassionate and shit, but thank you.'

Clinging to his brother like a limpet Roxas grinned as Ventus ruffled his already unruly hair and gently pushed him in the direction of the bedroom. In an affectionate voice Ventus said, 'It might be 'just what I do', but I don't want you or Ax hurting any more than you already are… Anything you can think of that I can do to help just let me know 'kay little brother? Now get that food in there before it gets cold. I'm pretty sure that Axel will eat something.'

Roxas flicked Ventus in the ribs as a restrained retaliation for the shove and he smiled once more at his brother before slipping into Axel's room. Axel was sitting up in bed gazing through the small gap in the curtains, but when Roxas closed the door behind him the redhead turned his head and smiled a faint but beautiful smile. Roxas' heart gave an almost painful thump and he walked quickly across the room, depositing the bowl on the nightstand and leaning down to brush his lips against Axel's forehead. Climbing up next to Axel Roxas handed him a fork and mutely offered him the steaming bowl of rice.

Relief filled Roxas when Axel unhesitatingly stuck the fork in the rice and lifted a small forkful to his lips. Although the redhead was only eating tiny bites Roxas took heart at the fact that the teen was eating anything at all. In silence the two boys slowly made their way through the rice and when they were done Roxas put the bowl back on the bedside table and leaned forward to put his arms around Axel. No words were needed in the silence of the room and moving as one the teens lay back against the pillows and snuggled against each other.

***&&&***

By Saturday Axel was starting to get a hold of his wild mood swings and he was surprised and not a little relieved to find himself starting to feel a little more human if not fully back to his normal self. When he thought about it Axel mused that he wasn't sure if he had a normal self to get back to. By the time Monday rolled around and Roxas had to go in for his first exam Axel woke up feeling like he could actually face the day without a breakdown. Waiting for Roxas' alarm to go off, pretty much the only thing that could wake the blonde teen, Axel studied his boyfriend's angelic face and not for the first time thanked Gaia for all the chances he had been given.

When Roxas awoke to the strident tones of his alarm clock and rolled over Axel treated him to a real smile and said, 'Good morning Rox, I hope you slept well. You'll need to be on top form to kick ass in your exam.'

A sleepy smile answered Axel's playful morning greeting and Roxas slurred back, 'Yeah, slept so well that I didn't want to wake up. 'S nice to see you smile, the best way to wake up. Ax… Will you be 'kay with me at school an' Ven at work?'

Running his fingers gently through Roxas' blonde spikes of hair Axel replied, 'Rox, I don't want you to worry about me while you're in your exam. I know I've been completely screwed lately, but you have no idea how much better I'm feeling today. If it helps you focus just imagine me and Aqua hanging out and sending you good vibes.'

Roxas gave Axel a surprised and suddenly awake smile, squishing him in a gigantic hug. Tumbling them both onto the pillows Roxas grinned, 'Oh man Ax, you have no idea how good it is to hear that you're doing better. I was pretty sure I was going to ace this English exam but now I'll be surprised if I get under 99%. You sure you're going to be okay with just you and Aqua? Ven should be home from work at 3ish…'

Slightly muffled by Roxas' chest Axel replied, 'Yeah I'm sure Rox, Aqua's amazingly good to chill with. I don't know what it is, she just seems to tranquilize me with a weird aura of calmness. When Ven gets home we'll probably both be asleep because she sometimes tranquilizes herself too.'

As soon as he finished speaking Axel found himself being comprehensively kissed by a rather passionate Roxas and the pair lost themselves in the taste and feel of each other until Roxas' second alarm shattered the mood completely. Wrapped tightly in his blanket Axel sat back and watched the show as Roxas dashed back and forward, running to his room to get dressed and then back to Axel's room to search for his scattered pens and exam supplies. When Roxas had finally assembled all of his things he scurried over and kissed Axel lingeringly until Ventus stomped into the room and dragged his brother out by the scruff of his neck.

Axel had a wistful smile on his face long after Roxas and Ventus slammed out of the front door and he relaxed back against the pillows, his fingers rising unconsciously to brush his lips. Although he didn't mean to Axel drifted back off to sleep at around 9am, still feeling Roxas' lips on his own and the blonde's fingers combing through his hair. For once the remnants of Axel's dreams were fragments of happiness and contentment and when he woke once again he emerged from sleep with a contented smile still tugging at his lips.

Looking at the clock sleepily Axel realized that it was almost midday, an acceptable time to emerge from his room. Rolling gracefully out of bed Axel somewhat spoiled his lithe action by tangling his legs tightly in the blanket and falling flat on his face. Lying full length on the floor Axel was overcome with a fit of snorting giggles that the emerging positive voice in his mind cheered on and he thanked Gaia that he was lucky enough to be totally alone at that moment. When he eventually got control of his laughter Axel lurched to his feet and prepared to make the epic journey to the kitchen in the quest for caffeine.

When Axel finally made it to the end of the hall he was greeted by a smiling Aqua who bustled him into an armchair and hurried off to make him his first hot drink of the day. Sinking into the soft cushions Axel mused that if he wasn't utterly smitten with Roxas and incontrovertibly gay he would've definitely given Ventus a run for his money with the lovely Aqua. When the blue haired woman returned to the lounge Axel gave her a brilliant if tired smile and received a bright grin in return.

Axel was infinitely grateful that Aqua was having a rare taciturn day and they spent their time in companionable silence, Aqua marking some essays she had brought over with her and Axel scribbling sporadically in his notebook. In two hours Aqua had churned through five essays and Axel was onto his seventh page of notes for a story that he was frantically trying to pin down before it evaporated. Just before 2pm though, Axel's hand suddenly cramped up and he dropped his pen with a yelp, chuckling as Aqua jumped in surprise. Taking it as a sign that he should stop writing for at least a little bit Axel looked thoughtfully over at Aqua and said, 'Hey, um, Aqua? I really need some fresh air I think. Do you think I could maybe take out the rubbish or something?'

When Aqua thought for a second before smiling and nodding Axel smiled back and wandered into his room to find his shoes. It took the redhead a little while to find his sneakers as he had barely worn them in the last few weeks. When he finally emerged Axel found that Aqua was right in the middle of one of her trademark bellowing phone conversations and he winced a particularly loud curse. Not wanting to disturb the woman, as judging by the volume of the call it was quite important, Axel quietly made his way to the kitchen to grab the rubbish bag. Not exactly sneaking out of the house but definitely trying to keep the noise down Axel lugged the heavy bag down the hall and let himself out the front door.

***&&&***

Reno had been watching the Hakunetsu house for five days from a stolen, beaten up, old car. The day that Axel had taken the risk of visiting the beach, the devil's luck had been with Reno; the escaped convict having just moved from Seifer's house to his and Tifa's old mansion by the sea. In the course of scouting the area for any sign of law enforcement Reno had ventured cautiously down to the shore and in the distance he had disbelievingly spotted flaming red hair that he would have recognized anywhere. Reluctantly acknowledging that Axel had too many people around him to attempt any sort of abduction then and there, Reno stalked the group with the stealth of a panther, tailing them all the way back to Ventus' house.

As soon as he saw the house that Axel went into Reno narrowed his eyes, committing everything about the small home to memory. Waiting just long enough to see Axel take the blonde teenager next to him by the hand and walk into the house Reno faded back into the trees by the footpath, vanishing like a malevolent phantom in the direction of his old house by the beach. Even though Reno was meticulously careful not to be seen, he still made the trip back to the house in a matter of minutes, scaring the living shit out of Seifer once again by crashing through the door with no warning. Not giving the man any time to recover Reno grabbed Seifer by the scruff of the neck and propelled him through into the dilapidated kitchen.

Carelessly Reno released Seifer, ignoring the man as he staggered heavily into the table. The frightening redhead stalked over to the counter, gripping the metal bench so hard his knuckles turned white. Hunching his shoulders and baring his teeth in a malicious grin Reno said in a low snarl, 'It's time Sei. I know where he is yo. I've seen Red and the bunch of happy fuckwits who were stupid enough to take him in… He can't escape me again and yer going to help me make sure of it yo. Ya never know, I might even let ya have a piece of his skinny ass before I slice him into a thousand pieces. Get yer ass over here ya useless piece of shit, I'm gunna plan this so there is no chance of fucking it up.'

***&&&***

The street was peaceful and silent as Axel closed the door behind himself and looked around warily. Anxiety flooded the teen's system at being outside the security of the house, but deep in his chest Axel felt a glow of hope that he was able to even step outside at all. Moving quickly but trying to enjoy the fresh air Axel walked down the short path to the pavement and plonked the plastic bag down on the concrete. For the rest of his life Axel carried regret for his impulsive flash of stupid daring, as the chain of events set in motion by the simple act of taking out the rubbish altered the course of his future along with the futures of all the people he cared about. The second the rubbish bag thumped to the pavement Axel felt a heavy blow on the back of his head and a blinding, roaring pain smashed him into unconsciousness.

Axel's return to the world was sudden and agonizing, the sharp pain of a belt slapping across the bare skin of his stomach surprising a hoarse shriek from the terrified teen. Even as he opened his bleary eyes, the knowledge of what was happening burst fully formed into Axel's mind and his scream of pain was mixed with fear and horror. Axel's petrified gaze was fixed on his sadistically grinning father and this time his wrists were tightly bound and his top was shoved up to his neck. There was no way he could lash out or run.

Instinctively trying to pull his arms down to cover his exposed torso Axel discovered that his wrists were tied painfully tightly and that they were firmly anchored to a large steel radiator mounted on the wall. In front of Axel Reno raised the belt again and let the large brass buckle dangle lazily from the thick leather strap. Starting slowly at first but building his pace faster and faster Reno brought the belt down again and again on Axel's ribs and stomach, each heavy blow smashing home with a cracking thump and more often than not the buckle gashing deeply into Axel's skin.

There wasn't an inch of Axel's stomach that wasn't black and blue or bleeding when Reno dropped the belt, breathing heavily and still with the insane grin plastered on his face. Axel had screamed until he broke something in his throat and he coughed up a mouthful of blood that mirrored the blood dripping down his arms where his frantic struggles had torn open the stitches on his wrists. The blood from Axel's reopened wrists ran up his arms and he gagged at the feeling of the warm liquid trickling over his shoulders and down his chest. Mutely Axel stared up at his father with wide eyes, wordlessly pleading for the man to stop but knowing that his torture had just begun.

Axel hunched his back against the radiator as Reno expansively beckoned to Seifer who had been cringing in the corner, watching the savage beating with wide eyes and an unidentifiable expression on his face. The hulking blonde man walked over to Reno who slung an arm around his neck and pulled him close saying, 'Well Sei, it's yer lucky day yo. Don't know if ya figured it out, but remember that day about nine years ago when you were finishing yer PhD and ya never showed at my place? Well, I heard ya outside watching the fun we were having yo. And I've decided that, as thanks for all yer help, yer can have a taste of this little fuck before he gets what he deserves.'

With mounting horror Axel watched the expression on Seifer's face flicker between fear and indecision before ending up in a twisted look of uncertainty and lust. Hesitantly Seifer took a step towards Axel and the redhead blanched and futilely tried to push his way through the radiator with his shoulder blades. In a last ditch attempt to escape the horror that was about to happen Axel tried to force his inner self slip away, but unfortunately he couldn't divorce his mind from the pain and other sensations that washed over him with ferocious intensity.

Axel stared with wide, frightened eyes as Seifer visibly succumbed to the siren call of long harbored lust and dropped to his knees by the redhead's side. Hitching breaths turned to quiet sobs as Axel twisted in an attempt to escape Seifer's rough hands, but his efforts only provoked a stinging slap right across the deepest gash on his ribs and he went still with a low moan of pain. Shuddering as Seifer ran his hand down his throat Axel jerked in shock when the blonde man abruptly slid his hand around and grabbed a fistful of hair, leaning forward and kissing him roughly and possessively.

Unable to do anything other than squirm futilely Axel was forced to return the kiss when Seifer jerked his head back by the hair and lifted his other hand to squeeze the redhead's throat threateningly. Seifer explored his mouth relentlessly and Axel groaned in useless protest when the blonde man dropped his free hand to his chest, running his calloused fingers over the muscles of Axel's chest and stomach. The rough caresses on his bare skin made Axel feel sick, but deeper fear pierced his heart when Reno abruptly shoved Seifer off him and dropped down to straddle his son's legs.

Shaking so hard that his teeth chattered Axel closed his eyes so he didn't have to see the madness and hate that shone from Reno's unnaturally neon green eyes, the man's expression made even more insane by the gentle half-smile that decorated his lips. The teen let out a gasp seconds later, his eyes flying open when his pyjama top was yanked down and torn open and the cold metal of a knife pressed against his bare chest. Shaking his head frantically Axel was unable to summon a single word before Reno let out a twisted chuckle and began to cut.

Axel's screams mingled with Reno's throaty laughter and the teen's body jerked at every long deliberate slice that opened the skin of his chest. With the part of his mind that wasn't caught in the searing pain Axel heard Reno whispering familiar words, 'Ya like knives so much yo. I see that ya had a bit of fun with yer arms while I've been away. Ya don't seem to like this so much yo, what's the matter Red? My knife not good enough for ya? Are ya too good for me to carve ya up?'

***&&&***

His brain totally muddled with paralyzing fear mixed with surges of lust and desire, Seifer sat awkwardly on the floor next to the two redheads and watched Reno absorbedly cutting deep lines into Axel's chest. After eight gaping slashes Seifer realized what Reno was doing and he shuddered at the thought of having the insane man's name carved into his flesh. Although some part of Seifer's mind knew that Axel was not going to leave the house alive he was still trying to deny to himself that he was going to be party to a brutal murder.  
  
***&&&***

By the time Reno had finished his gruesome task Axel had run out of screams and was panting hoarsely, beyond even tears. Struggling not to pass out Axel was so busy trying to push away the grey that was encroaching on his vision that he failed to see Reno gesture once more to Seifer with an even wider grin on his gaunt face. Axel was just clinging onto consciousness when Reno pushed himself to his feet and said flatly to Seifer, 'Yo Sei, how 'bout ya get a taste of those talented lips? I gotta go clean this fucker's disgusting blood off me, but I can highly recommend fucking his mouth yo.'

Forgetting to breathe Axel froze to the spot, unable to believe what was happening. Trembling with fear and swallowing to supress growing nausea Axel watched Seifer slink over with a wolfish grin. Suddenly, as Reno stalked from the room, Axel found his voice and began pleading frantically, 'Oh Gaia Seifer you don't have to do this please, please don't do this… You know he's insane he… Oh fuck please just let me go, I won't tell anyone that you were a part of this I promise, just please don't…'

Axel's desperate begging was cut off when Seifer slapped him hard across the face and echoed Reno's action of dropping to sit across his thighs. Opening his mouth to keep pleading Axel ended up choking on a breathless cough when Seifer unloaded a vicious punch into his chest, his fist smacking into the latest lot of bleeding wounds and driving the wind from Axel's lungs. Axel was powerless to resist when Seifer shoved him down so he was lying flat and the teen's mind finally fled from the situation at the sound of Seifer's fly being unzipped.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Trigger warnings for everything really... I apologize in advance for this chapter, but Reno is a psycho. Stay tuned, I'll hopefully get the next chapter up a bit quicker :)**

Aqua’s phone call took about fifteen minutes and as soon as she hung up she became aware of the silence in the house. Apprehension growing in her mind Aqua called Axel’s name and when there was no reply she rushed into the kitchen to see if the rubbish bag was gone. When her eyes fell upon the empty bin icy panic exploded in Aqua’s chest and she fumbled for her phone, dialing Ventus’ number with shaky hands as she raced outside. The bluette staggered and fell to her knees on the footpath when she saw the rubbish bag carelessly spilling onto the road next to a small pool of blood that had three long red hairs caught in the tacky liquid.

   
Only minutes after Aqua finished gabbling almost incoherently into Ventus’ ear she heard a car speed down the road and screech to a halt in the driveway. Unable to see through her tears Aqua jerked away from the hand Ventus laid on her arm and lurched to her feet, stumbling back into the house, doing her best to control the waves of guilt and horror that threatened to break her down completely. As soon as she got into the house however and Ventus reached out again to touch her arm, Aqua burst into tears and fell against the wall, unable to hold herself up any longer.  
 

***&&&***

   
The moment Ventus picked up his cellphone and heard the sound of Aqua’s distraught sobs he broke into a limping run, racing from his office as fast as his healing leg would carry him. By the time Aqua dropped her phone and broke the connection Ventus was already halfway home and he roared down the road at twice the speed limit, wrestling with the terror that blanked out his thoughts. Almost before the car had stopped moving Ventus was out of the door, staggering across the driveway and fighting overwhelming panic. Arriving at Aqua’s side Ventus felt as if the breath had been knocked from him when she pushed his hand away and teetered back inside.

   
Ignoring the pain in his leg Ventus hobbled as fast as he could after Aqua, catching up with her as the door swung shut behind him. Tears blurred Ventus’ vision when Aqua broke down before his eyes and he ignored her feeble attempts to fend him off, wrapping his arms around her and letting his own tears fall too. Fear and desperation warred within Ventus as the reality of the situation hit him and he held Aqua tight, trying not to lose his mind to the insidious imaginings of what could be happening to Axel.

   
Slowly Ventus pulled himself together and his mind began to move again until thoughts were flickering through his head at impossible speeds. Hugging the grief-stricken Aqua tight to his chest with his left arm Ventus yanked his phone out of his pocket and called the police. Though his last encounter with the law enforcement ‘professionals’ of Destiny Island had been a resounding failure, Ventus was sure that this time he would be treated with more urgency, if only because someone had been fucking abducted.

  
Even as he dialed the emergency number Ventus could feel Aqua slowly getting control of herself and choking her sobs into silence. Aching for his girlfriend and knowing that she would be mercilessly blaming herself for what had happened, Ventus promised himself that he would comfort Aqua as soon as the police were on their way. The emergency dispatcher picked up and Ventus blurted out the situation, waiting impatiently and twitching edgily while he was transferred to the local police station.

   
As soon as a lethargic voice answered his call Ventus said frantically, ‘I need some officers over here right away, there’s been an abduction and we need to start a search before he’s hurt. I mean, please, I’m at 13 Hinansho Road… He might be hurt, you need to get someone over here fast…’

   
Hating how incoherent he sounded Ventus went silent and the voice on the other end of the line drawled, ‘I’m sorry Sir, our procedures won’t allow for a missing person’s report to be filed before twenty four hours have passed. If you call back tomorrow we can look at sending an officer out to search, but before then there’s nothing I can do. We’re very busy at the moment with a number of important operations so we can’t spare any resources for every overreacting parent with runaway kid.’

   
His mouth hanging open in shock but with burning rage rapidly overtaking his disbelief Ventus went to say something but then the disconnected tone sounded in his ear and his phone dropped from his nerveless fingers. Aqua had come back to herself enough to stand on her own, which was lucky because Ventus took a page from Roxas’ book, growling with wordless fury and sending his fist crashing into the wall, shattering the drywall and breaking two knuckles on a solid wooden stud. Hardly feeling the pain or noticing the blood pouring from his hand Ventus spun around, searching for something else to take out his fury on.

   
Ventus stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes fell upon Aqua and he took a stumbling step backwards as she shrank against the wall with a look of fear on her face. Realizing that he was dangerously out of control and of no use to anyone Ventus gritted his teeth and forced back the rage, looking pleadingly at Aqua, trying mutely to tell her that she didn’t have to be afraid of him. After a painfully long pause the fear drained from Aqua’s face and she pitched forward to wrap her arms around Ventus who returned the hug tightly, both giving and drawing strength from the embrace.

   
It took almost five minutes for Ventus and Aqua to calm down enough to let go of their tight grip of each other and once Aqua gently pushed him away Ventus resolutely hobbled over to his phone. Ignoring the swelling of his fractured knuckles and the pain that was seeping through his numbness Ventus made two quick calls and then hurried back to Aqua, wrapping his arm around her and helping her to the lounge. As soon as they reached the sofa Ventus found himself being pushed onto the cushions as Aqua gave him a watery but pointed look and he watched his woman hurry to the kitchen to get some ice for his hand.

   
Scant minutes after Aqua sat next to Ventus and held the towel wrapped ice to his knuckles, the door burst open and Leon strode into the lounge with Yuffie right behind him. To Ventus’ eternal gratitude Leon took immediate control and grabbed the phone to call the police again, while Yuffie hurried straight to Aqua and gathered her into a comforting hug. While Leon began to snarl ferociously into the phone Ventus turned to the tiny dark haired woman who was cradling Aqua gently and looked at her helplessly, drowning in paralyzing powerlessness he hadn’t felt since the dark days after he and Roxas had lost their parents.  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas’ exam let out at 4pm and he walked quickly out of the hall, eager to get back home and make sure that Axel had got through the day okay. Pulling his phone out of his pocket and turning it on Roxas was surprised and disquieted to see that he had five missed calls and three messages. Dialing the number for his answerphone Roxas stood stock still as the rest of the students from the exam streamed past him and he listened with mounting terror to the garbled message that was basically telling him that Axel was gone from the house leaving nothing but blood on the pavement.

   
Not waiting for the message to finish, not bothering to even shove his phone in his backpack, Roxas took off at a dead run in the direction of his house knowing that the bus wasn’t due for another ten minutes and that those were ten minutes he wasn’t going to waste. With every step that pounded on the pavement Roxas’ terror grew and he pushed himself faster and faster until his lungs were burning and his heart felt like it was bursting out of his ribs. Before the bus was even due to arrive at the school Roxas barreled through the door of his house and skidded to a halt in the lounge with a look of visceral fear mixed with pure rage written all over his face.

   
Roxas arrived just in time to catch Leon saying, ‘…pays to be ex-military. I still have some influence with the military police and law enforcement, and that fuckwit I spoke with was lucky that he knew me by reputation. A squad car will be here in an hour… That’s the best those incompetent dumbfucks can manage.’

   
Everyone fell silent as Roxas let his bag drop to the floor and took a faltering step into the room. It took a moment for Leon’s words to register in Roxas’ brain but when he realized what had just been said the results were spectacular. Letting out an explosively loud stream of snarling curses Roxas clenched his fists until his knuckles cracked and raised his head with a look in his eyes that bordered on madness. It was only Ventus’ urgent shout to Leon that stopped Roxas from repeating his brother’s earlier violent action and the tall brunette grabbed Roxas around the waist, holding his arms while the livid teen thrashed ineffectually.

   
After a short time of aggressive struggling that included a hard kick to Leon’s shin and a vicious elbow to the man’s stomach Roxas abruptly ran out of strength and heart. Collapsing back against Leon, Roxas stared blankly at the ceiling, unable to cry and unable to think. A sound from the couch made Roxas turn his head listlessly to look over and he saw Aqua with her face buried in her hands, shaking with hysterical tears.

   
Roxas stared at the woman with dazed blue eyes as she stammered out between sobs, ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Roxas it’s all my fault, I fucked up so bad. He took him and I was stupid enough to not be watching… He was just going to take the rubbish out and, and I… I didn’t go out with him, why the fuck didn’t I just hang up and walk to the footpath with him? I don’t… I can’t… Oh Gaia it’s my fucking fault…’

   
Still restrained by Leon’s firm but gentle grip Roxas closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath that nearly brought him to tears before he forced back the burning behind his eyes. Roxas voice was quiet and shaky as he whispered, ‘Please Aqua… Don’t… You don’t… It’s not your fault. You can’t… I can’t break down because we need to find him… Fuck Ven, we have to find him… He, Reno, he might… He might kill him… I don’t know where … But we have to look for him…’  
 

***&&&***

   
Axel was pulled from his near unconscious state when Seifer’s weight was suddenly shoved off of him and he gagged uncontrollably, retching helplessly in the aftermath of the repulsive act he had been forced to perform. The teen was still choking back the urge to throw up when Reno appeared in front of him and dropped to his knees, crawling up Axel’s legs in a parody of seduction until he was nose to nose with his son. Unable to look away Axel stared into Reno’s frightening, unnatural green eyes, drowning in fear and despair.

   
With breath-taking suddenness Reno grabbed Axel’s hips and flipped the teen onto his stomach. The action twisted Axel’s arms painfully, ripping his already tattered wrists further open but the teen barely noticed the additional pain in his forearms as Reno immediately started yanking his loose pyjama pants down over his hips. Axel threw his body from side to side in a desperate effort to somehow break free, but his world spun sickeningly when Reno grabbed his hair and slammed his head into the radiator before stripping his pants off completely and throwing them aside.

   
At the impact of his head into the cold metal of the radiator Axel came close to blacking out, but the world was brought back into stark focus by the excruciating pain of Reno entering him roughly, digging cruel fingers into his hips and slamming into him mercilessly. Axel’s screams ripped from his throat in time to the brutal rhythm set by Reno’s thrusts and the teen lost all sense of the world around him in the face of the roaring agony that engulfed him.

   
Time passed and Axel somehow clung to consciousness, enduring the endless torture of brutal rape that was punctuated by random pauses for vicious beatings. Axel knew in his heart that if he passed out he was dead and even though, in between agonized screams, the teen frequently thought of the release death would bring, he would be jerked from the dark yearnings by the image of Roxas’ face in front of his eyes. The only thing that kept Axel from giving in to the lure of unconsciousness and death was the dogged determination to see the teen he loved once more.

   
Although Axel felt like he had become lost in a timeless existence of suffering and torment, only two and a half hours had passed between the time he had been taken and the moment Reno climbed off him, zipping up his pants and spitting derisively on Axel’s bare back. Sucking in shallow breaths Axel tried to control that pain that wracked his body, listening as hard as he could to hear what Reno and Seifer were discussing quietly a few feet away. With a jolt Axel realized that Reno was planning to take him upstairs and the teen was filled with the certainty that once he was on the upper floor his life would be measured in minutes.

   
Locking down the burst of terrible fear before it could overwhelm him Axel forced himself to think through the terror. Escape was his only option if he wanted to see another day, to see Roxas again, and the teen embraced a cold, calculating single-mindedness that crystallized in his mind. By the time Reno and Seifer agreed on their own plan Axel was feigning unconsciousness and waiting for any short window that would give him his chance to live.

   
A hard kick to Axel’s ribs seemed all the confirmation that Reno needed that his son was out cold and the man callously dragged Axel’s blood-stained pants up over his hips and yanked the bonds from his tattered wrists. Still hanging limp Axel watched through almost closed eyes as he was hauled up from the ground and dragged past Seifer towards the stairs. As he drew level with Seifer Reno’s hands slipped slightly around Axel’s chest and in that instant Axel exploded into action. With strength born of desperation Axel kicked out sending Seifer crashing to the floor and as Reno staggered back, losing his grip on his son, Axel spun swiftly, shoving the snarling man to the ground and diving through the large picture window in a single swift movement.

   
Ignoring the fresh lot of gashes that littered his skin, ignoring the searing pain that shot through his back and legs, Axel broke into a flat out run and disappeared into the surrounding trees before Reno or Seifer could even regain their feet. Dodging through the trees Axel began to lose his tenuous grip on himself and he ran blindly with no thought as to where he was heading. The traumatized teen ran until his feet tangled around a tree root and he crashed to the ground letting out a hoarse groan of pain. Scrambling to his feet Axel looked around wildly and realized that his misfiring mind had taken him to the twisting pathways of Siréné Park.

   
A crashing in the woods behind him galvanized Axel into action and he took off again, arms wrapped around his torso in an attempt to stop his blood marking the ground, searching desperately for a place of sanctuary. At a staggering run, rapidly running out of strength and dizzy from blood loss, Axel dodged off the path and into the trees, casting around for a hiding place. Only seconds after the teen pushed into the trees he tripped once again, falling to his hands and knees and choking back a cry of agony. This time however the fall seemed to have been sent from Gaia herself as Axel found himself staring at a tiny hollow under a tree, screened by a curtain of roots and ferns.

   
Scrambling forward Axel slipped carefully into the small cave, trying his hardest not to leave bent stems or blood-stained leaves behind him. Curling up in his pitiful refuge Axel closed his eyes and prayed to Gaia that his murderous father and the man’s warped friend would pass him by. Axel heard the crashing of footsteps and voices snarling back and forth on the path and he cringed into the back wall of the cave, wrapping his arms around himself and starting to shiver uncontrollably.

   
A few minutes after Reno and Seifer passed his hiding place Axel heard them swearing viciously as they hurried back the way they came, obviously reluctant to accept that they had lost their prey but even more unwilling to risk being caught. Petrified that the men were trying to lull him into a false sense of security Axel sat trembling in his shelter for almost half an hour, but was forced from the cave when he realized that his energy was rapidly draining away with the blood that slowly seeped into his filthy pants. Crawling out of the cave and pushing himself to his feet Axel reeled into a tree and leaned against it he panted breathlessly, trying to push away the agony that screamed from every inch of his body so he could think.

   
A stab of pain from his chest made Axel look down at his muddy and blood-caked torso and he felt his gorge rise abruptly. Nearly losing his grip on the tree next to him Axel folded over and without ceremony he violently threw up on the ground. Closing his eyes so that he couldn’t see the sheer brutality of the damage his own father had inflicted on him Axel swayed where he stood and fought desperately to stay on his feet. It was only the thought that Reno might double back and the resulting jolt of fear the thought engendered that prodded Axel to start moving erratically forward again into the shadows of Siréné Park.

   
Axel wavered unsteadily along the path, pushing himself beyond the end of his endurance in a desperate effort to get to Roxas and safety. Unfortunately however when Axel fell once more he simply couldn’t find the strength to get to his feet again and, barely clinging to consciousness, he dragged himself to a nearby bench, hardly able to haul his broken body up onto the wooden seat. Axel lay on his back with his head spinning sickeningly and a few minutes later he fell away from the world, finally losing his fight to stay conscious.  
 

***&&&***

   
Leon kept his grip around Roxas’ waist and helped the teen to the couch where he slumped with his elbows on his knees staring at the floor. Even as he stepped back Leon raised an eyebrow as he saw Roxas visibly yank himself back from the edge and look up with burning eyes. Listening carefully Leon blinked in admiration as Roxas said resolutely, ‘We can’t wait for the police to fuck around, we have to go now. Ven, please… Fuck if none of you will go with me I’ll fucking go alone.’

   
Because Ventus and Yuffie were obviously struggling for words and Aqua was hiccoughing in an effort to control her tears, Leon crouched down to look Roxas in the eye and said, ‘Tell us where to go Roxas. I assume you have a few ideas as to where to look and we can cover more ground if we each take an area.’

   
The relief and gratitude shining in Roxas’ eyes brought the usually impassive Leon close to tears and he swallowed hard as Roxas said determinedly, ‘Thank you… Just, thank you Leon. I… We need someone to stay here in case h-he comes back… Ven, with your leg… Would you stay here with Aqua? Please? Yuffie I think, I mean, he might go to Zexion’s if he thinks he can’t come here. He, uh, Leon, he talked about going t-to Siréné Park when he was screwed up… And I’ll go to the beach… That’s where I found him the last time things went to shit…’

   
Roxas trailed off into uncertain silence but Leon was already nodding approvingly and Ventus murmured, ‘Go Roxas, I’d be worse than useless getting anywhere quickly. Please, _please_ be careful… I can’t lose you Rox. If I could think of any other fucking thing to do… Fuck… Gaia dammit all, just fucking go… Find him…’

   
At Ventus’ grudging consent Leon stood up smoothly and pulled Roxas to his feet. With a grim look on her face Yuffie walked over and with a brief caress of her fingers down Leon’s cheek she disappeared like a ghost out of the door. Looking down at Roxas who was standing next to him thrumming with tension, Leon gripped his shoulder in a steadying gesture and then followed the blonde teen as he hurried out of the house. Leon waited for a second, watching Roxas race away towards the beach before turning and setting off at a swift run in the direction of the park.

   
Thanks to his long loping stride Leon arrived at Siréné Park in a few short minutes, but already the sun was sinking in the sky and the shadows of the trees were long and dark. Leon stood at the gates indecisively for a moment before swearing under his breath and picking a random path to start searching. Though he was relatively familiar with the tangle of paths that made up the park Leon was fully aware that he was entering a rabbit warren of tracks and he would need to be quick to complete even a cursory search before sundown.

   
Running as fast as he could without sacrificing thoroughness Leon wound into the park, scouring the surrounding trees and undergrowth for any sign of Axel. After a time all of the bush started to look the same and Leon began to think that he was on a wild goose chase. The man didn’t lessen the intensity of the hunt but he could feel a seed of hopelessness growing in his chest. Leon rounded yet another identical corner and he scanned left and right before skidding to a sudden halt, freezing in disbelief at the sight in front of him.

   
Directly ahead of Leon, in a clear space on the curve of the corner was a long, wooden bench, half shrouded in evening shadow. Sprawled across the bench was a figure that could have been a tramp but for the matted shock of Raffica red hair and the blood that covered almost every inch of exposed skin, congealing in long streaks and splatters of dark black-red. Shocked at the horrific scene before him a part of Leon’s brain noted the thick latticework of scars that covered Axel’s arms and stomach, but the fresh butchery inflicted on the teen made the older, healed wounds fade into the horrible background. Slowly Leon stepped forward, completely sure that he was approaching a dead body.

   
It was only when he knelt down next to Axel that Leon saw the teen’s chest was rising and falling in painfully slow, shallow breaths. Realizing that time was of the essence Leon scooped Axel up as gently as possible and wincing at the faint groan of pain caused by the movement the big man turned and began to move as smoothly as he could and as fast as he dared. When he finally passed through the gates of the park into the dusk-darkened streets Leon focused on the faint but steady rhythm of Axel’s heartbeat against his chest and increased his pace, desperate to get the battered teen back to the house.  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas was racing south down the beach when his phone went off with a loud jangle and he skidded to a halt to yank it out of his pocket. Leon only got three words out before Roxas spun around, shoving his phone back into his jacket and running as he had never run before. Terror leant Roxas frantic speed and with his heart in his throat he smashed through the door of the house, cracking the hard wood but not noticing the splintering bang in his desperate haste to get to Axel.

   
As he flew around the corner into the lounge Roxas stumbled mid step and crashed to his hands and knees on the floor, unsure whether he was going to throw up everything he had ever eaten or scream until the skies caved in. Eyes so wide that white showed all around his blue irises Roxas crawled over to the sofa and reached out a trembling hand towards Axel’s viciously abused body, letting out a pitiful sound so painful that Ventus clutched his chest and echoed the tortured whisper.

   
Oblivious to everything except Axel’s still body in front of him Roxas stared at the brutal injuries that had been inflicted on the teen’s lean form. As if from outside of himself Roxas ran his gaze over the black and blue bruises that covered Axel’s face and down to the hand shaped marks that ringed his throat like a macabre necklace. Roxas had to close his eyes for a moment to keep a hold of himself as his gaze slipped off to the side, coming to rest on the ripped open stitches and reopened gaping tears that stretched up Axel’s forearms.

   
Thinking he was able to continue without hyperventilating Roxas actually stopped breathing completely for a moment, barely able to believe the sheer amount of dried blood that revealed glimpses of appalling bruises and ragged gouges from Axel’s neck to hips. Sure that he was about to collapse or pass out Roxas forced himself to keep going, but his heart shattered near irreparably in his chest when he saw the black, finger shaped bruises decorating Axel’s hips and the large stain of blood that was drying down the inner thighs of Axel’s ruined pants. As the realization of the full horror of what Axel had suffered hit Roxas he was pushed way beyond the end of his mental endurance and without warning his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell backwards into a dead faint on the floor.  
 

***&&&***

   
Axel had completely passed out of consciousness when he fell onto the bench in Siréné Park, the world fading away along with the pain of his wounds and the hell in his head. As hours, days, years passed, Axel wavered in and out of reality, subject to waves of fear that he would be found and surges of conviction that he would die there in the shadowed woods of the park. Axel had just fallen away from the world again when Leon stumbled upon him, but a small, semi-aware part of his mind screamed at him that large hands were touching him and that this time he was fucking dead.

   
No strength at all left in his body Axel lolled limply as the person picked him, groaning at the movement that jolted his injuries, never realizing that he was safe in Leon’s protective arms. Before the man carrying him had taken a single step Axel fell into unconsciousness again, utterly unaware of being laid on the soft couch in the Hakunetsu’s lounge or of Roxas’ distraught presence by his side. Even when Roxas fainted next to him and Ventus crashed to the floor in a desperate effort to grab his brother Axel floated unresponsive, beyond the reach of sound or touch.

   
Frantic activity happened around the insensible redhead, Ventus limping heavily to carry Roxas to the other couch and Aqua stumbling unsteadily across the lounge to clasp the blonde teen’s hand with cold fingers. Gradually Axel began to come back to himself again and with the sounds around him fading in and out he caught Yuffie saying something that wrenched him back to the world. His cracked and broken voice scaring the living shit out of everyone in the room Axel rasped, ‘Don’t make me… Please don’t make me go to the hospital. Oh Gaia I can’t… Please… Rox… Where’s Roxas…?’

   
The realization that he was back in Ventus’ house with Roxas nowhere in sight caused Axel’s body to bypass his brain and he shoved himself off the sofa to land in a crouch with an expression on his face that was almost feral. Ignoring the agony that screamed through every inch of his abused body and ignoring the shocked cries of the others in the room, Axel whipped his head from left to right, desperately searching for Roxas and prepared to tear the world apart to get to him. Green eyes came to rest on Roxas’ still form across the room and in that moment Axel’s hysteria fuelled strength gave out and he crumpled to the floor whispering with the last of his breath, ‘Roxas…’  
 

***&&&***

   
When Leon just about kicked down the door and strode into the house carrying Axel, Ventus had been drenched with an icy calm that momentarily blanked out the disbelieving mental shrieking in the back of his mind. Holding himself rigidly in check Ventus staggered out of the way so that Leon could get Axel to the couch and he stood for a moment, swaying on the spot, sure that he was about to pass out. Like a ghost Aqua appeared out of nowhere beside him and Ventus leaned heavily on the trembling woman as she guided him over to the chair by the couch.

   
In a daze Ventus stared at the teen lying on the couch, part of his mind vaguely observing Leon as the man slumped against the wall and stared at his blood-stained hands in numb horror. Although he couldn’t see them Ventus could hear Aqua and Yuffie sobbing quietly, but it all seemed to be happening in the background, unimportant compared to Axel’s corpselike form lying in front of him. Slumped in his chair Ventus sat in blank, disconnected silence.

   
Glazed blue eyes stared uncomprehendingly at the awful injuries that covered Axel’s body and like Leon Ventus couldn’t help but shudder at the old scars that gleamed whitely beneath the blood and gore. Ventus finally jerked out of his stupor when Roxas burst into the room and crashed gracelessly to the floor. Slow to respond in his devastated state Ventus could only watch as his brother scrambled over to Axel’s side, but the sound that ripped from Roxas’ throat tore a gaping hole in Ventus’ chest and dragged a matching cry from the shattered man. Ventus’ paralysis was only broken when Roxas fainted dead away and he threw himself from his chair, gathering his brother’s motionless body to his chest.  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas awoke from black unconsciousness, dragged back to the brightness of the lounge by a sound so faint as to almost be beyond the edge of hearing. Jolting upright and tearing himself out of Ventus’ distraught embrace Roxas tumbled off the sofa and stretched his violently shaking hand out to touch Axel’s shoulder. Terrified of hurting Axel further but needing with every fibre of his being to reassure himself that the boy he loved was really there, Roxas slipped his hands carefully under Axel’s arm and tried with the last of his waning strength to pull the prone redhead into his lap.

   
At the mere touch of Roxas’ hand Axel stirred and jerkily raised his head, causing Roxas to let out a hitching, stuttering breath of both relief and wordless sorrow. As Axel tried falteringly to prop himself up on his hands, Roxas slid his hands lightly under Axel’s armpits and achingly slowly drew the violently shivering teen into a delicate embrace. His head falling forward to rest on Axel’s shoulder Roxas let out a painfully wrenching sob and through the burning tears he murmured in a ghost of a whisper, ‘Axel… Oh Gaia, I thought I'd lost you... I love you Axel…’

  
As Roxas hugged Axel to him while trying not to actually touch him he could hear the low buzz of talking in the background punctuated by sobs from Aqua and virulent swearing from Ventus. The blonde teen didn’t hear what Yuffie actually said but he sure as hell saw the reaction it caused. At the murmured suggestion in the background Axel shuddered convulsively and shoved himself up on his hands making Roxas moan in wordless misery when the gaping wounds on the redhead’s arms began to bleed sluggishly once more.

   
Roxas stared at Axel whose face was stamped with an expression of desperate determination and he shivered as his boyfriend growled roughly, ‘I’m not going to the fucking hospital… You can’t… Please, you can’t make me. They’ll know… Gaia save me, I can’t… Rox… Please don’t let them take me…’

   
The combination of desolation and unrestrained begging in Axel’s voice gutted Roxas where he sat and he couldn’t stop himself whispering, ‘Fuck, Axel… Ven, please, is there any way we can… Don’t make him go… Oh fuck, Ax, you’re so hurt… I… How can we not take you to the hospital?’

   
There was a moment of deafening silence in the wake of Roxas’ stuttering words and the teen was just about to scream when Leon cleared his throat. A tsunami of gratitude crashed over Roxas as Leon said resolutely, ‘Roxas, you and Ventus get him to a bed. Yuff, I need you to get home and get that box from the back of the wardrobe. Please Yuffie, be careful… He might still be out there. Aqua, grab some towels and as much hot water as you can, saucepans, bowls, just fill them and get them to the bedroom. Fuck, I never thought I’d think myself lucky to have spent half my time as a fucking soldier putting my friends back together.’

   
At Leon’s authoritative orders everyone scattered in order to complete their tasks as quickly as possible. For a moment Roxas simply sat frozen with Axel half in his lap, but then the redhead began to push himself up from the floor again and the teen’s harsh groan of pain shocked Roxas into action. As carefully as possible Roxas slipped under Axel’s arm and helped him stand, biting his lip until blood flooded his mouth at the sounds of pain the movement provoked. Somehow, with Ventus working in perfect synchronicity with him, Roxas got Axel down the hall and to his bedroom.  
 

***&&&***

   
Only peripherally aware that he was sprawled in Roxas’ lap Axel’s whole world was filled with the susurration of his boyfriend’s whispered ‘I love you’. Axel’s brain screamed him back into the real world however when he heard Yuffie urgently repeat her suggestion that they call an ambulance to get him to the damn hospital. The thought of being dissected by cold, uncaring doctors one more time was too much for Axel and he paid no attention to his arms as they tore open again, focusing completely on was making it abundantly fucking clear that he wasn’t going near the hospital.

   
The effort of getting his plea that bordered on an ultimatum out of his mouth brought Axel to the edge of blacking out again and he felt the hum of Roxas’ words through the teen’s chest rather than hearing them. The redhead clawed himself back into the world enough to hear Leon take control of the situation, decisively assuming command, and Axel tried to ignore how tenuous his hold on consciousness was, attempting to push himself up onto his hands and knees. Pain erupted all over Axel’s body and he let out of moan of absolute, gut-wrenching suffering.

   
Axel’s agony receded slightly and his fucked up mind vaguely registered the soothing touch of Roxas’ hands supporting him. Only vaguely conscious for the grueling trip down the hall Axel tripped when he was being maneuvered into the bedroom, twisting and falling heavily onto his side on Roxas’ bed before Roxas or Ventus could catch him. A scream tore from Axel’s lips, the redhead’s body arching against the mattress as agony ripped through every single one of his wounds. When Axel collapsed back to the bed his breath came in frantic pants, his fists clenching and unclenching convulsively as if trying to strangle the pain in his body.  
 

***&&&***

   
Only moments after Roxas and Ventus half-carried Axel into the bedroom Aqua struggled through the door carrying three towels, a kettle, two saucepans and a water jug all full of hot water. Leon strode in right behind the bluette and went straight to the bedside. Putting his hand on Roxas’ shoulder Leon looked steadily into the teen’s dazed blue eyes and in a soft voice he said, ‘Rox, you need to move. I’m going to help him I promise, but I need you to sit down. It won’t help anyone if you pass out… And Axel is going to need you here with him.’

   
Leon exhaled in relief when Roxas slowly stepped back and allowed Ventus to guide him to the chair by the wall. Able to concentrate his full attention on Axel without worrying about Roxas collapsing in the background Leon gestured to Aqua who handed him a towel and dragged the two saucepans closer to the bed. Praying to Gaia for Yuffie to be as swift as she ever had been in her life Leon put the towel on the bed and looked down at Axel, trying to steel his nerves for what he knew was going to be a hellish ordeal for everyone.

   
Grey eyes quickly scanned Axel’s torso, taking in every injury that he could see through the blood. Leon was sure he could guess what further injuries Axel had suffered beyond the obvious, but he was smart enough to know that there was no way Axel was going to let anyone talk about that yet, let alone assess the damage. As his gaze traveled back to Axel’s face Leon blinked in surprise to see the teen was staring at him, green eyes clouded with pain but relatively lucid. As gently as he could Leon said, ‘I have to get you cleaned up Axel, any longer and you’re risking infection. Will you let me? I promise I’ll be as quick as I can and Roxas will be right here…’

   
There was a pause and in the silence Leon looked steadily at Axel, seeing the thoughts flicker wildly behind the teen’s fogged gaze. The redhead visibly tensed, but Leon saw the resignation in Axel’s eyes as he gave a tiny nod, reluctantly submitting to the inevitable. Keeping his movements slow and deliberate Leon dampened the towel in the warm water and then tried to decide where to start. Once again Axel surprised him and Leon swallowed when he saw that the redhead was gesturing wordlessly to the blood-caked mess that stretched diagonally across his chest.

   
Curtly Leon nodded to show that he understood and even as he was nodding Axel’s head fell back onto the pillows as if he had exhausted the last of his strength. Hardening himself for what he knew was to come Leon lifted the wet towel and without further hesitation began to lightly moisten the clotted crust so that he could then start to clean the blood from Axel’s skin. Leon’s respect for Axel’s courage grew exponentially as the teen held himself rigidly still throughout the interminable process, only letting out a single choked groan when Leon accidentally brushed over a particularly deep cut.

   
As the blood gradually came away from Axel’s skin Leon’s eyes grew wider and he bit back a stunned curse, shifting himself slightly to block Roxas’ view of the proceedings. Although he had lived through brutal fighting as a soldier, Leon gagged and had to close his eyes for a moment, his iron self-control almost slipping away as the stark gaping wounds that spelled out Reno’s name were uncovered. Aware that Axel was quivering from the effort of submitting to the painful process of cleaning his injuries Leon made himself continue, wanting as badly as everyone present for the whole ordeal to be over.

   
Leon bit his tongue at the thought of what Roxas’ reaction would be to the name that had been cut deeply into Axel’s chest, but before he could work out what, if anything, he could do, Yuffie burst into the room like a whirlwind and deposited Leon’s trunk on the floor by the bed. Blessing his partner’s good timing Leon popped the lid of the box and began pulling out the bandages and healing medicines that he had kept from his army days. Glancing quickly over his shoulder Leon saw that Roxas had locked gazes with Axel and had yet to notice the details of what Reno had carved into the redhead’s skin.

   
Forcing himself to work carefully and delicately Leon made sure that the skin on Axel’s chest surrounding Reno’s name was scrupulously clean and he placed a dressing over the gashes before fixing the gauze in place with medical tape. Once the horrible possessive marks were covered Leon bent over Axel, appearing to be examining the teen’s chest, but in a whisper he said, ‘Roxas didn’t see what that insane fuck did to your chest Axel, I honestly don’t think he could’ve handled it at this point. Now that it’s covered you’ve got a little leeway to tell him in your own time.’

   
As Leon had gambled the mention of Roxas sharpened Axel’s focus, taking his thoughts away from the pain briefly. Leon lowered his head closer to Axel’s mouth as the teen murmured back, ‘Thank you. I can’t… Not yet… Gaia Leon, how m-much more? I c-can’t do this for much longer.’

   
Compassion for Axel and what the boy was enduring choked Leon up for a moment and he nodded shortly before leaning back and saying loud enough for everyone to hear, ‘I’m almost done and then I think everyone needs to rest. Once I’m done here and you all have passed out I’ll wait for the police to get here, hopefully by the time you wake up there will be a guard and I won’t have to go down to the station and force the issue.’

   
Without waiting for a reply Leon turned back to his task, working as quickly as he could without adding to Axel’s suffering. Each time Axel stiffened Leon gritted his teeth and though he kept quiet his thoughts were a replaying loop of ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’. By the time the last wound was cleaned and covered Leon’s shoulders were rigid and his hands were starting to tremble imperceptibly. Laying his hand on Axel’s shoulder briefly in an attempt to communicate his admiration and support Leon pushed himself to his feet and turned around, leaning heavily on the bedpost.

   
Though every single person in the room was staring at him Leon gazed directly at Roxas, looking him firmly in the eye and saying tiredly, ‘He’ll live Rox, he’ll heal. I’ve done what I can and he needs you now… Do you need help getting over here?’

   
Leon let out a quiet sigh of relief when his question brought a spark of life back to Roxas’ eyes and he heard Axel stir on the bed behind him as Roxas mutely staggered to his feet and lurched over to the bed. Glancing around the room at the motionless adults Leon beckoned firmly and walked out into the hall followed quickly by Yuffie and Aqua. As he expected Leon heard Ventus murmuring to his brother and Axel, but it was only moments later that the blonde man limped heavily from the room to be gathered into Aqua’s reassuring arms.

   
Once the door was closed and the hallway was silent Leon let out a shaky breath and said softly, ‘I won’t lie, it’s bad, I’ve never seen… It was bad. Gaia he’s strong though, like I said to Rox, he’s going to heal. Now look, you all know you have to rest or else you’ll crash and burn and be useless to everyone. I know that none of you want to be out of that room… But those two need each other and right now. I think we should give them some time. Ven, if you promise you’ll at least lie down, I promise that either me or Yuffie will be standing right outside that door…’

   
Leon trailed off, honestly not sure if Ventus would agree or invite him to go fuck himself. The indecision on his friend’s face was almost painful, but when Aqua whispered something in Ventus’ ear Leon let out a thankful breath as the man muttered, ‘Okay, fine. I… Oh fuck Leon… Just don’t leave him… Don’t leave them for a second…’

   
Without further words Ventus turned and haltingly made his way to his room, leaning heavily on Aqua who shot Leon a deeply grateful look. At the end of his formidable endurance Leon sagged back against the wall and held out his hand to Yuffie who dropped her customary bounciness and stepped into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. Completely and utterly drained from the effort it had taken to patch up Axel while maintaining his impassive calm Leon held tightly to Yuffie and finally let the tears he had been holding back roll down his cheeks.  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas stood by his bed, nothing else existing in his world except the boy lying in front of him covered in bandages that were already starting to show the blood underneath. Ventus said something behind him and Roxas nodded without really hearing him, not even noticing when his brother slowly walked from the room. For a moment Roxas was unsure what to do, scared shitless that if he even so much as laid a hand on the bed he was going to cause Axel pain. The blonde teen wavered between dragging the chair over or simply falling to his knees by the bed and the silence stretched out, causing anxiety to well up in Roxas along with a choking sense of helplessness.

   
After a few minutes of silence and escalating tension Roxas was just about to err on the side of caution and move to get the chair when he saw Axel’s eyelashes flutter and then he was pinned by the teen’s pain-filled green gaze. In a voice torn to pieces by hours of screaming Axel croaked, ‘Please Rox… Don’t leave me… I love you… I’m sorry…’

   
Before Roxas even knew he was moving he was halfway towards the bed and he climbed onto the mattress right at the bottom, trying with all his might not to jolt Axel in any way. Moving over the mattress with all the impact of a shadow Roxas ended up sitting next to Axel, not quite touching him, blood-shot blue eyes locked with Axel’s stare. Now that he was closer and could see the extent of the horrendous bruising and the sheer amount of bandages Leon had had to use Roxas clutched the duvet with a white-knuckled grip, wanting to scream and cry and hold Axel safe to him until the end of time.

   
For a time the teens sat in a silent tableau, Axel simply breathing and Roxas staring in devastated speechlessness. In the relative calm of the room Roxas finally had the quiet to sift through his sharp-edged thoughts and almost twenty minutes after the adults left the teens alone in the room Roxas drew in a sharp rasp of breath, finally slapped across the face by something he had pushed to the back of his mind in a vain attempt to pretend that if he refused to think about it then it would cease to exist. Briefly Roxas closed his eyes, not sure if he could control the painful urge to scream until his lungs bled.

   
Opening his eyes and staring into Axel’s out-of-focus gaze Roxas whispered, ‘Ax…’  
 

***&&&***

   
When Roxas climbed onto the bed Axel actually felt a tiny amount of tension ease from his rigid body. Even the mere closeness of the other teen was enough to break through the fog of pain that blanketed Axel’s mind and he stared into Roxas’ eyes drowning in the fathomless blue. Axel would have been content to simply gaze into Roxas’ eyes until they both passed out from exhaustion but he was aware enough to notice a change behind the blonde teen’s eyes and an escalation in Roxas’ distress.

   
A full blown bolt of fear blew through any sense of wellbeing Axel had when Roxas whispered his name, but he was unable to force his voice to work around the terror that gripped him. Axel stared helplessly at Roxas as the teen continued in a whisper, ‘Gaia Ax… What happened? What did he do to you? What did he _do_? I … Ax… Please tell me he didn’t…’

   
Axel closed his eyes, overwhelmed for a moment by a maelstrom of emotions that threatened to tear his mind apart. Part of him had prayed to Gaia for this moment to be postponed for a day or two at least, but a wobbly voice in the back of Axel’s mind had whimpered pitifully in the hopes that somehow Roxas would never find out. Fighting a rising tide of misery and pointless denial of the situation he was in Axel felt his heartbeat speed up and his breathing began to hitch.

   
With his eyes closed and lost in his own little world of useless denial Axel couldn’t see the fear in Roxas’ face as he withdrew or the anxiety in the blonde teen’s eyes. While Axel was wishing for the impossible Roxas was starting to panic and eventually he couldn’t just sit there, reaching out his hand to rest it on Axel’s shoulder. The unexpected physical touch hotwired a line straight to Axel’s brain and every single thought in his head screamed at him to run, fucking run, because it was all going to happen again.

   
A whispery gasp that should have been a shriek escaped Axel’s mouth and he recoiled violently, half sitting up and shoving himself backwards to slam into the headboard. Axel’s eyes were squeezed shut and his arms were wrapped tightly around his shaking body as he moaned wretchedly, ‘Don’t, please don’t… I can’t… I can’t take it again… Just… Fucking kill me… Just don’t… Don’t touch me…’

   
Shaking so hard that the bedposts clattered against the wall Axel pressed himself against the wood and waited hopelessly for the rough hands and brutal agony. As time passed and nothing happened Axel’s mind slowly began to come down from the heights of fear and though he kept his arms tightly and protectively wrapped around himself he slowly opened his eyes and glanced around in dull confusion. The sight that Axel saw when he opened his eyes shattered his broken heart even further.

   
Roxas was staring at Axel with blank, haunted eyes and tears were streaming silently down the blonde teen’s face. Axel saw that, to keep himself quiet, Roxas had stuffed his hand in his mouth and was biting down so hard that his teeth had pierced his flesh and drawn blood. Still caught in the fear of being forced again to endure the torture that Reno had inflicted him, Axel felt a deep wave of self-loathing course through him when he found that he couldn’t even make himself reach out and comfort the teen that he professed to love.  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas had known in his heart ever since he saw the redhead’s blood-stained pants exactly what had happened while Axel was at Reno’s ‘mercy’, but his mind had rebelled and come up with a million other reasons that could explain away the condition of the ruined pyjama bottoms. The question had bubbled up out of Roxas’ mouth before he could explain to his brain that he really wasn’t sure if he was brave enough to know the answer and he snapped his mouth shut an instant too late to stop the words from escaping.

   
Even though he thought he couldn’t be more distressed and scared than he already was Roxas was hit with new levels of anxiety when Axel shut out the world and began to hyperventilate. Caught in the barbed grip of indecision Roxas was at a loss as to what to do, but then he saw Axel’s body begin to shake from the force of his thundering heart and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to touch Axel’s arm, desperate to break through his panic. Had he thought it through Roxas would never have done such a stupid thing, but he was a million miles too far away from rational thought to properly weigh the consequences of his actions.

   
Axel’s reaction to his touch dispelled any remaining denial that Roxas had in him over what Reno had done and the garbled begging that spilled from Axel’s lips hurt Roxas more than anything else in his short but trauma-filled life. Knowing that it was his action had thrown Axel into the horrific memories he was obviously trapped in hit Roxas like a punch to the chest and he slumped back, shoving his hand into his mouth so that he didn’t cry out and do even more damage. Biting down harshly to muffle his pained sobs Roxas stared at Axel with bitter tears burning his cheeks.  
 

***&&&***

   
To his own considerable surprise Axel was the first of the pair of teens to get it together enough to act. The pitiful sight of Roxas hurting himself in an attempt to keep silent lent Axel enough strength to push his own fucked-up-ness aside at least temporarily and he stretched out his hand towards Roxas’ shoulder in a mirror of the teen’s previous action. When the touch of his hand failed to bring Roxas out of his blank state Axel gritted his teeth and moved away from the headboard and holding Roxas’ vacant gaze the trembling teen brushed his fingers across the blonde’s cheek, murmuring, ‘Rox…Please… I’m so sorry…’

   
There was a stirring of emotion behind Roxas’ blank eyes and Axel found that more than anything he just wanted the teen to look at him and actually see him. Carefully leaning forward so as not to undo Leon’s painstaking handiwork Axel slipped his arms around Roxas’ shoulders and pulled him into a feather-light hug. Feeling Roxas shaking with helpless grief unlocked Axel’s tongue and he whispered brokenly, ‘Please don’t leave me Rox… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean… Just please, please don’t go…’

   
Axel felt Roxas stir in his arms and a small hand timidly moved up to rest on his bicep. Right beside his ear Axel heard Roxas breathe, ‘I swear I’m not going anywhere. Ax… I love you… More than life… Is it… Do you think I’m going to leave because of w-what he did?’

   
At Roxas’ blunt question asked in a faint, stuttering voice Axel couldn’t suppress a sob, the other teen having put his finger exactly on what Axel was afraid of most. His control slipping a few notches Axel began to cry, but Roxas’ voice was audible over his tears as he whispered, ‘Oh Gaia Ax, I would never. He… You… It wasn’t your fault and it d-doesn’t change who you are. You’re so, so fucking brave to live through what he did… And you came back to me… Even t-though he nearly k-k-killed you… Oh fuck Axel I nearly lost you, you were nearly gone and I can’t… I can’t…’

   
Roxas’ words were lost in the violent sobs that wracked him and Axel felt something twist within him at the thought that Reno had nearly taken him away from the fragile teen who had already lost so much. Tightening his hold on Roxas Axel closed his eyes and let his own tears fall, releasing some of the desperate fear that had been clutching him with barbed claws. The moon was high in the sky when Axel felt Roxas start to get control of his tears and, determinedly ignoring the flashbacks that tore at the edges of his thoughts, Axel gently tugged on Roxas’ arms in an attempt to pull him back against the pillows.

   
When Roxas resisted for a moment, concern and anxiety evident in his watery eyes, Axel tried his best to give a reassuring smile. Wincing when he realized that the smile was probably more of an unnatural grimace Axel ran his fingers down Roxas’ cheek and again pulled lightly on his sleeve. Axel let out a soft sigh when Roxas reluctantly moved forward and lowered himself to lie beside him, and though the images of what he had survived still battered at Axel’s mind, he found that Roxas’ warmth next to him dulled some of the screaming. Within seconds of feeling Roxas’ hand rest lightly on his breastbone Axel was lost to unconsciousness.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Continuation of horribleness in this chapter. Thanks for the reviews and again, I hope my next chapter doesn't take too long lol.**

Following Reno’s determined attempt to murder his own son the Hakunetsu house was on complete lockdown and had become a temporary boarding house for Yuffie and Leon. Forced to face reality head on in the crisis, unable to find the time to sort through or analyse the thoughts roaring in his head, Ventus locked all of his own emotions away from the light in order to have the strength to deal with what was happening around him. As a psychologist Ventus was well aware that what he was doing was far from healthy but he could see no other option.

   
On the first night when the police arrived, Ventus had been woken out of a dead sleep by Leon and he had shoved the disconcerted officers outside onto the porch, proceeding to tear into the hapless men with all the vicious fury and bitter recrimination that had been boiling inside him. Ventus’ terrifying explosion had served to increase the token guard the family had been given from two to a rotating roster of eight each day and each officer that presented for duty treated everyone in the house with painstaking courtesy and care. Once the new order had been established Ventus had stumbled back into the house and crashed back into sleep for a blank fifteen hours.

   
When Ventus awoke to see that sunlight was pouring through the curtains, a lot of things happened in a very short space of time. Ventus’ brain shrieked that he was not next to Roxas, his body attempted to leap out of bed, his bad leg refused to bend or move an inch and in the commotion Aqua woke up and lunged forward, just in time to catch Ventus before he plunged off the edge of the bed. Panting as if he had just run a mile and holding tightly to Aqua, Ventus did his best to put his world back together in a way that made even a little bit of sense.

   
Ventus was still trying to force his brain into line when Aqua said softly, ‘Ven, you need to stop panicking. You needed that sleep… Otherwise I think you would have passed out or lost it completely. Please calm down… Leon and Yuffie have been coming in every half an hour to make sure that I know that Roxas and Axel are alright… You’re human Ven, you can’t just keep going indefinitely.’

   
As much as he wanted to ignore Aqua’s soft voice and just run from the room to his brother’s side, Ventus simply couldn’t deny the love and wisdom in the woman’s words. Letting Aqua pull him back so that he wasn’t half hanging off the bed Ventus mumbled, ‘I don’t know what to do Blue. I’ve worked with this sort of shit all my life but I don’t… I have no idea where to go from here. How do I protect them Aqua? How the fuck do I do this?’

   
Not really expecting an answer Ventus blinked and looked up at Aqua as she said thoughtfully, ‘You do what you can Ven. You let us help you and you try and think your way through this instead of reacting and rebounding after each new shitstorm. I know you think you don’t know what to do, but Axel and Rox and all of us couldn’t have anyone better on our side… Talk to me Ven, don’t try and do this on your own.’

   
Ventus stared at Aqua, unable to speak around the lump in his throat. He had known that he was extraordinarily lucky to be able to call the vibrant woman his other half, but he was coming to realize that he truly hadn’t appreciated just how blessed he was. Beyond words Ventus clung to Aqua and tried to communicate his gratitude and overwhelming love, burying his face in her neck and shivering as the woman ran her hands through his hair calmingly. Wrapped in Aqua’s arms Ventus felt a small measure of his self-possession seep back into his heart, something that had been noticeably absent since the moment Leon had brought Axel home.

   
In a rare instance of self-care Ventus pulled Aqua onto the bed with him and together they simply lay in each other’s arms and tried to build their strength for the coming days. The peaceful interlude in the midst of so much pain and chaos did wonders for Ventus, allowing him to bring himself firmly back to centre, and when a light knock on the door sounded around 1pm Ventus felt able to drag himself to his feet and answer it.

   
Still not entirely comfortable with the police guard after the almost unforgivable treatment he had been subjected to by the police department during the whole rolling catastrophe, Ventus stared impassively at the fidgeting officer and waited silently. After a painfully awkward moment of silence the officer blurted, ‘I have a message from the Chief before I finish my shift. He said to let you know that he will get in touch tomorrow as soon as he is back in the office because he needs to sign off on taking the victim’s report.’

   
Ventus’ eye twitched and his eyebrow raised in an eloquently incredulous arch. Taking a moment to let then man sweat Ventus eventually replied, ‘I’m flattered that the, uh, Chief even knows we exist. Any particular reason we’re only just being granted the honour of his attention? I would have thought that the report from a kid who was abducted by an escaped maniac would be slightly higher priority than getting a Gaia-damned cat out of a bloody tree.’

   
To his credit the officer took Ventus’ acerbic words stoically and even glanced away in embarrassment as he replied, ‘Like you were told earlier we are in the middle of a complex series of operations that have tied up most of our forces… Look, I agree this is completely ridiculous and as I’ve just finished for the day I don’t have to feel guilty about advising you to lay a complaint the moment you feel you can face it. For what it’s worth Mr Hakunetsu, I’m sorry for what you’ve had to go through with the department on top of everything else you’ve been dealing with.’

   
With his sincere words hanging in the air, the officer inclined his head in a gesture of respect and apology before walking away and leaving Ventus standing at the door with his mouth hanging open. Ventus might have stood there in the doorway until the house fell down around him had Aqua not finally gotten sick of watching him from the bed and gotten up to slide her arms around his chest. Once he was over the minor heart attack that Aqua’s unexpected touch caused, Ventus allowed himself to be led back to bed and peace fell on the room once again.  
 

*****

   
Ventus had been worried about sleeping for so long and not being awake to guard his brother, but Roxas was dead to the world for almost twenty-two long hours along with Axel. When Roxas did eventually partially rejoin the world of the waking, his first impression was that of being surrounded by warmth. Roxas’ sluggish thoughts worked on the problem for a few minutes and finally concluded with a sense of triumph that the warmth was warm and for a while that was all Roxas’ fatigued brain could cope with.  Drifting in the silence and warmth of the shadowy room Roxas hung in a state of half-asleep peace.

  
The sound of a car puttering past the house finally pulled Roxas completely out of the arms of sleep and he lifted his head carefully, doing his best not to disturb Axel. Roxas smiled a soft, sad smile when he saw that Axel was actually sleeping peacefully and he gazed at Axel’s face, marveling at how sleep smoothed away most of the pain and suffering from the teen’s features. Drinking in the beauty of Axel’s face Roxas resisted the urge to stroke his cheek, unwilling to risk waking the teen and content just to memorize every single detail of his boyfriend’s face.

   
Outside birds were starting to sing down the sun and Roxas was still staring at Axel with the same bitter-sweet smile when the redhead’s eyelids fluttered and he slowly started claw his way out of sleep. Roxas was so caught up in watching Axel wake up that he was too slow to react when the teen mumbled and went to roll over, not aware enough to remember his numerous injuries. As Axel’s body moved Roxas was reaching to stop him from rolling over, but although he was quick he wasn’t fast enough to prevent the rough groan of pain that marked Axel’s return to full consciousness.

   
Even as Axel opened his eyes that were already glazed over with pain Roxas was up on his knees about to jump off the bed and run to find some painkillers. The blonde teen stopped in mid movement however when he saw that some blessed angel of Gaia had put a glass of water and a blister pack of pills on the nightstand. Crouching next to Axel, not quite daring to touch him in case he hurt him or sparked a flashback, Roxas said hesitantly in his ear, ‘Ax, I know you’re hurting but can you prop yourself up enough to drink some water? I’ve got some painkillers and they should be strong enough take the edge off…’

   
Roxas watched anxiously as Axel painfully struggled up until he was slightly above horizontal with his head and shoulders supported by the pillows. At Axel’s small nod Roxas placed two of the pills on the redhead’s tongue and tilted the glass up to his lips so he could swallow the drugs and hopefully get the relieving effect as soon as possible. Axel took a few long sips of water before he nodded that he was done and Roxas put the glass back on the bedside table, letting out a small sigh when he saw the lines of pain on Axel’s face begin to ease a little.  
 

*****

   
Axel’s awakening had been less than enjoyable, but hearing Roxas’ voice right next to him had helped keep him from freaking out and the pills were quick to take the sharpness out of the pain that washed over him. Lying against the pillows Axel waited for the pain to recede and when his heartbeat slowed a little he looked over at Roxas, managing a tiny smile for the worried blonde. With a ghost of his once vibrant playfulness Axel murmured, ‘What a way to wake up. Drugs and a gorgeous blonde… Good morning to you too Rox.’

   
The wan but beautiful smile that his words brought to Roxas’ face took Axel’s breath away for an instant and he found he had to swallow a few times before he could speak again. In a slightly hoarse voice Axel said slowly, ‘Hang on… It’s not morning is it Roxas? Oh wow… Okay… I don’t even know what day it is. Fuck, care to orient me Rox? I haven’t been this screwed about the time and day since… Well since a while. What year is it now?’

   
Roxas gave Axel a look that said ‘I know where your mind just went’, but he let Axel’s oblique reference to the past slide saying instead, ‘I think we’ve been out a night and most of a day Ax. Hopefully it’s still the same year though, or I’ve lost it just as much as you. Did you… Do you feel… Blurgh, any way I put it sounds stupid, but do you feel okay? Or even a little more rested?’

   
Sighing inwardly with relief that his random mental sideslip to stranger days hadn’t spoiled the comfortable feeling that filled the room Axel nodded with a small smile and went to respond only to be interrupted before he could speak by a quiet tapping on the door. The unexpected sound jolted Axel into reflexive action and he shoved himself up in an attempt to move away from the door before his brain kicked in and he fell back to the bed with a moan of pain. In the time it took for Axel’s head to clear Roxas had scrambled again to his knees by his side and Leon was standing just inside the room looking like he wanted to kick himself.

   
To his own surprise along with everyone else’s Axel managed a sardonic wink at Leon who blinked and then returned the wink wryly. The tall brunette man cleared his throat and said quietly, ‘Sorry for the interruption boys, hope you didn’t strain yourself Axel. I thought that you should be informed that it’s just struck takeaway o’clock and you have the option of attempting to eat something in here or attempting to eat something out in the lounge. My point being that you will both be eating something and I won’t be shot by Ven for not delivering the message.’

   
Even through the ache that was throbbing rhythmically deep in the wounded area of his chest Axel couldn’t help coughing out a laugh at the dryly humorous order that Leon delivered with a perfectly straight face. Torn between the need to be in the presence of the people he had come to care deeply about and the irrational terror of setting foot outside of the safety of Roxas’ room Axel bit his tongue and tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t expose him as the trembling puddle of fear that he actually was. The silence stretched out and Axel could feel his breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps.

   
Axel was just about to implode in a puff of ‘oh fuck’ when Roxas did an impressive bit of mind-reading and said smoothly, ‘I don’t know about Ax but right now I don’t think I’m up to getting out of bed. Um, Leon, do you think everyone might be okay to maybe come in here to eat? Honestly, I’m really not at the point I can let Ax out of the damn room, but I can tell from the look on his face it’d do him good to have everyone around him even for a little bit.’

   
In his customary fashion Leon didn’t waste words and simply nodded his understanding before leaving and shutting the door softly behind himself. Ignoring the man’s departure Axel stared wide eyed at Roxas for a long moment before saying faintly, ‘Gaia Rox, that was kind of scary. Good scary, but scary you know? I don’t know what went wrong with my head but you completely pulled the words out of my brain and said them when I couldn’t even open my mouth. How the hell did you do that?’

   
Axel was surprised once again into a laugh when Roxas twirled his hands and performed a courtly kneeling bow. The blonde teen smiled a satisfied smile and said contentedly, ‘I’m in your head Ax, sorry, just the way it is. Now, we need to get you presentable because shortly this room will be full of Yuffie… Come on, help me get you sat up.’

   
Thankful for Roxas’ humorous but no-nonsense attitude Axel struggled up painfully until he was sitting up properly and he was only just upright and trying to catch his breath when the door inched open again and Yuffie stuck her head into the room. The instant she saw that Axel wasn’t dead to the world the tiny brunette slipped through the door and said with a smile, ‘Hey Ax, I hope you like pizza. Aqua went slightly nuts and ordered almost the whole menu. You okay with everyone traipsing in now?’

   
Axel was more than a little apprehensive about how everyone was going to act now that the chaos of the first night was over because the voice in his head had continuously been whispering poisonously in the background, ‘Now they know first-hand how badly your own dad wants to off you… Do you really think they won’t start questioning if maybe he’s right? Oh, and you can’t honestly believe they don’t all know exactly what he did… They’ll never look at you the same now that they know how broken and tainted you are. They’ll be able to see exactly what a ruined and filthy piece of scum you are.’

   
The short interaction with Leon had surprised Axel with its lack of anything out of the ordinary and had actually managed to dull his internal voice to a low growl, but it was Yuffie’s aggressive normalness that calmed him enough to be able to say, ‘If they want to come in… Please…’

   
Axel let out a shuddering breath when Roxas enfolded him in a loose hug and he gripped the teen’s hand in his own as Yuffie opened the door and let everyone in. The self-proclaimed ‘ninja girl’ sashayed across the room and perched on the desk in the corner, followed by Leon who strode in carrying a steaming pizza in each hand. Right behind Leon came Ventus leaning on Aqua’s arm and meeting Axel’s eyes Ventus offered a strained half-smile saying quietly, ‘I hope you slept well you two. Axel, do you mind if I come sit over there with you guys? I would sit in the chair but I hit my knee and it isn’t bending as well as it should.’

   
At Axel’s hesitant nod Ventus limped heavily over to the bed, lowering himself gingerly onto the mattress and straightening his leg with a sigh. The second everyone was seated Yuffie whipped the pizza out of Leon’s hands and flitted around the room like the Pizza Fairy, bestowing her bounty on the waiting diners. Though he was unsure what, if anything, he would be able to eat Axel took a slice of Daisy’s best and was startled to find that his mouth was already watering at the delicious aroma.

   
Silence reigned for the most part, broken only by muffled sounds of appreciation and quiet bursts of conversation. Axel took tiny bites of his pizza, aware that he hadn’t eaten in two days and as he savored the delicious meal he marveled at the lack of awkwardness or unease amongst the group. Later he was utterly unable to recall anything that was said, but Axel would forever remember the comforting feel of closeness that filled the room in an almost tangible cloud. Roxas’ constant hand on his shoulder steadied and grounded him and Axel even managed to exchange a few words when spoken to.

   
When everyone had eventually filed back out of the bedroom with murmured good nights and smiles for the teens who remained sitting on Roxas’ bed, Axel could only sit with his arms around Roxas, holding tightly to the peacefulness and calm feeling that filled him. No words were needed between Axel and Roxas as quiet descended in the wake of their friends’ departure and at Axel’s subtle movement they both lay back on the pillows. Axel found himself wrapped softly in Roxas’ arms and the redhead slowly relaxed against his boyfriend’s body, lulled gently into sleep by the steady beat of Roxas’ heart.  
 

*****

   
From the moment he and Reno had returned from the frantic and fruitless search of Siréné Park Seifer had lived in a horrible, confused state of arousal and terror. Walking up the steps to the back door of the house Seifer tried to nerve himself for the inevitable explosion of Reno’s wrath that was building up to an eruption, but the man’s jumbled thoughts kept straying back to the moment earlier that his mind had been blown through the back of his skull. Even faced with the probability of serious injury in his immediate future Seifer still couldn’t drag his thoughts away from the mental image and remembered sensations of the all too brief time that Axel had been writhing beneath him.

   
Caught in his own mind and the depraved thoughts that tantalized him Seifer was at first oblivious to the eerie quiet that filled the room when he walked in through the door, but it only took a couple of seconds for the normally impassive man to look up with fear-filled eyes. Seifer stared apprehensively at Reno who was facing away from him, standing in the middle of the lounge, dead still but for a rhythmic, jerky twitch of his bony fingers.

   
Seifer forced himself to step towards Reno, but he stopped in his tracks when Reno said in a low voice that echoed the unnerving calm of the room, ‘He’s going to die Sei. Get ya shit together yo, ‘coz yer going to talk to yer people. Now.’

   
Momentarily thrown off balance Seifer blurted out without thinking, ‘They’ll have the cops Ren, we need to go before they figure where we are. You don’t… You aren’t thinking of going after him again? You need to get the fuck out of here!’

   
There was a beat of perfect silence and stillness in the wake of Seifer’s ill-considered words and then Reno whipped around with the suddenness of a striking snake to snarl, ‘Unless ya fancy lying in a pool of yer own blood right where ya stand Sei, I would get yer ass to whoever ya talk to in Dusk. I know those shady fuckers have pull with the cops and all I need is a little edge to end this yo. No more games, no more fun Sei, just me licking his blood off my fingers as Red chokes on his last breath.’

   
The pure, animal savagery in Reno’s words made Seifer’s heart stutter for a second and in that moment he fully understood just how precarious his hold on the tiger’s tail truly was. Although he had been on the receiving end of Reno’s brutal temper and intense violence more than once Seifer hadn’t been able to bring himself to believe that his old friend would actually kill him. That was, he hadn’t believed it until he saw the look in Reno’s eyes as the man contemplated opening his throat right then and there. Stumbling on suddenly clumsy feet Seifer staggered towards the door, nodding frantic acquiescence to Reno’s order as he went.  
 

*****

   
Though he was not normally an early riser, it was lucky that Ventus was awake when the phone rung stridently at 8am. Moving as fast as possible to get the phone before it woke Aqua and unleashed her ire on an unsuspecting world Ventus managed to grab the receiver and halt the loud rings before the noise did more than make his girlfriend stir slightly. Keeping his voice as quiet as possible Ventus muttered, ‘Hakunetsu house, Ventus here.’

   
The call was short and when he hung up Ventus was left with both a feeling of forward movement and a small seed of nervous apprehension growing in his gut. The Chief of the Destiny Police Department had called to organize the very necessary incident report interview with Axel and even though Ventus knew that it needed to happen and happen as quickly as possible he still felt his breath catch in his throat at the thought of Axel having to relive the ordeal. Next to him Aqua rolled over and Ventus pulled himself together, kissing his girlfriend into wakefulness so he could let her know about the new developments.  
 

*****

   
It was 11am and Axel sat on the bed wrapped in a blanket, staring at the police officer named Raijin who was sitting in the chair by the door. When Ventus had come to him a couple of hours earlier and asked how he would feel about giving a report to the police about what had happened Axel had locked down his violent internal reaction and calmly replied that he would do it. Now on his own with a complete stranger, not even permitted to have Roxas with him for support, Axel felt close to a nervous breakdown. Part of Axel’s brain mused detachedly that without the tranquilizer that Yuffie had given him he would have been a complete screaming wreck.

   
The silence drew out into awkwardness and Axel nearly shot through the roof when Officer Raijin barked in irritation, ‘So are we going to do this or am I wasting my time? I’ve been taken off guard duty for this and I’d like to be done before dark if possible.’

   
Shivering at the undisguised exasperation in Officer Raijin’s tone Axel forced his voice to work and whispered, ‘What do you need to know? I don’t, I haven’t, I don’t even know where to start.’

   
With a long suffering sigh the officer rolled his eyes and said, ‘Obviously we need to know everything you can tell us in as much detail as possible, any little thing could help. You need to start right from the beginning Raffica, I need to write down everything that happened from the moment you got taken.’

   
It shook Axel when Officer Raijin referred to him by the last name he shared with his father, but what rattled him more was the barely concealed contempt in the man’s voice. Wanting more than anything to be anywhere but where he was at that moment Axel forced himself to start by saying, ‘It, uh, must’ve been mid-afternoon, I’m not sure what time, I took out the rubbish. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I guess I just, um, I was going crazy being stuck inside. I guess I thought that a moment outdoors couldn’t hurt…’

   
Axel had to stop and take a second to get a hold of himself, as thinking back to the decision that made the abduction possible caused his brain to be blanked out by a wordless howl of hate and derision from Bad Red. Axel found himself momentarily unable to speak as his inner demon shrieked out four damning words, ‘IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!’

   
Aware that the officer was regarding him with a visible sneer of scorn Axel forced the words from numb lips, ‘I’d just put down the rubbish when they got me and I can’t really tell you much about that part. They hit me from behind with something heavy, I didn’t even see them I was down so fast, and then I woke up in my old house… The house we used to live in, me, my mum and Him, Reno.’

   
Officer Raijin was scribbling intermittently in his notebook and nodding every time that Axel paused, but the teen had a distinct feeling that something was off, something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Trying to shake away the feeling that things were somehow very wrong Axel focused his thoughts on the nauseating task of putting the memories raging through his mind into something resembling a coherent timeline. Clenching his fists and taking one deep, shuddering breath after another Axel forced his mind back to the nightmare he had only just returned from.

   
Axel was hardly able to breathe but he managed to whisper, ‘I don’t know how long I was out but when I woke up I was on the ground tied to something and he, my dad, was beating me with a belt. He just kept hitting me and hitting me until I couldn’t scream anymore… He wasn’t just using the leather, h-he was hitting me with the buckle…’

   
As Axel paused for a hitching breath Officer Riajin broke in rudely, ‘Oh yeah, I almost forgot, we need to get photographic evidence of your injuries for the report. I have the camera here so we might as well get this over with and then you can finish your story. Take your top off Mr Raffica and we can make sure that your wounds are documented to back up your allegations.’

   
For once the numbness of dissociation came in useful for Axel and as he fell away inside he used the mental detachment to his advantage. It was only thanks to the distance that his mind had flown from his inner self that Axel could make himself shrug off the blanket and move to the edge of the bed, staring fixedly at the floor as he peeled his shirt slowly over his head. With Bad Red whispering in the back of his mind that he was exposing every inch of his shameful weakness to the world Axel sat like a lifeless doll on the bed, flinching minutely every time the camera flash illuminated his battered body.

   
The photographing of his wounds seemed to take forever and by the time Officer Raijin grunted and went to put his camera away Axel felt like he was looking at the world from behind a wall of thick, distorted ice. When the officer was seated again Axel immediately began speaking again in a dull voice, ‘When he was beating me I was trying to get away but my wrists were tied too tight. I ripped open my wrists trying to get loose and he didn’t even notice. I think he only stopped when he got bored because then he… Uh, he… He made his friend come over.’

   
Officer Raijin was leaning back in his chair watching Axel with a bored look on his face and made an impatient noise when Axel once again stuttered to a stop. For the second time Axel shivered at the sense that something was incredibly wrong, but his head was far too fucked up to give the feeling more than a passing thought. Caught up as he was in the humiliation of what he was about to tell a complete stranger Axel completely missed the fact that none of what he had said so far had elicited any sort of reaction from his interrogator.

   
Staring blankly at the floor Axel continued in a wobbly voice, ‘He told his friend, he called him Sei, that he could do what he wanted to me. He, uh, he didn’t get far though because d-dad shoved him off again… You saw on my chest, the biggest bandage, that’s H-his, Reno’s name. He carved His name into my chest and then handed me back to his sick fuck of a friend.’

   
Axel knew that if he stopped he would never be able to force the next bit out of his mouth and finish the story so he closed his eyes and blurted in a rush, ‘He, Sei, held me down and made me suck h-his cock. Then d-dad c-came back and he… He raped me. I tried, I tried to fight but he smashed my head into the wall and just kept going. I don’t know how but I was still conscious when he f-finished so I heard them talking… I guess I knew it way before then but they were talking about killing me. Oh Gaia… My dad was going to kill me…’

   
Abruptly running out of breath and strength Axel felt burning tears break through the numbness and begin to fall down his face. However the teen’s eyes flew open and he jumped, letting out a choked sob when Officer Raijin snapped out suddenly, ‘If you keep stopping we’ll never get this done _Mr_ Raffica. If you get it together enough to finish then you’re welcome to take all the time you need to break down once we’re done here.’

   
Stunned at the callousness of the man’s unprofessional outburst Axel was too discomposed and distraught to do anything other than try and rein in his shuddering breathing. With his eyes fixed nervously on the officer Axel whispered, ‘They thought I was totally unconscious but I wasn’t. When they picked me up to t-take me upstairs I took them by surprise and jumped through the window. I ran. I just ran and ran until I realized I was in Siréné Park and I hid. I can only thank Gaia that they didn’t see any blood on the ground in the dark because they didn’t find me. T-that’s pretty much all I remember before waking up here… Apparently Leon found me…’

   
Almost before Axel had finished speaking Officer Raijin was nodding brusquely and snapping his notebook closed. As Axel sat, shock warring inside him with nausea and barely repressed hysteria, the policeman got to his feet and left with a final cold parting statement, ‘Thank you for your time Mr Raffica. I don’t know how much use such an incomplete account will be, but I will file this back at the station and you can probably expect to hear from the Chief. For some reason Chief Cid has taken a personal interest in your case. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s probably some actual crime I need to attend to.’  
 

*****

   
Roxas had been beside himself when Ventus told him he wouldn’t be allowed to stay with Axel for his interview but the rage within him collapsed into wretched misery as he watched the redhead walk reluctantly away into the room. Roxas’ tear-filled blue eyes met Axel’s green gaze for a brief moment before the door swung shut and he couldn’t hold back a small sound of pain at the fear and mute plea he saw in Axel’s eyes. The click of the door closing sounded harsh and final and Roxas would have stood in the hall staring at the dark wood until the door reopened had Ventus not wrapped his arm around him and led him gently away.

   
For the interminable time that Axel was shut away with the police officer Roxas sat with Ventus and Aqua on his brother’s bed, simultaneously appreciating the effort the pair were putting into keeping him occupied and wishing they would fuck off and leave him to stew alone. Even though he participated outwardly in the conversation that Ventus and Aqua were shouldering along, Roxas’ mind was almost entirely occupied with counting the seconds until he would be able to hold Axel close and the blonde teen felt anxiety rising higher and higher within him with every passing moment. Each time the house creaked or someone moved in another room Roxas twitched in his seat, trying his best to ignore the sympathetic looks from both Aqua and his brother.

   
Because of his state of hyper-alertness Roxas was the first to hear his bedroom door creak open and the murmured voice of Officer Raijin as he took his leave. Almost levitating off the bed Roxas was out the door before Ventus or Aqua could draw breath and he blew past the departing policeman without a second glance. Roxas managed to restrain himself enough to not burst into his bedroom and possibly scare the shit out of Axel and he skidded to a halt at the door, knocking gently before letting himself in.

   
Roxas hadn’t been sure what to expect when he walked into his room, but he sure as hell hadn’t expected to be almost knocked over by a redheaded streak that headed for the bathroom at a flat out run. The glimpse he managed to catch of Axel’s face as he crashed past dragged a curse from Roxas’ lips and he spun around to chase after the other teen. A step behind the redhead, Roxas could only watch helplessly as Axel stumbled and fell to his knees by the toilet, shuddering all over as he retched violently.

   
Without a second’s pause Roxas was at Axel’s side, stepping deliberately into the other teen’s field of view and crouching down next to him. Carefully so as not to distress Axel further Roxas gathered the boy’s wild, red hair back behind his neck and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, aching to do more but only able to wait until Axel could speak. Each spasm that wracked Axel’s thin frame made Roxas’ heart lurch painfully and he gritted his teeth with the effort of holding in his own groan of distress.

   
It took a while, but eventually Roxas became aware that Axel’s miserable choking noises had tapered off into silence and he looked up to see Axel’s blood-shot green eyes staring back at him. The fragile note in Axel’s voice sent a shiver down Roxas’ spine as the redhead said, ‘I think I’ve thrown all my guts up Rox, I just want to go back to bed. I don’t think I can get up though… Can you…’

   
Roxas was on his feet before Axel had finished talking and he helped the trembling teen to his feet, placing his hands carefully to avoid bumping any injuries. Awkwardly the pair hobbled back down the hall into Roxas’ room and Roxas bit back a sigh of relief when Axel was finally settled back on the bed, half-sitting up against the pile of pillows. Once he was totally sure that Axel was comfortable Roxas slowly climbed onto the bed and sank down against the pillows too, looking over at Axel with concern in his eyes.

   
To Roxas’ surprise Axel glanced back at him briefly before his eyes slid closed and he seemed to pre-empt the question that never made it past Roxas’ lips as he whispered quietly, ‘I’m not okay Rox, oh Gaia, I’m really not okay. I was having flashbacks as I talked to him which was bad enough, but now they’re happening every few minutes… I can’t handle this, I just can’t… I can see it, feel it Rox… Fuck Rox, please… Help me…’

   
Any thoughts Roxas had had of talking to Axel about the interview flew right out of his head at the sight of the agonized expression on the teen’s face and once again he thanked Gaia for giving him the brother he had been gifted with. In the years since his parents had been killed Roxas had suffered from flashbacks on and off, more often in times of stress but sometimes randomly out of the blue. Ventus had taught Roxas right from a young age ways to deal with the overwhelming memories that assailed him and now he felt hope rise in him that he could help Axel with the same thing.

   
Reaching out slowly, careful not to spook the other teen, Roxas gently slid his hand into Axel’s and wove their fingers together loosely. In a low, calm voice Roxas said, ‘I’m right here Axel, listen to my voice. The fact that you know that you’re having a flashback, that’s good, it means you know you survived it and it isn’t real now… Ax, I need you to breathe, deep and slow as you can…’

   
With a stroke of inspiration Roxas lightly pulled Axel’s hand over towards himself and flattened the redhead’s palm over his chest. Forcing himself to breathe deep and regular Roxas continued, ‘That’s it, slow and deep breaths. Breathe in time with me, we can do this as long as you need. I can feel your heartbeat slowing and that’s good Ax… Focus on me, focus on my voice.’

   
Axel’s breathing was getting steadier, his heartrate slowing and Roxas could tell that the flashback was fading. Continuing to speak in a soothing, gentle voice Roxas murmured, ‘Can you open your eyes Ax? It might help your head realize that you’re here and it’s now and you’re okay.’  
 

*****

   
All his life Axel had felt like he was pretty much at the mercy of his flashbacks, dragged from the real world into the hell in his head without a second’s warning. Some of Axel’s very first memories of childhood were horrific scenes of abuse that revisited him time and time again and from the moment he discovered his father’s alcohol stash, drink and drugs had been the only way he had found to keep the flashbacks at bay. When Roxas had picked him up off the bathroom floor and Axel felt the terrifying sideslip from reality begin he could do nothing but watch the horror show start to cavort and gibber inside his head.

   
Axel had barely been able to force his plea for help through numb lips as he sat next to Roxas on the bed and part of his mind jeered at him for even daring to hope that the other teen could do anything. As if from a great distance Axel felt the pressure of Roxas’ hand on his own and he found a spark of strength inside himself to push the screams aside enough to hear Roxas’ steady voice. For a long, panicky moment Axel simply couldn’t get a hold of his rapid, shallow breathing and he felt a tide of despair rising and intertwining with the mind-fuck of the flashback.

   
Then Axel’s hand came to rest on Roxas’ chest and through the delicate nerves on the tips of his fingers he felt the strong throbbing beat of the other teen’s heart. The steady thump of Roxas’ pulse reverberated through Axel’s body and acted as an anchor to the real world, combining with Roxas’ calming words to drag Axel away from the nightmare that clutched him. Counting the beats of Roxas’ heart and matching his own breathing to the blonde’s steady breaths Axel marveled at the sensation of the cruel claws of the flashback falling away from his mind.

   
With the echo of Roxas’ heartbeat seeming to beat through his own veins Axel felt the last of the flashback drain from his thoughts. Tentatively, almost unable to believe that he had ridden out the vicious memory in so short a time, Axel opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Roxas looking back at him with concern and love written all over his face. His left hand still pressed against Roxas’ chest, Axel couldn’t help raising his other hand, brushing Roxas’ unruly hair away from his eyes and running the tip of one finger across the boy’s brow.

   
Staring wonderingly into Roxas’ vivid blue eyes Axel cleared his sore throat and said quietly, ‘You don’t… Well, you probably do know what you just did Rox. Thank you… For being here, for being you. I love you Rox…I do…’

   
Axel had been desperate to let Roxas know how full his heart was but he trailed off into a coughing fit, his throat letting him know just how much it didn’t appreciate being used to throw up with. Doubled over with the force of his choking fit Axel gratefully accepted the glass of water that Roxas shoved into his hands and when he was able to breathe again he collapsed back onto the pillows. Opening his mouth to say something Axel blinked when Roxas laid a finger gently over his lips and he felt his muscles begin to relax when the blonde teen pulled him into an embrace.  
 

*****

   
When Seifer had finally returned from his mission to contact Dusk, Reno wasted no time in vacating the mansion. The sun had been well on its way to setting by the time Reno and Seifer had made it back from Siréné Park and they made their way through the woods in the gloom of growing darkness. Seifer stumbled and staggered over the uneven forest floor, tripping on roots and slipping on leaves, but Reno stalked through the shadows as if he were a feral creature right at home in the darkness.

   
Leading the way but not bothering to look back to see if Seifer was keeping up, Reno wove a convoluted path through the tangled bush and eventually arrived at a decrepit shack deep in the thick woods. Shouldering his way through the warped front door Reno folded his arms and leaned back against the wall, staring at the panting Seifer with hooded eyes. The silence drew out and Reno watched Seifer grow more and more nervous, the blonde man starting to twitch and scratch unconsciously at the crook of his elbow.

   
Finally Reno broke the silence in the hut so abruptly that Seifer let out a yelp, saying brusquely, ‘So Sei, tell me what yer Dusk people have sorted for me yo. I’d hoped to have this finished by now, but looks like I’ll have to fucking wait.’

   
Seifer nervously cleared his throat a couple of times and replied, ‘Ahem, uh, Dusk has a cop in their pay and they’re using their pull to send Officer Raijin in to do the victim report. They’ll contact me to let me know how to get whatever information he can gather… I’m sorry Ren, that’s the best I can do. We have to wait for Raijin… I’m willing to bet they’ll already have guards all around the house.’

   
With his sickly, glowing eyes trained on Seifer throughout the man’s short statement Reno nodded thoughtfully and said in an eerily calm voice, ‘Then we wait yo. But while we wait yer going to tell me everything ya know about this happy little family Red seems to have found himself. My boy’s found himself a little blondie faggot friend and I got a look at the kid’s brother… I’m pretty fucking sure Sei that blondie’s brother worked at the university when ya were fucking around with yer study yo.’

   
Although he was many miles beyond a stone’s throw of sane Reno was both cunning and sharply perceptive, the watchful man noting the hitch in Seifer’s breath and the flinch that he tried to hide. A slight narrowing of his poisonous green eyes was the only outward sign that Reno showed at his observation, but he scored a mental note deep into his mind to revisit the things he was now sure Seifer was hiding from him. Reno’s deranged thoughts made no distinction between concealing information and full out betrayal and already he was beginning to plan the disposal of the man who used to be his friend.

   
Folding his arms in attempt to seem confident Seifer said slowly, ‘Blonde haired brothers can only be the Hakunetsus. Ventus is the one at the university and… Roxas must be who you saw with Axel. Those two are fucked Ren, before you or Axel even turned up. I don’t know them personally but I know they moved to the Islands when their parents died suddenly over in Twilight Town.’

   
His suspicions completely confirmed Reno smiled grimly on the inside and on the outside nodded shortly saying silkily, ‘Interesting Sei. While we wait for this bent cop of yours to get his ass back here we can have a nice discussion about these brothers yo. Tell me Sei, what do ya know about this Roxas Hakunetsu?’  
 

*****

   
Seifer received a call from Officer Raijin two days after he and Reno took up residence in the hovel in the woods and he had never been so relieved to hear his phone go off. Taking his leave from the man he was quite sure was locked in the unbreakable grip of madness, Seifer stealthily made his way through the small forest to the meeting point at the edge of town. A nerve-wracking hour after he arrived at the run-down bar Seifer was hurrying back into the woods clutching a thick brown envelope.

   
Standing in front of Reno and watching him open the envelope, Seifer couldn’t help but send a prayer to Gaia that the information would be to the man’s liking. Relief mixed with fear flooded through Seifer when Reno quickly scanned the page of notes and nodded curtly before beginning to flip through the small pack of photos that Raijin had included with his message. The horrifying smile that spread across Reno’s face as he studied the photos that Raijin had taken of Axel’s injuries chilled Seifer to the bone and he couldn’t help but cringe when the red haired man finally looked up at him again.

   
Reno’s sickly grin took on an air of malicious amusement and Seifer flushed angrily at the scornful tone of the man’s voice as he said, ‘Pull yer panties up Sei, I can’t have ya fucking out on me now can I? This crooked cop did a good job yo, I’ve got all I need to end this once and for all. Come have a look at this… Get that twisted little mind of yours working on the best way to take out Red and anyone else who gets in my way.’  
 

*****

   
Roxas had held Axel in a gentle but protective embrace after talking him down from his flashback and he had watched him fall almost immediately into an exhausted sleep. Watching Axel’s expression once again smooth away into peaceful rest did more for Roxas’ peace of mind than any amount of police guards and for over an hour he simply lay next to his boyfriend and watched his chest rise and fall. The anxiety of the time spent separated from Axel bled away painfully gradually, but even when he felt that he was approaching a lower level of tension if not actual serenity Roxas couldn’t relax completely.

   
Despite the fact that Roxas was also brain-numbingly shattered himself and would have gratefully fallen into the embrace of sleep, he found the peace of unconsciousness tantalizingly out of reach. Roxas had heard the phrase ‘nothing is a slower torture than not knowing’ before, but he had never appreciated its complete and utter accuracy until this point. Try though he might Roxas couldn’t stop his thoughts turning again and again to the torture Axel had managed to live through, his brain supplying him with endless and horrendous possibilities of just what could have happened.

   
With Axel lying in his arms breathing peacefully Roxas’ gaze slid inexorably down to land on the purplish-black bruises that stood out starkly on the pale skin of the redhead’s throat. Smoothly and obligingly Roxas’ mind supplied him with a brief but incredibly vivid movie of Axel lying on the floor, having the life strangled from him by a blurry, shadowed figure with a shock of red hair. The blood drained from Roxas’ face as the mental movie played again and again, the heart-breaking sequence only breaking up when Axel murmured in his sleep and rolled over slightly to face towards him.

   
For a moment Roxas was distracted from his thoughts by the beautiful serenity of Axel’s sleeping face, but then his gaze wandered again and his heart skipped a beat as he found himself staring at the large bandage on Axel’s chest. When Axel had just been brought home all Roxas had been able to see was a mess of dirt and crusted blood covering his chest, but now with the clean white dressing the horrified teen could see the shape of the blood staining through from the cuts beneath. Faintly, as Leon had bandaged the injury heavily, but unmistakably Roxas could see the scarlet stains spelling out RENO.

   
Roxas felt as if he had been stabbed in the stomach and gutted with a blunt knife, stuffing his fist in his mouth and biting down hard to stop himself from crying out. The taste of his own blood was the perfect accompaniment to the rage and sorrow that threatened to tear Roxas’ mind apart and his thoughts were pulled roughly between the fury that someone would do this to his Axel and the sickening grief that Axel had been subject to such inhuman cruelty. His strength draining away completely Roxas let his head fall back and he stared at the ceiling blindly.

   
The day crept onward but Roxas didn’t notice the passing minutes or hours, not even registering it when the light dimmed and night began to fall. His arms clasped protectively around the sleeping Axel Roxas was at the mercy of his chaotic thoughts, being forced over and over again to watch the scenarios his mind supplied for him of Reno torturing Axel. A particularly gruesome vision tore a low moan from Roxas’ lips and at the same time he suddenly became aware that Axel was shuddering in his arms.

   
At the same moment that Roxas snapped his head around to look at Axel the redhead gave a convulsive gasp and jerked awake, terror and desperate panic swirling in his green eyes. Before Roxas could get it together enough to say a word Axel blurted out in a trembling voice, ‘Fuck Rox, I can’t, I can’t sleep again… Not if I’m going to see him every time I close my eyes. It’s all there in my head, just waiting for me to be weak, to not be able to block it out… Rox, oh fuck… Rox…’

   
Using every last scrap of willpower to refrain from tightening his embrace around Axel into a stranglehold, Roxas held Axel’s wild stare and whispered miserably, ‘I’d stay awake with you for the rest of our lives Axel if I could… Gaia Ax, I wish I could make it so you’d never have to sleep but I can’t, I can’t do shit…’

   
As Axel drew in a gasping, shuddering breath and tried to control the shivers that wracked his body Roxas couldn’t stop the next words that bypassed his brain-filter and tumbled out of his mouth, ‘Ax I… What do you see behind your eyes that makes you never want to go back to sleep? What happened?’

   
Roxas felt Axel’s breathing stop completely and at the point he would have given anything to be able to take his question back. Looking away from Axel’s shocked gaze Roxas heard the teen whisper quietly, ‘No Rox, I can’t. I won’t do that to you. It’s bad enough for me to see it in my mind, but I fucking refuse to put it into your head too…’

   
His control splintering completely Roxas broke in abruptly, ‘Fuck Axel! You might not like the idea of me having to have this shit in my head too, but it’s fucking killing me to see you carrying this alone! I don’t… You… Please Ax…’

   
Stuttering to a stop and running out words, Roxas felt the tension wind tighter as the silence drew out. Forcing himself to look up Roxas found himself caught by Axel’s intense stare and he swallowed hard at the pain that was blatantly obvious in the teen’s green eyes. Hating himself for causing some of the pain but desperate to somehow shoulder some of the burden Roxas simply gazed into Axel’s eyes and tried to communicate his sincerity and support.

   
After what seemed like forever Roxas saw something shift deep in Axel’s eyes and the redhead let out his breath in a hitching sigh. Shrugging free of Roxas’ grip Axel gingerly struggled up so he was sitting up against the pillows and as Roxas watched anxiously he closed his eyes in resignation. Tentatively Roxas slid his hand forward to grasp Axel’s white fingers and he jumped when Axel clutched his hand in a death grip. Trying to brace himself for the story that he knew could break him completely Roxas steadied his breathing and waited for Axel to begin.

   
Axel’s voice was rough as he spat the words out like they burned his lips and it was only the long years of work Roxas had put into containing his temper that allowed him to listen without interrupting to the tale of horrific torture and cruelty. Even before Axel finished his first sentence Roxas was so tense his muscles creaked and as the story progressed he found it harder and harder to breathe. Then the shit hit the proverbial when Axel unthinkingly uttered the shattering words, ‘He got off and told Sei to come over and get some.’

   
Roxas froze and stared at Axel fixedly, almost unaware that the other teen was staring back at him with a look of fearful apprehension. A roaring in Roxas’ ears blanked out all sound and for a second his vision greyed and he was sure that he was going to pass out. Even in his most disturbed imaginings Roxas had never even considered that Reno would enlist help in his sick vendetta and it was almost beyond his ability to comprehend that the insane man had actually given his own son to someone else to abuse and that someone was a man that Roxas knew. As if from a long way Roxas heard Axel call his name and he slowly forced away the shock that was threatening his sanity.  
 

*****

   
As he was forcing himself to tell his story to the one person he had wanted to protect from his hell Axel was too focused on getting the words out to think ahead to the more shocking things he was about to reveal. Axel was struggling not to lose himself in the memories that his retelling was stirring up but the look on Roxas’ face when he blurted out Seifer’s name jerked him back to reality so hard that he rocked where he sat. Roxas’ expression made Axel’s heart quail in his chest and he flinched when the other teen’s eyes focused on him, his sapphire stare nailing him to the spot.

   
For a period of five full heartbeats the two teens sat frozen to the spot and then Axel nearly swallowed his tongue as Roxas snarled in a tone of pure, unadulterated hate, ‘I’ll kill him. I swear I will break his bones and castrate the drugged out fucking shitstain while he screams for it to stop. I don’t care how long it takes to find him, them… Fuck! Axel, did you tell the cops? I… Oh Gaia Ax, I swear on everything I will kill the fuckers for what they’ve done to you!’


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N: I am so sorry this took so long. Life decided to beat me up and break my typing fingers. Seriously though, I've had some rough shit going on and I hate that it has been leaching away my creativity to the point that I haven't been able to write.  
> **  
>  Thanks for your patience whoever is still reading and I hope the next chapter doesn't take as long.

The raw violence in Roxas’ tone sent a jolt of fear down Axel’s spine and in response to a lifetime of training at his father’s hands he reflexively closed his eyes and waited for the pain to happen. Axel’s eyes snapped open however when the bedroom door slammed loudly and he found himself alone in the room with Roxas nowhere in sight. Extremely shaken by both the ordeal of reliving the abduction followed by the sudden flash of terrifying viciousness in Roxas’ voice, Axel sat rooted to the spot barely able to breathe let alone move.

   
Shaking and trying to control his breathing Axel found that he couldn’t banish from his mind the murderous look that had burned in Roxas’ eyes. The anguished teen might have sat on the bed until the house fell down around him but then a thought burst into his brain and his breath left him in a horrified whoosh. Sounding as if he had never been away Bad Red purred maliciously in Axel’s mind, ‘You let him leave you worthless piece of shit and you didn’t even think about where he might have left to. I know where he could have gone… Your precious Roxas probably went off to avenge your honour all on his own. How long do you think he’ll last against Daddy dearest huh? Five seconds? Ten?’

   
Axel shot to his feet so fast that his head spun and he had to clutch at the bedpost to avoid passing out on the spot. As soon as the black dots stopped flashing in front of his eyes Axel stumbled towards the door and crashed out into the hallway, desperate to find Roxas before the furious teen did anything stupid like trying to hunt down Reno and Seifer on his own. On unsteady legs Axel staggered down the corridor and burst into the living room to the sound of a crash, skidding into the doorframe when he saw Roxas and Ventus standing staring at each other with the ruins of the kitchen table strewn on the floor between them.  
 

*****

   
Ventus had been sitting at the kitchen table when Roxas had appeared out of nowhere like a human embodiment of fury. Over the years since their parent’s deaths Ventus had put his heart and soul into helping Roxas gain control over the anger that boiled inside him and it stunned him to momentary stillness to see his little brother’s face contorted with the familiar rage that bordered on insanity. Then Roxas had snarled out the story of Seifer’s part in the abduction and Ventus could no longer see through the blood-red mist that blanketed his own vision.

   
Before Roxas even finished what he was saying Ventus was on his feet and ignoring the jag of pain that clawed at his leg he flipped the heavy table over with a wild heave. As the table crashed to the floor Ventus struggled with the urge to destroy everything in sight and he stared blindly at Roxas who had been partially shocked out of his own anger by his brother’s uncontrolled outburst. Ventus gritted his teeth with the effort of holding back his rage, shaking as he glared at Roxas, but then Axel lurched into the room only to be pinned where he stood by two pairs of blue eyes that almost glowed with the bright light of anger.

   
Tension thick enough to cut with a knife filled the air and the silence drew out until Ventus pulled himself together enough to say in a voice of forced calm, ‘Sit down Axel, Roxas, I need to decide what to do about this. I know the last thing you want to do is go over this shit again, but if it’s not just your… If it’s not just Reno out there then things are even more dangerous than any of us thought.’

   
Suddenly becoming aware that his leg was sending rather urgent pain signals to his brain Ventus collapsed back into the kitchen chair and let out a groan through gritted teeth. At this precise moment Leon seemingly appeared out of nowhere with a forbidding look on his face, making all three men jump in what would have been amusing synchronicity had the atmosphere not been so strained. Momentarily caught in a motionless tableau the men stared at each other until Leon said curtly, ‘Okay, so who wants to tell me what the fuck is going on?’  
 

*****

   
When Leon heard the huge bang from somewhere in the house, his first thought had been that Reno had somehow gotten past the cops and managed to break into the Hakunetsu’s home. Moving quickly and silently Leon had made his way to the kitchen but had stopped and stared when he laid eyes on the upturned table and the broken plates scattered on the floor. Leon’s observant gaze took in Ventus’ grimace of pain, Roxas’ expression of simmering rage and Axel’s look of pure misery and he decided that there was no way he was going to be left out of whatever development had just cropped up.

   
Uttering his gruff demand for information to be immediately forthcoming Leon didn’t wait for his friends to decide who would be the one to speak and he stepped forward, hauling the table up off the floor and setting it upright. As Roxas and Axel were still frozen where they stood Leon rolled his eyes and gently but firmly shoved the teens over to the table and pushed them into the empty seats. It wasn’t until Leon leant back against the breakfast bar and fixed Ventus with an interrogatory stare that the blonde man pulled himself together enough to say hoarsely, ‘Gaia wept Leon… Seifer… Seifer… He helped kidnap Axel, he’s working with Reno.’

   
The only thing that gave Leon’s inner feelings away was the slight narrowing of his eyes and the fleeting snarl that quirked his lips before quickly vanishing. His tactically inclined mind kicking immediately into overdrive Leon wasted no time on pointless speculation and he snapped out, ‘Ven, you have to text Aqua and Yuffie, get them back here now so we all know what’s going on. Ax, Roxas, I’m going to make a call and then when the girls get here you need to tell us everything. I’m sorry Axel, but like Ventus said, this makes things so much more dangerous.’

   
This time Axel’s nod was a little more firm and Leon saw the redhead pull himself together when Roxas took his hand and laced their fingers together. Reaching out a long arm Leon snagged the cordless phone from its cradle and he was already dialing the direct number for Chief Cid as he strode out into the hall. While the phone rang and he waited for someone to answer Leon stalked down to the sunroom at the other end of the house, aware that he was probably going to lose his shit and not wanting to disturb the other members of the household more than they already were.

   
Chief Cid’s gruff voice could have been taken as intimidating as he answered the phone impatiently but Leon was too angry to notice. In a tone of carefully controlled menace Leon said without preamble, ‘What the fuck Cid, are you actively trying to get Axel Raffica killed? I know you’re not military police or anything, but I would’ve thought that even your uniformed half-wits would meet with a victim to discuss the impact and additional risks of a fucking escaped convict and kidnapper having a fucking local accomplice!’

   
There was stunned silence on the other end of the phone in the face of Leon’s harsh words and then Cid said something that astounded Leon completely. In a voice that was barely a shadow of his usual brashness Cid said faintly, ‘What… I don’t… The fuck you mean Raffica has an accomplice? What in the goddamn hell are you talking about?’

  
Thoughts went through Leon’s mind so fast that by all rights he should have spontaneously combusted on the spot. Firstly he was hit by disbelief that somehow Chief Cid had no idea about the Seifer development, but the disbelief was almost immediately wiped from his mind when he made a leap of realization, Cid didn’t know because he never saw Axel’s victim report that should have been on his desk the day before. The implications of his flash of insight momentarily took away Leon’s power of speech and he stood staring into space with a dark look of disquiet written across his face.

   
Leon’s moment of gobsmack actually only lasted for a split second although it felt much longer and then the stunned man was snarling at Chief Cid, ‘You sent a man in to get a victim statement and then never noticed that it didn’t show up on your desk? Dammit Cid, if it weren’t for the fact that I know you’re damn good at your job I’d be on the phone to Mayor Ledovec demanding that you be replaced fucking yesterday! Come on then Cid, tell me, how is the Destiny Police Department is going to explain away this level of clusterfuck?’  
 

*****

   
When Leon stalked out of the room to call Chief Cid, Axel clutched Roxas’ hand like a lifeline and tried to ignore the voice in his mind whispering that the shitstorm engulfing himself and his friends was entirely and indisputably his fault. The silence in the kitchen was only broken by the muffled sounds of Leon’s composure shattering at the other end of the house, and even though the kitchen was separated from the sunroom by three bedrooms and a hallway Axel could still clearly hear the incredulous anger in Leon’s every exclamation. Axel couldn’t suppress a flinch at a particularly vicious curse from the other room, but he drew strength from Roxas’ firm grip and from Ventus as the older man rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.

   
Drawing in a deep breath and trying to slow his heartrate down Axel managed to steady himself somewhat and by the time Leon stalked back into the room with a dark look on his face the teen was feeling like he was a little less likely to pass out. The silence in the room drew out as Leon pulled up a chair to the table with rigidly controlled movements and eventually Axel couldn’t take it any longer and blurted out, ‘You look like you want to k-kill someone Leon, what did the cops say?’

   
As Axel watched anxiously Leon visibly got a grip on his emotions and said in a level tone, ‘There’s no way to sugar-coat this, Cid never got your victim report Axel. I know the guy from way back but Gaia damn it to hell I’d never have guessed he would miss this… It took some figuring out but we worked out why our dealings with the cops have been so ineffectual Ax and it’s not good. After I all but forced him to check the log books submitted by the house guards he found that Officer Raijin never showed at the headquarters and never turned in the report. No one has seen him and Cid thinks… Fuck, they think Raijin could be working for Reno.’

   
Stunned silence greeted Leon’s revelation and Axel struggled for breath, not sure if he was going to hyperventilate, scream or pass out. His muscles turning to jelly Axel all but collapsed against Roxas  and tried to remember how to breathe properly as his boyfriend snapped venomously, ‘We just found out that fucking Seifer is working with Reno and now the cops are working for him too? Dammit Leon, give me one reason why I shouldn’t go down there and rip _Chief_ Cid a new one right fucking now! How! How the fuck could they let this happen!’

   
Below Roxas’ anger Axel heard a barely noticeable crack in his voice that betrayed just how close to the edge the teen really was. Pushing his own turmoil and distress to the back of his mind Axel turned in his chair and caught Roxas’ eye, waiting until the blonde reluctantly focused on him before saying in a shaky voice, ‘Rox, I… I need you to calm down. We can’t just go off half-cocked at this because… Because someone could... Could die and I will not let any of you get hurt because of me. Please Roxas… We have to be able to think smart about this or we’re so fucked…’  
 

*****

   
Aqua burst through the door hand in hand with Yuffie and the women hurtled into the kitchen, skidding to a breathless halt. As she stared at the silent men huddled around the table, the loudest thought in Aqua’s jumbled mind was, ‘Gaia fucking wept, how much more can we take? This is going to be bad, fuck, this is going to be really bad…’

   
While Aqua was trying to get herself together enough for speech, Yuffie didn’t pause for a second. The instant the tiny brunette burst into the lounge and took in the look on Leon’s usually impassive face she snapped, ‘Alright, spit it out. If someone isn’t talking in the next five seconds I swear you won’t enjoy the consequences.’

   
Startled by the grim note in Yuffie’s voice Aqua was pulled out of her mental storm. As Yuffie stalked across the room towards Leon, Aqua tentatively walked over to where Ventus was sitting and glaring at the floor, slipping her arms around her boyfriend’s neck and leaning lightly against his shoulder. In the silence that stretched out in the wake of Yuffie’s demand Aqua whispered to Ventus, ‘Are you okay Ven? Is there anything I can do? What… What’s going on?’

   
Shifting his gaze from the floor Ventus only gazed silently at Aqua, pain burning in the blue depths of his stare. The pregnant silence was eventually broken by Roxas and Aqua dragged her eyes away from Ventus to pay attention to her partner’s brother as he said flatly to the room at large, ‘Ven and Leon already know, but we need everyone in the loop. Reno isn’t alone out there, he’s working with fucking Seifer. Seifer was part of the abduction and he… He’s a sick fuck…’

   
The shocking revelation echoed around the room but for Aqua Roxas’ voice faded away, drowned out by the roaring in her ears. Her electric blue eyes widening in horror Aqua shook her head in mute denial before making the mistake of trying to stand up straight, the bluette promptly passing out to the sound of Ventus’ frantic yell and Yuffie’s extremely vulgar swearing. As the black closed around Aqua she was left with a fading imagined image of Axel, unconscious, being dragged into the distance by the man she had spent five months of her life with. Passed out on the lounge floor Aqua was oblivious to Ventus yelling at the stricken Roxas and she remained insensible as Leon lifted her effortlessly and carried her into Ventus’ room.  
 

*****

   
As Aqua collapsed before his eyes Roxas realized belatedly that she had known Seifer for a long time and dated the man for almost half a year. Cursing himself for his tactless idiocy Roxas shoved himself to his feet to go to the woman’s side only to find himself face to face with his furious brother. Roxas swallowed hard and met Ventus’ red-hot glare, opening his mouth to gabble an apology but snapping it shut again when Ventus abruptly lost his shit and shouted, ‘Goddamn it Roxas what the fuck is wrong with you?! I was going to try and tell her that her ex was working with a murderous psychopath in a way that didn’t… Why the fuck did you do that!’

   
Roxas was jolted out of his anger by the viciousness in his brother’s words and he cringed in the face of Ventus’ fury, hating himself for causing Aqua pain that could have been at least partially avoided. Then in the midst of Ventus’ tirade the blonde man was cut off by Leon pushing him roughly out of the way and stooping to pick up Aqua’s limp form, carrying her out of the lounge without a word. Roxas stared at Ventus with wordless apology in his eyes but his brother avoided his gaze and with a curt dismissive gesture hurried after Leon.

   
Standing in the lounge staring after Ventus Roxas battled against uncertainty, unsure as to what Ventus’ reaction would be if he followed. Suddenly realizing that everybody had somehow forgotten about Axel in the confusion of the last few minutes Roxas whipped around to see that his boyfriend was still sitting staring at the carpet, hunched over with his hands clasped close to his chest. Roxas went to go give Axel a reassuring and mutually comforting hug but then his sharp eyes noticed something that made his breath catch in his throat.

   
To the casual observer it might have looked as if Axel was just hugging himself tightly, but upon closer inspection Roxas saw that Axel was rubbing convulsively at his chest, specifically the spot where Reno had carved his name. In a burst of intuition Roxas realized sickly that Axel was trying to unobtrusively self-harm and after a moment’s bewildered thought he understood why. Tears filled Roxas’ eyes as he stared at Axel’s shivering form, the knowledge that the teen was punishing himself for the pain Aqua was feeling burning a hole in his heart.

   
For a moment Roxas was torn, wanting to follow after Leon, Aqua and Ventus to make up for his thoughtlessness but also needing to stop Axel from spiraling any further. Caught between conflicting urges Roxas’ mind was made up for him when he heard Axel make a small, wretched noise of pain and he tripped on his own feet in his haste to get to the redhead’s side. Overbalancing just before he got to Axel Roxas crashed to his knees on the floor next to the redhead, tears beginning to drip down his cheeks as he saw that spots of blood were starting to show through the teen’s bandages and thin shirt.

   
Not wanting to scare Axel but unable to fully suppress the raw anguish in his voice Roxas said waveringly, ‘Please stop Ax, oh Gaia’s love please stop… I can’t stand it…’

   
Axel’s head jerked up at the sound of Roxas’ voice and to Roxas it seemed that the redhead had almost forgotten he was there. Hunching over even further Axel whispered to his knees, ‘I’m sorry Rox, I promised but I can’t… It’s all I deserve, blood and pain, it’s all I bring. Aqua’s only ever been a fucking angel to me and then this… Why Rox? Why can’t I stop hurting people?’

   
The words falling from Axel’s lips cut Roxas to the core and he bit his lip, shuffling forward on his knees until he was pressed gently against Axel’s leg. Letting his head fall forward so his forehead was resting against Axel’s knee Roxas shook his head, incapable of assembling the words to tell Axel just how wrong he was. For what felt like hours Roxas struggled for words, hating himself for the comfort he was leeching from Axel just from the contact.

   
Although it felt like hours it really only took five minutes for Roxas to find his voice and he looked up suddenly, managing to lock gazes with Axel who had been watching him furtively. Quickly before the other teen could look away Roxas murmured, ‘Seifer was the one who hurt Aqua… Ax… And you’ve brought me other things than just blood and pain. Maybe that’s how it started but I… But I wouldn’t change the accident, not even if it meant Ven not getting hurt. I mean it Ax, you’re worth it to me… I’d take any amount of pain as long as I got to have you. Somehow I’m going to make you believe it…’  
 

*****

   
Staring into Roxas’ eyes and hearing the teen tell him that he was worth all the pain and heartache of the last few months made something fundamental shift deep in Axel’s chest, the sneering strains of Bad Red actually fading almost to nothing. A small part of Axel still whispered that he was a worthless waste of oxygen but there was something in the emotion in Roxas’ gaze that wouldn’t allow him to call the other teen a liar even in the privacy of his own head. Unable to speak Axel simply reached out to Roxas, pulling the blonde up and into a tight hug.

   
Minutes ticked by as Axel clung tight to Roxas, the feeling of the other teen’s arms around him creating a sense of comfort and protection that he had never thought he would feel. Enfolded in Roxas’ warmth and strength Axel even came back to the world outside of his head enough to notice that they were all alone in the lounge and then his brain hit him with the events of the past few minutes and he couldn’t hold back a groan. Moving back slightly so he could look down at Roxas Axel said in a hoarse voice, ‘Rox, we need to see if Aqua’s okay. Can we… Do you think it would be okay if… Would Ventus kick me out?’

   
Not sure what he expected the blonde teen to say, Axel bit his lip hard as Roxas’ blue eyes filled with shimmering, unshed tears. In little more than a whisper Roxas said, ‘No Ax, he won’t. There is no way in any hell that this is your fault, it’s mine. I w-was so angry I didn’t even think of Aqua… I need to make this right somehow… Fuck, I couldn’t have been any more fucking stupid.’

   
Axel felt helpless in the face of Roxas’ self-recrimination but the look of misery on the blonde boy’s face cut through the fog in his own head enough to jolt him into action. Pushing himself unsteadily to his feet Axel kept his hold on Roxas’ hand and shoved aside the weakness in his limbs to pull the other teen to his feet too. Sliding his arms around Roxas in a loose hug Axel rested his forehead on the boy’s soft hair and murmured, ‘Ven will forgive you Rox. And Aqua… She would never be angry at you. I know where your head is because I always blame myself, and I know it’s so hard to see from the inside. Come with me? Please? I-I need to talk to Leon about t-this shit.’  
 

*****

   
In the face of Axel’s quiet understanding Roxas grappled with a confused mixture of hope and self-hatred before sucking in a shuddering breath and manning the fuck up. Looking up to meet Axel’s worried green gaze Roxas forced his voice to work and said, ‘Dammit Ax, I should be supporting you right now and instead you’re holding me together. Alright, let’s go then. You never know, maybe Ventus will put off yelling at me until we’ve sorted out what the fuck to do.’

   
Clasping Axel’s hand tightly Roxas led the way to Ventus’ room, resolutely holding on to the tattered fragments that remained of his courage and will-power. The short walk down the hallway seemed to take forever and when Roxas finally made it to the doorway he froze for a split-second at the sight of Ventus kneeling slumped by the bed and Aqua lying on the duvet, pale but speaking softly to her partner. Despite Axel’s hand tightly clasping his Roxas had to fight the urge to flee, but then Aqua looked up and her soft voice made running impossible.

   
Even though Aqua’s voice was wavering and faint her words had the force of a command as she murmured, ‘Please come in you two, don’t hide in the doorway. I’ve just finished telling Ven off for trying to blame me being a fragile flower on you, so don’t make me tell you off too for treating me like I’m made of glass.’

   
It was only thanks to Axel’s unwavering presence by his side that Roxas was able to force himself to step forward into the room with Ventus’ piercing stare trained on him. Steeling his nerve and doing his best to ignore the hostility radiating off his brother Roxas looked at Aqua with naked guilt in his eyes and said quietly, ‘I’m so, so sorry Aqua. Ventus is right. I said what I said without even thinking about how it might affect you or Ven or Ax or anyone else and I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I don’t know if or when Ven will forgive me for it but I need you to know that I’m so fucking sorry…’

   
Ventus made a noise that sounded like a cross between a growl and sob, but Roxas kept his miserable gaze fixed on Aqua’s face, praying to Gaia that his thoughtless words hadn’t destroyed the friendship he had with his brother’s girlfriend. Clutching Axel’s hand tightly Roxas blinked disbelievingly as Aqua unhesitatingly replied, ‘Your brother will forgive you Rox or I won’t forgive him. I know you weren’t trying to hurt me and I’m not about to be pissed at you for being hurt and angry over something that I’m hurt and so very angry about too. So, you’re forgiven and now that’s all out the way can we please start working on what to do about these two sick sons of bitches?’  
 

*****

   
Aqua was curled in his bed sound asleep but Ventus simply couldn’t turn his brain off pass out even though fatigue dragged at his every muscle. In the aftermath of Roxas’ apology and Aqua’s unconditional forgiveness Ventus had held it together enough to silently listen while Leon gently questioned Axel about what he thought might be his father and Seifer’s next move, but now alone with the memory of Aqua collapsing in a dead faint replaying in his mind he could feel the anger roiling just beneath the surface. Sliding out of bed without waking Aqua Ventus stalked down the hall and slumped onto the couch in the sunroom.

   
Ventus was so deep in his own thoughts that he completely failed to notice that he wasn’t alone in the dark conservatory and the sound of someone in the shadows clearing their throat just about gave him a heart attack. Whipping his head around in shock Ventus let out a relieved breath when he saw that it was just Leon slouching in the mangled old armchair in the corner of the conservatory and he tried to force his rigid muscles to relax and his heartbeat to quiet down to a dull roar. When he was confident that he could talk without his voice cracking Ventus cleared his throat and growled, ‘I would ask what you’re doing sitting here in the dark, but then that would beg the questions of what the hell I’m doing… Oh Gaia, what the fuck am I doing Leon?’

   
The two men had been friends for more years than Ventus could count and therefore he was unsurprised that Leon picked up on the question within his question and said bluntly, ‘It’s not like there’s exactly a handbook for this Ven, you’ve been through enough shit to know this. You’re doing what you can with what you’ve got and right now everyone’s alive… That’s what matters.’

   
Leon’s point that everyone might well not be alive if he didn’t get his shit together wasn’t lost on Ventus and he winced at the other man’s brutal rationality. Choking back a groan of frustration and anguish Ventus simply couldn’t stop the words that fell out of his mouth, ‘Yeah, they’re alive right now… But what if I fuck up huh? The police are fucking useless, Gaia Leon how do I keep them safe from this? And it’s not even just one psycho… Seifer… Oh fuck…’

   
Slumping forward with his elbows on his knees Ventus struggled to breathe, suddenly completely overwhelmed by the dangers that threatened him and the people he loved. Blue eyes staring blankly at the floor, his head filled with a chaotic flurry of fear and desperation, Ventus let out a shuddering breath and teetered right on the brink of losing his last shred of control. The clearest image in Ventus’ mind as he stared at nothing was the look on Roxas’ face when he had last spoken to his brother and tears welled behind the man’s eyes as he gave up on the anger that had finally burned away.

   
Lost in his own hopelessness Ventus didn’t notice when Leon pushed himself to his feet, but he jumped when he felt a weight settle on the couch next to him and strong arms wrap around him in a comforting hug. Too tired and heartsick to resist Ventus silently leaned against Leon and tried to take comfort from his friend’s solid strength as the brunette murmured, ‘Don’t worry about the cops Ven, in the morning I’m going to go see my _good_ friend Cid and he will get his shit together. You’re not alone Ventus, don’t forget that, all of us are with you in keeping Roxas and Axel safe.’

   
Leon’s no-nonsense, concrete sureness had the effect of pulling Ventus at least part way out of his fog of despair and as he hugged the other man back he felt tiredness settle onto him like a physical weight. Ventus went to say something but was hijacked by a jaw-breaking yawn and he felt Leon’s chuckle rumble by his ear as his friend said decisively, ‘Get your ass to bed Ven, you’re no good if you’re lurching around like a zombie. I’ll spell with Yuffie to keep watch tonight and then tomorrow we can really get this shit sorted.’

   
Acknowledging that sleep would be hitting him shortly whether he was in bed or not Ventus leaned heavily on Leon and staggered back to his bedroom. At the door Ventus gave Leon one more grateful hug before letting him slope off to the couch in the lounge and as quietly as he could he slipped into bed next to his sleeping girlfriend. Ventus’ eyes were already closing as his head came to rest on the pillow, but in the brief moment before sleep claimed him he once again saw in his mind his brother’s devastated face and his last conscious thought was, ‘I need to tell Roxas I’m sorry.’  
 

*****

   
When dawn lit the skies the next morning Roxas was still glaring a hole in the ceiling, having not had one wink of sleep despite being apocalyptically tired. For the first time in his life, even including the years he had battled through his rage and depression issues, Roxas was truly scared that he had created a rift between himself and his brother that he might not be able to bridge and the thought brought tears to his eyes. Blinking back the tears that threatened him Roxas rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillow, feeling rather than seeing when Axel slowly rolled onto his side and slid a comforting arm around his waist.

   
A long silence drew out and Roxas stewed in his own thoughts until Axel quietly cleared his throat and murmured, ‘Rox… Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?’

   
The fact that Axel was trying to comfort him after having so recently lived through what he had made Roxas hate himself even more than he already did and although he just wanted to curl into a little ball of self-loathing he couldn’t bring himself to just leave Axel’s question hanging. His voice muffled by a mouthful of pillow Roxas growled, ‘I don’t think you can do anything Axel, unless you can turn back time and prevent me from being thoughtless fucktard. I know Aqua said she forgives me, but I don’t and I honestly don’t know if Ven ever will…’

   
There was a brief pause and then Roxas let out a squeak as Axel shoved his shoulder and less than gently rolled him over so they were face to face. Roxas found himself staring into Axel’s piercing green eyes that were filled with equal parts sorrow and exasperation and he listened wordlessly as his boyfriend whispered harshly, ‘You fucked up Rox but he’s your brother. I haven’t… I’ve never seen anything like what you’ve got with Ventus and if I didn’t know better I’d think you were actually as stupid as you sound for thinking he’ll ever forget he’s your fucking brother.’

   
Roxas gaped at Axel, stunned at the vehemence in the teen’s voice and before he could find his voice Axel was speaking again saying flatly, ‘I’ve got no family Rox, at least nothing like the loving family you have… And I’ll be damned if I’ll let the ‘family’ I do have fuck things up for you and yours. I can’t let the shit I’ve brought down on you ruin you and Ven…’

   
Axel’s firm urging coupled with his own longing to right things with his brother was all Roxas needed and with a breathless murmur of gratitude he rolled out of bed and scurried out of the room leaving Axel gazing after him. Moving quietly but quickly in the still morning Roxas sped down the hallway and skidded to a halt in front of his brother’s room before taking a deep breath and letting himself inside without so much as a knock. Roxas was so fixated on what he was going to say to Ventus that when he looked around and realized his brother was nowhere in sight he froze to the spot, for a moment utterly unable to work out what to do next.

   
Roxas might have stood in Ventus’ room staring at nothing indefinitely had the sound of Aqua’s quiet voice not broken into his trance. Slowly turning his gaze to the bed Roxas blinked stupidly as Aqua smiled tiredly and said, ‘Ventus is in the sunroom Rox, go find him and make sure he knows how sorry you are. Gaia knows I do already.’

   
Shooting Aqua a look of naked thanks that communicated his gratitude without having to force the words from his dry throat Roxas backed out of the room and shut the door gently before setting off down the hallway that somehow seemed a million miles longer than he remembered. Because a wrench had been thrown into his plan that was already sketchy to begin with Roxas felt his nervousness grow with every step he took and it was only Axel’s words ringing in his head that allowed him to keep moving. Step by tortuous step Roxas made his way down the corridor until he finally swallowed hard and stepped through the open door into the conservatory.

   
Ventus was standing by the floor-to-ceiling window, staring out into the grey light of the overcast dawn and Roxas could tell from the slump of his brother’s shoulders that Ventus hadn’t slept at all the night before. Seeing his brother looking so tired and beaten chipped another gaping crack in Roxas’ already battered heart and he had to swallow a jagged lump in his throat as he clung to the last of his courage and walked forward. Roxas reached out to lay his hand on Ventus’ arm, but his fingers had barely brushed Ventus’ skin before his brother spun around and enfolded him in a crushing hug.

   
Caught utterly off-guard by his brother’s embrace Roxas forgot what he was about to say and this time he failed to swallow the sob that burst from his throat. Wrapping his arms tightly around Ventus and burying his face in his brother’s chest Roxas couldn’t stop the words that tumbled out of his mouth, ‘Gaia Ven I’m so fucking sorry… I can’t… I’m so sorry! I can’t even… Axel nearly died and I was so scared and fuck… Please don’t hate me…’

   
Roxas’ words were cut off when Ventus tightened his hug until it was almost painful and growled harshly, ‘I couldn’t fucking hate you if I tried Rox! Fuck… You’re sorry… I’m sorry I made you think that I could hate you for even a second. Don’t apologize Roxas… Just… Please forgive me for fucking up so badly.’

   
By the time Ventus choked out his last jumbled apology Roxas was crying in earnest and he clung to his brother wordlessly, still shaken by the lingering feeling that he had almost destroyed the precious relationship he and Ventus shared. Being wrapped in Ventus’ arms and knowing that he had been forgiven for the hurt he had caused Aqua unlocked something inside Roxas and for a long time the only sound in the sunroom was the combined pain of the two brothers as they wept. Roxas and Ventus were so immersed in their shared grief that they didn’t notice as time passed and they also didn’t notice the appearance of three people in the conservatory door.

   
Roxas was tucked under Ventus’ arm with his own arms wound around his brother’s chest when he felt another pair of arms slip around his waist and a mane of wild red hair rest on his shoulder. For an instant Roxas felt his heart lurch in his chest, but then his brain caught up with the fact that somehow Axel had appeared and enfolded him in a hug and once his mind was in the same general vicinity as the rest of him Roxas also realized that Aqua and Yuffie had also joined in and were offering their comfort too. Enveloped in the warmth and unspoken love of the people closest to him Roxas felt the knot of fear and desperation in his chest loosen significantly if not disappear entirely.  
 

*****

   
While Roxas and Ventus were sorting out their issues Leon was on a mission of his own. Leaving Yuffie as a lookout because he had precisely zero trust in the ‘police guard’ that lurked around Ventus’ house, Leon left around seven in the morning and after fifteen minutes spent conducting a thorough sweep of the surrounding streets the ex-soldier sped off towards the police station. Leon ignored the fact that lights were off and after a couple of minutes banging on the staff door around the back he was glaring into the perpetually scowling face of Chief Cid.  

   
Leon had known Cid for more years than he cared to remember, most of those years involving some sort of dangerous military operation or being spent dragging the hot-headed Cid out of barroom brawls. When they had received their honourable discharges Leon had returned to university to forget combat and reignite his love of languages, while Cid had slid easily into the police force and quickly risen to the rank of Police Chief. Over the years Leon had gradually fallen out of touch with Cid, but now that he was standing in front of the man he found that he was more than willing to use their history as a blunt instrument to make sure his friends were protected.

   
Without waiting for Cid to regain his balance Leon took control of the situation and strode forward, forcing Cid to give ground and let him into the building. Leon ignored the niceties and without preamble he snapped out, ‘I know you do a shit job for shit pay Cid, but how the hell can you explain away that shit with Officer fucking Raijin? Come on soldier, tell me how you failed to notice that you never received a report on a fucking abduction and rape… And then never even noticed that one of your men vanished off the face of the fucking earth without reporting in!’

   
As Leon had planned his aggressive approach put Cid on the back foot and as the man spluttered and stammered Leon cut him off and continued, ‘You have no excuse do you? What the fuck Cid? Back in the day you used to break your fucking back to get things done right… What the hell happened to you, you do realize this kid nearly died right?’

   
Much to Leon’s surprise Cid didn’t respond in either the two ways he had expected; going into the confrontation Leon had anticipated yelling for certain along with a high probability of getting punched. Instead of exploding, as Leon’s past experience indicated was likely, Cid closed his eyes and shook his head weakly saying in a tired voice that Leon had never heard from him before, ‘Ya ain’t got any idea what’s goin’ on Leonheart, John Q Public would lose their shit if it got out. This kid of yours…  There’s a shitstorm goin’ down… Fuck, get your ass to my office Leon. If I’m gunna spill my guts I’d rather be sitting down.’

   
Keeping his face expressionless Leon nodded curtly and followed Cid into the station, his mind racing wildly as he tried to work out what ‘shitstorm’ could possibly be. While Cid stomped across the room and sat down at his paper-covered desk Leon declined the offer of a seat and he leaned against the wall with his arms folded, waiting as patiently as he could for the police chief to start talking. There was a long pause as Cid roughly pawed through the mess of papers on the desk and while his old acquaintance stalled Leon had to fight the irritation within him that was rapidly turning to anger.

   
Finally Cid raised his head and met Leon’s gaze with a look of fatigue and stress etched into the deep lines of his face. Sounding as if he hadn’t slept in a week Cid growled, ‘The official story is that we’re conducting a drug sting operation with most of our men, but that isn’t even half the story. Fuck Leonheart, if it weren’t for the shit we’ve lived through together you wouldn’t be hearing any of this alright? Now look, the jailbreak at the Bastion was bad enough but when the orders came down for how to handle the situation we realized that there was some high ranked bastard who isn’t on the up and up. You get what I’m saying Leon? We’re not only dealing with the sting and the escaped prisoners, we’re hunting a traitor in our midst.’

   
For the first time in a very long time Leon was utterly speechless and he simply gaped at Cid as he tried to get his head around how bad things actually were. After a moment to gather his thoughts Leon’s scowl returned and he shook his head sharply and said, ‘You know what Cid, I get that you have a clusterfuck of epic proportions here but that isn’t my problem. Currently my problem is a teenage boy who got kidnapped and fucking raped by his deranged father and I'm dealing with a police force that doesn’t seem to give a shit about keeping him safe. So tell me Cid, what are we meant to do with no backup and a psychopath and his fucktard sidekick after us?!?’

   
It was almost a relief for Leon to see the look on Cid’s face change from exhausted and indecisive to the more familiar expression of barely controlled rage. Shoving himself back from his desk so hard that his chair slammed into the wall Cid rested his elbows on his knees and snapped, ‘Alright, alright, dammit Leonheart I can’t even argue with you. I may be a hard bastard but I ain’t gunna leave you and that kid and the rest of your happy bunch alone to face the wolves. So look, giving you more of my men as protection might be impossible at the moment, but tell me, do you still have your stockpile of firepower you took with you when we finally told the army to stuff it?’

   
When Leon blinked in surprise at the sudden question and nodded, a grim smile flickered across Cid’s face and he pulled himself back to the desk saying in a tone that Leon remembered well, ‘Well ain’t that great then, sit your ass down Leonheart and here’s what I can do. With a personal recommendation from me I’ll write you a special weapons permit that legally allows you and anyone weapons registered in the household to carry a gun on you at all times. Now I know what’s in your personal stash and I know half of it ain’t legal for a civilian, but as long as you don’t go waving it around in the middle of the street I’ll make sure my people look the other way.’

   
From the way his conversation with Cid had started Leon had initially expected to walk away with nothing more than a half-ass apology and an urge to break something, but then Cid had surprised him with the offer of the special permit and his brain started racing with the possibilities. Even as a slow smile spread across Leon’s face Cid clicked his fingers impatiently and when Leon focused on him again the Chief of Police said, ‘You know I don’t say this often Leonheart, but I’m sorry for how this shit has turned out. Probably as much use as pissing into the wind, but you have my word that as soon as we sort out the various fuck ups we’re dealing with I’ll personally do everything in my power to bring down that sick fuck Raffica.’

   
Extremely unexpectedly Leon actually felt almost good as he left the police station with a copy of the weapons permit clutched tightly in his hand. Jumping into his car and burning out of the parking lot Leon didn’t immediately go back to the Hakunetsu’s house, instead heading to the small house where he lived with Yuffie to start putting the plan buzzing round his head into action. With the caution beaten into him through long years as a soldier Leon let himself in through his back door instead of the front and within seconds he was kneeling in front of an open safe in the back of his closet, his gaze running over the impressive assortment of arms he kept locked away.

   
When Leon checked his watch after carefully sorting through his cache and picking a selection of military grade guns and ammunition to take with him he was startled to see that an hour had slipped by unnoticed and it was almost 9.30am. Swearing softly as he hadn’t meant to be away from his friends for so long Leon deftly packed the guns into a bag and locked his house up thoroughly, taking a second to text Yuffie and let her know he was on his way before pulling out of the driveway and driving a roundabout route back to Ventus’ home. In response to a niggling feeling in the back of his brain that things were somehow too quiet Leon was on high alert during his drive back and even though he saw nothing suspicious on the way he still couldn’t shake the misgivings that nagged at him incessantly.

   
It was a relief for Leon to pull up at the Hakunetsu’s home and see that everything was quiet and undisturbed at the house. Trying to keep the noise down so that he didn’t wake up anyone who happened to still be asleep Leon glanced around once more to make sure he hadn’t missed anything out of place and then he hauled his bag out of the car and hurried into the house. As soon as he got in the door Leon realized that his fears of waking people were groundless and with a small smile on his face he made his way to the lounge where a determined attempt at normalcy was taking place.  
 

*****

   
Although Roxas wouldn’t have believed it when he woke up that morning, by the time 8am rolled around he was actually starting to feel vaguely human and almost calm. Finding Ventus and making peace with his brother had done more to soothe Roxas’ shattered nerves than a whole bottle of tranquilizers and then being ground zero for group hug had left him feeling as close to mellow as it was possible to be in the horrible situation. Cradled with his back to Axel’s chest while Yuffie spoke quietly to Ventus and Aqua, Roxas wrapped his arms over top of Axel’s and squeezed tightly, trying to give just as much comfort as he was receiving and smiling gently when Axel placed a light kiss on top of his head.

   
Any room with Yuffie in was a room that would not remain silent for long and while Roxas and Ventus shared a moment with their partners the tiny, dark haired woman was jiggling on the spot, barely able to contain her innate, pent up energy. As he had spent many years around Leon and Yuffie Roxas didn’t even need to see his brother’s friend to know that she was about to explode in a probably benign way and to his surprise he actually felt up to doing something about it. Breaking the silence before Yuffie detonated from sheer lack of activity Roxas said softly, ‘Hey, um, the sunroom is great and all, but wouldn’t the lounge be nicer? I could probably deal with melting my brain with an overdose of crappy TV?’

   
Roxas’ unexpected glimmer of spirit made Ventus and Aqua smile while Yuffie performed a hilarious caper of delight before vanishing in the direction of the lounge like a ninja in the night. Holding her partner’s hand tight Aqua gently pulled Ventus away to follow Yuffie, but instead of immediately trailing after them Roxas stayed where he was and turned around in Axel’s arms, looking up and smiling tiredly at the quizzical redhead. To Roxas’ quiet delight he saw a gentle smile curling at the corners of Axel’s lips and he did his best to lock away the moment of peace deep in his heart.

   
Although he could have stood and stared at Axel’s smile forever Roxas knew that they would have to join the others sooner or later, so after a drawn out moment during which both teens simply gazed at each other wordlessly he cleared his throat and said softly, ‘Ax… Words aren’t enough to thank you. But thank you… For getting my head of out my ass and helping me sort my shit with Ven. I love you Ax, so fucking much.’

   
Roxas cut off anything the stunned Axel might have been going to say by stretching up and planting a light kiss on the tip of his nose. To the sound of Axel snorting comically and wrinkling his nose like a rabbit, Roxas’ smile turned into a real grin but his tone turned a little more serious as he suddenly said, ‘I didn’t really think when I invited everyone out for a TV party… Do you… Um, we don’t have to…’

   
It became Axel’s turn to cut Roxas off while the blonde floundered for words and there was affection and warmth in his voice as he replied, ‘Shush Rox, it’s okay. I might be scared, I might be trying not to freak out, but as long as you’re with me I can do this. I’m not going to lock myself away… And honestly, I feel safer with you, your brother and his friends than I do shut up in a dark room. So come on, let’s go claim a seat okay?’

   
Speechless in the face of Axel’s trembling but firm bravery Roxas wrapped his arms around the redhead’s waist and tried to communicate the admiration and love and respect he had for his boyfriend’s strength. Reluctantly releasing Axel who had hugged him back with equal vehemence Roxas turned on his heel and set off towards the lounge, saying over his shoulder, ‘Better not keep them waiting, but just so you know, you’re going to be so hugged when we’re alone again. In fact, I’m going to hug you until you go to sleep and then I’m still going to be hugging you when you wake up. So there.’

   
Out of the corner of his eye as he turned away Roxas saw that Axel had caught the words that he hadn’t said out loud and he smiled to himself to see a real grin, however fleeting, flicker across the other teen’s face. Roxas only made it two steps before he heard Axel move behind him, the smile on the blonde’s own face widening as thin fingers curled around his hand in a gentle yet possessive grasp. Together the teens made their way to join the rest of the group and once they were settled cosily next to each other on the free couch the debate about what to watch began.

   
By the time the front door swung open and Leon softly called out to announce his return around 10am, the atmosphere in the lounge had settled into generally slothful with a side-helping of brain-dead. Ventus and Aqua had nodded off with Aqua curled up under Ventus’ arm and on the other couch Roxas sat cross-legged with Axel’s head cradled in his lap while the fast-asleep redhead snored lightly. At the sound of the door Roxas’ heart skipped a beat, but then he relaxed and soothed Axel’s momentary twitch by stroking his hair when he heard the familiar sound of Leon’s voice.

   
A couple of seconds later Leon strolled into the lounge with a large bag slung over his shoulder and curiosity woke Roxas up enough to make him shuffle upright in his seat and try and kick-start his brain again. Ignoring the subtly amused look on Leon’s face at his drowsiness Roxas shook his head a few times and scrubbed vigorously at his face and when he felt capable of speech he asked quietly, ‘What did they say Leon, what’s happening? And just so you know, I’m dying to find out what’s in that bag to make such a big thud when you put it down.’

   
Leon’s genuine, if slightly grim grin surprised an answering smile out of Roxas and he perked up a little as the big man rumbled, ‘You get everyone awake Rox and I’ll tell you all about my little meeting with _Chief_ Cid. And once you’re all up to date I’ll get into this bag of tricks.’

   
Now fully awake and almost vibrating with impatience to hear what Leon had to say Roxas squashed his impulse to simply shout everyone awake and with gentle hands he shook Axel, trying to wake his boyfriend without frightening him too much. It was inevitable that being woken up would startle Axel a little, but Roxas managed to minimize the panic by being the first thing the redhead saw and by smiling and whispering in his ear, ‘Hey sleepy, Leon’s back. Do you think I should throw things at Ven to wake him up?’

   
Roxas sighed inwardly with relief at the speed with which Axel went from sleepily scared to faintly smiling and when the redhead nodded slowly Roxas’ grin turned gleefully evil. A brief excavation of his pockets netted Roxas a cellphone, forty cents change and an orphaned stub of a pencil of no certain origin and discarding everything except the coins Roxas wasted no time in taking aim. Aware of Axel and Leon both watching him closely Roxas hammed up the process of lining up his shot and when he heard Axel snicker quietly he tossed the first coin across the room, managing to hit Ventus right between the eyes on his first try.

   
The results of Roxas’ small act of mischief was spectacular and even Leon cracked up when Ventus shot upright in his seat, causing Aqua, deprived of her support, to plummet to her face on the sofa. Ventus looked outraged while Aqua spluttered and thrashed behind him on the couch, but as soon as he helped Aqua up and realized that Leon was back Ventus settled for quickly flipping the finger at the giggling Roxas and saying in a tone of fake irritation, ‘Really Leon? You’d let my blood assault me in such an underhanded fashion? Well, now that we’re awake, I’m guessing you have news to share with us… So go on then, don’t keep us in suspense.’

   
Leon’s voice was the only sound in the room as he recounted his meeting with the police chief, at least it was until he got to the part about why the police were unable to offer satisfactory or consistent protection, at which point he had to stop and wait for the uproar to die down. On the far couch Roxas glared daggers at the impassive man and wrapped his arms around Axel protectively while he snapped, ‘I hope you ripped him a fucking new one Leon! I don’t care if they’re arresting half the damn government… Fuck! Your friend needs to get his shit together and do his fucking job!’

   
It mollified Roxas slightly when Leon nodded without hesitation agreeing with his harsh words and he settled back to listen as Leon picked up where he left off, ‘Of course you’re right Rox, but right now that’s where they stand. Corruption in the highest ranks has already led to a prison break and not defending the bullshit that’s going down but Cid has to fix the underlying problem and then work on cleaning up the mess. Can we just agree that they’ve fucked up and then move on to what we can do from here?’

   
Although the words were an open question to the room, Leon’s eyes were fixed on Roxas as he spoke. Knowing that Leon was completely right, but pissed to the point that he wanted to hit something, Roxas struggled with himself in the lengthening silence until Axel unexpectedly reached up and touched his cheek, breaking the tension abruptly. Roxas allowed himself a moment to take a deep breath and he brushed a kiss across Axel’s forehead before looking up and meeting Leon’s steady gaze, curtly nodding his agreement.

   
A quiet sigh of relief from the other side of the room told Roxas that Ventus was pleased with his decision and he gave his a brother a weak half-smile before refocusing his attention on Leon as the patiently waiting man leaned forward with an intense look on his face. There was no more beating around the bush and without bothering to dress it up Leon stated, ‘In this bag here I’ve got most of my personal collection of firearms and along with that I’ve got authorization by Destiny’s own police chief to share my toys with anyone here who has a license. Cid as good as said he’ll look the other way so that we can build our defences and I intend to take full advantage of whatever we can get from him.’

   
As he spoke Leon unzipped the duffle bag and pulled it open to expose the weapons hidden inside. A breathless hush fell on the room as Leon continued, ‘Ven, Yuffie, I know you’ve both got gun licenses so you need to pick a gun to keep with you at all times. Aqua, I’m pretty sure you’ve never held a gun in your life and same with Rox, so we just need to make sure you two are always with Yuffie, Ventus or myself. And Axel, you I don’t know about… Have you ever had any experience with a firearm?’  
 

*****

   
It had been easier for Axel to focus his attention on Roxas rather than the discussion about the situation, as every time he thought about the police his thoughts would jerk straight to the memory of the victim report interview, sending a wave of nausea crashing over him. Roxas’ obvious struggle with his anger worried Axel enough to push his own distress aside so that he could keep his concentration on calming Roxas down. The kiss that he felt briefly press against his hair reassured Axel that Roxas has subsided enough to hear Leon out and then the bag was open and Axel found himself unable to look away from the gleaming metal of the deadly weapons that were exposed to the light.

   
Shocked as he was by the amount of guns Leon was prepared to arm the household with Axel at first didn’t hear the man’s question and he stared at the bag like it was a deadly snake sitting in front of him. After a moment though, Leon’s words penetrated the fog in Axel’s head and he slowly raised his eyes to meet Leon’s patient gaze and said shakily, ‘I can shoot. For my thirteenth birthday Mum decided that boys like guns so she got me a license and lessons. Oh Gaia… Leon… Has it r-really come to this?’

   
Axel shivered as Leon held his gaze and nodded firmly, the reality of how vulnerable they all were suddenly crashing down on him. In response to the terrified thoughts ricocheting around his mind Axel shrank back and started to shut down, but then Roxas’ arms slipped comfortingly around him and as he stared into the pair of enormous blue eyes looking up at him he clung to the love he saw there. Trembling and on the edge of freaking out Axel listened as Roxas whispered, ‘Stay with me Axel, you’re not alone in this and we can do this. You heard Leon, we still have a small police guard and now we can defend ourselves… Talk to me Ax… Please?’

   
Things could have gone either way in Axel’s head but with Roxas’ reassuring warm arms wrapped around him he found the strength to pull back from the beckoning fear that threatened to steal him away. Ignoring the four other sets of eyes that were watching him intently Axel focused entirely on Roxas and said in a strangled but intense voice, ‘Someone’s going to get hurt Rox, because of me, and I don’t know if I can handle that… If I thought you would let me go I’d leave, because all I’m doing is putting you and Ven and Aqua and Yuffie and Leon in danger, but you’d just follow me and be even more exposed. Fuck Roxas, I’m so fucking scared… I don’t want anyone hurt because of me.’

   
Hating himself for the incoherence and desperation of his words Axel bit his tongue hard to stop himself from babbling any further. Staring at Roxas and praying that the blonde would understand what he had been trying to say Axel watched the other teen visibly clamp down on his emotions and say in a rigidly controlled voice, ‘Damn fucking straight I won’t let you go Axel. I know you’re scared, I am too, but everyone here has chosen to be here... You get that right? We can all protect each other, Ax, please… Trust me, trust us. We can do this.’  
 

Axel listened to Roxas’ earnest words and tried to squash the cynical voice in the back of head that jeered at the idea they would get through the hell they were in. When Roxas fell silent and the whole room seemed to pause in anticipation Axel pulled back slightly from his boyfriend to glance around at the rest of the room and he was taken aback to see determination just as fierce as Roxas’ in every gaze he met. Swallowing the uncertainty and dread that threatened to close his throat completely Axel took a deep breath and said with only a trace of a quiver in his voice, ‘Ok. So, Leon, what do we do? How do we prepare for… Fuck, how do we prepare for war?’


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So, I epically stuffed up and put up Chapter 24 instead of 23 a month ago. Here I am remedying it... Lol my apologies for taking so long to fix it. And I'm still writing, making progress on getting this finished. Thanks for reading and sticking with my slow updates :)**

Chapter Twenty-Two.

   
With Leon’s plan in place, backed up with a massive amount of firepower and coupled with the immediate implementation of shooting lessons, a sense of uneasy calm settled over the Hakunetsu household and their assorted hangers on. Despite living under virtual house arrest with an extra three people bunking down in the barely big enough house, there seemed to be a sort of peace achieved. At least there was peace until three days later when Ventus made the rookie mistake of letting slip to Roxas that he was being pulled out of his remaining exams

  
Roxas had been having a perfectly normal conversation with Ventus in the kitchen while he made coffees for Aqua and Axel who were watching TV in the lounge. Somehow the conversation ended up with Roxas blithely chattering on about what he needed to study for Statistics, his next exam in two days’ time and eventually Roxas realized that he was carrying on more of a monologue than a conversation. Giving his brother a quizzical look Roxas asked, ‘What’s wrong Ventus? You look like someone kicked your puppy. What the hell?’

  
The guilty look in Ventus’ eyes did nothing to ease Roxas’ concern and a ripple of nauseous disquiet earthed itself in the pit of his stomach as his brother stalled for time. Eventually, a moment before Roxas’ control broke completely, Ventus bit his lip and said reluctantly, ‘Fuck Rox, I’m so sorry, but you can’t go to your exams. I’ve been meaning to talk to you because I need to call your school and explain why we need to withdraw you… Gaia dammit Roxas, it’s way too dangerous…’

  
Roxas suddenly interrupted Ventus’ faltering explanation by hurling a full mug of coffee at the wall so hard that it exploded like a bomb. In the shocked silence that followed Roxas yelled, ‘When were you going to tell me that I can’t do my fucking exams Ventus?! What the… Fuck! No! You need to explain to me how the fuck you think this is going to work!’

  
Although he usually appreciated his brother’s level-headedness Roxas had to grit his teeth and clench his jaw shut because Ventus’ tone of deliberate calm lacerated his nerves as the older man said, ‘You’re going to clean that up Roxas and I’m going to leave you alone until you’ve calmed the fuck down. Once you’ve got your shit together come and find me because I’m not going to deal with you while you’re like this.’

  
Usually Ventus’ refusal to engage had the effect of breaking through Roxas’ anger, but this time Roxas had been pushed too far. Staring his brother straight in the eye Roxas snarled, ‘Nice one Ven, fuck up my life and expect me to be calm about it. Fuck you! Obviously I hadn’t even thought about this shit and now you think I should just take failing a year with a smile and an ‘oh well’… I’m not going to calm down when you’re talking about ruining everything I’ve worked so fucking hard for!’

  
As he was speaking Roxas shoved past Ventus and went to storm into the hall, but as he rounded the breakfast bar he froze to the spot, something finally registering through the red haze of his anger. In the lounge Aqua was sitting motionless in her chair, watching the unfolding drama with worried eyes, but where Axel had been sitting there was nothing but an empty seat. The absence of Axel anywhere in sight did what all of Ventus’ reason couldn’t and Roxas suddenly could think of nothing other than finding Axel and making sure he was okay.

  
Forgetting his shell-shocked brother and shoving away the reason he had been angry in the first place Roxas barreled out of the lounge and looked around desperately, trying to figure out where Axel might have gone. Deciding to start the search in his own bedroom Roxas dashed down the hall, but even though his feet were moving quickly his thoughts were moving faster. Roxas’ heart sank as his mind replayed for him the look that had been on his face when he violently smashed the cup and then it sank even further as he recalled the vicious words yelled at his brother that Axel would have definitely taken to heart, ‘Fuck up my life and expect me to be calm about it…’

  
Roxas burst into his bedroom and it only took one quick glance for him to see that the small room contained precisely no Axel. Now trying to fight back anxiety instead of anger, Roxas reversed into the hall and because he had to take a second to steady his breathing he realized that further down the corridor the door to Axel’s room was shut tight. Without hesitation, moving even as his brain took the opportunity to play through every horrible thing he might find behind the door, Roxas ran to the end of the hall and threw open Axel’s door without even bothering to knock.

  
*****

  
The buzz of Roxas and Ventus talking behind him had washed over Axel without the details sinking in until the crash of the breaking mug sent pure terror shooting through his veins. Whipping round in his seat Axel had stopped breathing upon seeing the look of fury on Roxas’ face and then when his brain realized what his ears were hearing he felt all the blood drain from his face and he wavered right on the edge of blacking out. Right from the beginning of his involvement with the Hakunetsus Axel had hated himself for shattering the life that Roxas and Ventus had built for themselves, but to hear that yet another thing in Roxas’ life had been torn away from the blonde hit Axel like a freight train.

  
By the time Roxas was yelling at Ventus about ruining everything he had worked to get Axel was halfway down the hall, but he could still hear the rage and desperate pain in Roxas’ voice as the teen’s words followed him down the corridor. Stumbling into his room and weakly pushing the door shut behind himself Axel suddenly realized he had been holding his breath and he emptied his lungs with a harsh gasp, folding up and only avoiding falling on his face by grabbing the foot of his bed. Moving as if he had suddenly aged about seventy years all at once Axel crawled onto his bed and curled into a ball in the corner.

  
Axel wrapped his arms around himself and clenched his fists hard enough to turn his knuckles white. Wracked with vicious contempt for himself and still shivering with the residual fear left from Roxas’ fit of anger Axel was absolutely defenceless when the dark voice of Bad Red whispered smugly, ‘You can’t deny it now, can you, you worthless piece of shit? Go on then, tell me how his life is sooooo much better with you in it. Tell me that his life wouldn’t have been better if you had just fucking died at any point before you fucked things up for him this badly.’

  
For once Bad Red found absolutely no argument to his vitriol as Axel found himself unable to refute a single word. Slipping back into his old habit of speaking out loud to his dark half Axel muttered, ‘Of course he’d be better off if he never fucking met me! Fuck, I might’ve tried to lie to myself, but I’m not so fucking stupid that I can’t admit that now. I can’t…I don’t know what to do… It’s not like I can go back and kill myself properly, I can’t do that to him again, not on top of everything else.’

  
The voice of Bad Red chuckled malevolently and a chill of terror shot down Axel’s spine as the voice purred, ‘Yeah, I know, you can’t off yourself because you’re too much of a coward… But He could do it for you. All you have to do is sneak away from your precious new ‘family’ and go to Him… You could even set it up as a kidnapping or some shit so they’d be able to mourn the memory of poor little Axel instead being glad to be rid of the person we know you really are.’

  
Although his blood ran cold at the very thought of his father, Axel found himself unable to entirely drag his mind away from Bad Red’s suggested course of action. Axel’s opinion of himself had never been high and the accident and its knock-on effects for both Ventus and Roxas had reinforced to him that he was scum, but being the one to bring Reno and his madness into their lives left Axel feeling like he was a curse. Unconsciously Axel’s hand crept up to dig roughly at the still raw cuts that made up Reno’s name on his chest and at that point the door burst open, startling a hoarse cry from his throat.

  
At the sudden shattering of his isolation Axel shoved himself back as far into the corner as he could get, his brain reverting to old responses and screaming at him that he was going to get the shit kicked out of him. Words spilled out without Axel meaning them to or even knowing who he was speaking to and he stammered frantically with his eyes squeezed shut, ‘I’m sorry, please don’t… I know it’s my fault, it’s all my fault… I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll just go and He… You can forget you ever knew me. You don’t even have to kick me out, I’ll leave now and it can all just be fucking over…’

  
By the time he stuttered to a halt in the resounding silence Axel was beyond caring who was standing in the doorway, as with every word he uttered he further convinced himself that his plan was the only way forward. Opening his eyes but staring fixedly at the floor Axel gathered the last of his pathetic scraps of strength and climbed painfully but resolutely off the bed. Axel might have stumbled straight out of the house and to his eventual death, had the figure standing in the door not lurched forward and clutched at his shoulders, bringing them both to the ground in a heap.

  
As he fell Axel had the time to register Roxas’ wild blue eyes, but then his head hit the floor with a thud and he couldn’t see anything through the gold and white starbursts that obscured his vision. The impact of his head on the ground made Axel’s head spin sickeningly, but it did also have the secondary effect of sending a piercing jolt of pain to cut through the fog that darkened his mind. Lying on the floor and staring dazedly upward Axel was dragged from his stunned contemplation of the ceiling by a pressure on his midriff that yanked his attention back to the here and now.

  
Slowly Axel’s gaze drifted back down to see that Roxas was sitting on his stomach with his hands on his shoulders and tears pouring down his face. Drowning in sorrow, regret, fear and no small amount of bewilderment Axel stared blearily up at Roxas as the blonde gasped, ‘Gaia fucking wept Axel, no! Fucking no! Please don’t go, you can’t go, _please_ … I never ever meant you to think this shit was your fault! You can’t control what your crazy ass dad does and you couldn’t ever have guessed he’d escape from the fucking Bastion and cause all this shit! Axel please… Fucking look at me!’

  
*****

  
The second the door hit the wall Roxas regretted his impulsive entrance, but before he could even take a step forward into the room Axel was talking and it was Roxas could do to stay on his feet as the other teen’s incoherent outburst hit him full in the face. Pinned where he stood by the resigned desolation in Axel’s voice it took Roxas a moment to comprehend what he was hearing, but when the words filtered through to his brain and he saw Axel getting off the bed he all but hurled himself at the redhead. Roxas was made clumsy by the terror that gripped him and he crashed into Axel much harder than he intended, his feet tangling under him as he tripped and grabbed Axel’s shoulders in an attempt to stay upright.

  
To Roxas’ horror his weight was enough to knock Axel off balance and even though he tried to control their fall he was unable to keep his feet. The sound of Axel’s head hitting the floor sent a jagged bolt of raw fear through Roxas and for a long moment he could only lie half propped up over Axel torso, tears finally spilling over as he stared into Axel’s unfocused gaze. When Axel’s thousand yard stare cleared a bit and Roxas found himself looking into the teen’s disoriented green eyes reality caught up with the blonde all at once and unlocked his tongue.

  
Even as Roxas opened his mouth to speak, something that Axel had blurted out earlier burst into his head and with the dreadful realization that Axel had been getting up to leave and possibly turn himself over to Reno he gabbled frantically, ‘Gaia fucking wept Axel, no! Fucking no! Please don’t go, you can’t go to him, _please_ … I never ever meant you to think this shit was your fault! You can’t control what your crazy ass dad does and you couldn’t ever have guessed he’d escape from the fucking Bastion and cause all this shit! Axel please… Fucking look at me!’

  
Roxas’ yell had the effect of making Axel’s eyes fly open again but he mentally kicked the shit out of himself when he saw the look of fear and resigned anticipation in the other teen’s eyes. Struggling to calm down and keep his surging emotions under control Roxas opened his mouth to hopefully say something less inflammatory, but Axel beat him to it and said in a dead voice, ‘It _is_ my fault, all of it. If I hadn’t been such a drug-fucked, self-absorbed waste of life I’d never have nearly killed Ventus and none of this shit would be happening to you… If I go then it’s no more danger and no more bullshit for you, you’d get your life back. Fuck, you’d be sure of a fucking life at all!’

  
*****

  
It was at that moment as he dully voiced the convictions that were scored deep into his heart that Axel realized that his healing ribs were sending him messages of agony and also that he was pinned to the floor by Roxas’ weight. In an instant Axel was assailed by an intensely vivid flashback of Reno sitting over him in much the same way Roxas was currently and without intervention from his brain pure instinct took over. Axel bucked wildly which threw Roxas off balance and then he pushed himself halfway upright, flinging out his arm and knocking the other teen aside to sprawl against the wall. Without the weight holding him down Axel awkwardly shoved himself backward, letting out a gasping cry of despair when he hit the frame of the bed and could go no futher.

  
The flashback was so intense and all-consuming that all Axel could see in front of his eyes was the snarling face of his father contorted with rage and twisted with lust. Axel’s skin crawled and he let out a pitiful whimper as he once against relived Reno’s rough hands touching him in ways he didn’t want and couldn’t escape. Helpless against the onslaught Axel fell away from the world and back into hell.

_  
Axel was lost and had no idea where or even when he was as he stared up into Reno’s wild eyes and he was just opening his mouth to cry out when his father’s hand came down heavily on his windpipe, turning his sob into a rasping whistle. While Axel weakly tried to pry Reno’s fingers away from his throat the older man ignored his son’s futile struggles and violently ripped open his shirt. At the feeling of Reno tracing the lines of his chest and ribs almost gently Axel abruptly went limp, wavering between feeling like he was going to throw up and teetering on the edge of passing out._

_  
_ _Just before Axel fell into the blackness of unconsciousness he was yanked harshly back to reality by the sickening sensation of cold fingers sliding under the waistband of his pants. Suddenly free from his paralysis Axel burst into action and bucked his body in a frantic attempt to throw his father off, but even though he pitched forward Reno remained straddling Axel’s thighs and anchoring him down. Axel’s breath caught painfully in his throat until Reno unloaded a blow that snapped his head sideways and back into the floor hard and at that point he couldn’t hold back a cry of agony._

  
Axel was unable to halt the flow of what seemed to be half memory and half nightmare, but even over the sound of Reno’s harsh grunts and his own incoherent begging a foreign noise gradually began to penetrate the world of the flashback. The small part of Axel’s mind that wasn’t drowning in fear started to puzzle over the misplaced sound and it didn’t take him long to realize that what he could hear was someone sobbing as though their heart was breaking. For an instant Axel was suspended between two worlds, but then a droplet of water splashed onto his face to roll down his cheek and he was pulled firmly back to reality.

  
*****

  
At the exact same moment as Axel Roxas had realized that he was essentially holding the redhead down on the floor, but he had no time to do anything about it before Axel struck out and sent him flying. Hitting the wall painfully and hard enough to knock the breath from his lungs Roxas landed awkwardly and all he could do for a few moments was gasp desperately to try and suck in some air. In the time it took for Roxas to recover his ability to breathe and register the throbbing ache emanating from his left shoulder Axel had skittered as far away as he could get and Roxas’ heart sank to his feet.

  
Clumsily, trying to ignore his injured shoulder, Roxas moved cautiously over to Axel and knelt next to him, blinking back tears at the way the redhead had curled in on himself and seemed completely disconnected from the world. Watching helplessly as the other teen withdrew from reality, from him, Roxas could almost see what was going through Axel’s head. Knowing what was playing behind Axel’s eyes made Roxas want to grab him and shake him out of his mental hell, but he held back, terrified that trying to help would just make it worse. For almost two minutes Roxas knelt by Axel’s side but when the teen broke his silence and began begging for mercy Roxas felt his heart shatter in his chest. Unable to hold himself back anymore Roxas wrapped his arms around Axel’s shaking body and began to cry brokenly.

  
Almost hysterical with fear and grief Roxas clung to Axel as if he was drowning and for the first time in many years he lost his last shred of composure. Regret at his rash words earlier and the burning shame at the pain he had unintentionally inflicted on Axel tore away at the self-control that Roxas had hammered into himself through the rough years and bowed over Axel’s still form he sobbed until he couldn’t breathe. It was as Roxas was gasping for air on the edge of a complete breakdown that a miracle happened and Roxas’ eyes flew open when he felt ice-cold fingertips stroke softly down his cheek, brushing away his tears.

  
Roxas tried to say something but could only sob harder as Axel stirred in his arms and the other teen’s gentle touch on his face just stabbed the knife of self-loathing and guilt deeper into his chest. Burying his face in Axel’s dishevelled hair Roxas gasped almost unintelligibly, ‘I’m sorry Axel, I’m so fucken sorry… I-I-I I didn’t th-think… Please don’t go, don’t leave me. I don’t care about R-Reno, about my fucking exams, a-about anything else, just please don’t leave. I l-love you Ax, I love you so much and I’m so s-sorry…’

   
*****

   
In the aftermath of Roxas’ sudden and violent explosion Ventus was left in the kitchen clutching the bench and trying to hold his shit together. The second Roxas had mentioned his exams Ventus had bitten a hole in his tongue, wishing he could just chew it off and as he stammered out his inadequate explanation he knew that things were going to go straight to hell. Even being familiar with Roxas’ rage Ventus was still shocked when his brother hurled the mug of coffee at the wall and despite his attempt at calming the situation he couldn’t find the right words to bring Roxas back from the red mists of his fury.

   
Ventus barely stayed upright when Roxas shoved past him and then, at almost the exact same moment it hit his brother, he also realized that Axel had heard the whole thing and vanished while the argument was happening. Clutching at the bench in order to stay upright Ventus closed his eyes in sorrow at how quickly things could fall apart, but his eyes flew open and he whipped his head around at a gentle touch on his arm. Looking into the worried aquamarine eyes of his girlfriend, Ventus listened as Aqua said uneasily, ‘You need to go after them Ven. You didn’t see the look in Axel’s eyes… Ven… I don’t know what he might do.’

   
Although he hadn’t been there when Roxas had found Axel after the teen’s recent suicide attempt, Aqua’s words caused Ventus to experience a hideously detailed mental image of the redhead teen lying somewhere and bleeding out. Briefly gripping Aqua’s hand in an attempt to reassure her that he had things under control Ventus turned and limped from the kitchen, grimly determined to somehow fix things. Right from the end of the hall Ventus could hear muffled voices coming from Axel’s bedroom and he pushed himself faster, his heart skipping a beat as he realized that Roxas was sobbing uncontrollably.

   
Hobbling around the edge of the doorway as fast as he could Ventus froze when he saw the two teens on the floor by the bed, Roxas on his knees crying and Axel motionless and crushed against his brother’s chest. As he watched and Aqua hurried up behind him Ventus shivered as Axel moved slightly and then tried to wipe away Roxas’ tears. His immobility broken by the sound of Aqua’s quiet sniffle beside him Ventus hobbled into the room and very slowly and carefully knelt down by the pair on the floor, barely able to hold back tears himself.

   
Roxas’ anguished plea for Axel’s forgiveness and the level of hysteria in his brother’s voice hotwired the therapist at the core of Ventus but even as he opened his mouth to speak Axel whispered in a rough rasp, ‘I love you Roxas… I don’t see why… I hate that I’ve done this to you. I’ve never… Never felt like this, loved anyone like this and now that I do all I can do is hurt you. I’m sorry and even though I’d give anything to be able to I can never make it up to you. Maybe… Maybe even though you think you love me it might be better if you j-just let me go.’

   
It was dead hopelessness in Axel’s voice as he forced out his halting words that unlocked Ventus’ voice-box and he cleared his throat and said as firmly as he could manage, ‘Axel, Rox, we need to sit down and talk. This has to stop and really the only one who should be feeling guilty is me for letting this go on for so long. Roxas, do you think you can help Axel up onto the bed?’

   
Something about the unyielding note in Ventus’ tone seemed to cut through the fog surrounding the two teens and even though sporadic sobs still broke through Roxas managed, with Ventus’ help, to muscle Axel up onto the bed and into a semi-comfortable position. Taking into account that both teens were drained to the point of dazed blankness Ventus sat cross-legged a couple of feet away and eventually he said, ‘I might have had the reason of being just as fucked up by all of this anyone, but it’s no excuse for me to ignore what you’re both going through. Aqua gave me some really good advice so I think I’ll listen to her and stop reacting to every new shitstorm and take back some control.’

    
By the time Ventus had finished his quiet statement both Roxas and Axel had trained watery stares on him and he met Roxas’ gaze levelly and said, ‘I’m sorry Rox, for springing that on you and for not sitting you down earlier to talk about how life is going to have to be until those two psychopaths are behind bars again. You wouldn’t know because it’s all been in my head until now, but along with calling your school and withdrawing you, the rest of my plan was to put you forward for compassionate consideration to get you through to next year. Again Roxas, I hope you can forgive me.’

   
Looking away from Roxas’ stunned gaze Ventus then glanced over at Axel. Smart enough to not physically touch the traumatized redhead but needing to make sure the teen would hearing what he was about to say Ventus moved so that he was directly in the line of Axel’s blank gaze and in a gentle tone he called his name. After a couple of seconds something shifted in the depths of Axel’s eyes and Ventus said softly, ‘Axel, we aren’t going to let you leave. Roxas has made it clear how he feels, but I want you to know that we all love you… And as long as it takes to make you believe it we’re all going to be here.’

   
As Ventus was talking to Axel he heard Roxas let out an explosive sob and without looking he held out his arm, wrapping it around his brother as Roxas crashed into his side. Then, just as he bit his lip and started to despair that Axel was hearing him at all, Ventus saw tears well up in the redhead’s pain-filled eyes and he pulled the other teen in too, holding the two boys as if he would never let them go. Ventus was so caught up in the moment that he didn’t even hear Aqua approaching behind him, but then he felt her slender arms wrap around his shoulders and he let out a shuddering sigh of relief, drawing strength from his partner even as he tried to give strength to the crying teens.

   
*****

   
In the days that followed Roxas’ ill-considered explosion Axel felt like he had been hit by a bomb and he was almost painfully aware of the blonde teen watching him with worry in his gaze. After a few days the echoing numbness drained away a bit and Axel began to feel again, but along with emotions came demons that Axel thought he had managed to bury. Axel made it almost a week and a half through viciously repressing the sneaking urges that kept popping up and growing stronger and stronger, but then something small and simple happened that almost tipped him over the edge completely.

   
The weather had turned grey and frigid and even in the warm house the air had an icy chill. While everyone was huddled together in the lounge by a heater watching a vintage episode of the X Files on a cold afternoon, Axel decided that even Roxas and the blanket weren’t warm enough and he required another layer. Extricating himself from the pile of bodies on the couch wasn’t easy and unwinding Roxas from around his waist was even harder, but eventually Axel found himself in his room slipping into an old jacket and wondering idly what the lump was in the pocket. Absently Axel stuck his hand in his jacket pocket, but he felt like he had been hit in the face with a bucket of ice water when his fingers brushed the smooth surface of his old pocket-knife.

   
Goosebumps broke out on Axel’s flesh as the chill flooded through him and brought with it a rush of memories so vivid it made him go weak at the knees. As vividly as if it was happening in front of him Axel saw himself sitting on his old bed with his shirt discarded beside him and he couldn’t stop the vision as the him from two years ago began to slice into his own flesh. Almost hypnotized by the gruesome movie playing through his mind Axel stood frozen to the spot until the Past Him in his vision began to carve deeper into his bicep.

   
The remembered pain and sick pleasure of the moment hit Axel so hard that his legs buckled beneath him and he staggered backwards into the wall, the knife falling to the floor with a clatter. In the time before Reno’s reappearance Axel had worked hard to suppress and forget the urge to self-harm and in the immediate aftermath there had been so much going on in his head that he had barely had time to remember who he was, let alone recall how to cope with things. Now, with enough space for his mind to spiral away, Axel found himself face to face with his old demons, terrified at the strength of the urge that gripped him.

   
Axel’s whole body shuddered with the effort it took to not shove himself to his feet and retrieve his knife, his hands shaking so hard that it took him four tries to stick his hand in his pants pocket and pull out his phone. Clumsily, not stopping to correct himself in case a pause was enough for him to lose his last shred of self-control, Axel stabbed at his phone and sent an abrupt message to Roxas that read, ‘in nmy room rox hlp I neesd u’. Once the text was sent Axel let his head fall back against the wall with a thump and when Roxas burst into his room less than a minute later Axel had his arms wrapped tightly around himself and was struggling to remember how to breathe.

   
*****

   
The X-Files episode had finished and Roxas was just beginning to wonder where Axel had gotten to when his phone buzzed silently in his pocket. With vague anxiety starting to displace his previous feeling of sleepy contentment Roxas pulled his phone out of his pocket and shifting so that his phone was hidden from Ventus he opened the message. Axel’s barely comprehensible text sent Roxas scrambling off the couch before his brain could even properly start working and as Ventus looked at him in astonishment Roxas could only blurt out ‘Something’s wrong with Ax. I don’t… If I need you I’ll yell. Please Ven, give me a minute?’

   
Ventus stared speculatively at Roxas for a long second before nodding curtly and the instant his brother gave him the go ahead Roxas was out of the lounge and racing towards Axel’s room. Roxas’ throat was dry and his heart was beating a thousand beats a minute as he stood in front of Axel’s door and dreading what he was possibly about to find he gripped the doorknob with numb fingers and let himself in. The sound of Axel’s rapid and hitching breathing dragged Roxas’ gaze down and to his left and in the blink of an eye he was on his knees next to where Axel was huddled against the wall.

   
Terrified and bewildered Roxas found himself unable to speak and without thinking he reached forward and rested his hand on Axel’s shoulder. The response to his gesture was as unpredictable as it was heart-breaking and even as he expected Axel to recoil from his touch Roxas found himself teetering on the edge of falling on his arse with his arms full of the sobbing redhead. Quickly shifting so that he was more securely balanced Roxas held Axel tightly and struggled for words, not sure what was going on but definitely beyond concerned for his boyfriend.

   
The situation was so out of left field for Roxas after the innocuous morning they had had that he found that he had no idea what to say or how to respond to Axel’s obvious anguish and all he could do was be there and hold him until Axel could tell him what was wrong. Sitting on the floor and hugging Axel desperately left Roxas feeling so helpless that he could barely keep his shit together and he had never been more relieved when he felt Axel’s sobs start to taper off. A breathless silence filled the room and Roxas’ heart lurched in his chest as Axel whispered, ‘Rox, have you ever hated yourself so much that you thought the world would be better without you in it? Have you ever hurt yourself and thought ‘Good, this goes some way towards redressing all the shit I’ve fucked up just by being’?’

   
To Roxas it sounded like Axel’s desolate questions were part of a larger and much more extensive train of thought and his own thoughts whirled as he tried to catch up. Shuddering at the implications of what Axel was saying Roxas slammed down on the urge he felt to burst into tears and in a faint voice he said, ‘Ax… Can you please look at me? I don’t… I feel stupid asking, but can I tell you a story? About me and my past?’

   
Although Axel’s head remained down Roxas felt the redhead go still for a moment and then jerkily nod against his chest. Sucking in a deep breath to prepare himself to tell a story that he had never even told Ventus before Roxas tightened his hold on Axel and said, ‘You know that I was a seriously fucked up kid and that I worked my ass off to sort my shit out… But it wasn’t exactly a smooth ride. When I was training for my black belt I almost completely spun out and I still don’t really know how I pulled through it.’

   
From the hushed quiet in the room Roxas could tell that Axel was listening intently and before he could lose his nerve he continued softly, ‘My training schedule was beyond intense and I had school to deal with too. I might have never picked up a knife, but Ax… My head was so fucked that the only way I could deal with it was training until I threw up or when it got worse beating up my punching bag until my knuckles were battered and bleeding. Somehow I reasoned that I deserved it, that I deserved the bruises and fatigue because of what I was putting Ven through…’

   
Roxas shook his head at the memory of the self-loathing and took a second to appreciate exactly how much mental progress he had made in his short life. Although Roxas was staring off into space he still noticed that the pause in his narrative seemed to have brought Axel back a little bit and when he caught a glimpse of the green glint of the other teen’s eyes through his disheveled hair Roxas murmured hesitantly, ‘Ax… Do you want to hear it all? I don’t have to keep going…’

   
The shuddering sound of Axel’s breathing made Roxas’ heart thump painfully but the disconnected vagueness in the other teen’s voice sent a chill of fear down his spine as he whispered, ‘Tell me Rox. I knew… I knew you understood this shit more than you should’ve…’

   
 Doing his best to hide the shiver that ripped through him Roxas tightened his hold on Axel and forced his lips to form the words of the rest of his story. Gazing at Axel’s wild red spikes of hair but seeing nothing Roxas continued, ‘I was so fucked up that I punished myself by not eating, by pushing my body to its breaking point. You think I’m small now, you should have seen me around the time of my grading. I lost so much weight that Ventus was starting to notice and I was running on adrenaline. I ended up collapsing the day after my grading and that was when it all came out, the excessive bruises all over me, my ribs showing… Ax… That is the only time in my life… That I’ve ever felt suicidal, wanted everything to stop forever.’

   
At his halting admission of his own time of utter hopelessness Roxas’ control over himself abruptly reached its limit and though he tried to hold it in he couldn’t fully suppress a small, miserable sob. Shaking with the effort it took to hold himself even slightly together Roxas was wrong-footed when he felt Axel’s arms tighten around him and a thin hand lightly start rubbing his shoulder. Axel’s voice was faint but had a tinge of wonder as he murmured, ‘You do know… Gaia’s fucking love, you actually do… Rox, you don’t think that I’m weird? That I’m fucking insane?’

   
Sucking in shuddering breath and tightening his embrace around Axel’s shivering body Roxas said fervently, ‘Ax, I’m telling you this because you’re not alone with what you’re feeling. It’s not weird or freakish or uncommon even… And if you’re insane for feeling like this then so am I.’

   
*****

   
The two teens lay against the wall propping each other up, both exhausted by the crisis that seemed to have thankfully passed, at least for now. For a long while there was only the sound of Axel’s raspy exhalations and Roxas’ lighter breathing, but then the door banged open suddenly and Axel froze in terror while Roxas let out a startled yelp. Oddly enough it was actually Axel who first realized that the intruder was in fact Ventus and as he felt his racing heart slow and Roxas fractionally relax beside him he managed to whisper, ‘I’m sorry Ven, I’m really sorry for freaking you and Rox and Aqua out… I… I need to ask you to do something do me… Please?’

   
Without hesitation Ventus nodded and the gentle look on the man’s face allowed Axel to stammer out, ‘I f-found a p-p-pocketknife, in the pocket of my old j-jacket. I wasn’t h-hiding it, honest. Ventus, c-can you get rid of it p-please, it’s on t-the floor over there? I don’t t-trust myself and I can’t, I fucking c-can’t go back to that…’

   
Even though Ventus had been nothing but supportive Axel half expected him to sneer in scorn at his weakness, the voice in his mind already whispering how truly pathetic he was. Flinching against Roxas who had buried his face in Axel’s shoulder Axel dropped his gaze to the floor, but then he almost swallowed his tongue when Ventus stepped forward and sank to one knee in front of him. Unable to help himself Axel looked up into Ventus’ face and he was transfixed by the man’s sky blue eyes as he said softly, ‘Of course Axel. I can tell you’re going through hell right now and before I go take care of this I just want to make sure you know that I’m so proud of what you’ve done and how you’re fighting. I’ll leave you and Roxas alone for now if that’s what you want but you’re welcome to come back out to the lounge when you’re both ready.’

   
Eyes wide with disbelief and bewilderment Axel watched as Ventus carefully retrieved the pocketknife from where it had fallen to the ground and he even managed a twitch of his lips that could have been a smile as Ventus nodded silently and left the room again. Caught up in his own thoughts Axel almost forgot that Roxas was still right beside him and he just about jumped out of his skin when a small voice spoke up asking timidly, ‘Ax, are you okay? I don’t… Can you tell me what you’re thinking? Please…?’

   
Slowly turning his head and looking down at Roxas, Axel took in the uncertain expression on the other teen’s face and he felt a vicious jolt of self-loathing rip through him at the worry and pain he had put the blonde through yet again. Pushing aside his churning feelings as best as he could Axel conjured a tiny, fleeting smile and said, ‘I’m not really okay Rox… But I feel like maybe I can be. I didn’t know… That you’d been through that, thought that. No wonder you never treated me like I was a complete freak… At least about my s-scars. This might sound weird… But can we go back out to watch TV? I’ve spent too much of my life locked away and I don’t… I don’t want to do it anymore.’

   
The look on Roxas’ face went from worried through unabashedly impressed to settle on deep affection. As Axel waited anxiously Roxas smiled and said, ‘Ax, you’re fucking amazing. I don’t care how often you try to tell me otherwise. Any time you need me like this all you have to do is say… You’re more important to me than anything. Come on, let’s go watch some mind-numbing trash on TV and troll Aqua by pretending that we’re stereotypical teenagers and obsessed with it.’

   
Axel’s heart nearly stopped at the fervent intensity in Roxas’ voice and then he was gasping in laughter at the other teen’s sudden smart-arsedry. Catching the rising feeling of tenuous ‘good’ in both hands and holding on tightly Axel watched Roxas lurch upright and then took the blonde’s offered hand to pull himself shakily to his feet. Once both teens were  standing Roxas made as if to head towards the door, but the short teen was pulled up short when Axel clutched his hand tight and pulled him back for a fierce hug before releasing him with a sigh and leading the way to the lounge.

   
*****

   
As the Hakunetsu household slowly settled back into what passed as normalcy since Reno’s attack, a strange sort of routine fell into place that allowed tiny pockets of the real world to show through. Four days after Axel’s emotional spike Roxas was standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil when he received a text that made his forehead furrow in a frown. While the kettle came to the boil unnoticed and then went silent again Roxas stared at the text that read, ‘Hey Rox, I figured you might be non-contagious enough for a visitor soon maybe. I’ve missed giving you shit face to face and if you feel well enough I reckon Ax could probably use a break from playing nurse. When are you free for me to come bearing grapes?’

   
In the aftermath of Ventus withdrawing him from his exams Roxas had sporadically texted his friends, mainly Zexion, alluding vaguely to an illness that had prevented him from finishing the year. Despite many requests however Roxas had deflected any and all attempts by his friends to come over and visit by pleading contagion, but now that Zexion was texting so far after the fact Roxas found himself at a loss as to how to continue the deception. After a brief struggle with himself Roxas grudgingly came to the realization that he would have to tell his friend what was going on, if only to avoid the bluette showing up uninvited and unwittingly putting himself in danger.

   
Feeling a knot of anxiety beginning to clench in his stomach Roxas absentmindedly went about making the two cups of coffee he had originally left the bedroom to bring back, most of his mind occupied with the question of how he would raise the idea of telling Zexion their predicament with Axel. By the time he reached the bedroom again Roxas had decided that the approach with Axel had to be direct and honest and it was with a muffled sigh that he stopped at the door and tried to marshal his thoughts. When he felt ready and partly because he was aware that cold coffee was an awful gift to bring back Roxas let himself into the bedroom and tried to smile back when Axel greeted him with a small half-smile.

   
Obviously Roxas was as easy to read as a large print book because the smile quickly fell off of Axel’s face to be replaced by a worried and questioning look. Quickly putting the coffees on the bedside table and sliding onto the bed to sit next to Axel, Roxas got straight to the point and said quietly, ‘I, uh, just got a text from Zexion. You know he’s been asking how we all are but now he’s wanting to come around and I… I don’t know what to do. He’s not going to fall for the story of me still being sick…’

   
As Roxas started frowning and fumbling his words Axel reached out to rub his shoulder and said in a surprisingly steady voice, ‘It’s okay Rox, I figured… I kinda figured that we’d need to tell Zex and the others at some point. They can’t be in danger because of me and if, fuck, if they come anywhere near here they could be a target. Rox… How… How much do we need to tell him?’

   
Once again impressed beyond measure by the way Axel was able to see past his own peril and worry about others Roxas thought for a second and then replied, ‘He doesn’t have to know everything Ax, not by a long shot. I think… All he needs to know, all they need to know, is that your dad was one of the escapees from Hollow Bastion and that the police have told us to limit contact with acquaintances to minimize the chances of him going after anyone else. We can spin it and say that the cops have us essentially on lockdown… What do you think?’

   
Roxas watched the emotions chase each other across Axel’s face starting with fear and anxiety but quickly shifting to resignation tinged with shame. His deep connection with the redhead enabling him to almost read the thoughts entering Axel’s mind Roxas shook his head and said gently, ‘Stop it Axel, I can tell you’re starting to blame yourself for this shit and it’s not you. Please try and not beat yourself up over something that was in no way your fault… Should I text Zexion now? Um, and then we could maybe find a movie to watch… Something funny?’

   
The grateful smile on Axel’s face that momentarily wiped away his inner turmoil brought an answering grin to Roxas’ face and he savoured the warm glow in his chest the sight of Axel’s beautiful smile. Settling back into the pillows and snaking his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders Roxas set about composing a text to Zexion and with Axel’s input he eventually created a message to send that the bluette could share with the rest of their friends. Once the text was sent Roxas did his best to calm his mind as Axel dozed in his arms, the blonde teen unable to tear his mind away from the contemplation of what could be coming next for his family and the people that he loved.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: So sorry for the long time it took me to get this chapter done. Life has been kicking my arse and writer's block had been a real issue. I hope anyone still reading enjoys this update and just know I'm determined to finish this story if it's the last thing I do.**

The weeks wore on with absolutely no sightings of Reno or Seifer or even the rogue cop Raijin, but just because nothing could be seen on the surface didn't meant that dark currents weren't churning underneath. While Axel and his friends had been recuperating and keeping watch, Seifer had been trying to keep up with an increasingly unpredictable and violent Reno with decreasing success. At about the same time that Roxas went ballistic about his exams Seifer was in the process of throwing up noisily on the dirty floor of the shack after having been kicked full force in the ribs by a venomously angry Reno.

Pain roared through Seifer with such intensity that he felt like he was having an out of body experience. The microscopic details of the floor just inches from his face became all-consuming for a drawn out moment and despite the agony of what felt like three cracked ribs Seifer couldn't drag his gaze away from a smear on the dirt floor that seemed to reveal the secrets of the universe. Then time caught up with Seifer again and he coughed out a miserable moan of pain that only provoked a raspy laugh from the sadistic redhead who was leaning against the wall and watching his suffering heartlessly.

Deep within Seifer a primitive survival instinct surfaced as Reno's voice broke the silence and he levered himself up onto one knee and tried to listen through the buzzing in his ears as Reno said conversationally, 'You should get up off the fucken ground yo, can't have my best mate mucking round in the dirt like an animal. Do you think that little mind of yours has had enough time to come up with any ideas for getting through the goddamn shield of cops they've set up around dead Red walking yo? Or d'ya think another kick to the head might help?'

Knowing without a doubt that any hesitation would be an open invitation for the promised beating Seifer marshalled every last shred of strength he had left and pushed himself to his feet. Meeting Reno's malice-filled eyes with his own blurry gaze Seifer snarled as harshly as he could, 'You fucked my ribs that time Ren, nice one. Let me sit down and catch my breath and I might have a hope in hell of being able to think. I know patience isn't your strong suit, but I've already got part of something that could be a plan, I just need a little time to work it out.'

Seifer's calculated insolence to the man he knew would kill him without hesitation paid off, as Reno had always been one to at least acknowledge if not actually respect a show of strength. The bark of laughter Reno let out made Seifer silently sigh with relief and then he blinked in surprise as Reno's hand appeared in front of him, an unexpected offer to help him up, and had he thought it through a highly improbable one. When Seifer reached up to take Reno's offered hand he found himself grasping nothing but air and to the sound of Reno's sardonic snickering the blonde man was hauled unceremoniously and painfully to his feet by the collar of his jacket.

As he staggered back and propped himself against the wall in order to stay upright Seifer bit his tongue to muffle a groan of pain at the agony screaming from his ribs, but once he could breathe again he grimaced at Reno and made a performance of furrowing his brow in thought. Part of Seifer's brain immediately bent itself to the task demanded by Reno, but behind Seifer's carefully blank gaze the rest of his mind was a mess of conflicting thoughts and impulses. A tiny piece of Seifer deep inside his psyche retained enough of who he used to be to feel sickened and terrified by what was happening, but the rest of Seifer however, the majority, was ruled by two main and powerful drives, a dark lust for Axel and an overwhelming fear of Reno.

*****

No matter how alert everyone was for the slightest hint of trouble, the passage of uneventful time dulled nerves that had been on edge for too long. Even Leon with his many years of training fell victim to the lure of believing that just possibly Reno and Seifer had fled from the Islands and from justice and as a month ticked over with no alarms raised at all Axel and his defenders couldn't help but begin to relax just a little. Winter's grip on the Destiny Islands had begun to loosen, shown by the days noticeably beginning to lengthen, and on a day that was almost warm enough to be mistaken for summer Ventus called a meeting in the lounge.

Once everyone was settled and staring at him curiously Ventus limped over to his own seat next to Aqua and sank onto the couch. Clearing his throat and making sure that he had everyone's full attention Ventus said slowly, 'If it was my choice to make I'd lock everyone in the house until Reno and Seifer were behind bars, but I can't and it wouldn't bloody work anyway. I know this might sound stupid, but something's come up and I didn't want to make a decision without everyone being on board.'

As Ventus paused for a second Roxas wasted no time in jumping in cheekily, 'You always sound stupid Ven, I don't know why you're worrying now. Come on, you know this always works better when you just say what you want to say and stop waffling…'

Roxas' sass was cut off abruptly by the well-aimed pillow that hit him right between the eyes and to the sounds of his little brother's alternated giggling and swearing Ventus said calmly, 'Gaia give me the strength to deal with smart-arsed little brothers. So, getting right to it as per Roxas' diplomatic suggestion, I received a letter from the hospital this morning to say that I'm due to come in for a progress test on my leg. Obviously I'll need to go to the hospital with Aqua to help me about, but the thought of any of us separating from the group honestly worries the shit out of me. I know this sounds totally stupid, but yeah. What do you all think?'

The reactions around the room were mixed, but Ventus was pleased to note that his predictions for each person were pretty much on the money. Aqua, Yuffie and Leon all met his pronouncement with thoughtful equanimity while Roxas swore loudly and fluently and Axel hugged himself silently. Ignoring everyone else in the room including his brother Ventus focused solely on Axel and said quietly, 'You can veto this completely if you want Axel. All you have to do is say the word and I'll postpone my check-ups until things are more settled…'

Silence fell upon the room as everyone waited for Axel's answer. Ventus watched the red haired teen like a hawk as Axel shuddered and then visibly got a grip on himself. Into the hush Axel said in a voice that trembled only slightly, 'I've said it to Rox and I need to keep saying it until I believe it, he can't…We can't let him rule our lives. Locked in the house, afraid to walk outside, it's almost as if he had killed one of us… As if he'd killed me.'

Despite the seriousness of the situation Ventus couldn't hide a smile at how Axel's determined statement totally disarmed the Roxas-bomb that had been ticking next to him. As Roxas snapped his mouth shut and flung his arms around Axel who seemed to be unable to stop himself shivering, Leon spoke up, drawing everyone's attention as he said, 'It sounds to me like you've got your answer Ventus. Now we just need to work out how to minimize the risk. I've got some ideas that I'll share, but if anyone else thinks of something don't hesitate to throw it out there.'

*****

While time had passed quietly for Axel and those around him, Seifer had spent almost a month stuck in a shack in the woods with a man he was certain would kill him if his primary target stayed out of reach for much longer. Sporadically Seifer found himself dragged into the largest room of the dilapidated dwelling to engage in intense planning sessions to flesh out his idea of using Raijin and Dusk to draw the bulk of the guard away from Axel, but what happened more often than Reno's periods of lucidity was that he would say or do something 'wrong' and end up the subject of a brutal beating.

A few weeks into the stay in the forest hut Seifer was seated on the floor next to Reno in the midst of a rather circular and frustrating attempt to clarify their plans and without warning Seifer shot to his feet with a shout, having just been hit by a brainwave. Ignoring the menacing scowl on Reno's face Seifer stared into space and said in a contemplative voice, 'We've been trying to think of a way through the police guard, but that's just fucking stupid… What we need is to make sure that those idiots on the police force are tempted by a distraction they can't refuse!'

Seifer suddenly became aware of just who he was talking to and he snapped his mouth shut so quickly that he bit halfway through his tongue. He needn't have worried however because Reno was staring at him with an uncharacteristic expression of deep thought stamped over his normally sneering visage. Watching nervously as Reno's lips peeled back in a blood-thirsty grin Seifer flinched as the other man barked out triumphantly, 'Bring that Dusk friend of yours back here yo, with some serious firepower. Red is going to die yo and if I get my way I'm going to kill his little blondie in front of him before he bleeds out.'

*****

Because he had spent over a month confined in such close quarters with his brother and friends Roxas discovered that now Ventus and Aqua were not in the house he felt like ants were crawling up his spine. Not alone in his paranoia Roxas had found himself and Axel bundled off to Axel's room, the most central room in the house, as Leon and Yuffie took up stations at the back and front doors of the house to stand guard until the group was reunited. For half an hour Roxas attempted to maintain a conversation with the equally distracted Axel, but finally he could sit still no longer and burst out of the bedroom to go make some coffee.

Roxas only made it two steps down the hall before Leon appeared like a wraith to see what the unexpected noise was, but the tall man only looked at him for a second before nodding and vanishing back to his post at the front door. Padding slowly into the kitchen Roxas went about making coffee for himself and Axel like a zombie, so much going on in his head that it was only muscle memory that prevented him from pouring boiling water all over the bench and using milo instead of coffee. The very act of leaving the room did however have the effect of grounding Roxas to some extent, so by the time he got back to Axel he was able offer a real smile and engage in a conversation that made some sort of sense.

*****

Despite the fact that he was insane by any set of standards Reno possessed a dangerous animal cunning and could move with the stealth of a shadow when he wanted to. The would-be murderer lurked as close to the Hakunetsu house as he could get with Seifer cowering next to him, and he knew the moment the other part of his plan was activated when most of the police guard abruptly peeled away from the house, leaving only one police car as protection. Reno's eyes glowed a sickly green with anticipation and as soon as the departing cars were out of sight he gestured for Seifer to stay put and slipped out of his own hiding place.

In the blink of an eye Reno crossed the distance between the bushes and the solitary police car, secreting himself behind the rear bumper without the pair of sentry cops so much as looking in his direction. Pausing briefly Reno glanced around the empty street to make sure that there were no potential witnesses to what he was about to do and then with one last warning look back at Seifer he made his move. Before the cops knew what was happening Reno appeared at the driver's side window and smashed through the glass with a powerful punch, plunging his knife into the closest officer's throat and then whipping the blade up to impale the other policeman through the eye. Reno's violent actions were so swift and unhesitating that the two men left to guard the Hakunetsu house died without making a sound, let alone raising an alarm.

The blood was still pumping in spurts from the first officer's neck as Reno turned away with a grimly determined look on his face and motioned brusquely for Seifer to move from his hiding place. Before the pair had left their lair in the woods Reno had literally beaten into Seifer what his role would be in the plan and so as they left the cover of the police car Reno slipped invisibly around to the back of the house while Seifer hesitated for a second and then yanked his gun out of his pocket, striding straight towards the front door. As he ran through the garden, ducking low so as not to be visible through the windows, Reno fumbled in his pocket and pulled out the items he had brought along for the next part of the plan.

*****

Around midday a phone call shattered the uneasy peace of the house and Roxas wrapped his arm around Axel as Leon stood in the bedroom doorway and explained that a sighting of Raijin and possibly Seifer over the other side of the city had necessitated the guard around the house being reduced to just two officers. The timing of the sighting made Roxas extremely uneasy and he could see that Leon was also disquieted by the reappearance of Reno's collaborators happening in conjunction with Ventus and Aqua's absence. Nodding at Leon as the man left to patrol the house Roxas hugged Axel tight and he could feel the thrumming tension in the redhead as his boyfriend hugged him back.

In the wake of the disturbing call from the police Roxas had to fight against the impulse to barricade himself and Axel in the bedroom until their protection was back up to full strength. The tension was cranked up another notch when Roxas got a text from Ventus saying that he would be at least another couple of hours at the hospital and the blonde could feel his muscles cramping with the unrelenting anxiety that assailed him. Finally the strain became too much for Axel and after almost an hour of sporadic conversation about nothing in particular Roxas insisted that his boyfriend go to bed, watching with a faint smile as Axel feel asleep in moments.

The room was quiet but for the soft sounds of Axel's breathing and as the minutes passed Roxas could feel himself going slowly insane. Finally, after an interminable half an hour Roxas gave into the increasingly urgent demands of his bladder and he slid carefully off the bed to make his way to the bathroom. Having a brief break from the confines of Axel's room actually served to settle Roxas' nerves a little, but then when he was halfway back along the hallway a loud knock sounded from the front door and immediately his heartbeat spiked anxiously.

Almost without intervention from his brain Roxas' legs turned him around and carried him towards the door while his mind buzzed frantically trying to anticipate what might be coming next. As he walked stiffly and hesitantly forward Roxas nearly had a heart-attack when a hand fell on his shoulder unexpectedly and he only just managed to choke back a squeak when he realized that it was Leon pushing past him with a grim look on his face and his gun held at his side. Meeting Leon's gaze and reading the warning in the man's grey eyes Roxas stopped at the corner of the hallway and the lounge, stepping back so that he was out of sight when Yuffie appeared out of thin air and gestured for him to stay back.

From the other side of the door a gruff voice identified the knocker as 'Officer James', one of the guards left behind, and Roxas relaxed slightly as Leon reached out to open the door. Roxas' position gave him a perfect and unobstructed view of what happened next and at first as the door swung open his mind simply couldn't wrap itself around the fact that instead of a police officer there was Seifer standing with a gun pointing right at Leon. Time slowed to a crawl and Roxas could only watch in breathless horror as Seifer grinned sickly at his one-time friend and pulled the trigger.

Roxas was still frozen to the spot as Leon fell backwards, the brunette man managing to get off a single shot before Seifer's bullet smashed into his shoulder and he fell backward in a shower of blood. Fear like he had only ever felt once before in his life flooded through Roxas and as Leon fell with blood spraying from his upper torso and Seifer clutched his bleeding arm with a rough curse, the blonde teen was knocked off his feet by Yuffie who cannoned into him and dragged him into the kitchen. Landing hard on his knees behind the counter with Yuffie sheltering him like a human shield Roxas stared blindly at the lino in front of his face and fought against the disbelief and terror that assailed him.

Even through his fear-fogged thoughts Roxas knew that Yuffie had only gained them a few seconds reprieve but before he could even start to come up with a plan of escape things went from bad to incredibly worse. Roxas had just sucked in a ragged breath and looked desperately at Yuffie for some idea of what to do when he heard a tiny sound behind him, a barely audible tapping on the glass of the large kitchen window. Feeling like he was moving too slowly but unable to make his body move faster, Roxas raised his head to look at the window and stared straight into the savagely grinning face of Reno Raffica.

Yuffie was still facing the blood-splattered Seifer who was standing over the fallen Leon when Reno came through the window like a wrecking ball and Roxas sprawled to the ground as the deranged criminal knocked him aside. With a single powerful blow Reno smashed his fist into the back of Yuffie's head and as the woman was hurled unconscious to the floor Roxas found himself pinned against the bench with Reno's hand squeezing cruelly tight around his throat. Time stopped again and Roxas simply stared into Reno's acid-green eyes waiting for his life to end, but then in a move so quick that it dragged a terrified squeak from his throat Roxas was jerked to his feet to stand with Reno at his back while the man's knife pressed dangerously hard against his jugular.

Unable to even swallow around the knife and painfully aware that a wrong move would leave him bleeding out on the floor with a slit throat Roxas was at the brink of passing out from sheer fear when a flicker at the edge of his vision slammed his world back into razor sharp focus. Out of the corner of his eye Roxas caught a glimpse of movement in the hallway and his heart stuttered in his chest when he realized that Axel was standing just out of sight in the corridor, poised to dash forward. The dawning comprehension that Axel was almost within arm's reach of the man who had tried resolutely more than once to kill him jump-started Roxas' heart into a frantic beat and without moving a muscle to tip Reno off he frantically tried to communicate through his gaze for Axel to stay right where he was.

*****

Axel was jerked from a formless but disturbing nightmare by the unmistakable sound of a gunshot and even as his eyes flew open he was rolling off the bed and scrambling for the door. His heart in his mouth and with fear forcing him to gasp for breath Axel still managed to retain some level of survival instinct and even though he wanted nothing more than to fling the door open and charge blindly into whatever was happening, he silently slipped into the hall and crept like a shadow towards the end of the corridor. Caution kept Axel glued to shadows at the edge of the hallway, but when he got to the end of the hall even his wildly racing imagination was not enough to prepare him for the sight of Leon's half-visible body sprawled on the floor.

The knowledge that Reno was making his move swept through Axel's mind and sent a sickening jolt of fear through his stomach, but then he took one more step forward and saw the silent tableau in the kitchen of Roxas in Reno's grip with a wicked blade pressing against his throat. There was a split-instant where Axel tensed to throw himself at his father regardless of his own safety or the insanity of the action and that moment could have spelt the end for Roxas and himself both. In the fraction of a second between Axel's thought and action however Roxas lifted his eyes and Axel was rooted to the spot by the desperate message in the teen's blue gaze that all but screamed, 'Don't let him see you!'

Stopped in his tracks by the fervent intensity in Roxas' eyes Axel wavered for a second and it turned out to be a second too long. In the distance the shrill shriek of a police siren cut the air and then Reno's harsh voice made Axel flinch back as he barked, 'We're out of here yo! Come on Sei, I've got blondie, he'll have to do. Let's get the fuck out of here before the pigs arrive yo!'

As Axel watched helplessly Seifer stumbled out of the door with his hand clamped around his bleeding bicep, followed by Reno who was dragging the now struggling Roxas. Almost out of his mind with horror at how bad things were but still able to realize that he had no chance against the two ruthless men Axel took a stumbling step forward to follow them, but he was forced to clamp a hand over his mouth when Reno suddenly lost patience with Roxas' thrashing and smashed the butt of his knife into the blonde teen's temple knocking him unconscious. As the sound of the sirens grew closer Reno slung Roxas' limp body up over his shoulder before slinking out of the house without a backward glance, and driven by utter fear for the safety of the boy he loved Axel ducked low and followed.

Intensely focused on getting not losing Reno and Seifer, Axel almost swallowed his tongue when a hand snapped shut around his ankle just as he was about to slip out of the door. It only took a second for Axel to realize that it was Leon who had grabbed him and then only a second more for him to comprehend that the dark haired man wasn't stopping him, but was in fact weakly gesturing towards where his gun had fallen on the ground. Seeing the mute encouragement in Leon's pain-filled eyes broke the last of Axel's hesitation and in the blink of an eye he shoved the weapon into his jacket pocket and raced out of the front door.

The brief pause in the house had been long enough for Seifer and Reno to disappear from sight with their captive, but Axel's sharp eyes were quick to notice a large splotch of blood on the pavement that could only have come from Seifer's wound. Driven as much by instinct as by any sort of conscious thought process Axel followed the sporadic trail of Seifer's blood along the footpath and when it veered off into the bushes bordering the roadway he plunged into the thick undergrowth, speeding up despite the lack of a path to make sure that he didn't lose the kidnappers. Axel's every nerve ending was tingling with anxiety as he tracked Reno and Seifer by their trail of crushed vegetation and wet blood smears and with every step his mind raced faster, the terrified redhead trying to work out what he could possibly do to save Roxas.

By some miracle Axel managed to stay out of sight during the frantic pursuit through the ever thickening woods and he was only a few meters back when a clearing became visible through the trees. Instinctively slowing down and dropping back a little Axel watched from the bushes as Reno shouldered his way in through the door of the tiny shack in middle of the clearing, followed by Seifer who was visibly staggering from blood loss from his bullet wound. When the crash of the door slamming closed echoed through the trees Axel was out of his hiding place in a shot and he crept towards the building, grimly shoving away the fear that threatened to steal his strength.

Keeping as low to the ground as he could Axel crossed the bare ground between the trees and the shack in five heart-stopping seconds, ending up flattened under the single window against the splintery wooden wall. For a moment Axel forced his lungs to draw in painfully silent breaths and then with slow, deliberate movements he rose to his feet and peered carefully through the grimy bottom corner of the window. At first Axel could only see Seifer's back as the tall man gestured angrily and spoke in low tones, but then Seifer moved slightly and Axel had to bite down on a panicked gasp as he saw Reno holding the struggling Roxas in a choke-hold.

The instant Axel saw Roxas' terrified but defiant face he knew that there was no time to plan, he just had to act. Reluctant to leave but knowing that any time lost could be the difference between life and death Axel soundlessly backed away from the window and as fast as he dared began to circle around looking for another way in. As he prowled around the exterior of the shack Axel studied every inch of the rundown building for any entrance that could get him inside unnoticed and while his mind raced he methodically checked the magazine of Leon's gun and as quietly as he could cocked the pistol.

*****

Roxas was jostled back to wakefulness when his head bounced off something hard and despite the grogginess and the spike of pain that shot through his skull it only took him a second to comprehend the seriousness of his situation. Even though struggling had made no difference up to the point that Reno had rendered him unconscious Roxas would not have been Roxas without the fight that lurked so close to his deceptively innocent looking surface, so the second Reno's grip loosened around his arms Roxas wrenched to the side and attempted to drag himself out of the deranged man's clutches. Unfortunately Reno wasn't quite as surprised by Roxas' manoeuvre as he had hoped and simply hung on, swinging the blonde teen back into a chokehold and pivoting smoothly so that he could continue the heated conversation he was having with Seifer.

Completely ignoring the loud argument that was going on over his head Roxas sagged in Reno's hold as if his strength had been exhausted and he took the opportunity while his captor was semi-distracted to take in his surroundings. Through half-closed eyelids Roxas systematically worked his gaze around the dingy room that he had ended up in and very quickly built a detailed picture in his mind of the rectangular shaped area, but then Reno snapped something so harsh and violent that he couldn't help flinching and involuntarily giving away that he was awake. The sinewy forearm locking implacably around his throat and a deep-seated intuitive sense told Roxas that however bad things had been they were about to get worse and he futilely clawed at Reno's arm, trying not to give in to the terror rising in his chest.

For a moment there was silence in the room and Roxas stared across at Seifer, begging mutely for the dazed looking blonde man to do something to help him. There was a fleeting instant where Roxas was sure that he saw a flicker of humanity in the depths of Seifer's blue eyes, but even as he started to verbalize the plea that was on the tip of his tongue he felt Reno's hot breath on his ear and all the strength went out of his muscles as the man whispered, 'Glad you're awake yo blondie, we're going to have a little fun. Red's going to come after you soon, but until he gets here I'm going to see how loud I can make you scream yo.'

The malicious significance of Reno's words hit Roxas like a punch to the chest and before he could think about the wisdom of the action he snapped his foot backwards into Reno's shin while twisting violently in another effort to escape. Unfortunately for Roxas' escape plan however Reno had been waiting for just such an attempt and even though the impact of the kick to his leg drew a grunt of pain, the half-crazed man simply shifted his hold and used his superior strength to spin Roxas around and pin him to his chest with his arms behind his back. The iron grip that wrenched his wrists painfully up to his shoulder-blades didn't budge as Roxas fruitlessly wriggled and writhed and then a low, sinister chuckle dragged his gaze up to Reno's grinning face.

*****

Reno had snatched Roxas in a split second decision, but as he had made his way back through the woods with the blonde teen slung over his shoulder a new plan had begun to unfurl in his twisted mind. Seifer's injury and the fact that they had left behind a scene full of evidence barely caused a blip on Reno's mental radar and even the fact that the police could potentially catch up with them in a matter of hours failed to break into the man's new focus. Getting back to his hideout and finding out that Roxas was awake had stirred something in the pit of Reno's stomach and despite Seifer's loud opinions that they should move on Reno grinned darkly and ended the argument when the blonde in his arms made a spirited attempt at escape.

Feeling Roxas seemingly give up the fight and sag back against his chest did nothing but intensify the lust that had begun to build behind the anger that perpetually burned in Reno's veins and the reaction when he whispered in the teen's ear tipped him right over the edge. Only feeling the impact of Roxas' foot on his leg, the pain completely passing him by, Reno decided that he would enjoy what was to come much more if he could see his victim's face. It was the work of a moment for Reno to jerk Roxas around to face him and when he had the terrified teen helplessly pressed against his chest and staring up at him he laughed an eerie, triumphant and above all lustful laugh.

Driven by a sick desire to ruin and utterly destroy the one that his son so obviously loved Reno trailed his free hand down Roxas' back and over the curve of his hip, relishing the helpless groan of denial and horror that tore form the teen's lips. Moving swiftly enough to surprise a gasp from Roxas Reno dipped his head and pressed a rough kiss against the blonde's parted lips and taking full advantage of Roxas' shock he violated the teen's mouth with his tongue, kissing him so hard that Roxas was bent backward painfully. Reno couldn't believe the dark pleasure he got from the small sounds of pain and revulsion that Roxas was making and almost forgetting the plans he had for Axel entirely he decided to up the ante with the boy who was currently in his clutches.

So quickly that Roxas let out a choked scream Reno spun the blonde teen around in his grip again and abandoned his hold on Roxas' arms in favour of a knife at his throat. Ignoring Roxas' convulsive flinch Reno lowered his head into the curve of the teen's neck and inhaled the intoxicating scent of terror before looking up and fixing Seifer with his glittering green gaze. In a voice that was little more than a growl Reno said to the motionless Seifer, 'Come on Sei, I know you want to come and get some yo.'

Insane though he was Reno was still perceptive enough to be one hundred percent aware of the conflict going on in his long-time associate's mind that Seifer thought he was hiding so well. Even though he appeared to be preoccupied with running his hands over Roxas' body Reno was poised to cut down Seifer at the slightest sign that his co-conspirator was losing his nerve, but instead he smiled a cold smile of satisfaction when the other man's indecisive expression gave way to one of furtive lust. Apparently Roxas too had seen the look on Seifer's face, as Reno was suddenly hard pressed to contain the short teen's struggles even with the threat of sharp steel against his skin.

*****

The sudden spin and sensation of the knife blade against his neck had served to immobilize Roxas' muscles for a moment and even the stomach-churning feeling of Reno's hands lazily caressing him couldn't break through the ice that froze in his veins. Roxas had never been one to freeze or hesitate in situations of conflict or physical confrontation, but now, in the clutches of the most dangerous and frightening men he had ever met, the blonde teen simply couldn't will his body into action. Through the ringing in his ears, Roxas heard what Reno was saying to Seifer but he still couldn't force the scream echoing in his head to come out of his mouth.

Slumped in Reno's implacable hold Roxas felt a creeping sense of the inescapable clutch at him and he found himself struggling to breathe through the lump in his throat as he stared at Seifer. With wide terrified eyes Roxas watched the struggle that was playing out on Seifer's face and he prayed desperately to Gaia for the man to come to his senses, but barely a few seconds later the indecision disappeared from Seifer's eyes to be replaced by hunger. Roxas forgot about Reno's blade and with Seifer's first step forward the teen found his strength again, fighting his captor's grasp frantically and not even feeling the blood trickling down his neck.

Roxas' foot again collided hard with Reno's leg and he felt a momentary surge of hope course through him as the redhead's grip on his arms loosened slightly. With strength born of desperation Roxas twisted and jerked his neck away from Reno's knife, but before he could break out of Reno's grip completely he was grabbed roughly by another pair of hands and his heart stuttered in his chest as he looked up into Seifer's creepy smile. Still buzzing with frantic adrenaline Roxas thrashed from side to side fruitlessly, but even as he landed a kick to Seifer's knee that made the man swear harshly Roxas let out a strangled cry at the feeling of Reno's knife digging into his side just under his ribs.

Seifer's low voice shattered the silence and Roxas felt tears of fear and helplessness prick at his eyelids as the man growled, 'So Ren, should we see if he screams anywhere near as good as that son of yours?'

Every cell of Roxas' body was screaming at him to fight and run, run, run, but the survival part of his brain whispered that if he made another attempt to escape he would be choking on his own blood. Unable to break free and scared enough that any attempt to come up with escape plan quickly turned into a muddled mess in his head Roxas tried to swallow his fear, but he couldn't hold back a wretched sob as Seifer's hand trailed up to his shoulder and then abruptly locked around the back of his neck. Forced to look up into Seifer's murky but merciless gaze Roxas felt as though he was falling away from the world as the man dragged him forward into a kiss.

*****

Reno hadn't expected to find himself as aroused as he was by the small blonde teen he held motionless, but the moments of fight Roxas showed were enough to fan the flames of his sadism into an inferno. For Reno seeing the blood running down Roxas' neck as he ignored the knife in favour of trying to get free had sparked a twist of heat in his gut, but then when he dug his knife half an inch into Roxas' side he felt a rush of dark desire at the way the teen stopped moving but trembled almost imperceptibly at Seifer's words. Pressing against Roxas while Seifer kissed him dragged Reno's lips into a wolfish grin and he relished the way the blonde's fight seemed to leave him completely.

Ignoring Seifer who was running his hands over Roxas' chest as he forced the teen to kiss him Reno chuckled deep in his throat and let his own free hand creep up under the back of the teen's now dirty and ripped shirt, taking in every involuntary flinch as his fingers traced over smooth skin. When Seifer eventually broke the kiss and began to methodically rip Roxas' shirt off his body Reno moved his knife so that the blade was digging brutally up under the teen's ribs and in a maliciously playful voice he purred in Roxas' ear, 'I'm not usually a comparison shopper yo, but I can't help wondering if you'll scream louder than that Red of mine. Whaddaya say little Roxas, do you want to scream for me yo?'

The involuntarily whimper of terror and disgust that tore from Roxas' throat excited Reno even further and as his partner in crime yanked their victim's ruined shirt off entirely he took advantage of the moment and looped his sinewy arm through the crook of Roxas' elbows. Relishing the strangled cry that split the air when Seifer abruptly shoved his hand down the front of Roxas' pants Reno felt himself swell as the teen's lithe body was pressed up against him and he took a step forward so that Roxas was pinned tightly between himself and Seifer. As he drank in the enthralling sounds and sensations of Roxas' terror Reno's usually wide awareness of his surroundings narrowed to a pinpoint and all he could see was his intoxicatingly petrified victim.

*****

Axel's life had been full of awful moments and events that competed for the title of absolute worst, but as he frantically circled the shack in search of a way to get in he heard something that came close to breaking him. As Axel crept on his hands and knees under the window and around the side of the dilapidated building his senses were stretched to their limit and he was halfway along the wall when two things happened simultaneously. First Axel saw a broken door that was jammed half open and his heart gave a hopeful lurch, but following right on the heels of his moment of optimism he heard Roxas let out a despairing scream and all of his self-control went out of the window.

The harmonics of Roxas' shriek pierced Axel straight through the heart as he recognized the sound of horror, disgust and violation and in a burst of movement he lunged forward and slipped through the broken door with the sounds inside covering the noise of his progress. Axel found himself in a dust covered room draped with cobwebs but he ignored his immediate surroundings, his gaze fixed on the dim light that shone through from a rotting hole in the wall that separated the storeroom from the main part of the building. It took all the self-control he had for Axel to not burst through and attack the people who were hurting his Roxas, but the considerable part of his brain concerned with survival held him back and whispered that he needed a plan.

Instead of charging forward Axel crept towards the hole at the base of the wall, shoving the gun back in his pocket when he realized he would need both hands to force his way through the small gap. Once he was right next to the hole Axel nerved himself for what he was about to see and with every muscle trembling with the effort it took to remain in place he leaned forward to scope out the situation. The first thing that Axel saw was Seifer standing with his back to his hiding place, the man's bulky trench coat revealing only the feet of the person standing in front of him, but then Seifer shifted slightly and Axel's heart stopped in his chest as he saw Roxas being held by a grinning Reno while Seifer did something with his hands that made the younger blonde let out a strangled combination of a moan and cry.

Everything vanished from Axel's world at the sound of Roxas' hopeless whimper apart from the burning need to murder the two men who dared to attempt to defile the one person he loved. Axel threw himself through the wall in an explosion of splinters before his brain even registered that he was moving and then he was on his feet and hurling himself headlong at Seifer with a feral snarl ripping from his throat. The shock of Axel's sudden entrance and his furious rush had the effect of causing Seifer to jerk backwards and partially pull the shocked Roxas out of Reno's slackened grasp before anyone could react.

Incredibly, as Axel barrelled across the room, Roxas the first one to regain his wits a split second ahead of the stunned Reno and Seifer. Axel hit Seifer in the side like a freight train and out of the corner of his eye he saw Roxas explode into action, the terrified teen drawing on his years of training to instinctively twist away from the knife digging into his side and jerk up an elbow that connected with Reno's wrist and knocked the blade spinning into the shadows at the edge of the room. Hitting the floor next to Seifer and managing to roll onto his feet in a smooth motion Axel was ready for the flailing kick aimed at his head and dodged smartly with his green gaze firmly fixed on his opponent who was growling incoherently as he struggled to stand up.

Deaf to the sounds from behind him, Axel's full attention was focused on Seifer and he knew that he would lose any extended clash due to the larger man's brute strength and drug-dulled pain receptors. In the blink of an eye Axel's quick mind flicked through his limited options and by the time Seifer had levered himself to his feet the redhead had realized that he really only had one chance to take out his foe and turn his attention to the real threat of Reno. Seifer let out a snarl and lurched forward with a heavy punch that would've taken Axel's head right off if he had been standing still, but even as Seifer started forward Axel ducked away to the man's injured side and threw all his weight behind a palm-heel strike just as Roxas had taught him, breaking Seifer's jaw with an audible crack and hurling him unconscious to the ground.

Axel was momentarily stunned by the effectiveness of his attack and he stood frozen for a second as Seifer crashed bonelessly to the floor, but his paralysis was broken when his brain abruptly screamed at him to pay attention to the sounds behind him. Spinning on the spot Axel couldn't restrain a quavering cry of horror when he saw Reno was on the ground on top of Roxas with his hands wrapped so tight around the teen's throat that his knuckles were going white. The sight in front of him hit Axel with the force of a physical blow sending him staggering back a few paces, but as he crashed into the wall behind him he felt the gun in his pocket crack painfully against his hip.

Thought translated almost instantaneously into movement as Axel remembered the weapon that had slipped his mind in the blur of action of the last few minutes. Still slumped against the wall and not taking his eyes off of Reno and Roxas for a second Axel yanked the Leon's handgun out of his jacket and with a confidence born of pure terror raised the gun and squeezed off a shot in one fluid motion. The bullet hit Reno in the left shoulder, knocking him backwards in a spray of blood and as his father crashed to the floor Axel staggered desperately forward to fall to his knees by Roxas' side.

*****

Roxas was so oxygen deprived and disoriented that he had no idea how he ended up on the floor and he sucked in a raspy breath that sparked a coughing fit so severe that he thought he was going to cough his lungs out through his sandpapered throat. Gasping and choking Roxas fought back the blackness that was encroaching on his vision and the first thing he saw when the world came back into focus was Axel's ashen-grey face staring down at him with an expression of conflicted agony and hope. Barely able to force his voice to work Roxas managed to whisper, 'What… Ax, what happened? Oh Gaia, I can't breathe…'

Breaking off into another fit of coughing Roxas could no longer hold his head up, but as the back of his skull hit the ground with a sickening thud he saw something that dragged a wordless whistling sound of warning from his abused throat. Through his blurry vision Roxas had seen the wounded Reno beginning to push himself up and cast around as though searching for his knife, but in his barely conscious state he could only watch helplessly as Axel snapped his head up at the same time his father's hand closed around his newly discovered blade. Fighting nausea and a beckoning blackness at the edge of his vision Roxas tried to focus on Axel as the other teen drew back his lips in a feral snarl and slowly lifted his gun.

In the state he was in Roxas only had time to feel a fleeting frisson of fear as Axel aimed his gun at Reno for a lingering second before letting out a harsh bark of laughter and hurling the weapon to the ground behind him and that point Roxas found himself for the first time truly scared of Axel as well as for him. Feeling as if he was floating outside of his body Roxas watched Axel stalk towards Reno and deliver a kick to the man's wounded shoulder so powerful that Reno was hurled back against the wall, the older man letting out an involuntary scream. From his vantage point however Roxas could see the knife still glittering in Reno's good hand, but try as he might he couldn't force his voice to let out so much as a whisper let alone a scream of warning to Axel.

*****

The almost crippling fear that Axel had felt for so many years of his father fell away as he rose from Roxas' side, replaced with a rage that roared in his ears and turned the world red. The harsh voice of vengeance whispered in Axel's mind about the need for violence and blood over a quick death by bullet and in casting aside the gun he fully embraced the strength of the savage side of himself. All thoughts of justice, even the burning need to protect Roxas, faded into the crimson haze that blanketed Axel's brain and when his foot made contact with Reno's blood-soaked shoulder any last semblance of strategy or intelligent thought vanished into his fury.

Moving so fast he was almost a blur in the dimly lit room Axel threw himself bodily at his father and had his own hands around Reno's neck before the older man could react. Pinning Reno against the wall in a position that almost exactly mirrored their shared past Axel bared his teeth and snarled in an unrecognizable voice, 'I hate you, I hate you! You will never fucking touch Roxas or me or anyone again-' Then two things happened to cut off Axel's monologue; a raspy, scream from Roxas behind him and the searing pain as Reno plunged the hidden knife into his left side just under his ribs.

Jerking convulsively and letting out a breathless whine Axel loosened his hold on Reno's neck for a brief instant, but even the momentary respite was enough for the maddened man to exploit. Injured and half out of his mind with rage and fear Axel was too slow to defend himself as Reno bucked his body violently, throwing him aside with a sweep of his arm to hit the floor with a cry of agony. Dazed at the sudden turn of events Axel could only stare at Reno with wide, pain-filled eyes as the man pushed himself up onto one knee with vicious triumph written all over his snarling face.

All of Axel's strength drained from his aching body when Reno rose swiftly to his feet as if he hadn't just been shot and choked half to death and his vision blurred to the edge of blackness as the knife in his side shifted and grated against a rib. Hopelessness and paralysing fear left Axel unable to even lift his arms as Reno started stalking towards him and with the very last of his strength he let his head fall to the side, wanting to at least see Roxas one more time before his father took his life. Surprise did what fear could not, sending a jolt of adrenaline through Axel's muscles that let him jerk his head up in shock when he realized that Roxas was no longer lying on the floor where he had fallen.

Axel was so disoriented and confused that he almost couldn't believe his eyes when a slight movement snapped his gaze to the right and he saw Roxas propping himself up against the wall with a look of dogged determination in his eyes. Because Reno was so intent on getting his hands on his son and Seifer was unconscious on the ground Axel was the only one who saw Roxas lift the gun with trembling hands and point it squarely at Reno's back. Roxas' finger tightened on the trigger and his desperate blue eyes met Axel's unfocused green gaze for a split second, just long enough for Axel's heart to break before a second gunshot boomed in the small space.

From his prone position on the ground Axel watched Reno's chest explode in a spray of blood, flesh and bone and the tall man took two more steps forward before his body realized he was dead. Able to see what was coming but unable to do anything to avoid it in his barely conscious state Axel let out a cry as Reno's dead weight crashed down on him, the man's blood splattering across his face and his weight driving the knife even deeper into Axel's side. As he faded away from the world once again Axel could hear the sound of Roxas crumpling to the floor, but all could do as he passed into unconsciousness was think vaguely, ' _Oh Roxas, I'm so sorry.'_


End file.
